Cyan Waves
by bobbieyoung
Summary: Brittany works as a landscaper and meets Santana, a potential new client. They couldn't be more different. Or at least that's what it seems like at first.
1. cyan

_Prologue:_

 _She couldn't believe she lost her lucky charm on the morning of the day she was leaving for summer camp. It was impossible. She needed it! It was a bracelet made of black leather with a silver four-leaved clover on it. Her grandma gave it to her and usually she never took it off. She only had to the other day because she was helping her mother in the backyard. They were seeding carrots and radish and Brittany didn't want it to get dirty. Now she has no idea where she put it._

" _Moooom!" She yelled downstairs while hurrying into the bathroom. Maybe she left it by the sink. "I can't find my bracelet!"_

 _But it wasn't there. It also wasn't on her nightstand table or on the windowsill. It wasn't on the kitchen counter and it wasn't in the backyard shed, either._

" _Brittany… you're turning thirteen soon. You have to learn how to take better care of your things. You keep losing bracelets, books, shirts and even your hamster last year. You can't always rely on your mom and dad." Her mother said with a consoling voice when they were sitting in the car a few minutes later but it didn't help._

 _Besides, it wasn't even true. She only once lost her favorite shirt, she certainly_ _didn't_ _lose her hamster Buddy but he ran away and she never lost a bracelet before because she simply didn't have another bracelet. It was her only one and therefore favorite one. Her grandma bought it for her when they went on vacation together a few years ago._

" _You'll find it when you get home, sweetie." Brittany heard her mother say but it only made her feel worse. You need a lucky charm with you. It probably loses its power when you neglect it at home. She swallowed painfully when they turned around a corner and left their neighborhood behind._

* * *

 _It turned out that forgetting your lucky charm at home didn't mean everything was lost. The summer camp was everything she had hoped for. Her friends were there, they played guitar and sang along, there was a campfire, they had yummy snacks and giggled and laughed until late at night._

 _Her favorite instructor was Ms. Gordon. She was smart and kind and everyone listened to her. She told them stories about the ocean, showed them pictures of her trip to the North Pole or taught them how to save water and separate waste correctly. She was lovely… and definitely younger than her parents. And a lot cooler than them. She even helped Brittany finding her camp name. Cyan._

 _Something about how that color naturally occurred in the sky, the water and the ice and how it matched Brittany's eyes when the sun hit her face._

 _So Brittany enjoyed every minute of her stay at the camp. She also learned a lot. She learned that there were different ways to produce energy. Bad ones and not so bad ones. But it was important to know about them because they needed energy for almost everything in life._

 _She also learned about global warming and that lots of things needed to change in the future. The way Ms. Gordon talked so passionately about how her generation – Brittany's generation was going to be the one to maybe make a change, did something to Brittany. She wasn't sure if she understood yet what Ms. Gordon said. But somewhere deep inside her chest, Brittany made a promise that summer. To herself and to Ms. Gordon._

 _She was going to change something. She was going to find a way._

 _So when they all said goodbye to Ms. Gordon after two weeks of nothing but joy and adventures, Brittany was very sad but then her heart warmed when she took the necklace that Ms. Gordon reached out to her. The thing she loved most about it was the little pendant in shape of a whale. It was the prettiest necklace she had ever seen and Ms. Gordon gave it to her. Brittany promised that she was going to come back for the next summer camp and the years after. She had a new lucky charm after all._

* * *

Present time…15 years later…

Brittany chuckles when she looks at the whale necklace in her hand. She just found it while rummaging in a drawer she hadn't opened in forever because she simply forgot it existed. But when she couldn't find the key to her storage room, she opened every single drawer in her apartment which includes the slim one under her desk. For a second she's tempted to call her mother. But then again why would her mother know where that key is.

Because mothers know these things…

Eventually she finds it on her own. Weirdly, in a side pocket of her suitcase but she's just happy she's got it. After throwing the suitcase back under her bed, she stumbles a few times on her way to the apartment door over all kinds of stuff. Boots, boxes an even a flowerpot. She should definitely clean her apartment. As in like two weeks ago. But there is no time right now. She's already late for her appointment with a potential client. And well… she needs the money. The woman sounded friendly over the phone. Maybe a bit distant. But what do you expect from a stranger you've never met before. It's always the same with new clients where the initial contact happens over the phone. Brittany paints a picture in her head of what they might look like just by hearing their voices. She wonders whether they are married, what kind of job they do and how old they are.

This woman is probably around 40, married to an incredulous rich plastic surgeon and they play golf every weekend with his boss. They have a spoiled daughter of seven years. Coco. Or Shania. And there are at least two German sports cars in their drive way.

Brittany rolls her eyes when she closes the door of her apartment to make her way over to her old truck. The back is filled with the items she needs for her every day work but the lady on the phone had some special wishes so she quickly needs to stop by her storage room in order to get some more stuff.

Not that there's time to do so. Why did her alarm clock fail her this morning? Or like the days before? Did she even set it? Oh well… she lady can call herself lucky to have been able to even get an appointment with Brittany. She has been booked quite frequently. Thanks to the mouth to mouth propaganda among these cougars in New Port Beach, it's basically a no-brainer. Or maybe she's also just good at her work. Or both combined.

So the lady can wait for another ten minutes, no big deal.

* * *

When Brittany arrives at the address about fifty minutes late, she mentally prepares herself for a lecture about how on earth she can be so selfish and let people wait. Nobody likes to wait anymore... Everyone's always in a hurry. Maybe that's why Brittany doesn't even feel bad when doing the opposite. She can't possibly live her life on full speed and get expected to also do her work perfectly. It's one way or the other. You can't have both. And if the lady… lady… Brittany reaches in her back pocket to get the wrinkled paper she wrote the address and name down.

"Lady Lopez", Brittany mumbles. She looks up at the house while putting her sunglasses up on her forehead to get a better look.

It's nothing she hasn't seen before. She's worked at these places countless times. And it's always the same. They're beautiful, perfectly furnished and you could probably lick it off the floor if you ever spilled a glass of orange juice for breakfast. Or Champagne. Whether they're really beautiful lies in the eye of the beholder, she thinks.

This one is not so bad. It's not as crazy huge as the one she finished a few days ago. The owner was apparently the one to recommend Brittany to Mrs. Lopez. She was a hottie… But happily married to this – of course – top celebrity lawyer.

The house or rather mansion was way too much for Brittany. If she lived there, she'd get lost in it while going to the bathroom at night. But the family seemed to feel very much at home.

When Brittany makes her way to the front door, she throws a look down her body. Of course there's a stain on her white t-shirt. She didn't bother putting on her apron when working with clay last night. And neither to wear a new shirt this morning. The stain looks like she spilled some brown beans. Or something even less appetizing.

Once she rings the door bell, she quickly tucks the shirt in. Then her eyes drop lower to another stain on her jeans.

"What the…" she mutters.

Then the door gets opened. The Lady Lopez has a freakishly attractive daughter. Or cleaning lady. Or nanny. _Dear baby Jesus, help perform sentence. Pls._

"Oh hi - you must be Brittany." The daughter says before Brittany gets to open her mouth in order to introduce herself. Brittany nods.

"Correcto, I'm me. I mean landscaper. Brittany, the landscaper. Yes."

The brown haired woman smiles, holding the door open for Brittany to step inside. When Brittany passes by the woman, the scent of a very good shower gel hits her.

"So uh… I guess I'm gonna discuss things with your mother?" Brittany asks when turning around to face the brunette again.

The woman stares at her utterly irritated.

"My mother?" She speaks with a hint of disgust in her voice.

"Oh sorry!" Brittany shakes her head. She should have gone with nanny…

"I'm twenty-eight. This is my house?" The woman says, her eyes locking with Brittany's and a gesture of both her hands like she's patting the air.

Brittany wonders what the smoothest way would be. To laugh it off and pretend like she just made a joke or to apologize or to just steps backwards and leave the house without saying anything. The woman takes the decision from her though.

"Don't worry. You're actually not the first one to make that comment. Do you want a glass of water? Soda?"

Brittany follows the woman inside the house.

"Water would be great, thanks. Wow… your place is… lovely."

It comes out a bit too friendly. But Brittany has to swallow when she gets to see the tons of shoes lined up in the entrance. Who can even wear that many shoes in one life? All the Blahniks and Pradas look like they've never even been touched before. Yes, she knows these brands. No, she'd never wear them.

All the very fine-looking paintings on the wall make her drop her jaw. She likes them though… but wouldn't one be enough? Oh well, the woman seems to be interested in art.

"Thanks. I keep changing things but at the moment I like it quite alright."

 _Quite alright…_ Brittany thinks. This looks so much more expensive than quite alright.

After leaving Brittany alone in the living room for a minute, the woman reapers from the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand, holding it up to Brittany.

"Do you want me to show you the backyard right away?" She wants to know when pointing to the other side of the living room. Through the big windows Brittany can see some plants, something like a garden shred and a hint of an ocean view between some leaves.

She follows the brunette through the big room. She wouldn't sit down on the big couch if the woman offered her to do so. All the drama about her pants leaving stains on it – no thanks…

They exit through the back door to a big yard. There isn't much more than the shred, a broken swing, one or two old plants that haven't seen water in months and a rusty barrow. When she lets her eyes wander over the dry lawn, she swallows emptily. Lots of work ahead.

"So… you told me some things on the phone already, Mrs. Lopez. But I'm sure you've got more uh, wishes? Like…-"

"Please, it freaks me out when you call me Mrs. Lopez. Since I may call you Brittany, I'd be happy if you called me by my first name, too." Britany grins inwardly. _She'd be happy if I called her by her first name, too._ "Santana. That's my name. I think I told you on the phone already, didn't I?" _Ok sorry, star, for forgetting your name?_ "Well I was thinking since I don't know much about gardening and stuff… that I'd just let you do your thing? I'm sure you'll figure out something wonderful. From what I've heard, you're the best at what you do. So… all I can say is that I want to come home after a long day at work and sit in my backyard without having to feel like I'm… in the desert."

Brittany observes the way Mrs. Lopez… _Santana_ makes a few steps with her arms crossed in front of her chest. There's no way she plays golf like she pictured it earlier. These thin arms can't hit a golf club. Let alone hold up Coco or Shania. They maybe hold a glass of iced tea while watching her husband play.

"Right" Brittany says after a moment of thinking. "Santana… I'm not sure if I'm the right person for this job." She doesn't know why she's saying this. She's perfect for the job. She can't stand it when clients dislike all her suggestions without even listening to them. This woman wants her to do all the creative suggestions. And basically do what she wants.

Santana turns around with almost the same stunned look on her face like earlier when they introduced themselves.

"Huh?" Comes out of her mouth. "You're… I thought you were – my friend loved everything you did and so did I. I saw it just the other day."

Brittany watches how the woman makes the few steps back into her direction.

"Well, I… it's just this... _lawn._ " Brittany finally tries to explain although it's not an explanation.

"My lawn?"

"Or… what's left of it" Brittany continues. "I don't think I have the right equipment." She shrugs.

That seems to soften Mrs. Lopez' confusion at first but then she narrows her eyes.

"But you're a landscaper. Can't you borrow it from somewhere?"

Brittany shrugs again.

"Huh yeah" For a moment she's lost at words. This isn't how she usually handles the first meetings with potential clients. She reaches the glass up to her lips and empties it in one go. It's ice cold. She ignores the brain freeze like a pro.

The brunette just watches her wordlessly and takes the glass that Brittany hands back to her.

"I uhm, you know what I quickly need to make a phone call. I'll be right back. If you'll excuse me for a sec?" Brittany babbles when she reaches into the back pocket of her jeans to get her phone.

She doesn't even await an answer but makes her way back through the living room and to the front door where she comes to a stop. She can hear the woman also stepping back inside.

"I'll take this outside" Brittany comments before opening the door, stepping through and making a few steps towards her old truck that is parked on the side of the street.

From the corner of her eye she can see the brunette standing by a window next to the front door. Brittany lifts her phone up to her ear, waits a few seconds and then starts babbling. She has no idea what she's doing. She's not being herself and she hasn't got a clue what's gotten into her.

After a few more seconds of speaking to nobody about blah and blah, Brittany puts the phone away. She scratches her forehead when walking back towards the house. That's when Mrs. Lopez comes out of it.

"Before you say something" The brunette begins, "I'd like to offer you double payment." Brittany stares at her. "I'm sorry I didn't get it before. You must have tons of job offers and you were being very reserved when we talked about the payment over the phone. I guess that's not something you talk over the phone. I have no idea about this kind of stuff. But you probably need it when organizing that special kind of… lawn fixing… machine."

Brittany feels a hint of a bad conscience rushing through her insides when she watches the woman raising her hands up before dropping them again. But then again, did she say _double payment?_

Brittany lets her hand run through her hair while staring at the woman's shoes. One of her hundreds or thousands of pairs.

"I mean… I'll find a way to or arrange the lawn machine. That's definitely going to work out."

For the first time since she opened the door for Brittany, Mrs. Lopez has a smile on her face that seems real. And relieved.

"So that's a yes?" She asks hopefully. Brittany nods her head.

"Yup. It's a deal." She mumbles when mirroring Mrs. Lopez action who walks towards her. When they're standing in front of each other, Brittany looks at the slim hand reaching out. Once they're shaking hands, she can't quite say what she's gotten herself into.

A job. Of course.

But when lady Lopez waves a shy goodbye after they made a second appointment for the next day and Brittany has jumped into her truck, she can't help but think that it's not going to be like all the others. She just doesn't know why.

* * *

When she's driving the way back to her apartment and the wind messes with her hair, she wonders why she was so irritated at first.

This woman is everything she's not. Well, they're the same age, they maybe even went to the same school, who knows, but they probably couldn't be friends in a million years. Brittany can't stand people who live like this. Not that she knows anything about her. But she's so different.

She lives in this place where easily ten people could live peacefully together, there's that much space. She's must have or make money that could take care of whole towns in other countries.

Sometimes Brittany doesn't know why she works for people who she'll never quite understand. Sometimes she thinks that maybe she's not so different. After all she's glad she has a new job which will pay her. Double. It's a mess in her head sometimes.

But when she feels the sun tickle her skin and ideas pop into her head of how she's going to turn that yard into a tiny paradise, she forgets about things quickly.

That's a thought for another day.

* * *

 _ **To end the year and start a new - here's the first chapter of a new story. Is it worth continuing? I have lots of ideas to go on.**_

 _ **bobbieyoung**_


	2. bumblebee

**Soundtrack: "Sorry" by ItaloBrothers**

* * *

 _Santana's POV_

She needs a moment to recollect once she's closed the door behind herself. That was - an unusual encounter. With her back she leans against the door, the palm of her hands resting on the cold material.

Only then she wonders what it was that made her feel uneasy for a moment. This isn't what she pictured "the best landscaper" to be like. She didn't picture anyone per se. But this woman was not what she had expected.

Maybe she expected someone bigger. Like a man. But she knew someone named Brittany was coming. So that's silly. Maybe she expected the woman to be less… feminine. Which is the absolutely dumbest thing in the world. Landscapers, plumbers, carpenters or any kind of craftspeople can be feminine and strong. She's being a complete idiot for thinking in boxes.

She didn't think she'd suddenly have to go with double payment though. Her friend didn't say anything about that when recommending this Brittany girl.

Brittany the landscaper.

Santana chuckles irritated when she realizes that she's still standing in the entrance of her house. She pushes herself away from the door to get to the big dining table. There's the empty glass. She reaches for it, but her fingers grace the sleek surface of the polished wooden table instead.

She can't remember the last time she had eight people over for dinner. That's how many would fit. She doesn't think she's ever had that many people over. She should definitely ask Kurt to host another one of his famous home parties but this time at her place. It's a shame that table never gets used.

That's when she remembers that she still hasn't answered Kurt's message from last night. He wanted to know if she'd join him to the beach this week. Duh… they do this all the time. But she can't take an afternoon off again. She just did that yesterday.

On the other hand, she's basically her own boss. She's got a deadline to finish the the newest part of the book series she's currently translating but since she worked two nightshifts in a row and spent the complete past weekend at her desk, too, she's ahead of it. So she's going to treat herself with a few relaxing hours at the beach.

But not today. She definitely needs a cup of coffee now and something to focus on. Besides, the third book of the most popular story among teens these days is coming to its peek. She can hardly think of anything else anyway. And the Spanish speaking readers around the world must be waiting eagerly.

So she quickly grabs the only other two items on the big wooden table; her notebook and car key.

About twenty minutes later she's sitting in her favorite coffee shop, a huge cappuccino is placed next to her notebook and her fingers are flying over the keypad. She's listening to music with her overhead earphones which always helps to get her into another sphere where she doesn't bother people passing by, talking and laughing loudly or any other kinds of noises.

She's in her element. There aren't many things she loves more than her work.

* * *

She has to admit she was a bit surprised when Brittany the landscaper arrived five minutes early this morning. Somebody must have had a bit of a bad conscience about being late the other day.

The old truck came to a halt on the side of the street just when Santana was coming down the stairs from her bedroom and glanced through the big windows in the stairway. She watched how the blonde jumped out of the truck wearing ripped jeans and a sleeveless shirt about three sizes too big and her hair up in a messy bun. After reaching into the back of her truck to get out some items she'd need for work, there was no way she was going to be able to ring the doorbell, so Santana opened the door for Brittany just when she was about to try and got thanked with a wide smile.

They started their day by discussing the most important things that Brittany needed to know. Then the blonde was off to work. Santana decided to stay in and write at home, too. Not that she didn't trust a complete stranger she's never met before… but she kind of felt like she had to be around if questions came up or the woman needed something.

But so far she hasn't seen the blonde in three hours. She only hears her every now and then when she walks around the house to get something from the truck or uses the outdoor faucet.

When Santana throws a look at her watch, she wonders if Brittany will get lunch anytime soon. But she doesn't. Only when Santana gets hungry herself, she puts her notebook aside to take a break.

She's often barefoot at home. So she doesn't think when she steps outside through the backdoor to see if Britany wants something to drink.

"Oh careful!" Sounds a worried voice. "There are splinters everywhere".

Santana quickly stops and looks down. There are indeed wooden splinters everywhere. With Santana's approval, Brittany tore the old porch swing to pieces in order to replace it with a new one later on.

"I didn't get the chance to clean everything yet" Brittany goes on when she approaches Santana who's still standing moveless like being trapped in a field of mines. "Just go back the exact same way then you should be clear."

Santana clumsily makes her way backwards until she's on safe ground. Quickly she grabs a pair of flip-flops before going outside once more. Brittany takes off her gardening gloves in order to put some loose strands of hair behind her ears.

"I didn't mean to bother you. Do you want something to drink? I was about to get myself something." Santana says when Brittany reaches into a very used looking backpack to pull out a big bottle of water.

She grins when she turns to look at Santana again.

"Thanks, I'm good. So you've got the day off?" The blonde asks casually before guiding the bottle up to her lips. Santana watches how she drinks half of the water in one go and spills some accidentally.

There's dirt all over her pants, blonde strands of hair keep falling out of the bun and some damp stains on her shirt give away that the garden is lots of work. When looking at the blonde's tanned skin, Santana wonders how much sunscreen a landscaper uses. Like in a year. Average. Especially in a sunny place like this.

When she tries to remember what question she just got asked, she gets interrupted by her own phone ringing.

"Sorry" She mumbles before hurrying inside to get to the dining table she was working at. When picking up the phone, she rolls her eyes at the caller ID.

"Hey sis… what's up?"

Her sister Loretta starts babbling about a party coming up on the weekend at Eric's house. She ignores the fact that Santana already said she's not going to the party when they last spoke on the phone a couple days ago.

So Santana just goes with the usual "uh-huhs" and "rights" and "maybe, I'll see" before finishing the phone call with a sigh. Sometimes she wonders if she and Loretta really have the same biological parents. She's three years older but still likes to party like during college. Although at the moment she loves nothing more than those fancy dinner parties where all her friends come over to her place and they play poker, eat exotic food and talk about everything and nothing.

Santana only joined them once.

It wasn't her kind of party.

Loretta isn't going to give up easily about that party but Santana really doesn't feel like it. Besides, Loretta has enough friends. Santana doesn't know why she always wants to have her there. She wouldn't know what to talk about with all of those people there anyway.

Once they end the phone call, Santana throws a look outside. Brittany is already back to work. She doesn't want to bother her again so Santana just lets her do her thing and disappears into the kitchen to make herself some lunch.

* * *

Kurt talks about the new role he just got the other day and Santana really tries to listen. But she can hardly keep her eyes open. They're lying next to each other on a big towel, the late afternoon sun still warming their skins.

For the past two nights she worked till early morning hours, completely forgetting about time but whenever she's in her flow, she can't stop and regrets it the next day.

"Have you heard of Damien Cook before? He was in that reality tv show a couple years ago and I totally fancied him back then. Now I get to act with him! How crazy is that?" Kurt wants to know. Santana suppresses a yawn. Thankfully she's wearing her sunglasses so he can't see that she's been having her eyes closed for the past twenty minutes.

"Isn't he the one who threw up into his own shoe and then wore it afterwards?" She asks tiredly.

Kurt laughs it off.

"As I said. That was years ago. He's really grown up now and he's so cute. I get a hundred percent gay vibes. Like most definitely… I'm pretty sure he's into men."

"Kurt… you're gonna work with him. Don't you think that's a little risky?"

Kurt seems to think for a moment. Santana can sense him getting into an upright position.

"Why Santana? Why ruin that for me? You know I haven't been with anyone in what feels like a hundred years!" He exclaims.

Santana sighs before sitting up as well. She takes off her sunglasses.

"I'm sorry, Kurt but that's what you keep saying yourself. Keep yourself out of complicated things that are destined to get you into trouble and cause heartache. Right?"

Kurt rolls his eyes but then smiles at her.

"My best friend reminding me of my own advices… you must be right then. But he's so cute!" He sighs dramatically. "I've always wanted to date someone named Damien."

Santana laughs at his dreamy face. Then she opens the cooler they brought along to get two bottles of cold water out. She hands one to Kurt.

"To your first job in a TV series. May you grow fame and fortune but not too fast because I still want you as my best friend and not get replaced with some actor girl named Ashley. Or Stella."

Kurt raises his bottle.

"Never, Santana. You're my only one."

They take a big sip and rest in silence for a while. But it doesn't last long. Santana can tell his eye has spotted something he likes in the distance by the way his jaw drops.

"Oh hello hotstuff?" He mutters under his breath. Santana follows his line of sight. She needs to narrow her eyes to get a better look at the two people standing close to the water with surfboards in their hands.

She's not sure at first but when the smaller one turns around, she recognizes Brittany the landscaper. Standing there in a wetsuit, talking animatedly to a tall guy.

"That's… that's my landscaper" she says with a chuckle.

"No way, that can't be. That's like in the movies. Way too hot to be a real landscaper." Kurt mumbles.

"I know, I thought so, too like… do you ever eat anything other than vegetables or how do you get that body?"

"Nah it takes a lot more than veggies to get those abs." Kurt objects. "It's a shame that neoprene covers the lower half of that body. At least I get to see the chest." He makes a humming noise.

Santana shakes her head irritated.

"Are we still talking about my landscaper?"

"If your landscaper is my future husband, then yes."

Santana is the first one to break the gaze and hits Kurt's shoulder.

"Uuuh I don't think so? I'm talking about the woman!"

That's when Kurt's eyes widen.

"What? Where do you see a woman? Oh yeah! Now I see her right behind his muscular Adonis body. Yeah she's hot. Wait… do you fancy your landscaper?"

Santana quickly shakes her head because never has she heard such a ridiculous thing in the world.

"No? Of course not. I don't even know her."

"I think you just said that she's attractive."

Santana annoyedly clicks her tongue.

"No… that was you drooling over Mr. Lick-My-Abs."

That causes Kurt to laugh out loud.

"That's true. I'd lick them in a heartbeat. And more." Santana pushes him playfully in order to make him stop as she doesn't need any more details but then they start giggling and she bursts into laughter as well.

They must have caught some attention because when Santana throws another look into the surfers' direction, her eyes lock with Brittany's over the distance. Or at least she thinks so. It's hard to tell as the sun is blinding from behind Brittany's back.

The blonde raises a hand and waves. Santana reciprocates the gesture, earning a "U-huh" from Kurt.

Brittany's attention gets drawn away when the tall guy points at something on his arm. Maybe a scratch or something. Santana watches how the blonde takes his hand into her own to inspect whatever it is that's on his wrist.

"Aw what a pity… they're totally into each other." Kurt states disappointedly.

Santana wonders. Then she tilts her head to the side.

"I don't think so."

Kurt clinks his bottle with Santana's.

"To two straights… who should be with us instead." He says dejectedly.

"Oh my God, Kurt. Save those dramatic lines for your TV show. And as I said. I'm not even into her. She's nice. As in being nice to your customer."

Kurt perks an eyebrow but then accepts her explanation.

"Alright, alright. I get it. But you have to admit that he and I would make a pretty good-looking couple."

Santana nods when putting an arm around his shoulder.

"A very good-looking one. Maybe I can ask her for his number." She adds with a wink. Kurt looks at her as if she just invented a cure for a deadly illness.

"Oh Santana… if you could do that, I'd forever be thankful. I'd guard it like the apple of my eye. Let's just see if they're good at surfing for a minute, please. And then I'll shut up."

With a chuckle they watch how Brittany and the guy make their way into the water eventually. She has no idea for how long they sit there and watch. But it's definitely longer than a minute.

* * *

Although it felt good to spend some relaxing hours with Kurt, she regrets it now, a day later. She's still ahead of her schedule. But she likes to be a lot more ahead of it. There are many chapters to go. But today she can't seem to focus on anything. She hates those days. Where she wants to be productive so badly but her brain does the complete opposite. One thought after the other pops into her head. Things she should do, things she shouldn't do, things she forgot to do, things she's done, things she wishes she _hadn't_ done and so on…

To stop those thoughts, she decides to get herself a glass of water. Then she finds something to eat instead and stands in front of the opened fridge, snacking, and getting lost in thoughts again. So she returns to the dining table where she's working at and once she's seated, she remembers that she forgot the glass of water. It's a vicious circle.

With a growl she pushes herself up once again. When she's about to get to the kitchen, her attention gets drawn away. She was so sure today was Saturday. But she can hear noises from the backyard. This always happens when she works till late at night. She messes up the weekdays.

With a look on her watch she realizes that Brittany must have gotten here about an hour ago. Santana was so lost in thoughts that she didn't even hear her coming.

This time Santana puts on her flip-flops before she opens the patio door to step outside.

"Good morning!" She gets greeted when she makes some careful steps onto the lawn. Brittany is kneeling next to what looks like is becoming a flowerbed. She smiles at Santana.

"Hi" Santana answers before sitting on an old garden chair. Just now she realizes how tired and unnerved she actually is. She slept for maybe three hours. Brittany looks like she swallowed the sun or something.

"So what is it you do that allows you to take the day off all the time? I think I'm in the wrong profession!" Brittany wants to know with a grin.

Wrong question.

Wrong time.

Just wrong.

"Uh… what makes you think I'm not working?" It comes out too cocky. She knows it. But it's just too early.

"Oh uhm… I just assumed that you've got the day off when you're staying in. Sorry! So you work at home then?" She asks friendly.

But she could probably say or do whatever. Santana is not in the mood and she doesn't even know why she came out to say hello at this point. Somebody always takes the blame when she didn't get enough sleep.

That's not true. Nobody ever gets the blame because nobody is ever around. So Brittany gets it all in one go.

"I work pretty much everywhere. At coffee shops, libraries, restaurants, at home. As long as I've got my computer with me and my head free." Santana tries with a lighter voice. She doesn't know if it's working.

Brittany claps her hands together twice in order to get rid of some dirt. She's not even wearing gardening gloves at the moment. Maybe she's working with some very fragile seeds or something.

"Are you a hacker or something?" Brittany jokes. Santana shakes her head.

"Nah… I translate."

"Oh cool. Like what?"

A short sigh escapes Santana's lips.

"Books, interviews, articles, sometimes scripts, letters… basically anyone can hire me. As long as it's Spanish."

Brittany seems impressed.

"Wow. I've always wanted to speak another language but I'm a lost case. I took German class for like three years and remember nothing. Absolutely nothing. No wait – guten Morgen allerseits!"

She laughs at her own words. Santana feels a headache coming her way.

"Yeah… a little bit more and you could start as an interpreter." Santana comments. She was trying to make a joke, too. But it came out too monotone to be understood as a joke.

"Mind if I ask how much a translator makes? Like it must pay really well." The shift in Brittany's voice can hardly be heard.

Santana doesn't know whether to be irritated or more annoyed.

"I do mind. Why would you ask?" She counters. Brittany is still kneeling on the grass when she shrugs.

"Sorry, that was too direct. It's none of my business."

Santana arches an eyebrow.

"You wonder how I can afford this place? Well, I just can. But uh… how much money do _you_ make? Oh no wait- " She palms her forehead. "I already know."

With that she gets up from the chair. She wants to go back inside. She does. But instead she crosses her arms in front of her chest. She's so not done, yet.

"One more thing before I let you go back to work. I had an idea this morning. Your shrubbery is cute and everything but I was thinking maybe something a little bigger. Like a fountain. I love those."

Santana watches how Brittany scratches her forehead while wetting her lips with her tongue. Like she's preparing something in her head.

"A fountain?" Brittany repeats.

"Or a pond. It should fit, right? With a little bridge over it." Santana explains. Brittany tilts her head to the side.

"Sure. I just had no idea you wanted the Palace of Versailles." She counters. Santana bites on her tongue to keep from throwing something right back at her. "But I'm not a landscape architect. There's only so much I can do."

Santana narrows her eyes.

"Oh really? My friend Annie said that you did way more than what you first offered you can do. Why are you being modest?"

"Because Mrs. Lopez, that's not what I do. I have no idea what your friend Annie told you about me but you saw her garden, didn't you? Was there any fountain there?"

"No, but I want-"

"Oh let me guess – you want an automatic thrower in the corner so you can do clay pigeon shooting? Because I do work with clay. I can make you those?"

Santana huffs. That's all she's able to do at the moment. She's outraged. But also taken off guard.

"Do you want me to do what I'm good at or something that I think will look like the residence of an aging Queen? Because from what I remember correctly, you wanted to sit in your garden after a long day of work and not feel like you're in the desert."

Santana wouldn't admit it out loud. But she's impressed by the repeating of her own words. But Brittany doesn't give her time to process or to answer.

"And when I picture you doing that… then I see you sitting at a round wooden table. A newspaper and a cup of coffee in your hand. There's a white lantern on the ground next to you and the warm light of the candle flickers. The scent of flowers tickles your nose and if you really want water then you get a little bird bath made of natural stone. You hear the humming of bumblebees… Not an ultraviolet clarifier for your pond."

Santana stares at her. She can hardly breathe. She can't explain why. She can't even think properly. Her headache got replaced with confusion a long time ago.

"But if that's what you want then… sure… I'll find a way and talk to some architect friends."

Santana shakes her head. She swallows. Then she gets up.

"I… have to get back to work." She mutters.

"Santana"

But she can't possibly throw another glance into Brittany's direction. So she just leaves her sitting there and goes inside.

* * *

It's hours later when Santana finishes the seventh chapter without changing her position. She's been sitting cross-legged on her chair. Her feet never touch the floor when she's working at her dining table. The floor is way too cold. But now her knees almost kill her when she untangles her legs. A look at the clock on the screen of her computer tells her that she wrote for three hours straight.

Just when she wants to get up, she hears a soft knock on the patio door. Brittany carefully opens it. She's got her shoes in her hand as well as something else but Santana isn't ready to talk to her, yet.

Who does she think she is? She was being way out of line.

So Santana just keeps her eyes on the screen. Before she can think about why Brittany doesn't just leave by walking around the house, she can sense her stepping close to the table.

"Sorry about before. I'd understand if you didn't want me to come back tomorrow." She says with a voice that sounds a bit regretful.

Santana breathes calmly. Her right hand is resting on the mouse, moveless. Whatever…

"Then I wouldn't have a landscaper." She simply says gentler than anything she said earlier.

"Right" Brittany mumbles. "Later then".

She makes her way through the living room and leaves the house without another word.

It's quiet for a minute. Santana hears the old truck driving off. Only then she looks up and leans back in her chair.

There's a single red rose placed on the table where Brittany was just standing before.

Santana's heart makes a weird jump. Maybe because she's still upset.

Sometimes she has no idea how to read her own body or to know what she wants. But right now she does.

She wants the lantern and the bumblebees.

* * *

 **Please leave some feedback!**

 **bobbieyoung**


	3. lonely

**Thank you all for the kind feedback!**

 **Soundtrack:**

" **After Midnight" by KLYMVX**

" **LA On A Saturday Night" by Hearts & Colors**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She didn't get it until she made the whole way back home and closed the door to her apartment behind herself. Why she was upset. She couldn't get a clear thought while driving. But now that she's lying on her couch with her feet up as well as no damp shirt sticking to her body anymore, she manages to process some of what took place today.

She was so frustrated at first. Now she can almost laugh about it.

Every client is different. To some she hardly talks during her stay at the residence, some tell her their whole life story. Some treat her like she's a Queen by bringing her snacks and drinks all the time, some hardly shake her hand. With some she gets along after the first minute of speaking and with some she can't find common ground.

She can't put Mrs. Lopez anywhere though. That's why Brittany got so frustrated today. On one hand she wants to get along with her to make the job more enjoyable but on the other hand she just wants to keep quiet and do her thing.

Because sometimes it's hard for her not to say what's on her mind. Very often that leads into a discussion. She can get mean or let's say passionate during discussions. Santana could be one to not make those easy. Usually Brittany wins all her discussions. But the lady Lopez… she's a bit of a handful. So Brittany's even a little proud of herself for the way she handled the situation. She stayed calm.

And subtly showed Santana that she's not going to cave easily. Because apparently Santana is quick-witted. But Brittany can be, too. If needed. In a way she liked they're little hassle before.

Although she felt bad later. She hopes that the rose wasn't too much.

Maybe they can talk again tomorrow. Or maybe it's not even necessary because they just forget about it. Basically Brittany has already forgotten about it.

She really does see Santana in her new garden though. She looks happy when she pictures it. If there is a partner? There must be a husband or at least a boyfriend… You don't need that much space for yourself. And when you're this good-looking... Maybe it's someone who travels a lot. Or they live in different cities because of work and they get to see each other on the weekends.

Either way… when Brittany pictures Santana in her garden… she's always there alone.

* * *

After two hours of just hanging on the couch, regaining some strength and eating self-made pizza, she feels ready to go out. She and Dom made plans the other day about going to that new bar which opened up a few days ago. So she jumps into the shower, then stands in front of her tiny wardrobe but the decision's made quickly. There isn't too much to choose from. With a pair of black jeans and a fresh white t-shirt she's satisfied. Dom always says that she looks good in that combo together with her ankle boots and her denim jacket.

That's when she grabs her phone to let him know that she's going to be on her way in a few minutes. With one hand she tries to pull up her pants, with the other she dials his number.

Once he picks up, she can already tell by the sound of his voice that he's not feeling too well. He hurt himself at work and got a cut on his wrist the other day. At first he thought it wasn't that bad but apparently it got infected.

He tells her how he went to see the doctor who gave him something to make the infection go away. Now he should stay in to get some rest. Brittany quickly offers to make her way to his place with some DVDs and food, but he tells her to go to the bar by herself. He's tired and just wants to go to bed.

He promises to call her should he need something, then they hang up. At first Brittany doesn't even feel like going out. She'd rather stay with him. They've been best friends forever and if one doesn't feel good, the other one suffers from some weird compassion pain or illness, too.

But he told her to check out the bar for him to see if there is any potential eye candy. Brittany grins at the thought. They already did this back in senior year of high school. Go out and find each other potential love interests.

Well not love interests. Make out interests. Then hook ups. Somehow they never stopped doing that and it still works up to this day. Dom gave her the ultimate challenge for the night to find someone, talk about him, give away his number and see how long it takes until he gets a call without the person knowing what he looks like. It's not a question _if_ they're gonna call. Just when.

Brittany can never resist his challenges.

So she grabs her wallet and keys. Five minutes later she's on her bicycle. The new bar is only ten minutes away from her apartment. She either walks or takes the bike for everything she can reach. She'd go to work by bike if she didn't have to bring all her items.

Dom sends a text message filled with exclamation marks to answer Brittany's picture of the bar she just took and sent to him. It's a shame he couldn't make it. "The Surface" is basically everything they have been waiting for. It's good music, an amazing location and great non-alcoholic drinks. All their other go to bars are missing one of those three criteria.

Sometimes she can't believe she found Dom. They match perfectly. The fact that they both don't drink alcohol made everything a lot easier when they were younger and would go out with a group of friends. Today they don't need to justify anymore. Most of the time it's just them having fun together anyway.

It's not the first time she's completely by herself though. She felt weird going out alone for the very first time. But it turned out that she also likes the challenge of having to either approach someone she likes or stand at the bar alone. Until someone does the same to her. Both ways have worked out several times so far.

So she goes with "lonely bar sitting" tonight.

Once she gets reached a Pepsi over the counter, someone else is already paying for it.

Wow. She just beat her own record. Maybe even Dom's.

Her eyes wander up the arm next to her on the counter in order to find out who's trying to get into talking. Once their eyes lock, Brittany wants to close hers but keeps from doing so. She should have known better.

Sierra puts her beer next to Brittany's Pepsi before sitting on the chair closest to Brittany's.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" The other woman wants to know. Her hair is blonde but darker than Brittany's and wavier. She's wearing a short dress that shows a lot of cleavage.

Brittany has no idea why Sierra isn't surprised. She'd love nothing more than saying it out loud. Instead she shrugs her shoulders.

"I guess we both get bored with places we've been to." She mumbles, breaking their eye contact after an intent look. "Thanks for the drink."

Sierra chuckles softly.

"You've always been a charmer, Britt." She replies after taking a sip of her beer. "So… seen anything you like so far?"

Brittany can't suppress a short laugh.

"There wasn't really time to find out. Yet." She mumbles.

Sierra grins. Brittany can see it from the corner of her eye.

"Alright then. Enjoy your Pepsi. Was good seeing you."

She doesn't just walk away. She waits until Brittany turns her head to look her in the eyes.

"It was good seeing you, too, Sierra." Brittany says. It's hard not to grin when Sierra pokes out her tongue. Then she turns around and walks off, giving Brittany her best model walk. Or at least she tries to.

But Brittany has to admit one thing.

The girl's got a nice ass.

* * *

It's in the middle of the night when she steps outside. She inhales fresh air.

The Surface was great. She's going take Dom there as soon as he feels better. Then they'll get a chance to really check it out. Because tonight doesn't count. She was only in there for about an hour…

She went home with Sierra. Brittany should know by now that she can't resist her. But tonight at least one of them was also easy prey. Dom would have shooed Sierra away, rubbing his hands together before calling out a real challenge.

Now that she's standing outside Sierra's apartment, she doesn't have to wonder how her night would have gone if she hadn't been alone or if Sierra hadn't shown up. The only thing she knows is that she always leaves afterwards.

She never stays over.

She never falls asleep.

She grabs her bike instead and drives home. The cool air making her feel free. It's comforting tonight.

Not that she'd need comfort. She had fun with Sierra.

But somehow something felt off. It bothers her that she can't put a finger on it.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She didn't get the chance to talk to Brittany before the weekend.

She went to bed that night after their weird goodbye with the rose thing, thinking that she'd ask her in the morning if they could forget about the whole thing. But she didn't get the chance because she didn't give it to herself.

When Brittany came into work in the morning, Santana spontaneously decided to avoid her instead. Brittany isn't going to be working for her for like _months_ anyway… She'll be out of her life in no time. Why even bother getting along. Or apologize…

It's not like she has to apologize in the first place. Brittany provoked her. Santana could tell from the moment they got to know each other, that Brittany didn't think too much of her. She doesn't approve of the way she lives. But those who judge are the ones that don't like the way they live themselves. So maybe Brittany should just zip it next time.

Santana only let Brittany know that she was going to be away for a while and that she could use the bathroom if she wanted to.

Brittany thanked her with a smile. Their interaction was utterly short.

It looked like Brittany was ok with just forgetting about it.

So Santana did the same and went to work at a Café.

Later on they said goodbye at the end of the day and wished each other a nice weekend. That's all it was. Now it's Saturday night and Santana is sitting in someone else's garden, sipping on a glass of white wine, wishing she'd just once be a little more persisting whenever Loretta wants something from her.

Because it's not just anyone's garden. It's Eric's and it's perfect. Just as perfect as his friends and work colleagues and as the Japanese catering service and the playlist he made himself. She knows this because he tells everyone. Also those who don't ask.

Santana doesn't see what Loretta finds in him. Oh well… actually she does. He's the perfect guy. He's everything that Loretta is, too. They both love excessive things. It amazes her that these two have never been lovers. They're more like brother and sister. Not it a cute way though. They remind her of the twin villains in the book she's translating. A pair who manipulates everyone around them in order to become the most popular kids at school.

That's how Loretta convinced Santana to come to the party. She said that there were going to be so many nice people – maybe even someone for Santana – and that she was going to _love_ the food.

While she does appreciate the drinks, she hasn't touched any of the food since she got here. Usually she loves Japanese. But when she realizes that some of it is still alive, she almost throws up into one of the huge vases standing in Eric's garden.

Excessive is an understatement among these two.

So she's going to stick with the white wine. Since it's her second glass on an empty stomach, she's already feeling more than tipsy.

And there's definitely nobody here tonight that she might be interested. Why did she even believe Loretta for a second? She always wanted for Santana to end up with Eric anyway. When Santana explained to her that it was never – as in _never_ going to happen, her sister wasn't just disappointed. She was actually offended which made Santana laugh out loud. To cover up the actual pain her reaction caused. They didn't speak to each other for a whole week. Which was, looking back, actually quite nice for a change…

But Santana should have known. This party is no different from all the others. That's why she never joins them.

So far she hasn't talked to anyone really. Of course her sister grabs her every now and then to introduce her to some friends. But after quick hellos, Santana doesn't know what to talk about. After some awkward moments she excuses herself.

She's given up by now. That's why she's sitting in one of Eric's elegant deckchairs next to the pool. She watches the people. Some are standing around the pool, by the bar tables, some are sitting in huge chairs that are placed on the lawn. Some she can see inside Eric's house, sitting at a dinner table, eating sushi and things she doesn't want to know more about.

Some are talking animatedly on the big terrace above. There's also Eric himself. He's leaning against the glass railing with a drink in his hand. At least seven people are circling him, listening with bright eyes and mouths open, ready to laugh at one of his predictable jokes.

He's wearing a dark blue suit and his black hair gelled back. Santana can see why all the ladies here tonight are hanging on every word he says. He's charming and eloquent and he makes his friends believe they're kings and queens for one night. But she doesn't understand why they don't see right through him.

It's an open secret that Eric promises the women everything and in the end they get dropped like a wet towel. But they keep falling for it, one after the other and she can watch it happening right at this moment.

Santana shakes her head in disbelief. She has definitely had enough for tonight. She gets up from the deck chair, needs a moment to breathe away the nausea, then makes her way through the many guests.

She quickly hides behind two women when she can see Loretta passing by just a few feet away. Her sister wouldn't let her go yet. That's why she sneaks out.

It makes her feel silly when she's finally outside on the street. Why does she still need to sneak out at the age of 28? Shouldn't she be confident enough to just do so without having to hide?

She takes a deep breath when going through her purse to find her phone. She needs an Uber to get her home as soon as possible.

When she's standing at the side of the road, looking up at Eric's mansion and waits for the driver, cool air on her skin makes her shudder. She forgot to bring a jacket. She wraps her arms around herself, starring at the building.

It hits her out of nowhere. Although, that's an overstatement.

This is not what she pictured her life to be when she moved into her house a couple years ago. She thought she'd be sharing this place with someone. Together they'd take care of it and make it feel like a real home. Not just an empty shell.

She's lonely.

She could go back inside, talk to Loretta and her fake friends and maybe she'd even meet someone to take home tonight. As in one night. But the thought of it makes her close her eyes. It wouldn't make her feel better.

So instead she gets into the Uber that arrives a few seconds later to pick her up. During the ride home she can hardly hold her tears back. But she manages to do so.

She also doesn't cry when she steps into her dark house, not even bothering to turn on the lights. Like a robot she makes her way up the stairs, takes off her dress and shoes, before quickly brushing her teeth and washing the make up off her face.

When she throws a look into the mirror, she sees a tired woman who can't look herself in the eye. Instead she fills a glass with water by the sink, then drags her feet next door to the bedroom. She never shuts the blinds.

The view to the ocean is way too pretty. Even when it's dark outside.

* * *

 _ **There will be more interaction in the next chapter :) hope you still liked it!**_

 _ **bobbieyoung**_


	4. ocean

**Santana's POV**

Her Sunday passed slowly. She and Kurt had breakfast at his place before starting a marathon at binge watching the previous seasons of the TV shows he's going to star in. He starts working on the set in a couple days, so he uses every free minute to freshen up his memory about the content of the show.

Santana knows the show. She likes it. And she can't believe Kurt is going to be on it. Between the episodes Kurt asked her about the party on the weekend. He was upset that Santana didn't ask him to join her. Frankly she didn't do it because Santana knows that Kurt would have liked it a lot more than she did.

He's not too keen on Loretta and Eric, either. But he would have definitely liked the ambience and the many people to look at. He'd fit better than she did. Definitely.

So after a lovely Sunday with Kurt, she spent the evening doing what she's best at. Working. Until early morning hours. Usually she sleeps a bit longer when she works for that long. But she forgot to open the gate to the backyard last night.

Brittany won't be able to go inside unless Santana gets up and opens it from the inside before she can hide under the covers again. She grabs a bathrobe on her way downstairs so she won't be standing outside in nothing but her silk nightdress. It's a bit too short for that.

Santana was actually about to head back upstairs once she's opened the gate. Then her attention gets drawn away by the wondering of what Brittany has achieved in the backyard so far.

After an initial disappointment of not finding the roses she thought would be there somewhere, a smile forms on her lips. The first things she sees are the flowerbed in its early stage and a raised bed. Those were the things she already told Brittany when they were on the phone for the first time. She has always had the picture in her head to grow own herbs and maybe a lemon tree or something. But she doesn't have a green thumb. That's why she hired somebody. The question still is though, how will everything survive once Brittany is done with her work?

Santana hopes it's going to take another while.

When she lets her eyes wander around, she wonders what else is going to happen in the next two or three weeks. Brittany said something about how the lawn is basically a lost case. Santana wouldn't be too sad if that ugly thing was gone anyway… but what do you put there instead?

She must have been deep in thoughts because she doesn't hear Brittany coming. But when Santana can see the blonde coming around the corner of the house, she wonders for how long she has been standing in the garden, admiring Brittany's work so far.

"Hey there" Brittany greets her when she comes to a halt next to Santana.

She's got a big shovel in one hand as well as a huge bucket with several gardening items in the others.

"Hi" Santana says. She smiles at Brittany. Somehow she feels bad for the way the week ended on Friday. But the blonde looks relaxed and fresh. She must have had a good weekend.

"How was your weekend?" Brittany wants to know as if she can read Santana's thoughts.

"Oh uh… I spent some time with a friend which was nice." She's gonna save the part about the dinner party.

"Sounds good." Brittany replies with a smile. Santana wonders if she should ask, too, how Brittany's weekend was. But that seems so – personal. "I should have gotten more sleep on mine." She adds, kind of reading Santana's thoughts again.

Then Santana pictures Brittany partying. In a club with sweaty, dancing people, too much alcohol and her making out with that tall guy from the beach.

"Same" Santana mumbles, hoping that Brittany will stop with the mind reading thing. "I uh… could make you a cup of coffee? I really need one, too. If you like." She offers.

Santana can see a hint of surprise on the blonde's face.

Like _what? She can be nice, too?_

"That would be great." She answers with an almost insecure smile. "Thanks"

Santana nods before leaving Brittany to get them some coffee.

* * *

When she's standing in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee maker to complete its job, she catches a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the refrigerator. Quickly she closes her bathrobe. She can't believe she stood out there with her robe open, allowing everyone to see her silky nightwear.

More than a bit embarrassed she heads back outside a few minutes later after checking twice if her bathrobe was covering up everything and with two cups of coffee in her hands. Brittany drops her shovel when she sees Santana making her way over the lawn.

She thanks her for the coffee before taking the offered mug. After a few sips, Santana watches how Brittany makes a gesture with her free hand to point to the rest of the big garden.

"I was wondering… well… I kind of need to ask you if… if you still want me to repair the whole thing. I mean the lawn. It's… how do I put this…"

Santana grins internally at Brittany's clumsy way of trying not to say something offending.

"It's an ugly piece of shit." Santana helps her out which makes the blonde laugh out loud.

"If you say so" she goes on. "Well… since we're on the same page about that – what do you want me to do? I'm almost done with the flower bed and there's nothing more I can do for the raised bed except for giving the saplings time to grow stronger. But there is so much space. And… you see I'm a landscaper with all my heart. When I see a place with that much potential and then the owners put a lawn there that looks like someone cut it with a nail scissors at night – I could… well, it almost hurts to see the space getting wasted."

Santana watches Brittany making a few steps over the dry ground.

"What I'm trying to say is… I totally get it if you want one of those typical yards that everyone has around here. It would definitely fit, no question. But… I can't forget about what you said about how you want me to do my thing and there is so much you could do to save water in a place like this. But maybe it would cost a bit more and I don't know if that means that you'd still want me to…-"

"Look" Santana stops her from beating around the bush. How fitting. "If you have something in mind that you think will work out – you have my blessing. I told you I'm not good at this. I have no idea what it takes to make a garden look inviting. It was like this when I moved in and it's a shame that I didn't do something sooner, I know. But now you're here and if you can save it, then… please. The price doesn't matter."

Santana kind of wishes she hadn't said the last part. But then again she wants the landscaper to do the best she can. She knew from the beginning that this could cost her quite a bit.

"I thought you weren't an architect, though" Santana goes on with a wink of her eye. Brittany grins.

"True… again, there's only so much I can do. But sometimes it doesn't even take that much to make a big change, right?"

Santana nods. She takes Brittany's empty cup before walking off.

"Don't worry. I trust you." She adds with a look over her shoulder.

Brittany bites her lip. Santana hopes that she didn't put pressure on her with that. It was meant to achieve the opposite.

For the rest of the day Santana can hear or see Brittany scurrying around in the backyard, or back and forth between the yard and her truck. She also drives off two times, returning with materials and notepads to make sketches.

She's a fast worker. Santana can tell. And definitely passionate. But what does she know. Maybe her backyard will look like a jungle by the end.

* * *

They end their day on good terms, many hours later. Brittany shows Santana some sketches when she has already packed her things, ready to call it quits. Not that Santana understands a lot about that kind of stuff but she can tell when a drawing is bad and when one is good. She loves art.

Brittany could be a graphic designer or something.

When Santana compliments her, it looks like Brittany's cheeks turn a little red. It feels like the ice is breaking between them, Santana thinks when she dares to ask what Brittany is off to do after this long day of work.

"I'll probably just grab my surfboard and get into the water for another hour." Brittany explains when putting the sketches away. "Do you surf?" She wants to know. As if she doesn't know the answer, Santana thinks.

"Oh no. One hundred percent no. I'd drown. Or get eaten by a shark." She states nonchalantly when guiding Brittany around the house. The blonde shakes her head.

"Come on…"

"No seriously. I'm the worst swimmer. My Dad bought me those water wings for my eighteenth birthday. It wasn't even a joke or anything. He was worried whenever I went to the beach with friends."

Brittany laughs again at Santana's words.

"Your Dad just wanted you to be safe." She says when coming to a halt in front of the house. Santana agrees with a nod. "But you learned it eventually, right?" Santana shrugs.

"No… not really. I mean I can swim. But only when my feet can touch the ground."

"So you can't" Brittany states quickly.

"Sure I can! I get into pools all the time." Santana doesn't know why the blonde makes that face. That judging but also empathetic face.

"You can't live by the ocean and not go swimming in it! It's like – a rule!" Brittany explains. She crosses her arms in front of her chest. She honestly seems upset.

"Well… I guess you can. I'm the living proof. Besides, I don't like salt water."

Brittany's only response to that is an appalled huffing noise. After a moment of apparently regaining her composure, she points to her truck. Santana doesn't know what's coming next.

"Get in there, I'll show you what you've been missing out on all this time." Brittany states without batting an eye. Santana is sure that she's kidding. So she laughs. "I'm serious, get your bathing suit and – I mean – do you even _have_ one?"

Santana laughs again, this time feeling a bit offended.

"Yes, I do. I was wearing it the day I saw you at the beach."

"Oooh right" Brittany says when looking up at the sky as if she's replaying the memory in her head. "Yeah, sorry that was too far away. You could have been wearing anything, really."

Santana shakes her head in disbelief. This woman is way too much for her to handle. She should just wish her a good evening and let her go. Go surfing with her fancy neoprene suit.

"You know what? I-" She wants to challenge Brittany but frankly she doesn't know what, either. There is no end to that sentence.

"Yes?" Brittany grins. Her arms still crossed in front of her chest. Santana shrugs. It's on.

"Fine! I'll come with you. You get a chance to convince me." As the words leave Santana's mouth, she doesn't recognize herself. All she and Kurt ever do is sit on the beach, get a tan, drink cold sodas, laugh about stuff, get home and order pizza. She doesn't remember the last time she was in the water as in further than above the ankle. Is there like a handrail or something under the water to get inside?

"You're serious now? You're coming for a swim?" Brittany interrupts her thoughts. "I don't want to push you. Or well… maybe I do?" She narrows her eyes.

Santana can play this game, too. This weird game she had no idea was going to take place when getting up this morning.

"Yeah… if you give me ten minutes to get ready?"

Brittany shrugs.

"Sure"

They exchange another look before Santana turns around to get into the house. When she closes the door behind herself and goes up the stairs, she can feel hear heart beat stronger with every step taken. What the hell has gotten into her?

At the same time she can't believe she actually wants to do this.

It takes her exactly ten minutes to change into her bathing suit, grab a towel and pack her handbag. Then she leaves the house and locks the door to get to the street where Brittany is already waiting in her truck.

* * *

The drive isn't long. Santana keeps throwing quick glances at Brittany who steers the wheel one handed, the other hand holding her hair back in the wind.

"I'm not getting on that board though," Santana makes clear when they park the car and jump out. Brittany shakes her head.

"No worries. I wouldn't let you anyway. Don't want that shark bite in it." She says when taking her shoes of and changing into a pair of flipflops that she grabs from the back of her truck as well as a towel she must be carrying in there all the time.

Santana chuckles. Then she follows Brittany wordlessly through the sand.

Once they've chosen a nice spot with not too many people around, Brittany starts undressing right away while Santana takes her time to put the towel onto the sand. Only when she can hear another soft laugh, she wonders what Brittany finds so funny this time.

"Did you bring your folding chair, too?" She hears the blonde's voice.

That's when Santana thinks to herself that she must look like a tourist or something.

"Yeah well did you even bring your surfing suit-" Santana's breath catches in her throat when she turns around to make the blonde shut up.

She's standing there with a bikini that's sporty but also elegant and it shows Brittany's well-trained abs. Santana wishes she had one of those, too. The bikini.

But she feels a lot more comfortable in her black one piece.

"You take your time with your towel. I'll go check out the temperature for you." Brittany says with another wink before she's off.

Santana watches how she reaches the water with quick steps, not even hesitating a second before diving right into it.

That's when it hits Santana that she's going to make a complete fool of herself. She hates swimming. She hates salt water and she hates the fact that she's always so full of herself when somebody challenges her. Why can't she just be a grown up and kindly decline?

With a mental face palm she quickly gets out of her clothes eventually and makes her way to where Brittany just came back to the surface.

* * *

It's ten minutes later and everything Santana feared, has appeared. She had trouble getting into the water first thing. Then she stumbled over something under the water that wasn't even there and then there _was_ something there that touched her leg and caused her to shriek like a little girl.

Brittany had her fair share of suppressing laughter before trying to explain to Santana how the ocean was going to carry her if she only let it do so. But so far she has only gotten to a point where the water goes up to her forearms and she can still stand more or less safely.

Brittany keeps swimming circles around her and talks about how she already came here all the time when she was little.

"Are you just going to walk in the water or actually take a swim with me?" Brittany challenges after a while of letting Santana getting used to the water.

"Look… I told you I'm not good at it. This is pretty much it." Santana counters when she takes some pathetic swim strokes before stopping again.

"You're not bad at all" Brittany objects. "You just need some practice, that's all. And maybe those floaties for another while."

Santana's jaw drops when she looks at Brittany who's already covering her face as she gets splashed big time two seconds later. The blondes starts coughing immediately and tries to say something but the only thing Santana can make out is something about swallowing saltwater and Brittany gasping for air.

"Oh yeah right, now you're suddenly all helpless after making fun of me all the time!" Santana yells at the coughing blonde who's head dips under the water once before coming back up.

When Brittany's still coughing, Santana does get worried and quickly paddles her way over to her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get your face" She apologizes when grabbing Brittany's arm to make sure she doesn't go under again.

"I'm alright" Sounds Brittany's voice a little funnier than usual before clearing her throat properly. "Wasn't prepared." She ads but Santana rolls her eyes.

"Right" She mumbles. She wonders why she suddenly isn't having trouble standing anymore.

It's because she finds herself in Brittany's arms, a little bit too close to her body. But her own hand is resting on the blondes shoulder, too.

"So you're ok then?" Santana wants to know while not quite knowing where to look. Brittany's eyes or her shoulder or the never resting water between their upper bodies.

"Better" Brittany mutters. "Still might need mouth-to-mouth respiration though…"

Santana swallows. She can't help her eyes dropping to Brittany's lips when she's utterly upset about that joke.

She pushes Brittany away or rather herself off her when she can sense the annoyance coming back full speed.

"Just when I thought I started to like you, you act completely out of line again! Why?"

She asks with a voice she hardly recognizes herself. She doesn't even give Brittany time to answer but makes her way out of the water. Clumsily or not.

When she reaches the shore, she doesn't look back until she's back by their towels. She wraps hers around her shoulders, dabs her face dry and turns around to see if Brittany's coming over with another joke waiting.

But the blonde doesn't look like she's about to tease her again. She looks apologetic with a hint of a grin maybe but quickly stops it. They sit in silence for a minute.

Santana wrapped in her towel and Brittany letting the air dry her skin.

"It was a stupid joke. I'm sorry." She offers eventually. Santana turns to look at her.

She doesn't know whether Brittany means the almost drowning or the mouth-to-mouth breathing. She doesn't even dare to ask because she's scared the answer will upset her more.

"Alright" She simply says, letting her eyes wander back to the ocean.

"You have to admit you had fun though, right?" Brittany wants to know after another while.

Santana won't admit anything.

She wonders if Brittany can see right through her.

"Whatever" Is everything she's gonna give her.

Together with a tiny smirk.

* * *

When she's standing in front of her bathroom mirror hours later, with a hairbrush in hand, her hair wet from the shower she just took and the feeling of salt on her skin washed away, she replays the late afternoon in her head.

There was not one moment she thought of her work deadline. Or her relationship with her sister. Or anything else that takes a lot of nerves lately.

She can't admit easily but she did have fun. At least a tiny little bit.


	5. rude

" **Don't Let Me Be Yours" by Zara Larsson**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

Brittany smiles when her grandmother squeezes her hand and asks if she wants some more tea.

"No thanks, grandma. I just poured myself a cup."

Her grandma nods when she looks at Brittany's cup. They've been sitting on her balcony for the past twenty minutes, enjoying the morning's first sunrays.

"Oh right, sweetie. So, tell me, Brittany. What is it that you do for a living?" She wants to know. Brittany chuckles.

"I'm a landscaper, grandma. I showed you some pictures earlier of the garden I completed a few days ago."

Her grandma doesn't remember. But she nods either way.

"Yes it was lovely. So you did that all by yourself?"

Brittany nods.

"All by myself, yes. It's lots of work sometimes but I really enjoy it."

"So that's what you're going to do once you've finished school?" Brittany's grandma looks interested but also confused.

"No that's what I already do. It's my profession. I finished school a long time ago."

"Oh ok. Yes I remember. And your brother Edward? What does he do again?" Brittany presses her lips together, then takes a deep breath.

"You mean my Dad. Edward is my Dad and your son. He's a teacher, do you remember?"

Brittany's grandma shakes her head in embarrassment.

"I keep mixing them up. Your brother and your Dad. I just haven't seen them in so long."

"Grandma, I think my Dad was here yesterday. And I don't have a brother. Maybe you mean my cousin Eli? He's the son of your other child, Kathrin."

Brittany regrets mentioning them. Her grandma's confusion only grows bigger. She should know why now that those explanations only make things worse.

When her grandmother gets very tired and asks Brittany to guide her to the bed, Brittany is glad to do so. Her grandma means the world to her. Seeing her like this really isn't easy. Her dementia got a lot worse in the past months.

So when Brittany kisses her goodbye and promises to be back soon, she leaves the nursing home without checking in on one of her grandma's good friends, Mrs. Green. She's always happy to see Brittany as she doesn't have grandchildren of her own.

But today Brittany feels the urge to leave right away. She's late for work anyways.

* * *

Once she arrives at the Lopez house, Brittany wants to get to work as quick as possible. So she gets a little cross to find the gate closed, Santana nowhere to be seen.

She's probably still fast asleep in her tiny silk nightgown.

Brittany rings the doorbell. Then shortly again after. The Mrs. is taking way too much time for her liking.

They ended things on such weird terms the other day. Maybe going for a swim wasn't such a good idea. But how was Brittany supposed to know that Santana was such an uptight saltwater hater who can't take a joke?

"Sorry!" Sounds the brunette's voice from behind the gate coming closer. "I was just on the phone with my current employer when I remembered that the gate was still closed. Hang on."

A few seconds later the gate gets opened and reveals Santana standing there, wearing normal clothes this time. Denim shorts and a white tee. Not that Brittany's really looking though.

She wouldn't want to make Santana feel uncomfortable again after that horrible, horrible joke she made yesterday.

"Do you need help with that?" The brunette wants to know.

Brittany looks down at her own feet where an extremely heavy bag of potting soil is resting in a wheelbarrow. It was already quite a morning exercise to get it out of her truck with a ramp. But now she'll have to guide it up a tricky step inside the garden that leads to where she needs it so she can start the work for today.

"Uh… if you could just make sure that there's nothing in my way? Thanks."

Santana nods quickly when she puts her phone into her back pocket before guiding Brittany inside. While walking in front, she kicks one or two remains of the old swing out of the way before they reach the step.

Santana watches when Brittany grabs a wooden plank out of the barrow to use as a little ramp. She places it on the ground, steps on it to make sure it's stabile, then pushes the barrow up in one swift move. She's done it millions of times.

Brittany can definitely hear the brunette's impressed "wow" that must have slipped. Because Santana quickly mumbles something about how she didn't think that plank was going to bear the weight. Brittany grins.

It wouldn't be the first time that she impresses the owner of the house with her strength. It wouldn't be the first time a Mrs. gets caught biting her lip at Brittany's biceps.

Maybe Brittany has played with it a bit in the past.

But Santana clearly showed her yesterday, that she's not interested. Neither is Brittany. It takes more than an appealing body for her to be attracted to someone.

Or so.

She's glad that Santana decides to go back to translating her book once Brittany's settled. She doesn't like being watched when she does her work. Instead she puts on her earphones and turns on her go to music on her phone before starting her day.

* * *

Shortly before the lunch break Brittany needs to show Santana some more insights on what she's working on before she can continue with her ideas in the afternoon. So they make their way through the garden in the worst midday heat while Brittany explains to Santana how the right selection of plants will safe water and resources in the long run. But the brunette doesn't really seem to be listening to Brittany. She nods at every second sentence Brittany says while mumbling "absolutely" and "makes sense" but she can't seem to look into her eyes.

Instead she's got her arms crossed in front of her chest, sucks in her bottom lip from time to time or looks down at her own feet.

"It's always good to have both annual and perennial plants and I'm sure you'll appreciate the lower water bills… a strategic plant placement will definitely make things easier and… especially when they're adapted to the micro climate. Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Brittany can't help but sound a little offended. The brunette promptly looks up seemingly busted.

"Huh? Absolutely. It all sounds great. Ecological. You've… definitely put some thoughts into it."

"Well of course. It's a big garden, it would be such a waste to not use it properly and it's always nice to have an opportunity to benefit the environment, right?" Santana's initial nod fades when Brittany continues speaking. "I mean if you and… your husband will raise kids or… I guess it's nice to have such a big space. But it also needs to be taken care of. So, something that requires less maintenance is… better."

For the first time since Brittany started her monologue, Santana really shares eye contact that lasts longer than a half a second.

"I'm not married" She states with a shake of the head.

"Oh – right. Sorry. I assumed that you don't live _here_ all by yourself."

"Where else would I live all by myself?"

"Well… I guess I just thought that this is quite a big house." Brittany doesn't know if the sun is starting to burn even hotter with every minute that passes but it sure feels like it. Or maybe it's the way those brown eyes pierce into her own. With that demanding but secretive look. Brittany can never seem to read it right.

"Wow… you're a good observer." Santana says with a voice that gives away even less than her eyes at the moment. "The house is big." She adds.

Brittany exhales a breath mixed with a nervous laugh. Why is she nervous all of a sudden? There's no reason to be?

"It's just that all the other places I've worked on so far always belonged to families or very rich- uh… married couples that maybe plan to have families or…" She gives up her lousy attempt to complete the picture she painted in her head of the woman she hardly knows but somehow fills many thoughts she has in a day. Except that the picture stopped making sense the moment she met her but that's even more confusing.

She's annoyed at herself for even having that picture in her head in the first place. It's not up to her to make assumptions. But sometimes inevitable.

"Why is it so weird to you that I have this big house?" Santana asks directly. "Not that it's any of your business but the question seems to be burning on your tongue ever since the beginning."

Brittany clears her throat.

"I never meant to be rude… I just don't understand why someone needs such a big place to live. _My_ place is your entrance area."

Santana chuckles funnily.

"Where do you put all your stuff?" She asks simply. Brittany shrugs.

"I don't have any."

Santana rolls her eyes at that answer.

"You don't have any stuff? Very funny… do you always understate when talking about yourself?"

"Understate?" Brittany huffs. "How about yourself?"

Santana tilts her head questioningly.

"How am I understating? I never hid anything, right?"

"Exactly!" Brittany says regaining her composure. "You live like a president."

"Ok stop right there, Brittany because this is getting ridiculous. If you can't handle my house or _me_ – maybe you should consider giving up this job. I'll find someone else if it's such a torture for you to work for someone who's different from you. It was cute in the beginning how you can't seem to wrap your head around people owning big places and living in the rich world but frankly it's getting annoying."

Brittany wants to open her mouth to fire back but the brunette manages to completely shut her off.

In a way it must be the way she talks. Quick and pointed and sharp. But it's also the way she looks so incredibly hot when she gets confident. There's no way in denying it by now. Brittany already thought so when they greeted each other at the gate early in the morning. She thought so when she saw her for the first time.

The woman is hot. She's just hot.

"What? No talking back this time?" She interrupts Brittany's thoughts. "Fine… This house belonged to my grandfather. He wanted someone of the family to take it. Is that explanation enough for you? Can you go back to work now or do you want to write down notes while I tell you my financial situation or something? My biography maybe?"

She stares at Brittany, obviously waiting for an answer. For the forty-seventh time since they've met she rolls her eyes at Brittany, ready to walk off.

Another look. A sigh. Then she steps away. Brittany watches how she walks through the garden, towards the patio door.

 _Now_ that she's far away, Brittany finally finds words to say. So she quickly throws away the package of seeds she's been holding in her hands because she wanted to show them to Santana. But the woman will never be interested in Brittany's thoughts about her – in her eyes – brilliant ideas to make the garden look beautiful and suit Santana's wishes.

She imitates the brunette's fast steps until she reaches the house. She must be quicker than Santana though because once she gets to the opened patio door, Santana is still there, not yet disappeared upstairs or somewhere else.

She's standing in the middle of the living room, facing Brittany. Her right hand fidgeting with the hem of her shorts. Her dark hair half up, half down. Her lips parted. Her eyes first avoiding Brittany's, then insecurely finding them when Brittany slowly approaches her.

Her own heartbeat is still erratic from hurrying over of what is left of the lawn. But when she's only a few steps away from Santana, her heart starts jumping uncontrollably fast.

"Did you get it as a present?" She mutters under her breath, her voice suddenly hoarse.

She gets slower but doesn't stop walking. Santana's irritated look gets followed by a low "What?".

Brittany holds her breath for a second.

"The house" She answers. And provokes.

Santana glares at Brittany.

"Fuck you" She says but it comes out way too weak to actually mean it. She means something else. She still stares at Brittany but not the way she's done before. It's different. It turns into something so completely different. She's begging Brittany to do something. To stop. To do it.

Brittany is quick enough to break Santana's inner turmoil before she can run away. She kisses her.

She grabs Santana's cheeks, not letting their bodies get too close but she kisses her. Hungrily. In order to make her shut up. Nobody tells her to fuck herself when their eyes scream the opposite.

Their lips match unexpectedly perfect. Brittany can hear Santana's surprised moan so clearly when she lets her hand wander from the hot skin of her cheek to Santana's neck to pull her closer. Their bodies still not connecting because she doesn't know. She doesn't know if this is ok.

Instead their lips move against each other after the initial shock of connecting. Santana can't be that surprised. Her mouth is demanding and her hands bold when they grab Brittany's waist.

But Brittany knows better. She quickly grabs Santana's hands to guide them up around her neck before putting her own hands right beneath the brunette's butt. With one swift move she picks her up. Santana's legs wrap around her middle, bringing them incredibly close.

A hot breath hits Brittany's cheek. She realizes she forced their kiss to get interrupted by her keen action. But those lips aren't going anywhere. They're sticking to Brittany's cheek when she starts walking towards the dining table.

Carefully she puts Santana down on it, presses herself between her thighs without asking before looking up into a heated face.

Somehow her hands have found rest on Santana's thighs. The shorts have slipped up a little so her fingers are connected to naked skin.

Their eyes lock silently. It's ok. She thinks Santana is shaking but before she can deepen that thought, her lips get involved into a second kiss. This time it's Santana who takes Brittany's face into her hands. Her fingers are definitely shaking and her lips trembling. It drives Brittany insane. So she kisses Santana's lips harder to calm them. She doesn't dare to open her eyes again. What if Santana will stop right then? Push her away after all?

She can't stop kissing her. An instant addiction is settling inside her with every second that passes. But Santana doesn't stop at all. She even carefully lets her tongue run against Brittany's lips in order to show her that she wants more.

Brittany can't think properly when she grants her the wish to connect in a more intimate way. She can't tell if it's a good idea. She can't tell if this is right. She can only feel an excitement rushing through her, her chest filling with a sensation she can't name.

Their tongues explore each other, taste each other's lips. She can't remember a kiss like that. It's probably because it came out of nowhere. Or not at all. She really can't think. She's kissed many women. This probably isn't any different. It's just unexpected.

While she's making out with Santana, she can tell that the other woman is breathing heavily in between their kisses. So she wants to give her a break.

Something touches her when she opens her eyes and gets caught by brown ones. A thumb touches her bottom lip. She can feel it gently. Then needy.

Her hand goes on autopilot when it wanders from Santana's thigh up to the waistband of her shorts. It's still acting on its own when it opens the button and zipper. She watches how Santana's eyes drop to Brittany's lips. Almost as if it's too intimate for eye contact. She can see her throat moving when she swallows heavily while scooting a little forward on the table, closer to Brittany.

Just when Brittany wonders if she should pull her hand away, she feels Santana's cupping it with her own, then guiding it inside her pants and underwear.

Brittany almost loses conscience at the sensation. The heat between Santana's legs and the heat between their faces when their cheeks rest against each other.

Who would have thought that Santana gets this forward, Brittany wonders when the sound of a whimper fills her ear caused by a stroke of her finger. A second one causes Santana to moan without holding back.

Since those noises turn Brittany on way too much for her liking, she quickly guides their lips back together for a kiss. It's a sloppy one because Santana can't seem to focus on kissing anymore. She gets distracted by what Brittany is doing to her between her legs.

Brittany completely loses sense of time. She can't tell for how long they've been inside the house, doing this. She can only tell that the other woman is enjoying it by the way she grabs Brittany's neck or pushes her lower body into the touch of her hand. She can tell that time is moving by the way Santana's breath gets faster, another moan escaping her lungs and getting swallowed by Brittany's lips.

She likes that sound way too much to try and silent it any longer. So she parts their mouths in order to let Santana enjoy the feeling more intensively. With every stroke of her fingers against Santana, the brunette's grip on her shoulder gets harder and her noises more desperate.

Brittany watches how she presses her eyelids together when her head leans back, offering her neck to get kissed. Brittany doesn't waste any time but attaches her lips to the pulsating skin. When she kisses it first and sucks on it then, it's apparently exactly what Santana needs. She mutters something before another moan fills the air. Then her whole body stiffens for a second before it starts shaking and jerking uncontrollably. But Brittany holds her tight with her free hand to guide her through those intense seconds. She can't help but watch Santana closely. The way she's got her mouth opened but her eyes still closed. Her cheeks glowing and her temple just slightly damp. But the best thing… the best thing is the feeling of Santana's hand holding on to Brittany's upper arm. Like she did in the water. But so tightly this time.

"Oh my God" Santana whispers with a husky voice after what feels like minutes of coming down from her peak. She twitches once again when Brittany pulls her hand from Santana's pants.

Brittany's wrist aches delicately once it's freed.

She's still standing between Santana's thighs. Their upper bodies are moving up and down fast. But their faces have come to a rest close to one another.

"Everything alright?" Brittany asks after a while. She clears her throat. Santana nods.

"Yeah" She confirms. Her eyes drop to Brittany's lips once more before indicating that she wants to hop down from the table.

Brittany steps back and helps her by holding her hand. It's the last contact they share before parting and bringing some space between their bodies. Brittany swallows at the immediate desire of pulling her close again. She resists though when watching Santana buttoning her shorts.

"That was uh…" Santana's voice is still a bit shaky but she seems to have regained enough composure to stand on steady legs and search for eye contact that Brittany grants her. She completes her sentence with "interesting" and a hint of a smile on her lips.

Brittany could think of tons of other words than _interesting_ when you've just had an orgasm, but she'll take it either way. Because maybe "interesting" is the best word to describe it for right now.

"A good kind of interesting, I hope." Brittany wonders aloud.

"Oh yes. No doubt about that." Santana reassures her quickly.

An awkward silence is about to settle between them but they both seem to realize it at the same time.

"Maybe we should-"

"Yeah, I wanted to…"

They both speak at the same time and stop at the same time. Brittany lets her go first.

"I was going to get lunch actually. I'm… meeting a friend." She says with her hands motioning towards the door.

It's clear that Santana is making it up but it's the smoothest way to not make things too weird after they just did it on the dining table without the intendance to talk about it any further. Or at least not right now.

So Brittany is thankful for the brunette's reaction. She nods wordlessly when she watches how Santana grabs a purse on her way to the front door.

"I'll see you later. Or tomorrow. I never know how long these lunches take. I might go somewhere else later on. I've got… some other plans, as well. But don't worry. Everything's ok. Right?"

Santana asks with a touch of insecurity. Brittany quickly nods.

"Yeah. I'll head back to work. And I might leave a bit earlier today…"

They stare at each other for another five seconds filled with questions hanging in the air but none of them being ready to be answered at this moment.

"Alright, see ya" Santana mumbles when opening the door.

"Bye" The word leaves Brittany's lips at the same time Santana disappears and the door closes again.

Brittany shuts her eyes for a moment. The pictures of the past minutes crash down on her in front of her inner eye. Did this really just happen?

It feels completely surreal. But her slightly sore wrist tells her otherwise and the way her lips taste different is clear evidence that she's not dreaming it. They still taste like Santana's. And the salty skin on her neck.

* * *

 **Sorry about typos! It's very late but wanted to give an update. Your feedback is much appreciated, thanks!**


	6. coffee

**Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate every single one.**

" **I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

He can tell right away. Sometimes it's scary how well he knows her. It takes one look and Dom knows that something's up. Which is weird because there is nothing up at all.

"So? Are you gonna tell me who you hooked up with the other day?" He wants to know, shoving a big bite of burger into his mouth. They've been sitting in a booth of their favorite diner. It's something they often do after a long day of work. Dom is a plumber and Brittany doesn't know another person who can eat that much food – unhealthy one – and still look like this. Dom is the best looking guy in town. He's tall, well trained, with eyes to die for and a smile that will make everyone return it sooner or later. But he eats like a bear. Not just the amount. The way he eats, as well.

"The other day?" Brittany mutters, still staring at some ketchup dripping off her friend's chin.

"Yeah when you went to The Surface on your own? By the way, my arm is finally getting better, thanks for asking. You didn't answer my last message _and_ no new number called my phone the next day. So you either failed at my challenge or you didn't even try because you were busy doing something – pardon – someone else."

Brittany blinks several times. Of course Dom is talking about The Surface. Why would he be talking about Santana? He has no idea she's the last person Brittany kissed. Or made out with. Or-

"So you better tell me it was some hot new chick. Because if you say it was Sierra, I'm gonna-"

"It was Sierra."

Dom was just about to guide the last piece of burger to his lips but stops midway, his mouth open.

"No Brittany!" He yells.

"But-"

"No!"

Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest. They stare at each other while Dom eventually puts the last piece of burger into his mouth. Wordlessly he chews while slightly shaking his head. Brittany doesn't even want to convince him that it was a good idea. She just feels the urge to justify.

"She was nice. We had a good chat." She tries but goes silent when Dom leans back in his seat.

"About how she's going to stalk you again once you go on a date with her?"

Brittany clicks her tongue.

"First of all, we never even went on a date. She just thought so when we ran into each other at the Coffee Shop-"

"Stalker"

"Dom! Come on she's not a stalker. She wanted something more serious, I wanted casual hook ups… I told her what the deal was, and she got it. Eventually." Brittany grabs one of Dom's fries, hoping that the conversation is over.

"She called you for weeks. She even showed up at my house party although she wasn't invited and made a scene."

Brittany rolls her eyes. She knows Dom is right. At the same time she doesn't need her best friend's approval to sleep with someone. She can do whatever she wants. Despite him being right.

"It won't get to that point again. I made that clear. I haven't heard a word from her since the weekend. Besides… I haven't forgotten about your challenge. Maybe we should go check out The Surface on the weekend? You're gonna love it."

Brittany hopes that her distraction tactic works. Whenever she mentions going out, Dom gets all ear.

She starts describing the location and what she loved about the new bar but trails off when she sees a familiar face entering the diner.

Out of all people. Out of all diners. Out of all the women she's had an "interesting" intermezzo with, it's of course Santana Lopez, her employer and latest hook up who enters the diner. Was it even a hook up? All they did or all _she_ did was stand between her legs and kiss her. And make out with her. And-

"Britt you keep doing that. You start telling something and then you stop mid-sentence. Yes, I'd like to go check out The Surface. What's so freaking interesting behind my back?"

Dom's voice is babbling something but Brittany can't really focus. It's too late to look away. Brown eyes are roaming around the diner. Two more seconds. They stop, then blink twice in surprise because they're now locked with Brittany's.

It's hard to tell Santana's reaction. She's not freaking out which is a good thing. She's not waving excitedly, either which is also a good thing. She just gazes for a moment, then turns to the person who stepped into the diner right behind her. It's the same guy who was also at the beach with her a couple days ago. Now that Brittany sees him a little closer, she's sure she has seen his face before. Maybe a TV commercial or something?

It looks like he just asked Santana a question. They're talking, then the brunette looks at Brittany again.

"Oh uh…" She just remembers that Dom is sitting at her table, too when his face appears in front of her eyes by tilting his head to the side and moving until he's in her line of sight. "There's somebody I work for at the moment."

Dom throws a look over his shoulder. When they're both watching how Santana and her friend order some food to go, Dom laughs softly.

"If you're talking about the girl then congrats. If you're talking about the guy then… congrats to me? You could wave them over so they can eat with us and I'll find out what team he's on."

Brittany grins and wiggles her eyebrows at her friend's words.

"Nah better not" She mumbles.

"And why would that be?" He asks with a teasing voice, already knowing the answer.

Brittany scratches her forehead in slight embarrassment. "Are you saying you're sleeping with your customer? Like that's… a no go. And probably the hottest thing I've ever heard. See, you can do so much better than Sierra." Dom laughs at his own words before reaching his hand out. Brittany doesn't feel any less embarrassed when she high fives him halfheartedly.

"We're not sleeping with each other, ok? It was a onetime thing. It wasn't even a _thing_! No idea… there was this _tension_ and we got it out of our system. Then today we acted like it didn't happen. Actually the first thing in the morning _she_ said to _me_ was that we should pretend like it didn't happen in order to not make things weird. I kind of thought that it _will_ get weird by pretending it never happened but I said that it was _fine_ with me and that was all before she had to leave." Brittany doesn't know why she emphasizes so many words in one sentence.

Dom seems to think for a moment while Brittany's eyes wander back to the person spoken about.

Santana and the guy are chatting a bit while waiting for their take-out.

"That's not going to work. You can't possibly believe that yourself, Britt."

Brittany shrugs. She doesn't know, either. She's clueless actually. She watches how Santana pays for the food, then she and her friend are already heading to the exit.

Brittany prepares a smile for when the brunette will throw a last glance into her direction. Because you can still smile at each other in a situation like that, right? She wanted to do so all day but Santana's didn't come home before Brittany left.

She's expecting it and still surprised when Santana does look at her. Brittany smiles. Santana seems to be taken aback. So much that she wants to push the door open instead of pulling. Brittany can hear the guy laugh at her.

" _It says to pull, Santana."_ Sounds his voice over the distance. _"In huge white letters."_

Brittany watches how Santana fake laughs at him.

" _Ok, thanks, Kurt."_ She eventually manages to open the door and steps outside with this Kurt guy.

Is it weird that they didn't even say hello to each other? Maybe she should have waved at Santana to not make their next encounter all too complicated? To ease the situation a little? She doesn't like complicated things. Once Brittany can't see them anymore, her attention goes back to Dom. Again, she forgot he was sitting there.

"She's beautiful."

Brittany looks at Dom who's got a smile on his face. She swallows emptily. If Dom had asked her to describe Santana, she would have used terms like "attractive" or "hot" or "good-looking".

But sometimes Dom speaks what she can't.

She does think that Santana is beautiful.

"But he's way cuter" Dom goes on, unaware of Brittany's thought. Quickly she nods with approval.

"Maybe I could find out his number." She suggests which causes Dom to rub his hands together with a grin on his face. She's glad he then waves the waitress over to order a round of coffee. The waitress starts a conversation with them but soon it's only Dom chatting with her, her thoughts trailing off to somewhere else.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She's staring at her own fingers hovering over the keypad. No matter how many times she rephrases the current sentence in her head, nothing sounds acceptable. She's been up since five in the morning after she couldn't sleep all night. So she made herself a big cup of coffee and sat down at the dining table to start her workday a bit earlier than usual. At first it seemed to work out fine. She typed a few pages but kept losing focus.

It's because of this stupid thing!

Even now three hours later she can't stop thinking about the same question over and over again. What on earth had gotten into her?

Brittany will get here any moment and continue her job in the garden. They'll have to interact sooner or later. It kind of worked out yesterday to not talk about it. The thing. But it was naïve to think that it would go on like this. You can't just let yourself get carried away like that and not face the consequences.

She has no idea what's going to happen next. Can they maybe start over? Awkward moments included? Will it happen again?

Santana puts her face into her hands. Why are her cheeks already glowing? Why do her insides tingle?

Nobody's here, yet. She's all alone.

So she had a thing with her landscaper. What's the big deal? So she thought it was hot. It's not like it's illegal or something. They can handle it. It doesn't have to be weird.

She wishes she had told Kurt and asked for advice. But she kept quiet when she and Kurt had dinner together last night. _Of course_ Brittany had to be there at the very same diner. This is probably going to be one of those things where two people run into each other all the time at the weirdest places after getting intimate once.

She shakes her head, her face still hidden in her hands.

She can't lie… it was one of the hottest things she's ever done. Not that she's done too many of such things. But somehow their little discrepancies had kind of sparked a fire or something like that. Santana can't help it when she lifts her head and her eyes automatically wander back to where she was sitting _on_ the table with Brittany standing between her thighs.

Oh well… she thinks… at least the table got used again.

She wants to slap the image away though. The way the blonde's eyes looked at her. Wild. And so full of themselves.

She nearly gets a heart attack when she hears a soft knock on the patio door. Brittany is standing there with what looks like a cup of coffee to go in her hand. Santana quickly pulls the pen from between her lips. When did she take a pen into her hand? And for how long was she sucking at it?

She gets up and over to let Brittany in but the blonde just stands there once they're no longer separated by the glass.

"Hi" Santana says carefully. A delicious scent of coffee fills her nose when Brittany raises the cup.

"I thought you might need one. For work…" She returns with a soft smile. Santana takes it wordlessly. It's not a plastic cup you get at the shops. It's made of steel and looks expensive. "I know you've got your coffee maker but to be honest your coffee tastes… bitter."

Santana frowns.

"Oh yeah?"

Brittany nods and points at the cup in Santana's hands.

"You're gonna love that one. But careful, it's hot."

Santana wants to say something. Like 'thanks'. But Brittany is already turning around and takes a few steps.

"Wait" Santana stops her.

What did she want to say again?

"Are we okay?" She wants to know after a short moment of thinking. Brittany shrugs with a tiny smirk.

"Yeah" She replies.

Santana bites her lip.

"Because I don't want you to feel uneasy. Or anything."

Brittany seems to ponder for a moment.

"About what?"

Santana narrows her eyes.

"About… the other day?"

Brittany slowly shakes her head, looking up.

"I don't know what you mean."

Of course Santana looks right through her. She clicks her tongue but Brittany still acts clueless.

"I thought I was supposed to act like nothing happened." She finally helps out Santana.

Well… right. That's what she said.

She really said that?

"Mhm" Santana mumbles. "True. I said that. But uh… yeah, I also just wanted to let you know, in conclusion, that… it was nice."

Brittany perks an eyebrow at that. She folds her arms in front of her chest.

"Nice?" She repeats.

Santana nods.

"Yes. I got a little… carried away. You were there, I was there… we kind of went with it. Right?"

Brittany slightly tilts her head to the side.

"I was there at the right moment, right time?" She challenges. Santana chuckles.

"Well no, not like that. No, you're definitely, I mean… I wouldn't have done that with someone I didn't think was hot. But I guess I was being… turned on and - but don't worry. I can control myself now."

Santana wishes she would just stop talking. This is so not going where she thought it was. Or where it should. But Brittany is standing there in gardening pants with those ridiculously huge pockets and she manages to look sexy in them. Because she's also wearing an olive-green tank top that shows off her arms. Arms that lifted her up so easily.

"Are you still turned on?" Brittany's words cross Santana's thoughts.

"What?" Santana asks with a laugh. Because it's a ridiculous question. But Brittany doesn't need to repeat it. Instead she gives Santana another look before finally turning around, showing that she's heading to work now.

Santana quickly puts the cup of coffee onto a piece of furniture that is near her before making four light steps outside. For a second she hopes that Brittany finally got rid of all those wooden splinters as she's barefoot once again. But the splinters are fast forgotten when she reaches for Brittany's wrist to stop her.

The blonde was definitely counting on it because she turns around right away catching Santana in her arms.

They get lost in each other's eyes for a short moment. Santana must have slipped her own arms right under Brittany's because she finds herself hugging Brittany's middle, looking up into blue eyes.

She can't believe they're about to do this again. But she wants to so badly. Where it all came from, she wonders but there's no time. No time to think when Brittany leans in for a kiss.

This time Santana is prepared and pulls back. She grins. She loosens their embrace to take Brittany's hand into her own and pull her with her.

Brittany follows wordlessly when Santana hurriedly guides her inside. Through the living room. She can hear how Brittany kicks off her shoes on the way to the stairs before they climb them.

If Santana turned around now, she'd probably lose her courage. So she keeps going until they reach the top. Five more steps and they arrive at her bedroom. Santana guides her inside, unsure what's coming next.

But when she turns around to look into Brittany's face, she finds the answer.

Brittany isn't looking around the bedroom, taking in the view of the ocean it has to offer or the sinfully expensive painting on the wall. She's not opening her mouth to make a comment this time. She hangs on Santana's lips.

So Santana feels conscious enough to close the gap between them for the second time within two minutes. She reaches for the belt on Brittany's pants and starts fumbling on it. When she looks down, she realizes it's not a normal belt and she's going to have trouble getting it opened.

Warm hands push hers away to do it themselves. It gives Santana time to tuck on Brittany's shirt instead.

"So impatient" Sounds Brittany's voice but it's actually only a whisper. Santana feels embarrassed for being so eager. But Brittany's smile calms her nerves when she throws a look into her face.

Then she watches how the woman in front of her takes off her pants and top shortly after, revealing pretty much the same picture she got to see when they went to the beach together. Santana's breath hitches in her throat. She swallows emptily when Brittany makes a step forward to bring their bodies closer once again.

At this point Santana loses a bit of her courage. But she wants to go on.

She feels careful fingers reaching easily underneath her loose shirt, bringing it up over her head in no time. Her shorts almost open on its own and before she knows it, they're standing in front of each other wearing nothing but underwear.

Brittany reaches behind Santana's back. After two seconds of fumbling, Santana can sense her bra springing open. It's still covering her chest when Brittany steps close to her, her hands wandering up to Santana's jaw.

Only now she realizes how heavily she's been breathing. She tries to calm her breath by closing her lips but when warm fingers tickle the sides of her face, she needs to part them again in order to let out oxygen or breath in more of it. She can't really tell where's up and down.

So she does the one thing she knows right now. Guiding Brittany to the bed because it's right behind them and she simply has to step backwards as Brittany is following her closely. Santana watches wordlessly how Brittany makes two steps around her and sits down on the edge of the bed, pulling Santana close.

She's face to face now with Santana's still covered chest but her attention goes to where Santana's fingers ghost over the hem of her own underwear. Santana watches Brittany's eyes. How they follow her every inch when she pushes down her underwear until they drop to the floor.

As if the blonde can tell that Santana gets subconscious immediately, she looks up and takes Santana's hand into her own to pull her closer.

She doesn't know how Brittany does it. But when Santana straddles Brittany and sinks down on her, she feels a rush of excitement that quickly makes the insecurity go away. When their faces are close, she shuts her eyes and brings their lips together. Warmth shoots through her chest and between her legs.

Hands connect with her lower back and stay there making her feel all kinds of things. Slowly their lips start moving against each other, with each other and Santana doesn't know how this is possible but she can tell that it won't take much for her to get to the same point she got the last time they did this. Only they were wearing all their clothes then.

And when Brittany's tongue enters her mouth without asking, she can't hold back the sigh that quickly turns into a moan as one of Brittany's hand has found it's way to Santana's stomach. It tickles downwards until her thumb lightly touches her. Once.

"Please" Santana mutters desperately. If Brittany doesn't touch her now, she's sure she's going to die. Maybe she also said that out loud because Brittany's hand goes back to where it was moments ago.

Santana wants to thank her with a kiss but she can't kiss her properly when Brittany lifts Santana up a bit with her free hand and guides her back down onto her fingers.

She almost covers her mouth with her hand to stop herself from screaming but she needs it to hold on to Brittany's upper body and steady herself.

She creates a rhythm after the first shock of connecting so deeply. But it feels amazing. Brittany feels amazing.

They kiss but not really. It's difficult when everything is so hot and warm and cheeks are turning sweaty. With every move against Brittany's hand, Santana loses her mind more. Until she opens her eyes and catches a glimpse of light blue ones.

Santana thought she was getting adjusted to the sensation and that she could go on like this for longer. But Brittany's thumb keeps brushing against her. The other hand still resting on the small of her back, making sure she stays in position.

She can't draw it out. So she intensifies Brittany's motions by rocking against her faster, gripping the back of her neck harder and kissing her once more before pressing their temples together. She sucks in sharp breaths of air, then falls apart in Brittany's lap. Getting showered in warm sensations all over her skin makes her moan against Brittany's right cheek. She's keeps moving against Brittany's hand to make it last longer, savoring every bit of it.

She's never felt such warmth shooting through all her limbs at the same time. But she's sure she could go on like this all day. And all night.

When her movements get slower and come to a stop, she takes the time to take Brittany's face into her hands. Their lips find each other quite naturally for a long and gentle kiss, warm fingers still inside her.

She knows she could go again. But she feels bad for Brittany's hand getting squeezed between them. So she carefully gets on her knees a little to allow Brittany to free her hand. With a sigh she then sinks back onto Brittany's lap, their eyes finding each other for a silent exchange.

This isn't what she thought was going to happen when she got up this morning or when she took Brittany's cup of coffee and their fingers graced lightly.

Or maybe it is.

She can't quite tell. But if this is the last time it happened, she'll savor as much of the feeling of it as possible.


	7. glitter

**Song:** " **Undrunk" by FLETCHER**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It was another night without much sleep. She kept rolling around in bed, feeling either too hot when under the covers or too cold when lying on top of them. But mostly too hot.

She would have needed the sleep though. Because she's been sitting at a table on a terrace of a very expensive restaurant, together with her sister Loretta. And lunch with Loretta tends to be exhausting because it means lots of talking. Or actually just listening as Loretta will do all the talking or, well, gossiping.

Her sister is such a gossiper. Today though she's not talking about other people for a change but trying to convince Santana for the hundredth time, to start working for their stepfather, too. Loretta has been one of his secretaries for a while now and she loves it. She loves working at the practice. Together with their mother, Kirk owns the prestigious "Harper & Lopez" beauty clinic and if Santana ever wanted to quit her job, she'd be more than welcome to join them. At least her stepfather Kirk and Loretta would welcome her. Her mother probably not so much. They've hardly talked to each other in years and Santana doesn't understand why Loretta keeps trying to get the family back together. It's not going to happen. Kirk is alright and everything but it's not like they have lots in common. Nothing to be precise.

As long as Santana and her mother aren't close, she doesn't see why she should build a relationship with him. If Loretta wants it for herself that's fine.

So she listens to the things her sister says but they're not really reaching her. She keeps playing with the food on her plate instead, her thoughts drifting off to other places. And stuff. Like the other day where she took Brittany to her bedroom instead of letting her do her job in the garden. She did Santana instead.

She's still not sure how everything got this far. Their bantering turning into attraction. Maybe it's been there since day one. If she's being honest.

"Earth to Santana?" Santana quickly shakes her head to get rid of the daydreams. Her sister is giving her a pointed look. "Do I bore you _that_ much? Luckily Eric is joining us any minute. Maybe _he's_ going to actually have a conversation with me."

That catches Santana attention. She stops making circles with her fork in what is left of her pasta.

"Eric's coming? Like now?" She wants to know. Loretta shrugs.

"I already told you that half an hour ago but obviously you weren't listening then, either."

Santana rolls her eyes, putting the fork down. She reaches into her purse to get the wallet.

"Lunch was nice, Loretta but I'm not staying. I thought it was going to be just the two of us-"

"Oh come on, Santana. You're only here because you feel obliged to do so. You don't care about spending time with your sister so why shouldn't I ask Eric to join us for coffee? At least one person will appreciate my company then."

Santana stares at her sister who sounds annoyed but her chin is slightly trembling. Santana feels bad because it's true – she wasn't listening to what Loretta was saying. And she rather wouldn't be here in the first place.

"Why do you think do I want you to work at the practice?" Her sister wants to know. "It's because I try so hard to reconcile. I know we've had our up and downs in the past Santana and things aren't the same as since before Mom and Dad got divorced but… I mean it wasn't all Mom's fault-"

"If it isn't my favorite pair of sisters." A male voice interrupts Loretta and for a moment it looks like she really regrets it. Then Loretta's eyes get torn away from Santana to look up to the person who just arrived at their table. Santana does the same. "It's hard to tell which Lopez daughter is more interesting, they both have their… assets." Eric finishes his greeting with a wink at Santana. She's tempted to kick away the chair he's about to sit down on. But she lets him take a seat and watches how he leans in to kiss Loretta on the cheek. His strong cologne gives Santana an instant headache.

"Guess who I just ran into at the gas station," he goes on, unaware of the fact that he interrupted something. He also doesn't await an answer. "Connor. And let's just say he had company. Well… it wasn't his wife."

Loretta's eyes widen.

"Are you saying he's back with Sherry? Again?" Eric doesn't need to answer. His smug grin is enough for Loretta to transform into gossip girl.

With a sigh Santana takes some bills out of her wallet. She wants to put them on the table and say goodbye when Eric puts a hand on hers.

"What are you doing? I always invite you two. I'd be offended if you didn't let me." He grins when Loretta hits his arms playfully.

Santana thought she'd make it without any snark comments but that was before Eric decided to become even more full of himself.

"I can't recall you and I ever having lunch together before so please. Take your hand off me and let someone else fall for your pathetic attempt to compensate the tiny size of your genitals. Loretta…" Santana drops the bills onto the table, gets up and throws another look at her sister whose jaw dropped. "If you really want to reconcile then why don't you ever ask me about the actual thing I do for a living? Or _anything_ that has to do with me and my life."

With that she leaves the two alone by walking away.

She can't get away fast enough.

* * *

She spent the rest of the afternoon at a Café, trying to work but she had to give up at one point. She couldn't focus. Loretta's words kept ghosting around in her head. Maybe Santana should try harder to build a relationship with her sister, too. They used to be very close when they were kids after all. Over the years they somehow grew apart.

Then it took her almost an hour to get all the way back home. There was traffic because of an accident and of course the air conditioning in her car decided to break down again. She should have taken it to the car service station last week but completely forgot to do so.

With damp hair from sweating, a mood to kill and the desire to rip off her clothes, she now finally steps into the coolness of her house. She shuts her eyes once she's closed the door behind herself.

Why does family have to be so complicated… With tired steps and a hurting lump in her throat she makes her way through the living room, dropping her bag somewhere along. She approaches the patio door. When she leans against the cold wall next to the window and gazes outside, her eyes get offered a picture that has gotten pretty familiar in the past weeks; Brittany's there in her garden.

She's working concentratedly while kneeling on the ground and she's got earphones in. It's a particularly hot day. She's wearing another sleeveless shirt, gardening shorts and the hair up in a bun.

She looks peaceful, Santana thinks… and immediately starts to feel calmer at the sight. The way Brittany seems to touch plants and her items so carefully and thoughtful.

Without making too much noise Santana opens the door to step outside. She knows that Brittany probably won't hear her due to the earphones, but she still calls her name, hoping the blonde will react and stop whatever she's doing over there next to a freshly planted shrub.

When there's no reaction, Santana yells her name a little louder. Brittany lifts her head but since she's kneeling there with her back towards Santana, she only looks up, probably searching for the source of a noise.

Santana smiles to herself when the blonde is still clueless and goes back to work. She picks up a gardening glove from the ground to throw at Brittany. She didn't think she'd score but strikes the back of Brittany's head.

Santana covers her mouth with her hand when Brittany turns around in surprise and takes off her earphones.

"What are you up to?" Brittany wants to know with a short laugh before getting up on her feet. Santana shrugs. She doesn't know, either. She just wanted to say hello.

"Are you getting ahead?" Santana asks instead. She puts her hands into her pockets because now that she's no longer throwing gloves at Brittany, she doesn't really know what to do with them.

The blonde nods.

"Yes, actually. I hope you like it so far. If you take a look around, you'll see for yourself?" She suggests carefully. Santana smiles.

She has definitely looked around and although her garden isn't finished yet she can tell that she's going to feel very comfortable in it once it's done. She already does. It looks better than ever since Santana moved here.

"My friend Annie wasn't exaggerating when she said that I wouldn't regret taking you." Brittany's eyes widen a little. " _Choosing_ you… for the job, I mean." Santana goes on, then clears her throat. Brittany picks up the glove that landed next to her feet. With a few steps she shortens the distance between them. When she's quite close to Santana, she stops and starts playing with the glove in her hand.

"I'm glad to hear that." She mumbles while shooting a quick glance at Santana's face.

"But I hope you don't assume that I did with Annie what I did with you the other day. I take my jobs very serious."

Santana presses her lips together.

"Oh yes" She confirms with a smirk. "Very serious." She reaches out a hand to stop Brittany's somewhat nervous fumbling on the gardening glove. Her fingers intertwine with Brittany's, then she pulls her close.

The blonde seems surprised at first but drops the stupid glove in order to guide her free arm around Santana's waist. It seems to happen so automatically.

"You look like you could use a break." Santana tries to sound confident and maybe it works because Brittany bites her bottom lip. But the rush of boldness leaves Santana's chest when she thinks that Brittany might not want to repeat what happened the other day. Maybe it was just a one-time thing. Two times, to be very correct but maybe those were just slips in Brittany's eyes.

She takes her job serious after all.

One of Santana's hand is still holding Brittany's on the sides of their bodies, the other somehow found place on Brittany's shoulder. Like they could almost start a slow dance together, but her heart starts beating way too uncontrollably. Being close to Brittany does things to her every single time. She swallows when blue eyes roam her face.

"You don't want me to finish the garden?" Brittany mutters with a low voice, then wets her lips with her tongue. "Not that I'd get to finish it today but… if we keep doing this, then I might not finish it in the time we agreed on."

Santana has no idea if they ever talked about how long Brittany's work will take. Apparently they have but she doesn't know how many more days it'll take and what else is missing in the garden. She only knows that she wants to kiss Brittany again. Right at this moment.

"I… don't really care right now" She whispers when their mouths get dangerously close. Because once their lips touch, she won't be able to stop. "I never got to return the favor."

She hopes the other woman understands. She can sense how her hand gets squeezed lightly.

Brittany's eyes drop to Santana's mouth, then somewhere between their upper bodies. A smile forms on her lips but Santana also detects a hint of insecurity.

"I…" Brittany begins but trails off. Immediately Santana feels silly for trying to seduce her. Again. Who does she think she is? Maybe Brittany isn't even attracted to her that much.

Something like a huge wave of embarrassment starts to fall down on Santana when Brittany slightly shakes her head, still no words coming out of her mouth. The fact that she's not looking into Santana's eyes almost stings in her chest. Santana never meant to make her uncomfortable.

So she lets go of Brittany's hand and makes a step back. She lets her hands run through her hair.

"I'm sorry, really… I didn't want to hold you back. You probably just want to head back to work." She exhales a shaky breath, mixed with an embarrassed laugh. She doesn't even recognize herself like that. All flirty and forward. Maybe it was too much for Brittany.

She overcomes the urge to just walk away without another look at Brittany so when their eyes lock, she does feel a tiny bit relieved. Because Brittany smiles at her.

"I'm super dehydrated" She says after e moment. Santana blinks.

"Oh! Wait let me… let me get you something to drink." Santana stammers before turning around and quickly making her way back to the house. She's glad there's something she knows how to do. Get something to drink.

Her cheeks are glowing when she hurries inside and into the kitchen. She can't believe she just got so confused.

Brittany doesn't like her that way. Or she maybe does but she still regrets what happened. Or she just wants to be professional. All of a sudden.

She just got rejected.

Ouch.

She doesn't know for how long she's been staring at the opened fridge to find something to drink in there but it must have been a while because she can hear someone clearing their throat.

Santana turns around to find Brittany standing at the patio door, scratching her forehead.

"Sorry" Santana apologizes with a short laughter. "I just couldn't decide what to bring you. Cold water or-" There's nothing else in her fridge. "Not so cold… water."

Brittany shrugs.

"I'll take the cold water. Thanks."

Santana eventually manages to get a glass and fill it with water before approaching Brittany once more. She hands it to the blonde but avoids eye contact. She's beyond embarrassed by this time.

"How was your day?" Brittany asks after almost emptying the glass in one go. Santana takes a seat on one of her big couches, needing a moment to think of what to say. Apparently they're moving on.

She leans back into the cushions, suddenly realizing how exhausted she is. Brittany is still standing by the door, leaning against the frame of it. She looks sincere.

Santana sighs.

"Oh well… upsetting at first to be honest. Then I did lots of work and still got nowhere. You know, one of those days. How about yours?"

Brittany raises her shoulders and thinks for a moment.

"It was good. Lots of work, too." She winks at Santana. Santana makes a humming noise in response.

"Sorry about before. I didn't want to make you feel rejected." Brittany goes on like it's nothing special. Santana shakes her head, not knowing what to say. Then there's a touch of regret in Brittany's face. "I still did. I'm sorry."

Santana waves it off and tries to sound relaxed.

"Let's just pretend like I didn't do that thing before. The uh… hitting on you. Please." She doesn't know if she does sound relaxed or strained. Judging by Brittany's funny look on her face, it's the second option.

"Ok" She agrees with a small shrug. Then she seems to ponder for a moment. "Listen… I really want to finish something I was in the middle of which is going to take me another hour but I'm also starving. Would you mind if I ordered something to eat? Just this one time, I don't usually do that. But my head is empty and if I don't finish it then I won't be able to stop thinking about it all weekend."

Santana is surprised at first. Brittany obviously isn't ready to talk about the thing that is happening between them. Well... maybe it's for the best. Santana doesn't know what it is, either. So she nods.

"Of course. Yeah, sure you can order it to my address."

Brittany thanks her with a smile before reaching into one of her large pockets to get her phone out. When she's already dialing the number, she looks up again.

"Wanna share a pizza? They have the best ones but they're way too big for one person." Brittany waits for Santana's answer. Once again she's taken off guard.

"Oh uh… yeah, why not? That would be great."

Brittany smirks when she guides the phone to her hear. She turns around to take a few steps. Santana watches how Brittany makes the phone call. It reminds her of their first meeting. When Brittany stepped outside to call someone and Santana watched her through the window.

It's weird how they've only known each other for such a short time and yet they've gotten incredibly intimate. She doesn't know anything about that woman. But it also feels like she does in a way. Maybe just a little bit.

* * *

Thirty minutes later they're sitting outside. Not at a garden table because Santana doesn't have one, yet but on the ground and about to eat the – indeed – best smelling pizza she's ever smelled. They could eat at the dining table inside. But somehow Santana doesn't feel comfortable eating at the table where they did something else last time. So she suggested they'd sit outside and then she realized there was no table to sit at. But Brittany liked it. They both took off their shoes and sat down on the dry lawn where they are now.

Brittany hands Santana a big slice of pizza together with a can of soda.

"Try it" She says while taking a big bite of her own slice. She closes her eyes while chewing. It causes Santana to grin. For a few seconds she forgets what she's supposed to do. Somehow watching Brittany is even better. But when Santana bites into the deliciously smelling piece, she has to close her eyes, too.

"Oh my God, you were right" She mumbles after swallowing. "This is amazing." Santana searches for a comparison to let Brittany know how good it is. "It's better than…" The first thing that comes to her mind is sex. But it wouldn't be true. Anymore. "Better than my friend Kurt's self-made pizza. He's… super good at it."

Brittany seems impressed.

"Wow. That must say a lot then. Is he the guy you were at the diner with? With the nice clothes and great hair cut?"

Santana nods with a smile when Brittany describes Kurt.

"Yes" She replies before taking another bite. It looks like Brittany wants to say something else but then she stays quiet. She gazes at Santana, the orange light of the sunset hitting her face when she does.

"You did see me at the diner, right?" She asks after a while.

Santana clears her throat. She's taken off guard a bit because she does feel sorry for not saying hello to Brittany then. Let alone returning the gesture of a friendly smile.

"Uh… yes. I saw you." She says with an apologetic look. "Of course."

Brittany nods.

"I'm sorry, Brittany. I guess, I'm not so good at this." Santana admits. The blonde furrows her brow. "What I mean is… this thing. With you. I don't do this normally."

Brittany just swallowed down the last bite of her slice and starts playing with her can of soda.

"You don't normally kiss people?" She wants to know with a sassy grin. Santana clicks her tongue.

"I'd say we did a little more than that" she explains with a bite on her bottom lip. "But that's not what I meant. I do kiss people, ok? But we hardly know each other and _that's_ not really something I've done before."

Brittany nods again and gives Santana an understanding smile this time.

"Alright. What would you like to know about me then?"

Santana laughs. She can't think of one question so spontaneously but there are so many things. She's got the chance to find out more about the woman who's been giving her sleepless nights and she can't think or speak properly.

"Oh… ok uhm… uh where did you learn those things about how to benefit the environment? I mean I guess it's your job but you seem really passionate about it."

Brittany's eyes light up at that. She tells Santana about how both her parents are teachers and always placed importance on cherishing natural resources. She explains how she went to summer camps when she was younger and learned a lot back then.

Santana grins at the thought and in a way she regrets never having been to summer camp.

"Did you have a camp name and everything?" Santana wants to know, taking a sip of her soda. Brittany nods.

"Sure. Cyan. It was supposed to describe the color of-"

"Your eyes" Santana finishes Brittany's sentence. The blondes looks at Santana in surprise.

Santana wonders. "What would my camp name have been?" When Brittany doesn't answer right away Santana looks at her to find her pressing her lips together. Like she's suppressing a grin. "Come on. I'm sure you have one ready."

Brittany chuckles.

"Uhm… Glitter?"

That causes Santana to laugh, too and she leans forward to hit Brittany's arm in a playful matter. They're sitting too far apart though and she misses Brittany's arm, only hitting air. The blonde gives her an empathetic look.

"Aw cute" She purrs.

Santana kicks Brittany's shin with her bare foot instead. She's close enough for that.

"Ouch - excuse me!" Brittany protests while obviously looking for something to throw at Santana.

"Don't you dare" Santana can read Brittany's mind when her Cyan eyes find a dirty napkin. "Throwing things at people isn't nice."

Brittany's jaw drops.

"Oh really? May I remind you throwing gloves at me earlier?"

Santana narrows her eyes. Touché…

They both turn silent then. Santana can feel her own heartrate speed up when Brittany does the same with her foot that Santana did a few seconds ago. Only gently.

"Thanks for the pizza" Santana mutters after a while. Brittany smiles at her and it also seems to remind her of the original reason she ordered the pizza. She turns her head to look at the garden behind them.

The sun is setting deeper and deeper. It's way past dinner time.

"Come on" Santana encourages her. "You should jump into the weekend. Can't it wait till Monday whatever you wanted to finish?"

Brittany rubs her eyes. She does look tired.

"Ugh, I guess. I just like to leave work with a satisfied feeling, you know?" Santana nods. "But uh… actually I'm quite satisfied. The pizza did it once again."

They smile at each other. After another few silent moments they get up on their feet. Brittany helps Santana putting the waste together and then grabs her backpack and shoes.

Santana watches how the blonde makes a few steps towards the small path that'll lead her around the house and through the gate.

"Hey uh… my friend and I are probably going to check out this new bar on Saturday. The Surface. Have you heard of it?" Santana nods because Kurt has indeed told her something about that bar a couple days ago.

"Yes he really wants to go there actually. Maybe this weekend, too."

Brittany smirks.

"Cool. Well… maybe see you then, huh?"

Santana nods. She'd wave goodbye at Brittany but her hands are holding the cans and napkins and cardboard box. Then the blonde mumbles a "Bye" and disappears around the corner of the house. Santana shakes her head in amazement.

What a day… that ended up reconciling nicely.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She's lost in thoughts when she drives her truck down the hill where Santana lives. Well, she's not really _lost_ in thoughts. They're spinning.

She just had one of the nicest dinners in a long time. But it wasn't even supposed to be a dinner with someone as in _with_ someone. As in having dinner together. That's… not her thing.

She likes having dinner and she likes women. But dinner _with_ Santana was almost … too cute for her liking?

She's not cute. Well, Santana is. But Brittany herself isn't. She's not one to like cute things.

She's confused, that's what she is. And then she basically asked Santana to join her and Dom at The Surface? Has she… lost her mind?

She's not confused. It was a spontaneous reaction. Lots of people are going to be there. Maybe they won't even see each other. After all she's going there with Dom this time. They will have lots to talk about and probably not so much time to chat with others… Yeah. It's going to be just fine.


	8. surface

" **Lights Out (Too Drunk)" by DJ Katch**

" **Paradise" by Moorty feat. Cammie Robinson**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She likes days off. She likes the weekend. She can get up at any time she wants, do stuff she doesn't get to do on weekdays or go to the beach. She did all of it today. And it's still only four o'clock in the afternoon.

She slept in until nine o'clock, did the groceries and finally cleaned the apartment. Then she took a swim in the ocean and even stepped by the nursing home to say hello to her grandma. It's hard to tell how she did all of this in such a short time. She's got like three more hours to kill until Dom's going to pick her up for The Surface. Now she's sitting at her kitchen table in her tiny kitchen, staring at her fruit bowl on it.

What do you do when you've got so much time? What do you do when you've got so much time and you kind of wish it was already three hours later so you could finally go?

She could definitely pick out her outfit. Or take a shower and do her hair.

It does sound like a plan when you're going out later. So she gets up from her chair, puts on some good music and heads to the bathroom with a feeling of anticipation she wasn't quite expecting.

* * *

Taking the shower is easy and only takes her five minutes as usual. But somehow picking the outfit takes her longer than expected. She's narrowed it down to two options. She doesn't know why she can't decide between them or why there are two options in the first place. She never cares too much about what she's wearing when going out.

But tonight she could either go with her usual look including her boots or she could wear that grey shirt buttoned up? Together with her black jeans and white sneakers…

She finds herself getting a little stressed when suddenly two hours and forty-five minutes don't sound so long anymore because she also wants to straighten her hair. She's pretty sure she's still got a hair straightener _somewhere_ in a drawer. She just hasn't used it in forever.

Also maybe she should eat dinner before leaving? She has no idea if Dom said something about grabbing a bite together or not. Maybe he could do the back of her hair? She always found that to be the trickiest part. But Dom and his plumber fingers probably won't be able to do it much better.

For a moment she closes her eyes in order to think properly.

Call Dom, do hair, get dressed, eat dinner.

Easy. So that's what she does.

* * *

Dom looks at her all puzzled. He arrived about two minutes ago and Brittany's pretty sure she just asked him two things at the same time. Which outfit to wear and if her straightened hair looks straight enough.

He's sitting on one of her stools at her little kitchen counter while she's standing in the living room, holding up her two outfit options.

"You're asking me what to wear and if your hair looks nice?" He wants to know calmly. And confusedly.

Brittany nods. She's shaking slightly but it's only because she's standing there in nothing but underwear.

Dom looks at the buttoned shirt in her left hand and a cropped one in her right. Then his eyes wander up to her hair.

"Left" He says and narrows his eyes. "Put the hair up into a ponytail."

Brittany looks at her hands.

"Wait – my left or yours? And a ponytail? You're sure? You think that would look nice?"

She only looks back at Dom when she hears his laughter.

" _Your_ left. What is up with you? It almost seems like you're nervous?"

Brittany now laughs, too. Maybe a bit too hysterical for her liking. She quickly shrugs it off.

"Of course not. I'm just… _excited_ to show you the bar. It's… it's nice."

Dom tilts his head to the side.

"And it has nothing to do with the possibility of running into your hot little mistress?" Dom teases her. She doesn't know why she told him about how she kind of asked Santana to come, too. Of course he was going to tease her with it.

She doesn't like the way he grins at her. Or how he kind of has a point.

Still she's thankful that Dom makes her choice of outfit easier, so she goes with the grey shirt and trusts him about the ponytail advice. He has great taste in clothes. Not so much in men… he often has a fling with guys that seem interesting at first and then turn out to be idiots.

She knows he wouldn't be opposed to having a boyfriend. He's been making comments in that direction quite often lately. She wishes that he'll find someone who will appreciate everything he has to offer. Because it's a lot and they better be good to him. Maybe she and Dom can make tonight all about finding a guy that might be interested in more than just hooking up.

* * *

The Surface is even more crowded than last time. Brittany can tell that Dom absolutely loves it. The way he's leaning with his back against the bar, a non-alcoholic drink in his hand and his eyes wandering around, slowly bobbing his head to the music. Brittany is sitting on one of the bar chairs like she did last time when she was all by herself. She's glad she's got her friend with her tonight. It's so much more fun. They talk about everything and nothing, laugh at their own silly jokes and just enjoy the good music.

When she's in the middle of explaining something to Dom, she feels someone tapping her shoulder.

For a moment Brittany prepares herself to find Sierra standing behind her. But she's pleasantly surprised to find a shorter, dark haired woman with a smile on her face. Santana's standing there next to her handsome friend.

It takes Brittany a second to remember how words function. Santana looks really nice tonight.

She also does on other occasions. But tonight she's… a pretty freakin' eyecatcher.

Instantly and without being able to control it, Brittany gets reminded what Santana's lips tasted like against her own and she wonders if they taste the same tonight.

They greet each other without any body contact though. Santana then points to Kurt after a moment of gazing at Brittany. Or maybe Brittany just thinks so.

"This is my friend Kurt. He said this is the nicest bar that opened up in a long time, so I had to check it out. I have to say, I'm not disappointed."

Kurt shakes hands with Brittany and then Dom. She can tell he's not disappointed, either when he looks at Dom. He's smitten and not even trying to hide it.

That's when it hits Brittany. Suddenly she knows why his face seemed so familiar to her.

"Have I seen you in that tv commercial for sunglasses?" She wants to know but she's already convinced when she pictures him with a pair of those neat glasses. Kurt grins with a funny little bow. "I liked that commercial! It was actually really funny." Brittany says and means it. She watches how Kurt leans to the side to mutter _"I looove her"_ into Santana's ear a bit too loud. Brittany's not quite sure though if she really heard correctly. Santana grins awkwardly.

Brittany then watches how Kurt waves the bartender over and orders four shots of sambuca. Before she can interfere, the bartender has already put four tiny glasses on the counter, fills them with liquor and gets paid by Kurt who points at the shots and then at Brittany and Dom.

"To this awesome new bar!" He yells and takes a shot glass into his hand, followed by Santana who does the same. Brittany opens her mouth to explain but again she seems incapable of speaking. She can see Kurt's beaming face as well as Santana's sparkling eyes. Dom quickly jumps in.

"Thank you very much, Kurt but Brittany and I don't drink!" He has to speak loudly as the music just got turned up a bit.

Kurt looks at Dom completely confused at first. Then he palms his forehead.

"Sorry! Why do I always assume that everyone drinks?" He exclaims with a laugh and wants to know what else he can get them. Brittany kindly declines as she's still got a half-filled glass, but Kurt gets to invite Dom for another one of his fruity cocktails.

Once they're all set with a drink, they clink their glasses to take a sip. Santana's eyes dart at Brittany while she empties her shot in one go.

"What are we gonna do with these now?" Kurt asks Santana with a tipsy voice when he points at the two remaining shots on the counter. "It would be such a waste to not drink them but these two here" He makes a funny move with his elbow towards Brittany and Dom. "They let us down!"

Santana laughs when she puts an arm around her friend.

"Since when has that been a problem for you?" She asks while grabbing the two shots with her free hand. She gives one to Kurt and takes the other one for herself. Kurt apparently isn't able to contradict, so he guides the glass to his lips to imitate Santana's move. They easily empty the second shot within two minutes.

Brittany can't help but laugh when they both pull a face as the liquid must burn down their throats. She doesn't know why people punish themselves by drinking sambuca. It's nothing but ugly. Kurt then starts a conversation with Dom by asking him if he could name _all_ the ingredients to that apparently awesome non-alcoholic fruit drink.

That's when Brittany realizes that she hasn't spoken in forever. She was busy watching. She wants to speak up but Santana beats her to it.

"All professional, huh?" The brunette teases with a low voice but Brittany can still hear her and notice a wink of the eye. Again Santana's quicker to speak before Brittany can reply anything. "It's unusual to see you in something other than gardening clothes."

Santana's eyes wander down Brittany's body. Brittany smirks at the way Santana can't quite hide her looks when having alcohol in her blood. The question is though, if she's even trying.

"I do have a private life where I'm not just a landscaper, you know." Brittany finally gets to use her voice after an eternity of just observing. Santana's corner of her mouth twitches.

"Right" She mutters, then points at Brittany's drink. "What are you drinking then?" She wants to know. Next to them, Dom and Kurt are talking animatedly about something. Brittany looks at the glass in her own hand, too.

"Oh, it's this unusually clear liquid but awesome thing called water." She says with a secretive undertone. Santana blinks at her before laughing wholeheartedly. Brittany chuckles, too while remembering something she wanted to ask before. "So, you don't like what you see then? My clothes?" She challenges Santana.

Santana folds her arms in front of her chest before checking out Brittany again.

"I do actually… I must say I like you in gardening pants, but this is not so bad, either." She admits. Meanwhile Brittany takes in the short black dress her opposite is wearing. She wants to make a comment, too and sound as confident. She wants to stay in the role of challenger. But again she finds herself watching silently when Santana lets a hand run through wavy hair.

Brittany's kind of glad that Kurt and Dom apparently have finished their talk and pay their attention back to her and Santana. They make some light conversation until Kurt spots some people he knows and wants to go say hello to. The duo lets Brittany and Dom know that they'll come find them again later. Then they head off and disappear between strangers.

For the first time since the interruption, Dom and Brittany get to look into each other's eyes. It doesn't happen often that they don't quite know what to say to each other.

"He's hot" Brittany mumbles after a while before raising her glass to take one of the ice cubes in her glass into her mouth.

"Yup" Dom states simply, then shrugs. "So is she."

Brittany nods. "Uh huh" She hums. The ice cube is making it hard to say more.

While she sucks on the frozen piece in her mouth, Dom empties his drink in silence.

* * *

It must be about an hour later when Brittany makes her way downstairs to the dance floor area and where the bathrooms are. She didn't even know there was a dance floor. Last time she came here there wasn't really time to find out… but The Surface isn't just a nice bar, it's also a pretty cool place to dance. When she and Dom went to explore the whole place earlier, they were pleasantly surprised to find out how much it has to offer. You can also play foosball and pool on the top floor. There's a top floor that belongs to the bar. Again, she had no idea.

She just quickly left Dom alone to get to the ladies' room but when she's done and wants to head back upstairs, she gets stopped by no other than Santana.

She's not actively doing so though. She's not holding Brittany back by her wrist or calling her name. She's not standing in her way, either. She's just there surrounded by others and dancing with Kurt. Pretty much on the other side of the room. A whole lot of people between them. She's busy having fun with her friend and she's dancing. Nicely. Her body makes all kinds of good moves, her hands gracefully moving in the air.

Brittany kind of feels the desire to go over there and join them. They did say that they'd find each other again before leaving anyways… But she doesn't know if she should just go over there. It looks like they're having lots of fun.

It can't hurt to order a drink at the bar down here. Dom is most definitely flirting with someone and doesn't want to get interrupted. So Brittany goes over to the counter and soon it's her turn to order as there aren't many people standing there. Most of the people are either dancing or taking a break upstairs to cool down. It _is_ rather warm down here.

Brittany takes the first sip of her cold soda when her eyes automatically find Santana and Kurt again. Well, Santana, Kurt and two other guys who start dancing close to them. Brittany watches how Kurt's attention quickly gets torn away by one of the guys while the other one is approaching Santana from the back.

Brittany instantly doesn't like it. She doesn't like how that guy slowly closes the gap between his front and Santana's back or how he self-evidently puts a hand on her hip. Brittany can't tell if he's a stranger or a friend or simply someone Santana knows. She can only assume and she doesn't like how he touches her, whoever he might be.

Santana turns around in the guy's embrace, gently pushes him off and continues to dance by herself.

Brittany takes another sip of her drink. It's none of her business. She shouldn't even be here. Dom is probably waiting and Santana doesn't need a protector or something. She just showed the guy that she doesn't want to dance with him and he's accepting. Until he's not and trying his luck again. Brittany looks around to see if anyone else is witnessing this act of douche manners. But no one's watching, everyone's occupied with their own interactions.

It's just Brittany who gets to see how Santana pushes the guy off once again, this time more firmly.

Brittany puts her drink on the counter. She's ready. She's so ready to walk over there. The only thing that makes her stay where she is, is the fact that the guy disappears this time, probably off to trying his luck somewhere else.

Brittany relaxes. Maybe she should just head back to find Dom. Santana is now dancing with Kurt again. It looks like she's having a good time.

But when Brittany's gaze finally gets reciprocated, she forgets Dom and forgets her drink. Santana's looking at her and waves her over. Brittany hates the fact that she checks to see if there's somebody standing behind her that could actually be the person Santana was waving at. But there's no one and she just made a fool of herself.

Apparently Santana likes it though. She grins when Brittany approaches her and Kurt.

"Did your friend already go home?" Kurt wants to know when they're close enough to speak to each other. Brittany points up to the ceiling before letting him know that Dom must be somewhere upstairs.

Kurt nods before looking at Santana. They hold a short and wordless eye contact conversation. Brittany can tell that much. Then Kurt disappears and leaves Brittany and Santana alone. Alone in the middle of dancing strangers. In a heated room of a club that is also a bar. In the middle of the night. Of a weekend.

Brittany doesn't know what comes next or what will happen tonight. She can only watch how Santana starts moving in front of her. They're not talking. They're not really dancing, either.

Because Brittany is a good dancer. She loves to dance. But at the moment she's a bit overwhelmed. Santana turns around and basically puts Brittany in the position she got to witness before. She finds herself standing behind Santana like that guy was just a few minutes ago. Only this time Santana is the one to initiate it.

She even takes Brittany's hands into her own. With that contact Brittany manages to shake off her first insecurity. She lets the rhythm of the music guide her when she starts moving with Santana. Carefully she holds her in her arms, the gap between them becoming smaller until their upper bodies are touching, too.

Inevitably Brittany's eyes close when the scent of Santana's hair fills her nose. But Santana can't see her face in that position so it's ok, she thinks.

When she and Dom left her apartment today to come here, Brittany didn't think she'd end up doing this. Dancing with Santana. She knew they were maybe going to see each other. Maybe talk. And maybe… maybe she kind of pictured this.

But she didn't actually think they'd get close.

Brittany doesn't know why an aching lump forms in her throat at the nice scent of Santana's hair and the nice feeling of her arms wrapped around that slender body, their finger's intertwined.

"You didn't like what you saw?" Sounds Santana's voice, interrupting Brittany's thoughts but not her sensations. Her voice is low and careful, but Brittany can hear her since they're so close. Brittany needs a moment to know what Santana is talking about. She was sure that Santana didn't see her standing at the bar before.

She decides to stay quiet. You either dance or you talk. Making conversation while you're dancing is silly.

No, she didn't like it so much.

Santana turns around in Brittany's embrace, their hands letting each other go. But she stays close. They keep moving.

The brunette looks up into Brittany's eyes.

"Wanna tell me what's on your mind?" She wants to know. Brittany narrows her eyes. Lots of things, really. For example how she thinks that Santana is a pretty good dancer. Or how good she looks tonight or how she's got her speechless. "Didn't think so…"

Brittany notices the tiny amount of disappointment in Santana's voice but also triumph.

Brittany regrets that she missed the opportunity to say what was on her mind. And that she's missing another one right now.

They dance wordlessly from then on. Sometimes she catches a glimpse of brown eyes, sometimes a hand brushes against her sides. Sometimes she wishes they'd kiss. Or that they'd get out of here. For a second she pictures herself going home with Santana. Especially when their hands find each other again and their dance moves turn into steps because Brittany is guiding her. She's pulling Santana away from the dancefloor, away from the people. She thought she was heading towards the bathroom but then she realizes that she lost orientation. This isn't the bathroom but a corner that leads into a darker area. Maybe to some staff rooms or God knows what. She doesn't need to know. The surroundings becoming a little darker is everything she needs to calm down a bit.

She knows it's not possible. But she feels drunk.

Santana might be the reason. It's not easy to admit that thought because she has never been drunk on a person. Or on alcohol.

She finds herself finally regaining some power even though she feels that weird kind of dizziness. She pushes Santana against a cold wall. In that dark corner the music isn't as loud as before. But the beat still pounds in Brittany's chest or maybe it's something else… Their foreheads rest against each other. Nobody can see them as long as they're alone in their hideout.

Brittany's fingers find rest on Santana's cheeks. She needs to close her eyes when she gets to see how the brunette bites her bottom lip. It's too much for her to handle.

When their slightly opened mouths brush against each other, erratic breaths mingle. Brittany swallows dryly.

It's clear what Santana wants when she grabs Brittany's butt to pull her incredibly close. It's clear what Brittany wants when she lets her tongue run against Santana's lip, the one she was biting before. A desperate sigh escapes Santana's mouth when she turns her face away from Brittany's lips. Like she's torturing herself.

Brittany needs some sort of connection. She lets her hands run down Santana's bare arms before grabbing her wrists to press them against the wall above her head. If she doesn't get to kiss Santana's lips, she'll have her neck instead.

With a look at Santana's face, Brittany reassures that her eyes are closed before she attaches her lips to the soft skin on the side of her neck. She kisses her gently twice before sucking on it. If it leaves a mark, it's Santana's problem. Brittany would have gone for the lips.

She sucks harder until the wrists in Brittany's hands pull themselves free in order to push Brittany off. Maybe two inches. Then Santana pulls her in to let their lips find each other for an instantly hungry kiss.

Her lips and tongue still taste the same, Brittany thinks. Or better. She kisses her thankfully. It's so much more glorious than kissing Santana's neck because her lips move against her, needy and trembling.

Since Santana granted Brittany's wish, she also wants to give Santana something. She pushes her hips against the brunette's. Her thigh finding a spot between Santana's. With a second push she causes the shorter woman to whimper between their lips. Brittany can tell that it's not quite enough. So she guides one hand down Santana's side and gently pushes her dress up a few inches. It allows her own thigh to brush against Santana more delicately with her next move forward. The warmth of her lips and the one between her legs gives Brittany another rush of dizziness.

She can't recall the last time she felt so turned on.

The music is still pumping, some voices seem to come closer. Brittany prays that they'll stay alone in the darkness of this hidden place.

They do at first when the voices fade off. Brittany and Santana fall into another heated kiss while their lower bodies seem to be glued to each other.

Then the voices come back, this time louder, signaling Brittany that they have to stop. She steps away from Santana just in time.

Two women come around the corner. It's hard to make out at first but they're holding a bucket and some rolls of toilet paper in their hands as well as a mop. Santana pushes her dress down when the two women walk by them. They're talking animatedly and don't really take notice of Brittany and Santana. With a cardkey they open up a staff door and disappear inside a room.

Brittany looks at Santana. Their eyes find each other in the darkness. Santana's are filled with want. Brittany can't say what her own must tell Santana. She only knows that she wants to go on and further, too but not tonight.

"Not here" She whispers. It's not exactly what's on her mind.

Santana swallows wordlessly.

"Well… your place or mine then?" The brunette wants to know.

Brittany opens her mouth. She wants to take her home. She wants to. She wants to… and that scares her. It almost gives her a goddamn panic attack.

Maybe Santana can tell. She makes a step forward. Takes Brittany's hands into her own. Like she has done quite a few times now. It makes Brittany's chest ache with confusion. Makes her want to hide her face in the crook of Santana's neck.

She wants to explain. Her incapability whenever Santana does something sweet or sexy. She'd rather have it explained to herself first though.

"You're incredibly cute when you don't know what to say." Santana whispers before ghosting a kiss to the corner of Brittany's lips. "We could go back and look for Kurt and Dom?"

Brittany stares at Santana's beautiful mouth. She's got the opportunity to take home the hottest woman and she's not capable to do so.

She nods.

Incredulous at her own behavior she watches how Santana gives her a smile before turning around. For a second she's scared that the brunette will leave her alone but then Brittany gets pulled with her, as their hands stay entwined.


	9. adrenalin

**"Shackles" by Nick Martin - RAI Remix**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She doesn't know if it's the third or the fifth shot she just swallowed down. She lost count. Because it's hard to concentrate. It's freaking hot in this place and Brittany's freaking hot, too. She's wearing that buttoned up shirt and her hair is up in a tight ponytail and she's just… driving Santana insane! Does she want her or not? Is she interested at all?

Because half an hour ago they were freakin' making out downstairs, their hands all over everywhere and now Brittany's not even looking at her anymore. She's once again standing at the bar with her tall friend Dom and they're obviously having lots of fun all by themselves, drinking their cute little sodas…

Santana and Kurt are sitting in some more comfortable chairs across the room where they joined some of Kurt's friends a while ago.

She can't help it. She keeps throwing looks over to where Brittany's standing at the counter. She's not even really following the conversation that is happening at her table because her mind keeps going back to when she was attached to Brittany's lips and hands. How come she can't think of anything else? Ever since their first kiss?

She wonders what Brittany thinks about it. It's not like she's an open book or something. No she's been the complete opposite. She's a big fucking mystery to Santana. What the hell does she want? How can she go from throwing those intent looks at Santana when they were downstairs to dancing closely, to kissing in a dark corner and then to not even paying attention?

It's Kurt who pays attention to her eventually by holding another drink in front of Santana's eyes. She groans. She's had way too much to drink tonight. Still she takes the glass from Kurt's hand to take a sip.

She shouldn't drink a wild mix. She'll regret it tomorrow.

After a few sips she puts the drink onto the small table between their chairs. Kurt gives her a worried look when she tells him that she ordered an Uber a few minutes ago and wants to go home. She doesn't feel like explaining. But she stopped having fun when she once again got ignored by the blonde over there.

So she gets up on her feet, says goodbye to Kurt by giving him a kiss on the cheek and assures him that she's fine. Because she is. She's not hurt. She's not upset. She's just drunk and needs a ride home.

Kurt makes her promise to text him as soon as she gets home safe. Then she grabs her purse and makes her way. Over to the bar. Why? She doesn't know. She was actually heading towards the exit. But the way Brittany's leaning against the counter, laughing at something her friend says, annoys Santana. It simply annoys her and she needs the blonde to understand.

She approaches them and when she gets really close, she's got some words ready but then Dom smiles at Santana and pokes Brittany's shoulder to make her turn her head.

The blonde's lips curl into a smile, too when their eyes lock. It's sweet but Santana doesn't feel like sweet. She feels like doing things they did forty minutes ago but it's too late now. She's mad at Brittany.

"I'm leaving" Is everything she says to the blonde, then she looks at Dom. "It was nice meeting you."

Dom reciprocates the same with another friendly smile before looking back and forth between Brittany and Santana.

Santana takes the decision from Brittany whether to say goodbye or not. Brittany's probably physically incapable to do so anyway. Just like she's incapable of giving answers. Or speaking in general. Like simple words.

Santana walks off before the other woman gets the chance to say anything.

It's not easy to walk completely straight though. The amount of alcohol she consumed tonight is making its presence felt when she steps outside into the dark night. Luckily some fresh air hits her face as soon as she distances herself from The Surface.

She finds herself once again standing outside in the darkness of the night on a weekend, alone, about to head home. Going out sucks so much sometimes.

The Uber is going to pick her up any minute, so she steps close to the street, ready to just stand there and wait. She's trembling. Because it's getting cold and because she's upset. Yes, she's upset. She was making a fool of herself when she thought that Brittany's behavior wasn't making her feel upset or confused.

When Santana closes her eyes to make the dizziness more bearable, she can hear steps coming closer. She feels the presence of somebody coming to a halt next to her. Santana doesn't need to open her eyes to know who it is. She's not ready to face her.

So she stays quiet.

"Are you alright?" Brittany asks somewhat carefully and somewhat challenging. And it's a somewhat dumb question in Santana's opinion. She opens her eyes but doesn't turn her head. She lets several cars drive by before she speaks because she needs to make sure that Brittany will hear and understand.

"No, I'm not alright" She starts. This is probably the most drunk she has been in a long time. Brittany shouldn't see her like this. She doesn't usually get this drunk but tonight was more than eventful and it's not ok. It's not ok to act this way and then just stop. "You know Brittany, maybe you do this all the time and maybe it's easy for you to just have fun every now and then but I have to disappoint you. This…" That's when Santana turns to her side to face Brittany.

Brittany is already looking at her. There's something in her face that is so hard to read. Insecurity and also a bad conscience or something. Like she knows exactly what Santana wants to say because she has been told many times before. From all kinds of people.

Santana points somewhere at the space between them. "This" She repeats but suddenly she's not so sure anymore. She kind of wants to hold Brittany.

"It's just so confusing when someone kisses you and then doesn't even look at you anymore." Santana tries to explain with a softer voice but it comes out rather desperate. "I get that you're not much of a talker. That's fine. We don't even know each other really. But I'm still a person. I like to know who's lips I kiss and who I might take home."

Brittany looks at her wordlessly. She's lost. Santana can tell that much.

"I mean that's what you're looking for, right?" Santana asks. Brittany frowns. "Fun?" She explains.

The blonde quickly looks to the ground before facing Santana again. She opens her mouth to finally say something.

Then a car stops right next to them. It's Santana's ride and she exhales a short laugh. Perfect timing.

"Look… I'm going home now. This is way too complicated for me." Santana wasn't actually finished with her sentence. She wants to say something else but when she steps forward to open the door to the backseat of the car, she stumbles. She stumbles and loses balance because maybe the fresh air makes her feel like she's sobered up but of course that's not the case. She's still drunk and Brittany catches her, preventing an ugly fall.

Ugh why does she have to feel so good? When she wraps an arm around Santana's middle and easily opens the door with her free hand?

Somehow Santana gets guided into the backseat of the car. The driver greets her. Then they're already driving off. Did she even close the door? Everything's happening so fast when your body feels so slow and heavy.

When she turns to check, she finds Brittany sitting next to her.

"What do you think you're doing?" Santana wants to know. She's truly surprised. The blonde looks at her with a shrug.

"If you think I'll let you get into a stranger's car alone in that state then you're wrong." She simply explains still looking at Santana.

Santana hisses. She shakes her head at the silliness. She doesn't need this.

"You don't have to be my protector. You didn't have to be before on the dance floor and you don't have to be now."

She's not sure but she might have just slurred a little bit during that sentence. Brittany doesn't give the impression that she'll make the driver stop the car to let her out anytime soon.

Santana leans back in her seat, deciding to ignore Brittany for a change. The drive will take another ten minutes. She closes her eyes as the nausea is kicking in.

She doesn't know what the blonde thinks is going to happen when they arrive at her place.

It's Brittany's problem. Santana told her that she doesn't need her.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

Her eyes haven't left the brunette's face since they got into the car long minutes ago. They're going to pull into Santana's drive way any time soon which will hopefully wake her up. Because Santana is either ignoring her by having her eyes closed or she actually fell asleep.

She looks weary and like she's cold. She must be cold in that short dress. But Brittany knows better than to put an arm around the woman. It's clear that she's upset.

She's not going to blame her for getting upset. Well… Brittany isn't sure what happened back at the club that upset her so much actually. They went back upstairs to get a drink after they had kissed in that dark corner. At the bar they started talking to Dom and Kurt who were already waiting there. At one point it was just Brittany and Dom. Sometimes they get lost in their conversations and forget about everyone around them. It's a bad habit, she knows it.

Brittany wonders what she's going to do next. Santana wasn't happy about Brittany joining her but what was she going to do? This Uber driver could be anyone. She couldn't possibly watch Santana getting into a car with such clouded judgment. She'll make sure that Santana gets inside her house safely and then she can either call a cab or ask the driver to wait for her.

She just needs to know that she's safe. That's all.

They come to a halt a minute later. Apparently Santana hasn't been ignoring Brittany on purpose. She's completely knocked out. She doesn't respond when Brittany calls her name for the second time while also nudging her shoulder.

Brittany takes a moment to think. Then she talks to the driver to find out that Santana has already paid for the ride with her credit card. Quickly she jumps out of the car to get around it and to open the door on Santana's side. The driver just shrugs when Brittany apologizes for the wait they're causing.

The brunette mumbles something in her sleep when Brittany tells her to put an arm around Brittany's neck. Somehow she manages to even grab Santana's purse before reaching underneath the brunette's thighs.

She's carried so many things. She's used to picking up heavy items when working in gardens. She's used to having sore arms in the evenings because she lifted stuff that was probably too heavy. Santana isn't heavy at all. She's making it easy for Brittany when she wraps her arms around Brittany's neck and holds on.

This way Brittany can shut the car door with her foot and then make her way over to the front door of Santana's house. It's just a short distance. Every step she takes, she wonders if Santana will be fine. And she thinks that it's nice to have her close and to make Santana feel that she's taken care of. Because the way she's hiding her face in Brittany's neck, holding on tightly, tells her that she's not so angry anymore.

When they get to the doorstep, Brittany carefully puts Santana down on her feet after telling her that they have reached her house and that she needs Santana's help to open the door.

The brunette stands on unsteady legs when she goes through her purse to find the keys. After a lousy attempt to unlock the door, she hands the keys to Brittany without comment.

Brittany takes them but won't let Santana go when she puts the key into the lock with one hand. The other one is still holding the purse and steading Santana's middle.

"You don't have to do this" Santana mumbles when they step inside the dark entry hall. Brittany wants to say something but catches Santana once again from stumbling. She grabs Santana's arm and guides it around her shoulder before they walk into the living room together. On their way Brittany manages to turn on a lamp on a small table so they'll find their way to the couch without further almost accidents.

She guides Santana to sit down on the couch but when the brunette's arm is still lying heavily around her shoulders, Brittany gets pulled with her.

She doesn't fall onto Santana's body though. Because unlike the other woman, Brittany isn't drunk and can push her own weight up when Santana slumps into the cushions. She's lying on her back, underneath Brittany, heavy eyelids hardly open. Brittany swallows when she watches how Santana tiredly gazes up at her.

It would be an incredibly intimate position if it weren't for the circumstances.

Santana's arm is still somewhere resting on Brittany's, weak fingers spreading warmth on her skin.

"You make my head swim, Brittany" Santana mumbles. For a moment she's completely there. "Physically and emotionally."

Brittany's lips part. Her breath not daring to escape. When did her own thumb find rest on Santana's temple?

It _is_ an intimate position. Despite the circumstances.

"Maybe you could… get me a glass of water? Please." Santana whispers when her eyes are falling close. Brittany's eyes roam over Santana's face.

"Sure" She mumbles in response before pushing herself up.

She feels her own cheeks burning when she quickly heads to the kitchen in order to get Santana what she needs. It takes her a moment to find the cupboard with the glasses and when she returns to the living room with the water in her hand, she can tell that the brunette has probably fallen asleep.

Her body is curled to the side, one arm tiredly hanging off the couch. Brittany puts the glass onto the small table next to it. Then she grabs a blanket from a chair and covers Santana's body up to her shoulders.

"Are you going to be ok?" Brittany asks with a calm voice. She doesn't know if Santana registers her words or if she's deeply asleep. So she asks her again when she gets no answer.

This time Santana mumbles a 'yes' which is enough for Brittany to feel a tiny bit relieved.

"On Monday I'll come to work and… maybe we can… talk." Brittany says more likely to herself than to a sleeping Santana. Still she gets a confirming hum in return. With that and another look at the brunette, Brittany decides that she should leave now.

She whispers a goodbye to Santana before making her way to the front door. Once she's outside she starts walking to think of her options to get home. The Uber driver has long gone and Brittany doesn't remember the last time she ordered a cab somewhere and why she should start now.

She wonders what she'll say to Santana when they get to see each other on Monday. _I don't do relationships but thanks?_

Santana wasn't wrong when she asked Brittany if she's looking for fun. This is how she's been living her life in the past couple years and she likes it. Ok maybe this is how she's always lived her life. She likes it simple. It's easy. She doesn't know how people do it when they jump into relationships. Sure, dating can be nice. Not that she has done lots of it. But with the right person it could be nice. Not that she has met the right person. What is the right person anyway…

She doesn't know what Santana wants. She doesn't seem like the person who has several flings going on or something. Brittany even assumed she was married when she first got to know her.

She has no idea if Santana is looking for something serious or well, fun, too. Because Brittany isn't good at serious things. That's why she hasn't had them. Relationships. She's way too comfortable with herself.

It's true… and keeping things real has always been the best way to cope. She's not going to change her habits now that she's started this thing with Santana. She'll tell her what the deal is when they see each other on Monday.

When Brittany takes a look at her watch, she can't believe that she's been walking for thirty minutes.

It's a beautiful and quiet night. She could go on like this forever. Spontaneously she decides to walk all the way home. It'll definitely take her another hour but her mind does need more of that fresh air to make those thoughts clearer. And also… to forget about Santana's lips or her body. Or the way she said that Brittany makes her head swim.

Brittany doesn't know the sensation that's bubbling inside her right at this moment. Well, she does. She knows it from when she was younger and sitting on a swing in her grandmother's garden. She always screamed at her Dad to not push her higher. But she also didn't want him to stop. She was overwhelmed at the adrenalin. It's something like that. Back then she didn't think about why it scared her to swing higher, yet she couldn't quite get enough.

It's something like that… and she can't quite get enough.


	10. cookie

**American Summer by Giiants**

 **Hold Me Down by Noize Generation feat. Notelle**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She's not surprised to find the gate to Santana's garden closed and Santana nowhere to be seen. She must have had a Sunday with a hell of a hangover. She's probably still asleep.

Brittany on the other hand got up very early today. She needed to get some equipment from her storage room, quickly made a detour to a garden center and even brought her grandma her favorite cookies. Brittany made them yesterday and well… she made some extra for Santana because well… she kind of wanted to.

She's standing with the box of cookies in her hand in front of Santana's door and waiting as she just rang the bell. The expectation becomes reality when the door finally opens and Brittany gets greeted by a tired looking brunette.

Santana is dressed and it appears she has been up for a while, but she could probably use some more sleep.

"Hi" She mumbles with a pained grin. "I'll go open the gate, hang on. Totally forgot again."

Brittany greets her, too and makes Santana stop by holding the cookies up higher.

"I brought you cookies." She explains when Santana gives her a puzzled look. "They're my favorite grandmas. Uh… My grandma's favorite, I mean."

She closes her eyes because she can't believe she just mixed up her words. She wanted to be smooth. Because she kind of promised Santana they would talk today about – whatever this thing is that has been going on and even though she kind of hopes that Santana has already forgotten about that promise, she wanted to be prepared. But she's not. Not really.

Santana looks at her for two quiet seconds before her lips form into a kind smile. She takes the box.

"That's sweet… thank you. You didn't want to give them to your grandma then?" She wants to know when she holds the door up for Brittany to step inside.

Brittany shrugs.

"I already did. I often visit her early in the morning when she can't sleep. I made them myself." Brittany doesn't know why she said the last part. It's not necessary to tell Santana that she made them herself. She sounds like a child who wants to get praised.

Santana's eyes widen when she opens the box.

"Seriously?" She asks before she grabs a big one and puts it into her mouth. Like all of it. She grins at Brittany and tries to cover her mouth with her hand when she realizes that she can't chew it easily.

"Didn't think that one through, huh?" Brittany asks. She's kind of glad that Santana isn't acting too smooth, either.

Santana nods.

"Can't speak?" Brittany goes on. Santana shakes her head. "And I'm staring at you which only makes it harder, huh?" Brittany can't help it. She looks too funny with her full cheeks. Like a frog. "Should I look away?"

But Santana is already pushing Brittany's shoulder to make her turn around and stop staring. Brittany laughs at the situation. And because she's relieved to have broken the ice. And because Santana's touch makes her feel funny in a way.

Brittany walks through the living room to give Santana the time she needs to swallow down the cookie. That's when she finds her own coffee to go mug placed on Santana's big table. She almost forgot about the mug.

"I forgot to give it back to you" Santana speaks up once she's done with the cookie. She's already holding a second one in her hand though when she steps next to Brittany. "These…" She holds up the cookie. "Are spectacular." This time she takes a smaller bite. Brittany grins. She _does_ make pretty good ones. "But uh… I'm mad at you."

Brittany can feel her own grin fade.

"Huh?"

Santana puts the cookies onto the table. Then she folds her arms.

"You saw me in a not very flattering state Saturday night. I'm embarrassed… Then you brought me home because I couldn't even walk straight."

Brittany waits because that can't be all of it.

"And that's why you're mad at _me_?" She needs to know. Santana slowly shakes her head after a moment.

"And then you just left." She adds softly. A gentle shrug.

Brittany now crosses her arms in front of her chest, too, mimicking Santana's position.

"Excuse you… _you_ were the one to storm off at the bar. You didn't even want me to follow you if I must remind you." Santana narrows her eyes. She probably does remember. "Also" Brittany continues. "You were out like a light. Nothing would have happened if I had stayed."

Santana raises her hands in defense.

"If you say so." She says.

Brittany rolls her eyes. Finally, she gets to roll her eyes at Santana, not the other way around.

"You should stop being mad at me." Brittany counters, winning some of her confidence back. She turns around and heads towards the patio door. Before she opens it, she looks back at the brunette still standing there. "You're mad at me way too often." Brittany explains nonchalantly with a smirk. Santana returns it although she probably doesn't even want to. "I brought lunch. Picnic in a few hours?"

Santana opens her mouth to respond. Only a surprised "Oh" comes out before Brittany steps outside. She'll take it as a yes.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It's another striking hot day, like so many in the past couple weeks. She's glad she doesn't have to work outdoor all day like Brittany.

She's much more comfortable sitting in Cafés or in the coolness of her living room like right now. She feels bad for Brittany. The blonde hasn't complained once since she started her job though. Not even today and it's Monday. Not many people start their week with such positive energy. Santana herself has lost sense of the difference between weekdays and weekends. It's all become the same to her.

Yesterday she worked all Sunday despite the gross headache reminding her constantly of her hangover. That's why she almost couldn't get out of bed this morning but she had to because Brittany was coming and now she's here, once again in Santana's garden doing her thing.

She wonders what Brittany brought for lunch. Or why she brought some in the first place. She already brought these amazing cookies that Santana can't stop eating. She keeps grabbing one from time to time while working more or less concentratedly. Her mind keeps drifting off to Saturday night and… to Loretta. Santana clicks her tongue when her phone buzzes for the third time today, letting her know that her sister is having dinner with their mother and Kirk in a few days and wants Santana to come, too.

She doesn't see it. She doesn't remember the last time she had a normal conversation with her mother, so sitting together at a table all of a sudden would be more than strange. When their mom left Santana and Loretta's dad to be with Kirk, it was only the tipping of the iceberg that made Santana turn her back on her mother, too.

Her thoughts get interrupted when she hears a soft knock on the patio door. Brittany's standing outside with something that looks like a big lunch box in her hand and a smile on her face. She waves Santana over, then walks off.

Santana quickly saves the document she was working on. Work and family issues can definitely teak a short lunch break.

Brittany needs a moment to answer the question. Santana's already scared that she asked something too personal but then she realizes that Brittany just has to swallow down a bite she took from her sandwich.

They found a patch of shadow to sit outside like the week before and have been eating sandwiches. Santana will have to find a way to return the favor after Brittany already paid for the pizza last week and brought along the cookies and lunch today.

It's definitely not a normal relationship between a landscaper and a customer.

"No, my grandma lives at a nursing home now. She had to leave her house a few years ago when her dementia started to progress and she couldn't take care of the big backyard and everything anymore. My grandpa already passed away years ago so it was just her in that big house. She was very sad. But she's taken good care of now. I try to visit her as often as I can."

Santana admires Brittany's effort.

"That's really nice. I wish my grandparents were still alive. She must be so proud of you doing that job."

Brittany nods with a smile.

"Yeah she's proud whenever I tell her things. But she also forgets pretty much everything. We're taking every day and moment step by step."

They sit in silence for a moment. It's nice to hear something private about Brittany.

"So uh" The blonde speaks up after a while. "Let's change the subject. Enough about me." She smiles at Santana and raises her chin in a challenging way. "What is it that _you_ want?" Santana doesn't know what to say because she's not even sure if she knows what Brittany's implying. "Since you already know that I'm just about… fun."

Santana clears her throat to win some time. The way Brittany's sitting across from her with her tanned arms showing and her hair in a messy bun… it's kind of hard to focus.

"Well" Santana begins. "I realized that I don't actually know. I'm not sure what I want or what this is. I guess you and me hooking up wasn't something I expected when I hired you. That's why my world got rattled a little." Santana takes a breath to let Brittany progress. And to gather her own thoughts. "I mean all of a sudden, we develop something physical and I didn't quite know where to put it. I'm sorry if me getting upset made you feel like you did something wrong. It was you and me both who wanted it. Right?"

Brittany gives Santana an intent look.

"Well, yes. Of course. It wouldn't have been that… nice otherwise." Santana chuckles at Brittany's undertone. "But when you say we developed something physical – are we on the same page about that? That it's fun?"

They exchange another look. Santana still doesn't know how to read her.

She nods in response.

"Yeah."

The answer to Brittany's question comes easily. Because really – what else is there to answer? It has been fun. She likes Brittany and she likes the tension. She likes that it's something she hasn't had before. She's had relationships. But she hasn't had something… easy.

"So… how far do you go when you have a - physical fling with someone?" Santana asks carefully after a while.

Brittany takes a sip of her water bottle. She hands it to Santana afterwards which causes their fingers to graze. Santana automatically clears her throat.

"Let's see… I never stay overnight." Brittany begins with a pointed look.

"Never? Why? What could happen?" Santana wants to know.

The blonde seems a bit surprised that Santana needs an explanation. She lets her eyes wander around the backyard like she's picturing the image of two people spending the night together. She shrugs.

"Well… you start cuddling and fall asleep, eat breakfast and the next thing you know is how you're doing things that couples do. Somebody might catch feelings eventually." While she's talking, she seems to get a little insecure about her own words.

"That sounds like a disease." Santana says, trying to get Brittany to look at her again. Brittany exhales with a chuckle. Then she gazes at Santana.

"It's… not a disease of course." She mumbles. "I just haven't really been there. At a real functioning relationship. Maybe that's why I don't see the benefit of it."

Santana thinks about it. She can understand in a way. It does make sense.

Brittany smiles still a bit insecure but also sweetly when Santana tilts her head to the side, thinking.

"So, is it ok for you to mix job and private life?" She asks after a few wordless seconds. She has to know. Because if this is something that Brittany does all the time with her customers, she's not sure she wants to be part of it.

But Brittany tentatively shakes her head.

"No… Not really." The blonde answers after a moment of pondering. "I don't think we should go for it _while_ I'm at work." The way she says it makes her smirk at her own words. Santana can't help but grin, too at the memory.

"I guess we already failed at that once. Or twice." Santana mumbles while letting her hand run through her hair. The memory does make her insides tingle a little bit. "But you're right of course. It wasn't very professional and it won't happen again. I get it."

The blonde nods thankfully at Santana's affirmation. Then her nod fades when her eyes drop to Santana's lips.

"Although it's kinda hard to stick to that policy right now. If I may admit…" Brittany mutters when she gazes back up into Santana's eyes. Another slight cough. Then she gets up on her feet all of a sudden.

Santana follows her with her eyes and needs to shield them from the sun when she looks up. Brittany puts her hands on her hips.

"Well, well… What's next. I should head back to work. And we have to stop sitting so close. It makes me want to forget about what I just said about not going for it while at work. So yeah… thanks for lunch."

Santana narrows her eyes. Awkward Brittany is so funny. And cute.

"You can thank me for lunch the day _I_ invite _you_ for lunch. I have to thank _you._ Again."

Brittany stares at Santana for a moment and then bursts into laughter.

"Right. Sorry. I should really… this midday heat, phew _._ Messes with my head a bit. I totally envy you for being able to work inside today." She babbles while grabbing some of her items that are placed on the ground next to her.

Santana shrugs.

"Why don't you join me?" She challenges Brittany. It's just fun to challenge her. And to make her cheeks blush a tiny little bit. Brittany's jaw drops. She wants to protest but seems lost for words. "Sorry, that was mean. I'll let you go. You go back to work. And so will I. Inside. Alone." Santana quickly says before she gets up on her feet, too.

She takes a few steps backwards to bring some safety distance between them. Brittany just shakes her head when Santana grins at her apologetically.

"You're mean" The blonde points out while slipping into her gardening gloves. "Really mean"

Santana sighs audibly. She might be a little mean. But Brittany just deserves it.

"No more orgasms for the rest of the week" Brittany goes on nonchalantly which takes Santana off guard to be honest. Hearing Brittany speak so bluntly about how she made Santana have an orgasm makes her mind go blank. "In fact – no more body contact." Brittany tops it, then grabs a shovel. "Have a good afternoon, Santana…" She singsongs before walking off.

It's Santana's turn to shake her head. This woman… is… there are no words! There are no suiting words for Santana to describe what she thinks about Brittany. This ongoing bantering is driving her insane. But it drives her even more insane that she likes it. She likes it and she can hardly take it. Brittany's been nothing but a challenge.

In a good way.

When Santana goes back inside to take a seat at her dining table, she closes her eyes and the coolness settles down on her.

While she doesn't quite know what she can expect from whatever is going to happen next between her and Brittany, she knows one thing. She's had enough of being lonely. She likes that there is someone who's attracted to her.

It's nice to enjoy this thing without strings attached. Because letting someone grow close to you automatically means you can get hurt. And that you have to invest. Find compromises for whatever you might have different opinions on.

But this fun thing could be exactly what she needs right now. It could be… fun.

* * *

What's not so fun is the rest of the week. Brittany sticks to her words. Like very strictly. She doesn't physically come near Santana one single time. They exchange hellos when Brittany starts her job in the morning, they speak to each other when Brittany wants to show Santana stuff or ask for her opinion and they laugh when one of them makes a joke or says something funny. They even have coffee together one day when Santana comes home from a meeting with a new and not very friendly client who drives her nuts already. Brittany takes a break from work to listen to Santana's outburst until she calms down. But they don't touch and they don't kiss.

They do, on the other hand, exchange looks whenever Santana needs to do _something_ outside like… getting fresh air or… checking to see if the weather is still… the same. They also catch each other throwing stolen glances. Or maybe Santana only thinks so.

One late afternoon Brittany says goodbye to Santana with a shy request. She asks for Kurt's phone number to pass it on to her friend Dom. Santana mentally high-fives Brittany because - hello no body contact rule - about how their friends obviously liked each other instantly at The Surface and about how Santana actually wanted to do the same for Kurt. She gladly gives away his number. He's going to be excited and this Dom seems like a very good guy.

But other than that… they don't share too many private moments. Brittany sticks to her words, even when she seems to be having a hard time. Like the time where Santana brings Brittany a glass of water only to first put on her shortest shorts and see her reaction. Brittany chokes on her water. That's the reaction Santana was hoping for.

That's about it though and when they wish each other a nice weekend on Friday afternoon, Santana begins to wonder if maybe she misunderstood Brittany and that their little fling is already over. Because she's not very experienced when it comes to uncomplicated things. Maybe those things only last as long as they're not spoken about.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

It's Friday evening when Brittany and Dom first have dinner together at their favorite Diner and then take a nice walk at the beach to welcome the weekend after a long week filled with lots of work. She proudly presents him Kurt's number for dessert. Dom saves it in his phone with a huge grin on his face but also wants to know what the deal between Brittany and Santana is.

"You can't just run after a girl, something you never do, like you did last Saturday and then think that I forget about it. What happened between the two of you at the club? And afterwards?" Dom questions after he buys her ice cream to thank her for Kurt's number.

"Nothing. We made out a little and then I made sure she got home safe because… she was upset. But we cleared things and I like her. I like the job and need it so I thought it's better to stay professional."

She looks down at her naked feet moving through the warm sand while licking the ice cream.

"You like her?" Dom repeats the one thing that she hoped he wouldn't hear. Brittany shrugs.

"I mean yes. She's awesome-"

"Awesome?"

Brittany clicks her tongue and throws an annoyed look up to her left only to see Dom's goofy impression.

"Are you a parrot?" She wants to know but only earns an incredulous grin. "Well – she's awesome as in cool after we had a bit of a rough start. Now we get along pretty well. It's nice for a change… to have a thing with someone you can also talk to. Unlike some other girls I've hooked up with." Brittany explains. In her head it honestly sounds like a good explanation.

"You mean someone like that one over there?" Dom points out a group of women standing near them in a circle, all wearing shorts or bikinis and playing with a volleyball. Some in a more talented way than others. They were also at the diner earlier and entertaining everyone who was present with their loud talks and giggles.

One of them throws a look at Brittany. For only about the hundredth time. She passes on the ball with an embarrassed laugh because she dropped it first.

Brittany gives Dom a pointed look.

"I see" Dom smirks. "Well… that's cool. That you like her. I mean Santana. Not Barbie over there."

Brittany laughs at Dom's words.

"As I said… She's cool. I'm not like… into her or something. Like _into_ her." She decides to stop the attempt of explaining herself. It's not making sense. Instead she keeps eating her ice cream.

Dom accepts. They change the subject when they sit down on the sand and watch the sunset. Or maybe they're just pretending to watch the sunset when they're actually watching Barbie and her friends playing volleyball because it's utterly amusing.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She doesn't remember the last time she turned on her TV. Or the last time she actually sat on the couch in front of it to watch a whole movie. It's nice. She should do it more often. She worked so much this past week that she's utterly exhausted. It was a welcoming excuse to tell Loretta why she couldn't make it to dinner tonight.

They're probably sitting at a lovely restaurant now. Loretta, Kirk and mom… talking about the clinic and Loretta's friends and whatever is happening in their lives. Or maybe they're talking about Santana. About how unbelievably selfish it is to not show up.

She's got more important things to do.

Like relaxing on a Friday evening. That's why she made herself a bowl of popcorn and popped in one of her favorite movies she hasn't seen in forever.

She laughs at the funny scenes, almost cries at the sad ones and then _does_ cry when the movie's over. There's a happy ending. She doesn't really know why she's crying. So she starts to wonder if maybe she should have showed up for dinner. But it's too late now. It's already past eleven. They're probably on their way home.

She wipes off some tears when her phone starts buzzing. For a second she believes it's Loretta who maybe wants to talk.

She's more than surprised to read Brittany's name on the screen.

Irritated Santana stares at it for another two seconds, then clears her throat.

"Hello?" She answers the phone. At first she only hears a rustling noise. Then Brittany's voice.

" _Santana?"_

"Uh… yes? Are you ok?" She sits up into a straight position to hear better.

" _Oh yeah, of course. Are you still up?"_ Brittany's question makes Santana laugh inwardly. She's confused why Brittany calls her. When they wished each other a nice weekend today, she didn't think she'd hear from her so soon again. She really didn't.

"Well, I'm answering the phone so… yes?" She can hear a chuckle on the other end of the line.

" _Cool… Yeah so I was on my way home and wanted to know if… can I come over?"_

Santana throws a look at her watch. She knows what time it is though. She just checked her watch a minute ago. She looks down at her body. She's wearing sweatpants and the ugliest shirt she possesses. She only wears it because it's so comfortable and she loves to sleep in it. All of it happens within seconds though. Her thoughts and looks to check. She doesn't want to take too much time to think.

"I mean… if it's compatible with your guideline to having fun-"

" _Yeah. It is. Smart ass."_

Santana shakes her head with an incredulous huff. She shrugs her shoulders although the other woman can't see it.

"Ok… well… why are we still on the phone then? I'm waiting."

She can hear another soft laugh. Brittany lets her know that she's about five minutes away before they hang up. Santana stares at the phone in her hand. Then she remembers her ugly shirt.

She quickly pushes herself up from the couch to run upstairs.

This is going to be the fastest shower she's ever taken.


	11. star

**Let You Love Me by Rita Ora**

* * *

She doesn't quite know what she's doing. Which is a first. She always knows what to do when she's about to sleep with a woman. She learned how to read a woman's body, how to make her feel good. She loves it. But she doesn't know what she's doing when she's steering her bicycle into Santana's drive way and a motion sensor makes the lights at the front door jump on. It almost makes her feel busted.

Why is she even here? It's late on a Friday night. She should be out. Well, she was. She and Dom went to watch a movie and then took another walk at the beach where a group of people was playing guitar music. After listening to them for a while, Dom suggested going to The Surface and Brittany was about to say yes when out of nowhere, she felt like seeing Santana. She had teased Brittany all week after all. That's probably why she's here. Santana drove her nuts almost every single day simply by looking stunning and teasing Brittany with her glances and smiles and winking of the eyes.

But Brittany had to show her that she doesn't just say something and then not stick to it. The no body contact rule was effective though. Santana seemed frustrated today when Brittany wished her a nice weekend.

So yes… that's why she's here. To make it up to Santana.

She's not here because she longs to be close to her… she hasn't pictured Santana's body naked every single night. She definitely hasn't touched herself to that picture.

Her denying thoughts – she knows she's in denial of _something_ but not what exactly – get interrupted when the front door opens at the same time that Brittany jumps off her bike. Santana must have already been waiting because it took Brittany a bit longer than five minutes up the hill to the brunette's house.

Brittany swallows when she forgets for a moment how the lock on her bike works. Santana is standing by the door, wearing a silky bathrobe and something tells Brittany that she's not wearing anything else.

She's here because they're going to have sex. Of course. She knows that. It's why she called Santana. You don't call someone around midnight on a weekend to talk about the weather. Or the garden. Or their fling. They already talked about it and Brittany made clear that she's not into relationships. Santana agreed and things were clear.

None of it would be confusing if it weren't for the first time that Brittany yearns to be touched and kissed because it's usually always the other way around. She loves to make her opposite feel good. She prefers it this way and pretty much always leaves before the favor can get returned. Because being able to let go hasn't been something she's particularly good at.

But then not allowing herself to get close to Santana all week did more to her than originally intended. She wanted to show Santana that she's in control. And she was. Up until Brittany took the phone into her hand and dialed Santana's number fifteen minutes ago.

"Where's your helmet young lady?" Santana's voice greets her when Brittany lets the key to the lock sink into her pocket and approaches the front door. The question and the way Santana looks at her makes Brittany laugh.

"I don't have one." Brittany explains when she reaches Santana. She feels nervous. She's not sure why. It might be Santana's stunning looking face. Or her lips that part when Brittany steps closer to her than planned. But she needs to keep her confidence up.

"Rebel" Santana mumbles. Her eyes widen before she closes them as Brittany cups her cheek with one hand and brings their faces together for a kiss.

She can be a rebel.

She puts her other hand on Santana's waist to get a better hold. And because she needs to feel her in order to know that it's not another dream she has at night.

The kiss almost makes up for the lack of body contact for a whole week. The last time they kissed was at the bar in a dark corner. Santana's lips are warm and welcoming and her breath a bit shaky when they stop for a second to get some air.

The next thing she knows is how they stumble inside and one of them pushes the door close. Brittany drops her backpack onto the floor along with her denim jacket. Her ankle boots land somewhere between Santana's twenty pairs of pumps and her shirt gets pushed over her head only seconds later.

Santana pulls her upstairs like she did the last time they were about to get into bed together. She guides Brittany to the bedroom, guides her to sit down on the mattress and guides her to open the bathrobe. The guess about Santana not wearing anything underneath it, turns out to be nothing but correct.

Santana is also the one to guide Brittany's hands to cup her bare chest when she straddles Brittany's lap. She needs to be guided as her will to stay in control crumbles bit by bit when she thinks of how much she wants to get touched by the brunette.

She can hardly concentrate on the naked skin she can feel underneath her fingertips. Finally she gets to see Santana's chest without any fabric hiding anything but she can't even appreciate it enough. Her mind is racing or maybe it's her pulse. Everything inside her is screaming for more. Ever since Santana picked up the phone. Or maybe since before? Since Brittany said goodbye this afternoon and actually wanted to stay instead of enjoying the afterhours?

She must be knitting her brows or making a sorrowful face because she finds Santana cupping her cheeks to force eye contact.

"Are you ok?" She whispers when her thumbs caress Brittany's face. She looks almost worried. Brittany's worried, too. What if she's not good at this? What if she can't let go like with all the other women? She wants it so bad right now but all the worrying has got her – worried.

"Yes" Brittany mutters under her breath. She swallows. Santana's roaming her face so she gives in before those scrutinizing eyes can read her mind. She wraps her arms around Santana's middle, picks her up and turns them around so the brunette lands on her back and Brittany on top of her.

She supports her weight on her elbows and lets her hips press delicately into Santana's. She's still wearing her bathrobe but since it's opened, Brittany can sense the naked skin almost burning holes into her jeans. She's glad she hasn't taken off her own bra. This is already too overwhelming.

She's ready to kiss down Santana's body, to let her fingers run over every inch of her stomach and chest in order to get her all worked up before she can spoil her with the more important touches between her legs.

She has so quickly changed perspective and intentions that she doesn't notice how Santana doesn't agree on that. With a strength that Brittany didn't expect, Santana rolls them over once again and pushes Brittany onto her back. She's got her pinned down, her hands pressing into Brittany's palms that are placed a few inches above her head.

Brittany gasps for air when she realizes how Santana just took all the power from her with one move. She rocks her pelvis against Brittany's and grins at the surprised moan she gets in return. She rearranges their position a little bit by settling _between_ Brittany's thighs. Brittany isn't capable to do something about it. She's like butter in Santana's hands. It's something she's not used to. She didn't know she could like it when it's scary at the same time.

This is a position she doesn't know. It's only the best known position in the world though and she has pleased others like this but always the other way around. She's _always_ the one on top when it comes to this.

Her knees are bent at Santana's sides, keeping her firmly in place. Because if Santana starts rocking against her, she'll probably loose conscience. Her own hands are holding on to Santana's back. They found a way to slip under the silky robe and they're the only thing that makes Brittany feel like she's not completely lost. She lets one of them run up to Santana's shoulder blades and the other one wanders down to the small of her back.

"You didn't call me to do what we did last time." Santana whispers. Brittany looks up into her eyes.

No, she didn't.

Why does Santana know?

Her heart is beating in her throat. She's not ready to form a proper sentence, so she gazes at her instead. Santana's weight on top of her is an overwhelmingly new sensation.

"How do you want me?" Santana's whisper is low, yet so confident. The unexpected question makes Brittany close her eyes automatically. She can't possibly still look at her. It's too much. She doesn't know how many seconds pass. A soft kiss gets pressed against her cheekbone. A second and third one follow shortly after and they encourage Brittany to open her eyes once again. She swallows thickly when Santana's face is so incredibly close to hers. She smells like spring flowers.

She hopes. She hopes so much that Santana can tell that Brittany isn't capable to answer her question, let alone say anything else. But she also doesn't want her to stop. She's going to need a minute to become adjusted to the way she feels right now.

"Tell me if you want me to do something else." Santana breathes against her lips before she kisses her carefully, then deeply. Brittany's lips might not be able to speak but she can kiss her back. Kissing Santana has been the easiest thing ever since the first time in her living room.

They kiss for almost endless minutes. Just like this with Santana on top of her.

She's glad that Santana weight is pressing against her. She's pretty sure she was trembling before. But now that she starts to completely relax, she regains the sensation in all her body parts. She can feel the way Santana's hands must have been caressing Brittany's cheeks and her sides. Or how her thighs fit perfectly between Brittany's and how it feels good.

She leaves her eyes closed when Santana makes their lips part to kiss her neck. She has no idea what is going to happen next. Usually she can predict every single move because she's the one to make the moves. But Santana is in charge. She's kissing her neck and wandering to Brittany's chest. Warm lips press kisses right above her bra and where the straps are supposed to be but Santana's fingers have pushed them down a little bit. Brittany can tell without looking. Santana places such gentle kisses that it almost tickles. Like butterflies landing on her skin.

Her head is swimming.

She remembers how Santana told her the same, the night she brought her home after their ride in the cab.

When Santana opens the button to Brittany's pants, she can no longer keep her eyes closed. She's almost disappointed when Santana stops the kissing on her chest to get into a better position so she can pull Brittany's pants off. She looks at Brittany when she does. Like she's waiting for a stop sign. But Brittany won't make her stop. Instead she finds herself lying on Santana's bed with nothing but her underwear on and watching how Santana throws the pants onto the floor.

She was wearing this much the last time they ended up in Santana's bed that afternoon. Still she feels a whole lot more naked now. But Santana is already a step ahead. As if she can read Brittany's thoughts, she quickly comes back to where she was before. Brittany has to admit that she was getting used to the position. Like a blanket Santana's warmth settles down on her when she lies back between her thighs and looks at her before bringing their lips together for another kiss.

They make out for a long time. Tongues playing with each other while their hands just roam all over everywhere. Brittany feels like she's a teenager again. She touches Santana's breasts, lets her hands run over her stomach when the brunette quickly lifts her body and grabs Santana's butt when she feels some of her confidence coming back.

Her courage gains when she realizes how those touches make Santana breathe heavier, too or how she whimpers when Brittany lets her tongue run over the pulsating spot on Santana's neck. She might be at the bottom right now but she can still do things to make Santana feel good. And she can hold Santana close. She wraps her arms around the slender upper body, not caring that it's incredibly hot underneath the bathrobe. She's not going to let go right now.

She grants Santana's tongue entry to her mouth and they kiss. They kiss sloppily, then slowly. All in all just incredibly passionate and it makes Brittany wonder if she has ever kissed like this before.

They silently agree that it's not necessary to go further that night although Brittany had imagined it. It's already more than overwhelming.

* * *

It's still in the middle of the night when Brittany zips her pants before grabbing her shirt from the floor. She wants to pull it over her head when she stops for a moment. She looks outside the window where Santana is standing on the balcony. She must have put on some comfortable clothes when Brittany went to the bathroom.

She's standing there, leaning against the railing with her arms crossed in front of her chest and it seems like she's watching the stars. Brittany puts on her shirt and lets her hand run through her hair as it's damp.

They ended up doing a little more than just making out. As in Brittany topped Santana at one point and got to make it up to her for giving her the cold shoulder all week. Santana gave in as she had been way too worked up to fight for her position.

A refreshing breeze surrounds her when Brittany steps outside to join Santana and to wish her a good night. A good rest of the night.

The brunette throws a look over her shoulder when she hears Brittany walking over. She smiles.

"Aren't you cold?" She wants to know when Brittany steps next to her, taking in the view Santana's balcony has to offer.

Speechless. That's what it makes her. Even though it's dark and you can't see everything. But she can see the ocean and smell the scent of it in the air.

"I'm good" Brittany mumbles when she looks at Santana. The brunette nods before motioning up to the sky.

"I love it when you get to see such a clear sight of Ursa Major. Makes me feel comfortable whenever I look up and it's just there."

Brittany narrows her eyes.

"Which one is that again?"

"The big one" The brunette explains and points into the sky as if it's clear.

"The one that looks like a shopping cart?" Brittany goes on and earns another smile when she glances back at Santana.

"Yeah… so, you're heading home?" Santana wants to know with a light voice. Brittany nods.

"Yes. I won't be here on Monday morning. I've got another customer. Maybe I'll make it in the afternoon though. But don't worry… it has nothing to do with me coming here tonight. I just really need to show up there."

Santana chuckles.

"Someone you sleep with, too?"

Brittany shudders at the idea.

"Definitely not, no. He's 60 and a jerk. But his garden is one of my best jobs so far. I go back there from time to time to keep it that way." Santana nods again. "Also… I don't sleep with my customers. Usually."

At that they both smirk at each other and Brittany thinks it's a good moment to step closer and lean in for a kiss. It happens quite automatically.

She almost starts kissing her more deeply but remembers that she came out here to say goodbye.

"Goodnight" She says but can't help it when she presses another peck to Santana's lips.

"Night" Santana mumbles in return with a sweet smile. "Drive safely." She adds.

It makes Brittany smile. She doesn't know why. But she realizes that Santana is the first one to tell her that.

She nods and with that she walks off.


	12. swing

**Rather Be by Blinded Hearts feat. Cammie Robinson**

* * *

When Brittany parks her bike in front of The Surface, she realizes that she didn't pay any attention to her surroundings while riding. What's gotten into her? She's never reckless when she's riding her bike but now she has no idea how she made the whole ride down from Santana's place.

They had a great time… It felt easy. She wasn't in a hurry like she usually is.

That's why it's confusing. Almost as if she's standing next to herself and watching. She can see how she's having fun with this woman but she likes it better than that. She doesn't really like that she likes the way she likes it.

The amount of question marks in front of her inner eye made her come to a spontaneous decision while riding her bike. She decided to see if Dom was still at the bar. She kind of feels the urge to talk to someone and who else would it be but her best friend?

Dom always knows something to say that'll make her feel better. Not that she's feeling bad. Excited in a way. And that's what is making her nervous. It's confusing.

So when she steps inside the bar and finds Dom sitting at a table, she's relieved and wants to join him. But when she realizes that he's sitting there with no other but Santana's friend Kurt, she stops.

They're laughing and they're so… relaxed. When she notices Kurt's hand on top of Dom's, she almost can't believe her eyes. Well, she can. It's happening right then and there. But it's so unusual to see Dom like this. So… cute?

For a split second she's not looking at Dom and Kurt but at herself and Santana. She shakes her head to get rid of the image. Because woah.

She doesn't want to bother them although she knows that Dom would wave her over the moment he'd see her. Instead she wants to turn around and leave.

Her desire to talk isn't that urgent. She's tired anyway and she can talk to Dom some other time. So what's the big deal – she liked spending time with Santana. It doesn't mean she'll want to marry her or something. Or _date_ her. There she goes – she has already solved the problem.

When she's about to head to the door she came through a minute ago, a group of five women enters the bar. The way they're all talking at the same time and giggling loudly gives them away. It's the same group of friends Brittany and Dom saw at the beach and at the diner a couple days ago.

"Perry! It's your crush!" One of them yells when Brittany basically gets surrounded by them, making it hard to get to the exit. The woman covers her mouth with a hand as she probably just spilled the secret. Brittany quickly makes out which one must be Perry. She's tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear and looks to the ground with an shy grin after meeting Brittany's eyes.

The other four women head towards the bar once they have all had their fair share of checking Brittany out. Only this Perry girl is still standing in front of her.

"Sorry" She says with an embarrassed laughter. "My friends think I have a crush on you because I kept checking you out the other day but really I was just looking at your clothes." She lets her eyes wander down Brittany's body. "I like your style."

Brittany chuckles with a shrug.

"Uh… thanks, I guess."

There's an awkward moment of silence where Brittany doesn't know what comes next. Since this Perry only likes her clothes and got to tell her that, there isn't more to say.

"Well then-"

"Do you want to come over for a drink? My friends and I are only here for a couple more days and we totally need some local's knowledge. You know, about where to go."

Brittany raises her eyebrows.

"What makes you think I'm a local?"

The woman looks baffled.

"Oh you're not? Sorry I just assumed! Well now I'm embarrassed… but you could still have a drink with us?"

Brittany thinks for a moment. Dom and Kurt are still very much absorbed in a conversation. Before she knows it, she finds herself joining Perry and her friends at the bar. They all give her the usual baffled look when they invite Brittany for a drink and she orders a soda. She inwardly rolls her eyes at the questions she's gotten used to. _What do you mean you don't drink alcohol? Never? Or just not tonight? How do you have fun then?_

Brittany doesn't bother explaining. She just grabs the can the bartender reaches her over the counter. Perry takes a sip of her own beer.

"I don't think I've ever met anyone who doesn't drink alcohol. That's like… so unique." She says while staring at Brittany.

Brittany doesn't know whether to laugh or to think that's sad.

She needs a moment to warm up to the group of girls but once they've all gotten over the phenomenon of a person not liking alcohol, they turn out to be fun. Brittany explains that she actually is a local and shows them some restaurants and other bars she can recommend by using her phone. She listens to the stories of their trip as they're travelling down the west coast in a van, checking out all the places to be.

At one point they get joined by Dom who must have seen Brittany at the bar. Kurt apparently already left. The girls are all eying Dom from head to toe and get disappointed when they hear how he tells Brittany a bit about his date with a certain Kurt. Except for Perry. She keeps gazing at Brittany as she can tell from the corner of her eye. When Dom takes a closer look at Perry, his eyes widen.

"Oh my God – _Barbie_? I mean-"

"Her name's Perry", Brittany jumps in to save Dom who already earns a weird look from the others. But they all think he's " _so hooot"_ that they quickly forget about his slip.

They spend about an hour with the group until the women decide to take off and head back to the hotel they're staying at. Once they've all said goodbye and Brittany wants to pay her attention to Dom, she senses a hand getting placed on her arm.

"My friends have this bet going on… that I won't bring up the courage to ask for your number." It's Perry who pulls her hand back and bites her lip. "But you don't seem like someone who gives her number away so I already lost that bet but uh… maybe I can give you mine." She says while grabbing Brittany's phone from the bar. Brittany had put it there after showing them pictures of some good restaurants. Brittany raises an eyebrow.

She laughs lightly when Perry can't unlock the screen.

"You'd need my fingerprint" She explains and hears Dom's chuckle.

Perry seems to think for a second before grabbing Brittany's hand. She guides Brittany's thumb to the button on her phone and presses it gently.

Wordlessly and bit stunned over that bold move, Brittany watches how Perry saves a number into the phone, then hands it back to her. She whispers a shy goodbye before turning around and quickly hurrying outside where her friends are already waiting.

"Uuuh… that was confident." Dom says with an incredulous laughter. He hits Brittany's shoulder and takes another sip of his drink. "How do you do it Brittany Pierce? Making all the hot chicks fly towards you? You don't' even have to do anything. You just sit there?" He laughs when Brittany shrugs.

"It's not like I was trying." She defends herself before changing the subject by asking more about the date with Kurt.

Dom tells her how they spontaneously met up after Brittany decided to not come to The Surface. Apparently, they've been texting over the past couple days and the way Dom talks about Kurt, it makes her swallow. She can tell he's so hooked. He likes him as in really likes him.

"But enough about me" He says with an adorable smile after quickly checking his phone, probably reading a goodnight message from Kurt. "What about that Perry girl? She was hot. The way she put her hand on your arm and the way _I know you_ , you'll probably have her number dialed as soon as you step outside. I mean she was your type, right?"

Brittany laughs it off. But it does make her wonder. The way he knows her…

Again she doesn't know whether to laugh or to think it's sad.

Just because someone is your type doesn't mean that you're gonna hook up with them.

But usually she does exactly that.

"Maybe" She mumbles before emptying her drink.

She doesn't do it though. When they say goodbye to each other a while later and Brittany jumps on her bike, she rides home feeling peculiar.

She didn't even tell Dom about her night.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It's early Tuesday morning when Santana is standing on her balcony that reaches around the corner of her house, with her phone in hand. She's staring at Loretta's number on the screen. She can't run away forever. She closes her eyes for a moment, then calls her sister.

At first the conversation is distant. She can tell that Loretta doesn't actually want to talk to her. She must still be upset about Santana not showing up for family dinner. But when Santana asks about an upcoming gala event Eric has planned, the tone in Loretta's words becomes lighter. Because Santana knows that their mother is going to be there, too. Loretta mentioned it maybe fifty times. Santana can hear the hint of hope in her sister's voice when she tells Santana that it's going to take place on Thursday and that _anyone_ could come.

"Well… I'd love to come. If you're still having me." Santana mumbles and imagines Loretta's beaming face.

" _Yes! Yes Santana. I'd love that. Mom will love that. She's going to be so happy to see you."_

Santana tilts her head to the side. Just when she wants to speak up, she can see Brittany's truck coming to a halt down the drive way. Santana watches how the blonde jumps out, grabs some things from the back and makes her way to the gate. When she throws a glance up the house, her eyes land on Santana. Santana realizes that she kind of missed her yesterday when she was working for another client.

She raises her hand to wave. Brittany does the same before entering through the gate. Santana makes her way back around the corner, following Brittany parallelly.

"I don't know about that Loretta. I'm not making a promise that she and I will get along, ok? But I'm willing to try. It's been long enough…"

Santana can hear a sniffle on the other end of the line.

" _Thank you, Santana. I have to get back to work now but I can't wait till Thursday. Feel free to bring someone, ok? Bye."_

When Santana hangs up the phone, her eyes are still glued to her landscaper. Brittany puts her hair up into a ponytail and a baseball cap on, grabs her gardening gloves and then starts working.

Santana can tell that Brittany will soon be done with her work here. The garden looks so lovely already. It's a completely new image. Plants are starting to grow. Life is coming back to it.

Santana will have to invite Brittany to come have a look at it in a couple of months when all the effort she put into it will show in full glory.

"Brittany!" Santana yells down after another couple seconds of just watching. The blonde turns around to look up. She smiles at Santana. "Do you want a cup of bitter coffee?"

The blonde smirks at her.

"Can you add some extra sugar?" She wants to know. Santana just nods at her, then heads back inside.

* * *

Once they had a cup of coffee together – all professionally without body contact – Santana left for a meeting with this new client who had some translation work for her. Actually she's all set with the trilogy she's working on but the client said he was going to recommend her to all his lawyer colleagues if she did a good job so that's why she met up with him again today. The fiction trilogy will be finished at some point.

She didn't exactly like him when she met him for the first time but today… it turned out he's nothing but an idiot. She has no idea why he even wanted to hire her in the first place. The way he talked to her despicably, the way his elder man cologne almost knocked her off her feet when she greeted him, the way he made cheap jokes about women, how she could soon find out he's a fan of the president – there was nothing that would have ever connected them.

That's why she interrupted him after holding a racist monologue for about twelve minutes, only to wish him a nice day and good luck with finding a new translator for his stupid contracts.

When she was walking out of his office, she could hear him yelling nasty things after her. Although "nasty" is an understatement. She can't remember ever having been this offended in her life.

She's been fuming on her way home. Who does he think he is? Why would he hire her and then make racist jokes? Did he seriously think she wouldn't mind or understand? How can you be so caught up in your own world and not open your damn eyes to actually look at the things and people around you? How they react to certain things you say?

She's outraged. And sad. She's utterly sad that she gets into situations like that at the age of almost 30 that make her feel like she's a young girl. She's glad though that she had the courage to make him shut up after a few minutes. She won't get any positive recommendations after that but hell… she doesn't want those anymore.

She parks her car in the driveway and walks through the garden gate instead of the front door. Although it's late, she hopes so much that Brittany is still here. She needs to look at a person who doesn't make her feel like shit.

Luckily Brittany is. She's standing way on the other side of the garden and in front of a wonderful new garden swing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, a hand supporting her chin as she must be deep in thoughts. Because she doesn't hear Santana coming over. Only when they're a few steps apart, the blonde turns around. She's no longer wearing her baseball cap because the sun isn't half as bright anymore.

Her focused expression quickly turns into concern since Santana can hardly hold her tears back. Something about this stupid client, the phone call with her sister and just everything together makes her emotions go on a rollercoaster. One look at Brittany and how she's so passionate to make everything look perfect here – it's almost too much but it also makes her feel better.

It's like Brittany can read her thoughts or just her body language but it doesn't matter. She can just read her and understand what she needs. But more than that, she's capable of giving it to Santana. She opens her arms when Santana is almost there so the last two steps are easier.

Santana falls into her embrace and receives a peck on the lips before she bursts into tears, hiding her face in the crook of Brittany's neck. That kiss came unexpected, but it's also so sweet that Santana nearly forgets why she's crying. She feels sheltered in Brittany's arms that are wrapped around her upper body. She knows she's not supposed to feel that way. They still don't even really know each other but right now it feels like it.

She tries to calm down by taking a few deep breaths, then opens her eyes to throw a look over Brittany's shoulder.

"That swing looks so lovely, Brittany." She mumbles before they loosen their embrace. Santana wipes her tears off when both take a small step back.

Brittany takes another look at the swing herself and a smile forms on her lips now that she heard Santana's judgment.

"I'm glad you like it. It was a pain in the ass to build though. At one point I thought I'd have to call someone to come help me. But then I made it. Wanna try it out?"

Santana nods and follows Brittany. When they sit down on the swing, she instantly feels lighter. If it's the swing or Brittany's presence, who knows. "What happened?" Brittany wants to understand when they're swaying slightly back and forth.

Santana tells her about the meeting with Mr. Idiot and how she stormed out of his office. Brittany listens silently at first, then puts a hand on top of Santana's.

"You're better off without that client." She assures Santana.

"I thought so, too but I could have used some recommendations." Santana mumbles. Her eyes fall onto their hands that are resting on her thigh. Brittany shakes her head.

"Forget about him. You're going to get new clients, I have no doubts. You're very good at what you're doing."

Santana swallows painfully when she looks up into Brittany's eyes.

"How do you want to know?"

The blonde shrugs.

"I just do. I can see how much you work. Who else does nightshifts on a voluntary basis? Tell me a bit about the project you're currently working on."

Santana can't help but smile as Brittany seems honestly interested.

"It's this fiction trilogy taking place at a high school that seems like a normal high school at first but then of course things start to change because some kid develops supernatural skills and it's all a big mystery and everybody's like oh my god and so on…" Santana's glance has dropped to their hands once again. It's kind of hard to focus on anything else so she only realizes that Brittany's laughing at the way her upper body starts shaking. Santana looks up in surprise. "What?"

Brittany needs a moment to be able to speak without laughing.

"If this is how you write down the summary of the book to get readers to buy it then I'm actually not so sure about how good you are at what you do."

Santana's jaw drops.

"Hey this is the bestselling teen book in North America two years in a row we're talking about ok? Also I didn't make up the content. I only translate it." She counters a bit offended.

Brittany raises her hands in defense, breaking their physical contact.

"If you say so. But joke aside. You must be very good at it. They wouldn't hire you for a trilogy otherwise. And it's not like you just translate word by word. The story must still be written in a catchy way, right? I'm sure you'd make a good fiction writer, too." Brittany analyses. Santana shrugs. "Well now I'm hooked. What happens to the kid with the newly gained skills?"

Santana tries to read Brittany's face to find out if she's _really_ interested or just trying to make her feel better.

Actually, she's feeling better already.

"Well… he helps those kids that are being bullied by some twin villains in the story. They make everybody's life miserable in order to feel better about themselves."

Santana tells Brittany a bit more about the books and how they're becoming a big hit also in Europe these days. Brittany seems impressed. They sit there for another while until it's getting fresh. It's way past Brittany's usual time to get off work which makes Santana feel bad.

"Now you'll get home really late, I'm sorry." She apologizes when they stand up and Santana walks with her around the house. Brittany waves it off.

"It's not like I'd do anything special at home." She answers when she opens the gate.

"Still" Santana mumbles. "I feel like you're doing all these things for me like the garden and you listen to me. I want to give you something in return."

Brittany smiles and explains that she's only doing her job and that she likes listening to her. That's when Santana gets an idea. It might be stupid. Or not. Or yes. But she's already opening her mouth and speaking before she can think properly.

"Well there's something that might help you with _your_ job actually. My sister and her best friend Eric - by the way they totally remind me of the twins in the story… but what I was trying to say is that they're having this gala thing on Thursday because Eric is trying to open up his own sort of real estate business where he brings people together that are interested in anything that has to do with houses, apartments and gardening and stuff…"

Brittany perks an eyebrow.

"Stuff?"

"Well there are gonna be people who want to hire and people who want to be hired. You can bring your portfolio and cards and if you're interested in building a house or something then you can go get some ideas, maybe make some new contacts. It's basically a market where you can offer you services. And eat food for free. Maybe it would be a opportunity for you, too?"

Brittany folds her arms.

"Hm… interesting. On Thursday you said?" Santana nods. "Well, I guess I can't. I'm working for this lady at the moment." Brittany rolls her eyes playfully at her own words. "Very high expectations…" Santana clicks her tongue. "Kind of always looking over my shoulder to make sure I do everything the way she wants it." Santana folds her arms, too because Brittany's obviously exaggerating. "But also interesting. Yeah… she's nice."

Brittany winks at her. Santana can't believe that this woman always manages to make her blush.

"Ok so you work for this lady with very high expectations but what if she lowered her expectations and told you to get off work early so you could go to the event? She'd even accompany you. Because she knows the people there and she could show you around?" Santana can tell that Brittany is interested. The way she grins at her. But Santana also doesn't want to put pressure on her. "Just think about it and let me know."

Brittany lets out a sigh, pretending to think hard.

"Well I guess if there's free food and good-looking women around…" She looks Santana in the eyes when mentioning the second condition. "I could see myself going there, yes. But I'll have to check my schedule first. You know, to make sure there aren't any other very important appointments that I can't currently think of."

Santana nods in agreement.

"Fair enough" She says with a smirk when Brittany slowly starts walking towards her truck – backwards - because she's still looking at Santana, seemingly not knowing what else to say.

"Alright" She mumbles eventually.

"Goodnight then" Santana says when closing the gate. Brittany reciprocates the same before getting into her truck. She's got the window down and their eyes meet again in the sidemirror. Brittany waves at her once, something like an insecure smile grazing her face, then she drives off.


	13. shoe

**Speechless by Robin Schulz feat. Erika Sirola**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She has to admit – it was interesting. To see Santana's face when she told Brittany about that gala thing. If not to say sweet.

Well it was sweet.

That's the reason why Brittany didn't say yes immediately. Because she's not going to go there for the wrong reasons. It could help her career. That's why she's going. Not because Santana was sweet when suggesting it to Brittany. But the fact that Santana would even think of suggesting something that might help Brittany get new jobs in the future – it gave her that funny nervous feeling again. Just like the moment they saw each other at the diner a couple weeks ago after their first kiss that lead into their first… thing.

Or that time when they talked on the phone just before Brittany visited Santana late at night. Or like yesterday when Santana came home after they hadn't seen each other all day because she had an appointment in town. They just quickly spoke outside as Brittany was heading home. That's when she told Santana that she'd be happy to go to the event and do some promotion work.

The event is today. Or more likely in about thirty minutes.

Today she worked at Santana's place, quickly went home to get a shower, then came back to pick Santana up. Since they're going together. Not really together together but together like they will make their way there alongside each other and Santana will show her around or something like that.

Santana even offered to drive so Brittany wouldn't have to go back and forth. But Brittany quickly declined – politely. Because letting Santana pick her up would mean telling her the address which would lead into Santana knowing where she lives and before she knows it, Santana would want to come over one day and hang out or something. Brittany prefers it _this_ way. She doesn't think she's ever taken anyone back to her place. And she's not going to change that anytime soon.

So the plan was to pick Santana up and head to the event but Santana wasn't ready. She opened the front door to let Brittany in and quickly hurried back upstairs. While doing so she complained about how she didn't know what to wear.

Up to this moment she still hasn't made up her mind about what to wear. She's now standing in front of her giant wardrobe in her bedroom, staring at the hundreds of pieces of clothing. Brittany knows so because she followed the brunette upstairs after she begged for some help to choose an outfit.

"Should I wear a dress or elegant pants?" She asks with her arms crossed in front of her chest, her back facing Brittany. Brittany finds it hard to understand the question. She can't quite focus. Santana is wearing only her underwear. Pretty black underwear and Brittany can't help but stare while she's respectfully waiting at the bedroom door across the room.

"I don't know what to wear, please help me." Santana whines before throwing a look over her shoulder. Probably because she's not getting any response from Brittany.

"Oh well… shouldn't you know better what to wear to these things? I've never been there." Brittany mumbles eventually. She watches how Santana grabs a cute summer dress and holds it against her body. She turns around to show it to Brittany.

"This one?" The brunette wonders audibly with a sigh. Then a grin forms on her lips. "Are you checking me out?"

Brittany shakes her head but it turns into a nod automatically. Why even deny it…

"Kinda hard not to" She confesses with a wink. Apparently, Santana takes it as a yes for the dress as she puts it on.

Meanwhile Brittany lets her eyes wander around the bedroom. Next to the wardrobe is another shoe organizer filled with tons of stilettos, sandals, boots and maybe two pairs of sneakers.

"Hey, you're wearing your judgmental look. Leave my shoes alone." Santana's voice makes Brittany feel busted.

"Sorry" Brittany apologizes with a grin and watches Santana choosing a purse, sunglasses and a pair of yellow pumps. "But these shoes look like you're going to be in awful pain at the end of the night." Santana approaches Brittany, slightly shaking her head.

"See I haven't worn these shoes in like three years" Santana admits with a pointed look. "You probably think that I don't need them. But today… they are the ones that perfectly match my dress. I could also wear other ones, but these are going to catch some eyes. And you'll be happy about it. This way we might get into talking with a lot of people that might be interested in your work." When she's only inches away from Brittany, she takes a closer look at her. " _I'm_ surprised _you're_ not wearing your gardening pants."

Brittany utters a short laugh. Yes, she rummaged her own tiny wardrobe to find the nicest pair of pants that don't have any grass stains on them and she might have bought a new shirt on her way home yesterday. Which is something she hardly ever does.

"You look good, too." Santana says with a low voice and a smirk. She leans in to press a kiss on Brittany's cheek to finally greet her properly. She stays close. Brittany swallows.

"I didn't say that" Brittany mutters while it takes a lot of her willpower to not wrap her arms around Santana. The brunette shrugs.

"Maybe not with your mouth but your ogling gave you away." Santana explains before walking around Brittany and leaving her alone in the bedroom. "Are you coming or what?"

Brittany shakes her head. This evening could get interesting.

* * *

Once they're in the truck and on their way, Brittany finds the words to speak again. Properly this time.

They talk a bit about their families because Santana explains that her sister and her mother are going to be at the event and how she hasn't spoken to her mother in a long time.

"It was a nasty divorce… she took a lot from my father although she was the one to have an affair behind his back. She married the guy… he's a surgeon just like her and I guess they make a better couple than my parents ever did but still. It wasn't easy in the past couple years so… I'm nervous to see her tonight."

Brittany nods understandingly. She listens to Santana also telling her a bit about how her grandfather was a real-estate mogul and left her the house after dying of cancer. Her sister inherited two apartments. They were born into wealth.

After a while Santana asks about Brittany's family. Brittany chuckles before telling that her family is actually pretty boring.

"No brothers nor sisters… my parents are still married, both devoted teachers and I basically spent my whole childhood in our garden as well as in my grandma's. Spiders and bees were my best friends until third grade."

From the corner of her eye she can see Santana smiling. For the rest of the drive, they both are.

* * *

She probably wouldn't admit it to Santana if she asked her but she's having a pretty damn good time. The event takes place at a crazy huge villa with a crazy huge yard surrounding it. Normally she wouldn't like it too much because it's just too big. But tonight she feels good.

She gets to show her portfolio to potential new clients, talks to house owners and other landscapers, gets inspired and eats yummy snacks. All of this while Santana never leaves her side. Brittany takes a mental note to thank her when they will say goodbye to each other. But they're not saying goodbye, yet. It's still early.

Plus after about two hours the business mood is loosening up with every minute that goes by, especially once music starts playing in the background. The formal part seems to be over, Brittany is quite thankful. She doesn't remember the last time she spoke to so many new people in such a short amount of time.

When a waiter walks by them, they grab something to drink from the tray in his hand and step outside where it's still nicely warm. A free bar table gives them the opportunity to take a break from being surrounded by all the other people. Brittany takes a deep breath when letting her eyes wander over the surroundings. It's a nice yard with lots of potential to make more of it. But she's not working now. She wants to enjoy the rest of the night. So she lets her eyes settle on Santana who's already gazing back at her.

"That last one we spoke to seemed totally interested, right? He basically hired you already." Santana nods her head towards a group of people standing near them. Brittany nods.

"I hope so. I mean I've had enough jobs in the past year but when you're self-employed you never know, right? Things can always change. It feels good to know there is a job waiting." Brittany says and takes a sip of her orange juice. Santana's glance drops to the ground once.

"Does that mean you'll be done at my place soon?" She wants to know with a look on her face that is hard to read. Brittany can't tell if she's faking regret to mock her or if it's real.

"Yes… unfortunately." Brittany already couldn't hide the truth when standing in Santana's bedroom a few hours ago and she can't hide it now. She's sad about the fact that she soon won't be working for Santana anymore.

Unfortunate is also the fact that their tiny little moment of truth gets interrupted by two women that look so much like Santana that Brittany's jaw drops. They're walking towards them and Santana looks around to see what Brittany is staring at behind her back. Quickly the brunette turns back, her face paler than seconds ago.

"That's my mom" She says with a thin voice. Brittany can tell that Santana instantly feels nervous. She can tell by the way she puts her glass down on the table while exhaling a shaky breath. There's nothing left of the confident version that was standing in the bedroom in front of the mirror, giving Brittany a sassy look. Santana is scared.

"Santana" One of the women greets her. She looks younger than the other one but a little bit older than Santana. Santana closes her eyes once, then turns around to say hello. Brittany decides to stay quiet.

She witnesses how Santana hugs the woman that must be her sister. The two exchange a smile.

"Hello Santana. To be honest, I didn't believe your sister when she said you'd come." The thirty years older version of Santana says coldly. Brittany's sure that the temperature just dropped a little bit. The woman looks stunning. She's beautiful and dressed so elegantly. But the voice makes Brittany shudder. Is this how you greet the daughter you haven't spoken to in years?

They have the same eyes, Brittany thinks. Santana, her sister and the mother. But the mother's eyes are distant and cold. Santana's aren't looking at Brittany right now but Brittany knows that if they did – they'd be warm and welcoming. It nearly breaks her heart that Santana doesn't get the same look in return from her mother.

"Mother" Santana presses through her lips eventually. "Good to see you, too."

Santana's mom narrows her eyes, then they pierce right into Brittany's.

"Since my daughter won't introduce me… I'm Anita Lopez." She says but she already sounds bored. Brittany wants to reach her hand out but when she realizes that Anita Lopez isn't going to do so, she stops herself.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Brittany. Pierce…"

Brittany isn't sure but it feels like mother Lopez is giving her a very scrutinizing look before paying her attention back to the older daughter.

"Loretta, you said you wanted to introduce me to some of your friends earlier. Where are they?"

Brittany looks back and for the between the three women. She can't believe that this is already supposed to be it. Santana bites her lip and makes the impression like she has to stop herself from saying something not very nice. Or from crying. Brittany feels a reflex coming her way to just take Santana's hand into her own. She wants to make her feel better. Just a tiny little bit. But the moment passes.

"Mom" Loretta's pleading voice brings Brittany back to the present. "I'm sure Santana would love to tell you a bit about… about her big job or things she's been up to."

But Anita Lopez' attention is drifting off to somewhere else.

"If it were something… big… I'm sure I would have heard." Are her last words before she excuses herself.

Loretta apologizes to Santana and promises that she'll make it up to her. Brittany doesn't know Santana's sister. But she seems honestly upset. Once it's only Brittany and Santana standing at the bar table, Brittany clears her throat. She has no idea what to say.

"What a charming woman." She tries to enlighten the mood but bites her tongue when she sees Santana's sad face. There is utter disappointment written all over it.

"Yup… that was my mom." She mutters with a shrug. "Don't know why I thought things were going to be different tonight. Sorry you had to witness that."

But Brittany quickly waves it off. She feels bad for Santana, not for herself.

Since she doesn't know how to make Santana feel better by using her words, she points up to the big terrace where a few people are shyly starting to dance to some music coming from a big speaker.

"Wanna shake it off?"

Santana follows her line of sight and it causes a tiny smile to form on her lips.

"I don't know, Brittany. The crowd is so ecstatic up there. They might push you off the balcony accidentally."

Brittany can't help but laugh when she looks at the maybe five people awkwardly swaying back and forth.

"You're right… there might be low-key danger." She says when starting to walk and hopes that Santana will follow her. "But don't worry. I'll protect you." Santana does follow her at that with a smirk.

When they make their way inside the villa to get to the upper floor, Brittany can't help but think that her distraction tactic is working. Santana chuckles at something else she says. Only when they reach the top of the stairs, Brittany realizes that she's got her hand placed on Santana's lower back.

And that it feels pretty amazing.

* * *

 **Sorry for the short chapter! I'm working on the second part of it.**

 **bobbieyoung**


	14. magnet

**Vente Pa'Ca by Ricky Martin and Maluma**

* * *

She doesn't know whether they've been goofing around on the terrace for twenty minutes or two hours. She completely loses sense of time but it's ok. What's important is that Santana isn't sad anymore.

Maybe she still _is_ and she's just not showing it because having this kind of relationship with your mother must be something you can't just shake off with a song. But Santana is trying. She's dancing with Brittany, they imitate each other's fun moves and she no longer throws looks over her shoulder to see if her mother is near. She concentrates on Brittany and blushes visibly when Brittany says: "You do look hot tonight".

Brittany doesn't know from where she takes the confidence to just tell Santana that. Maybe she's acting out of line. Because if she remembers correctly, she only came here for business reasons and now she's totally hitting on Santana. Like non-stop.

She can't stop herself.

Santana is like a magnet. Every time Brittany tries to distance herself, she only gets drawn back closer.

At one point she forces herself to take a break by offering to get them something to drink. It comes in handy that a guy who introduces himself as Eric and apparently knows Santana, starts talking to the brunette. Because Brittany needs Santana to stay there on the terrace while she will go inside to grab a water. Otherwise she'll start doing things like grabbing Santana's hand instead.

So once she's made her way inside the villa and takes a break at a long buffet table, she allows herself to observe Santana from a distance. She's standing there with her pretty outfit and looks simply gorgeous.

"I'm sorry for not introducing myself properly earlier."

Brittany turns her head to the side to find Santana's sister standing next to her.

"Oh – hi. No problem" She quickly replies and shakes the woman's hand.

"I'm Loretta, Santana's sister. You said your name was Brittany, right?" Brittany nods pleasantly surprised. Loretta also apologizes for the awkward encounter with their mother but Brittany tells her not to worry. "Yeah well… she can be quite a dragon. I'm glad they even said hello to each other in the first place. A couple years ago it wouldn't have been possible so it's quite an achievement."

Brittany tilts her head to the side because if _this_ was an achievement between mother and daughter… she doesn't want to imagine what it must have been like back then.

"My mom is still trying to make peace with everything which, I know, is hard for my sister, too. I mean it's not like I made it easier on Santana."

Brittany is kind of clueless about what Loretta is trying to tell her. When she looks at the dark-haired woman, she detects sadness. They look so much alike, yet they have such a different appearance.

"It took me some time to understand that she likes women. I know I should have been more supportive. I was just… somewhere caught in the middle and kind of got lost there. I'm sorry, Brittany. You probably don't want to hear all this. And I also apologize for Eric over there. He doesn't get when a woman is taken."

Brittany again has no idea what Loretta is talking about so she follows her line of sight. Santana is still out there on the terrace talking to this guy.

"Huh?" Brittany utters.

"However… I'm glad that Santana finally had the courage to bring someone."

Brittany raises her forehead. Oh.

 _Oh?_

 _What?_

"Shall we join them? I need to borrow Eric anyway. Somebody wants to talk to him downstairs." Loretta suggests after a couple of seconds where they're both staring at Santana and this Eric guy. Brittany doesn't even reply anything but follows Loretta. She has no idea what is going on. Or what she's feeling at the moment.

Confusion and a thin slice of irritation to put it mildly.

Once they've reached the two, Loretta hooks arms with Eric and drags him away. Brittany doesn't mind, she really doesn't mind. What she does mind is how she suddenly feels like she maybe shouldn't even be here tonight. Or should she?

"Hi there, are you by any chance a landscaper?" Santana begins flirtatiously. "Because I could use a little help in my garden."

Brittany chuckles tiredly at Santana's words.

"Hey what is it? Are you ok?" Santana wants to know, her smile fading. Brittany has no idea.

"Yeah, sure." She bites her lip. Santana looks so pretty. "Santana… why did you invite me here?" The brunette's expression changes immediately. She looks surprised and confused and maybe a little busted at the same time. "Because your sister just came up to me and I think she thinks we're… a couple?"

Brittany watches how Santana swallows wordlessly, then her mouth opens but nothing comes out. The fact that Santana doesn't try to clear everything up right away and explain that it must have been a misunderstanding, is answer enough to Brittany.

"Maybe I should head home." She mumbles after another few seconds. She doesn't want to be mean. Or make a scene. But she's upset.

This isn't… this isn't what the night was supposed to be. Yes, maybe a few minutes ago she had to literally push herself away from Santana to get a clear thought. Now that she's having those clear thoughts – it's just wrong.

Then why is she still standing here.

"Brittany, please" Santana makes a step towards her in order to stop her from turning around. "Please don't go." She desperately looks into Brittany's eyes, trying to find words. "Ok – yes – I liked the idea of my mom and Loretta thinking that I'm here with someone but… but I didn't ask you to come with me because of that. My first thought was so you could come here and have a look around and maybe… do some real promotion work. Looking back, I guess it was a bad idea. I'm sorry. Please, Brittany. Stay."

Santana looks just as upset as Brittany was feeling before.

Because Santana admitting right away without trying to deny is kind of the only thing Brittany needs to feel at ease again.

"I don't think I can take it if you're mad at me." Santana's worried voice makes Brittany do the thing she's been wanting to do for about an hour now.

She takes Santana's hand.

"You're lucky. It's physically impossible to get mad at that face."

Relief spreads over Santana's expression. She exhales a breath she must have been holding and squeezes Brittany's fingers.

"I'm really sorry, Brittany. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Brittany shakes her head. "I hope you know that I'm serious."

"Alright now… don't push it. If you're ready to move on, I am." Brittany says with a laugh that feels utterly good.

Santana looks like she doesn't quite know what to think. Then she smiles at Brittany coyly.

"I totally forgot that water I wanted to get us." Brittany realizes after a moment of gazing at each other. "Let me try that again."

Santana chuckles relieved.

"I'm coming with you this time." She mumbles once their hands let go of each other and follows Brittany inside.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It's really late at night when her feet hurt terribly. She's not even standing on them anymore, yet they hurt so much. Those _shoes_.

She's sitting in Brittany's truck and they've just pulled into Santana's driveway seconds ago. The fact that Brittany turns off the engine, lets Santana know that they will have another couple of minutes before saying goodnight.

"I had a great time tonight. Thank you for taking me there. I didn't expect it at first but it actually turned out to be very helpful." Brittany thanks her. Santana nods with a smirk before the silence takes over.

She glimpses at the blonde from the side. She had a great night, too. Which is not something she thought was still possible after meeting her mother. Brittany made everything better about tonight.

"Do you want to come inside?"

The words have left her mouth before she can think about them properly.

No, she shouldn't.

Yes, she wants.

Brittany still has her hands on the keys. She lets her blue eyes wander over the middle console until they meet Santana's. She seems to think for a moment. Then she pulls the keys.

"Don't worry. I actually just need you to carry me inside like last time." Santana jokes with a wink of the eye. "My feet are killing m-"

Brittany's look on her face is one to slap off. So satisfied with herself.

"Your feet are what? Killing you? As in… hurting? But why?" Brittany almost snorts with laughter at the words and her own smugness.

Santana knows one way to shut her off. She leans over the center console and with one hand grabs Brittany's cheek to pull her close enough so she can kiss her.

Maybe a bit too harsh. Maybe just the right amount.

She kisses her without trying to be too smooth, either but she needs to make Brittany stop. _Stop being so attractive, so smug and so goddamn you._

They kiss longingly – Brittany returns it after getting surprised first – but before it can become too heated, Santana breaks them apart.

It's for her own good.

Brittany's hand must have searched for something to hold on because she's got her fingers wrapped around Santana's wrist. She sucks in a sharp breath of air before looking up into Santana's eyes.

They both can't stop the grin forming on their lips. Brittany slowly shakes her head.

"Alright I have mercy" She mutters before releasing Santana's wrist. She opens the door on her side and Santana gets to watch how she makes her way around the car. Once she's got the passenger's door opened and stands in front of Santana, she turns around. Santana looks at her back confusedly.

"Jump on old lady…" Brittany says determined. Santana laughs.

"You wanna carry me on your back?"

"I already carried you last time, remember? Don't worry… I'm strong. If you haven't noticed so by now."

Santana shakes her head while getting out of the car and taking the offer. To give Brittany what she wants. Before she knows it, she gets lifted up into the air, her arms wrap around Brittany's shoulders and neck. Together they make their way over to the front door.

Santana can't help but breathe in the scent of Brittany's hair and closes her eyes at the sensation.

It's impossible to not feel safe tonight.


	15. sway

**"Caught Up" by ALIUS, Un-Ti**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

The hickey on her neck is prove enough that tonight really happened. It all seems a little blurry when she's looking at her reflection in the mirror. It might also be because of the tropical temperature in here though.

She's standing in her bathroom, still half naked as she just took a long hot shower. She's examining the dark mark on her skin. Brittany did that. After she carried Santana inside and then followed Santana to the couch. Santana tried a lousy attempt at offering something to drink but they only looked at each other wordlessly after that, both knowing that no drink or answer was needed. What they needed was for Brittany to pull Santana in for another kiss which turned into heated making out and lead into both of them loosing several pieces of clothing.

Santana had been so sure that this was the night where she'd be able to break down Brittany's walls. That woman is driving her insane. They only made it to Santana's couch and she could see it. She could see it in Brittany's eyes when Santana had her pinned down into the cushions that she wanted to. She wanted to let go so badly but she couldn't. Santana doesn't know what's holding Brittany back. They've agreed on how they're just having fun. It's a physical thing with no strings attached.

Minus the fact that Loretta thought they are a couple but whatever. They're not couplish.

But to Santana it feels like Brittany is very aware of the fact that sometimes - between the lines, during shortest moments - the boundaries get a little blurred. Like when they're standing on a terrace surrounded by people and hold hands. For seven seconds. Not that she counted.

But when Brittany took Santana's hands tonight, she couldn't help but feel a little romantic and she _knows_ that it's not what Brittany wants.

It's not even what she wants, either!

Santana huffs at her reflection in the mirror.

They've known each other for a few weeks. They weren't even supposed to come closer. It's not like they met on Tinder or something. They shouldn't have developed whatever it is between them and still it happened.

Brittany really doesn't seem like the romantic type. Except for maybe the rose thing in the beginning. But apart from that… why does Santana often think of Brittany and somehow those _thoughts_ creep into her mind when there is no reason? Thoughts about romantic stuff and dating? If there's one person she shouldn't consider dating – it has to be Brittany. Her landscaper.

But sex with her is so good. Who is she kidding. Santana groans desperately when burying her face in her hands. Tonight was… hot. When they ended up on the couch downstairs and Brittany eventually pulled Santana into her lap and did that _thing_ again… God.

It was overwhelmingly good. Even if Brittany won't let Santana get too close and always stays in control. Even if she's hard to read and her body and eyes speak different languages.

Santana hasn't had something in the past that could compare. Something as special. As exciting. Something that makes her yearn for so much more because it feels wonderful.

Truth be told, she has never felt as sexy as when Brittany makes her compliments. Or kisses her or looks at her with want in her eyes. Brittany's kisses make her go through all kinds of sensations.

But she has to stop… it has to stop. The sensation thing. She can't believe she has to tell herself that. She really needs to be careful not to get too invested.

* * *

So although she's kind of getting used to be around Brittany and it feels nice, it's probably a good thing that the blonde only shows up on Friday morning for a quick hello and to put some stuff into the garden that she's going to need next week. She has to be somewhere else for the rest of the day. At a job in the neighborhood as she explains when they're standing outside in the garden. They smile at each other warmly when Brittany hands Santana another deliciously smelling coffee she brought in her expensive mug.

They exchange a few meaningless words about how the promotion work went really well and how Santana's mother could quite possibly be able to freeze hell with her destroying cold look in her eyes. It actually feels good to joke about it with Brittany. It makes the fact more bearable that she's not close to her mother anymore.

Santana's staring at the cup of coffee in her hands when Brittany says something that makes her bite the inside of her cheek.

"The thing afterwards was also pretty nice." The blonde murmurs with a smirk. She's standing there with her backpack hanging on her left shoulder, a water bottle in hand and just looks so good.

Unfortunately they won't see each other on the weekend, Santana thinks.

But she's supposed to think that it's a good thing, so it's a good thing. _Countenance, Santana._

"Yeah it was nice indeed" Santana agrees. She eyes the blonde from head to toe. _Focus. Focus on the important stuff._ "But Brittany… I think we have to cool things down a bit." Santana isn't sure where she takes the sudden determination to be so straight up with Brittany. But something about last night pushes her to keep things real.

Brittany seems equally surprised about Santana's sudden professionalism. She straightens her back, then narrows her eyes.

"Ok" She mutters with another smile forming on her lips but it's not as confident as before.

"Yeah I… I do like you. And I like what we _do._ But your work here still isn't done and we've already mixed things up a little. It's probably for the best if I let you do your job and you… let me do mine." Brittany slowly nods at Santana's words. "Like…" Santana's gaze wanders over Brittany's shoulder and it lands on the pretty, new swing. "Swaying."

Brittany frowns.

" _Swaying_?"

"You know… alongside each other instead of – under each other? Just... easy."

"Oh uh - of course. If you're feeling uncomfortable then we can just… stop." Brittany quickly babbles with a shrug, once she's gotten over the first surprise.

Santana is glad that Brittany seems to be on the same page. She's not sure if they're _really_ on the same page because she doesn't even know what page she's on herself.

"It's not that I want to stop because it was bad because it wasn't. But you were right - it's so predictable for things to become complicated. It's a thing without strings attached but once we start hanging out like last night, it just become a little different and there's no room for that, right? Like what if I meet someone I'd want to date? Or _you_ do or you hook up with someone but you're still hooking up with me and the next day we all run into each other at The Surface or something. I just don't see that. Do you?"

Santana feels like she's reading a script that someone else wrote for her. Someone who doesn't want Brittany to stay and who wants to push her off just as much as it needs for safety. Santana isn't that one but right now she has to be. She feels it with every fiber of her body when Brittany looks so achingly beautiful. It's five to midnight. If she doesn't step up for herself now then who will? She'll fall for Brittany in a heartbeat if they continue doing things that involve stuff like swimming lessons and meeting cruel family members or doing silly dance moves and eating pizza on the ground.

"I'm… really sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. In any way." Brittany mumbles while playing with the water bottle in her hand. She looks like she's clueless. And a little lost.

"You didn't!" Santana quickly explains. She didn't mean for Brittany to have a bad conscience. "Please, I knew right from the beginning what this is and what not so don't worry. I just know me. And that I'm not good at something like this for the longer run. I'd hurt _myself_ trying to fully go with it."

Brittany seems to ponder for a moment before speaking up.

"I'm just… not one of the romantic kind-"

"I know"

"Like I don't really do dates as in taking girls out or letting someone do so for me. I've… never done something like gone on a Ferris wheel with someone because… well…"

"Brittany you don't have to explain yourself. I'm the one who's waving a flag right now."

While she's speaking, she feels on one hand relieved and on the other she wants to scream at herself to just stop and pull Brittany in for a hug. But she can't have both right now, can she.

"Ok, alright." Brittany says a bit more at ease when they look into each other's eyes again. "I… really have to get going now but I'll see you on Monday when I'm back for work and I think I'll be done by the end of the week, ok? Then you'll finally get rid of me." She winks at Santana. With another look she starts walking off and takes a few steps towards the corner of the house. Santana watches how she then stands still for a moment, turns around once more with her lips parted like she wants to say something but changes her mind again.

Instead she says: "Bye".

Santana tries to smile at her. Hopefully it works when she mumbles a goodbye, too.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

On Sunday morning she's sitting in her kitchen and working on her pottery wheel. It's something that always makes her feel at ease whenever she's down or nervous or simply unsure of what to think.

Or to feel.

It's sort of working today. And sort of not. She's at ease but she doesn't know what to feel. She hasn't felt like this before.


	16. someone

**Colourful by Kalpee**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

Her hands feel sore when she's writing down some notes on a piece of paper while sitting at Santana's new garden table. Finally there is a place to sit outside. It's beautiful in her opinion. Not to toot her own horn. But the whole garden looks like a phoenix rising from the ashes compared to when Brittany came here for the first time.

Today she worked extra hard. Santana was somewhere else all day and since they're no longer doing what they were doing… Brittany didn't get distracted once and even skipped lunch. She laid a small path from the patio down to the growing raised beds and to the new swing. Carrying the heavy stepping stones was probably not something she should have done in the burning sun but Brittany wanted to get it over with.

Now she's writing down the latest expenses and the final bill for her work at Santana's house. She hopes that Santana won't pass out at the sum. It's a lot and although Brittany was told to not worry about how much it'll all cost – she still does. Especially when she doesn't know if Santana really likes it. Of course she's said before that Brittany's been doing a good job but what if she secretly doesn't like it and will hire someone else after Brittany's gone?

They probably won't get to see each other once she's done here… well, maybe they'll run into each other at The Surface?

Brittany wonders how come she hasn't seen Santana before anyway. Maybe they have and just never took notice of one another.

That's not very much likely though. Brittany would have noticed Santana. And probably tried her luck.

"So focused" A voice startles Brittany. She looks up from her notes into Santana's lightly reddened face. She's wearing way too much. Because it's _hot_ outside and she's wearing a black pencil skirt and a tight short sleeve blouse as well as heels and her hair open.

"Hey. Did you have a good meeting?" Brittany wonders after clearing her throat. Santana touches the surface of the new wooden table. Brittany helped her choosing the table online and Santana loved it when it arrived yesterday. A smile spreads across her face when she finally sits down at it for the first time.

"You've got good taste in furniture" The brunette mumbles when letting her eyes wander over the table. "The meeting was very good, yeah. The author of the teen trilogy is going to publish a new book. They want me on board."

Brittany raises her hands.

"But that's awesome! Aren't you excited?"

Santana looks at Brittany, then nods.

"Of course. It's amazing. My lack of enthusiasm is just because I'm sweating and need a cold drink. Once I've had it, I'll do my happy dance." She winks at Brittany. "Do you want a glass of iced tea? I made some this morning."

Since Brittany is more than happy to take that offer, she nods and watches how Santana gets up from the table, excuses herself for a minute and disappears inside.

It's weird. A week ago they'd probably have celebrated this success upstairs in bed with kisses instead of iced tea. But of course, one of them had to mark the reasonable one and put a stop to it. It wasn't going to be herself so she can't blame Santana.

But she does in a way.

It was too nice. Their thing.

Now they're probably going to clink glasses, like the refreshment and throw a long and stolen look at each other. It'll give away that they both want to be doing something other than sipping tea. It'll make Brittany want to forget about the notes and bills on the table but reach across it to grab Santana's hand only so she can pull her around it and into her lap. It's what they do. They should have never stopped.

Maybe they could have worked something out. Like a friends-with-benefits thing once the job is done. No feelings, no complicated stuff. As soon as Santana liked someone else, they could have stopped.

Meanwhile they could have just enjoyed it. Act on the tension that is always there. Ever since the first day. Because if she's being honest, she kind of wanted to do that when they introduced themselves. Act on it.

The tension was there that day and it was there last week at the gala. It was there this morning when Santana left the house and Brittany was arriving at the same time. Out of inexplicable reasons Brittany stumbled across a pebble. Santana's face as well as her outfit made Brittany's mind go blank for one second. One second was enough to make a fool of herself but it always is around Santana.

Santana laughed at her while mumbling something about her clumsiness before she got into her car. She even had to roll down the window and gave Brittany a heads-up about lots of gravel ahead in the garden.

How very funny… after all Brittany was the one to put the gravel there to make the garden look prettier. But she was going to let Santana have her fun and wanted to prepare something to pay her back.

Now she realizes that she had time all day but didn't come up with one single thing.

"There you go" Santana's voice interrupts her thoughts once more, together with a huge glass of iced tea. The ice cubes and a slice of lemon make it look pretty damn awesome. Santana has changed into comfortable shorts and a shirt. She's barefoot and her hair up in a bun.

Because Brittany takes a big sip of her drink, she can only watch how Santana steps closer and inspects the notes in front of Brittany.

"That doesn't look like what we discussed on your first day." She says with narrowed eyes, still looking at the paper. She points at the sum on the bill.

Brittany takes a breath. Oh boy.

"Well, I wanted to-"

"It should be a lot more, right?" Santana interrupts her. "At least double it – that's what made you take the job, right?" Brittany closes her eyes. Oh… she almost forgot. "You absolutely deserve it for all the energy you've spent here."

"Santana… I was never serious about taking that offer. You're not going to pay double the price. I don't even know why I let you suggest it in the first place. I wasn't really being myself that day."

Santana takes a sip of her tea when she sits down next to Brittany.

"Are you kidding? What kind of weird landscaper are you?" She wants to know with a quite neutral voice but her eyes give away that she's about to laugh. Brittany shrugs with an apologetic smile.

"I don't know, Santana… I'm sorry. But can we please just forget about it? _This_ is definitely enough." Brittany mutters while tilting her head to the side. Her neck feels so strained and a nasty ache is sitting at the back of her head. "My neck is killing me. I might have overdone it a bit today. Do you maybe have a painkiller? I think I'm about to have a migraine."

Santana expression turns into worry when Brittany sighs at the pain she feels by trying to massage her own neck.

"Yeah of course. But let me try something first. My acupuncturist keeps doing that when I get bad headaches."

Before Brittany can object, Santana is already back on her feet and her hands push Brittany's away. Warm fingers grace her skin when Santana steps behind her. It makes her shudder at first. But when they gently start to press into the back of her neck, she relaxes.

"That's not what I was trying to reach by saying that my neck is killing me." Brittany almost whispers at the wonderful feeling. Santana is being so careful and tender.

"Yes you were" The brunette murmurs with a light chuckle. "Don't worry, I'll get you a painkiller if it doesn't work."

Brittany hums. She's not capable to say anything else.

She has no idea how many silent minutes pass where Santana's fingers do magic to her neck and shoulder blades. Only when her left hand gets pulled into Santana's and the gentle touches turn into a hand massage, she realizes that she's had her eyes closed.

"I mean… this is definitely not something any other customer has ever done after a hard day." Brittany explains with a smile. She doesn't know if it gets reciprocated as

her eyes are still closed. She gets shushed and is told to enjoy the massage. So she does.

She hums in pain when Santana squeezes her hand and hits a specifically tense spot in the palm.

"Sorry" The brunette whispers but Brittany only shakes her head. It's a good pain.

After what feels like eternity, she senses something warm against her fingers. It must be Santana pressing them against her lips. It makes her feel all kinds of tingles. But she'll pretend to not have noticed because an intimate gesture like that will only lead into something else or – talking – and she's got too much of a headache for that.

Actually… the headache is gone.

"Are you feeling better or do you need that painkiller?" Santana asks once Brittany opens her eyes. The brunette takes the chair next to Brittany.

"Wow… it's… pretty much gone. How did you do that and can I hire you from now on?" She wants to know but she's not even kidding. Santana grins proudly.

"The magic of talented fingers" She replies with a wink. Whether the suggestive tone was planned or not, Brittany can't tell. Santana quickly distracts by nodding her head towards the garden. "So, this morning you said that tomorrow's your last day? You'll be done with everything?"

Thankful about the change of subject, Brittany nods.

"Absolutely, yes. There are a few more details I want to take care of in the morning but that'll be it. It'll take a bit for everything to fully grow and to show its effects. I always offer my clients to check in after a few weeks to see if everything is doing ok though. Only if you want to."

She watches how Santana's eyes wander over the garden.

"It might be a good idea. If I don't want my garden to _die_ again." She says with a smirk. Brittany nods.

"Alright, no problem. We'll stay in touch then."

That's when their eyes meet for a glance that is longer than the ones before. And more meaningful. But she can't be sure. It's just what she thinks.

"Cool" Santana mutters. "So… tomorrow's your last day then, huh?"

Brittany laughs softly.

"That's what you just asked me" She counters with another pointed look. Santana can't hide a lip bite.

"I know…"

* * *

It's around dinner time when Brittany's thoughts finally stop spinning and her sore muscles relax. She's sitting on her grandma's small couch and they're watching a rerun of some previous episodes of a show called _"These Days"._ It's something they've developed over the past year after her grandma's all-time favorite show got cancelled. She was disappointed at first because she could no longer watch her favorite actor of the main cast who was "a piece of eye candy" in her opinion but when Brittany introduced her to _These Days_ , she was soon hooked and forgot about the other show. Watching an episode and having some snacks together is everything they need to enlighten her grandma's mood.

She's having a good day today anyway. She laughs at things and squeezes Brittany's hand every once in a while. After another episode with a very romantic ending, her grandma points at the tv.

"Brittany, is there anyone special in your life, too?" She wants to know before grabbing a cookie that Brittany made for her. Brittany swallows. Her grandma is so indescribably cute. The way she holds the remote control in one hand and the cookie in the other while chewing with relish.

"Oh grandma… no. There's… why do you keep asking me that?"

Her grandma shrugs.

"When I was your age I was already married to your grandfather and pregnant. I know it all doesn't go this fast nowadays. But I just wonder. I was very happy when I found your grandfather. He was the most handsome young man in town after all. My girlfriends were so jealous when he called my mother to ask for permission if he could send me a postcard. Do you want to see a picture? I have it in my nightstand table."

Brittany waves it off and tells her grandma to stay on the comfy couch instead of getting up.

"You showed me earlier, grandma. You were very lucky to have had such a good-looking husband."

Her grandma laughs, probably at a memory popping into her head. Then she takes another bite.

"I think there is someone, Brittany. Your cheeks turned a little red when I asked you. You don't have to admit it. But I think there is someone."

Brittany can't believe her grandma sometimes. She might be ninety-three years old and her brain doesn't work the way it used to, but she still has that look. When she knows a lot more than Brittany wants her to. Just like so many years ago. Where she knew how Brittany stole another candy bar from the kitchen although she was only allowed to take one. When Brittany stayed up late to read with a flashlight although she was supposed to sleep because they were going to get up early for a trip during summer vacation.

"Enjoy it, sweetheart." Her grandma says with another squeeze to her hand. "Life's way too short to not give in to some wonderful encounters. Even if we don't know what exactly they will bring us. But we could be lucky. I was… why shouldn't you be?"

Brittany closes her eyes at the feeling of her grandma's warm hand around her wrist.

She doesn't want her to go. She wants to savor the feeling and the moment because she knows there aren't going to be endlessly many left. She lets her head rest against her grandma's shoulder, listening to her steady breath that only gets interrupted by a chuckle every now and then.


	17. helmet

**Brittany's POV**

Santana's face tells her pretty much nothing. It's what she was afraid of – not knowing whether Santana likes the end result of her work or not. Of several weeks of hard work. Of one or the other sleepless night.

She's standing there with her hands in the pockets of her pants and an expression that Brittany hasn't hat the time to learn how to read. It's not the first time that Santana quietly listens to Brittany explaining something about what she did in the garden. It's not the first time that Santana seems absentminded. Or clueless when Brittany uses her professional knowledge.

The situation reminds her of the day when they kissed for the first time. They were standing outside just like now and Brittany could tell that something was going to happen between them. Something was hanging in the air.

It's similar today. But what is hanging in the air is hard to detect or define. Because ever since Santana made clear to Brittany that they had to put a stop to their fling, they haven't talked that much. They've become employer and employee just like it was supposed to be when they first met. Maybe with one or the other stolen glance too much but it doesn't matter anymore.

"The garden isn't going to be a lot of work from now on. But don't neglect it ok?" Brittany nudges Santana's side to get her to look into each other's eyes. Santana's smile in return seems a bit forced. "Do you even like it at all?" Brittany blurts when she can't take it anymore.

Her words finally reach the brunette who gazes back at Brittany.

"Brittany… of course! I… I _love_ what you did with it, it's beautiful."

"Then why are you so quiet? You can tell me if there's something you wanted to be different." She kind of regrets that sentence because it's not necessary.

"I'm just tired. Worked till late last night."

Brittany bites her lip, realizing that Santana probably doesn't want to talk.

"Ok. Well, I'll check in with you in a few weeks and if there are any problems you can tell me, alright? I just need to gather all my items now and then I'll let you get back to work or to get some rest. So, everything is clear about the garden? No more questions or remarks? Something I could do better in the future?"

Somehow Brittany can read in Santana's eyes that she does have some remarks. But they have little to do with gardening. They silently agree that they're not going to deepen that conversation and after Santana mumbles a thank you, she heads back to the house, leaving Brittany alone.

* * *

It's maybe half an hour later that Brittany has packed all her stuff into the back of her truck and checked every corner to see if she missed something. With one last look at the back yard, she gently pushes the patio door open to step inside Santana's house and say goodbye to her. She prepares herself to find a tired looking Santana, probably lying on the couch, fallen asleep or sitting at the table where she often works with her head supporting in her hand.

Santana _is_ on the couch but she's not sleeping. She's sitting up straight, staring at the screen of her television and a clenched grip of her hand nearly breaks the remote control. Brittany narrows her eyes when trying to find out what Santana is watching so intently. She exhales a short laugh when she realizes what's playing on tv. It's the last thing she expected.

"You… you're watching soccer?" She asks incredulously. Santana throws a short glance over her shoulder.

"Yes?" She almost snaps.

"The game with the ball? As in… sports?"

"Shh!" Santana makes a hasty movement with her hand to signal Brittany that it's not the time to ask questions. Seconds pass where Santana stares at the tv with her lips parted, her eyes widening at what is happening on the field. It makes Brittany wonder about what is so thrilling so she makes a few steps towards the tv.

Apparently just at the right moment because she becomes witness of a perfect shot, followed by one incredible goal.

"Oh! Woow!" She exclaims in surprise. "That was aweso-"

"Nooo!" Santana interrupts her cheer and throws a glare at Brittany before hiding her face in the palms of her hands. It almost looks like she's about to cry.

"But-"

"Are you insane? We _received_ the goal, we didn't shoot it!"

Santana seems utterly upset. That's when Brittany takes another look at who is actually on the field.

"We? Oh, is the US team playing?" She wants to know and crosses her arms in front of her chest, kind of impressed. Santana slowly shakes her head, her nostrils almost trembling.

"Not for much longer if we receive another goal, ok? It's the world cup! We want to stay!"

Brittany doesn't know what astonishes her more. The awesome goal she saw a minute ago or the passion in Santana's face. Passion or fury.

Luckily the Americans get back in possession of the ball which gives Santana a moment to relax. She leans back into the cushions before looking back at Brittany.

"Sorry my outburst. That goal just wasn't necessary." She mumbles with a hint of a smirk. Brittany shrugs. "What did you mean with that comment before, huh? What kind of sports did you think I'd watch instead of soccer?" She dares Brittany, her eyes wandering back to the screen. Brittany closes the distance between them until she's standing right next to the couch.

"Well, I don't know… synchronized swimming maybe?" Her voice nearly cracks at trying to suppress laughter. Santana glares at her.

"Shut up" She says with an eyeroll and points at the tv. "Women's soccer is amazing. You never watch?"

Brittany shakes her head, then sinks down onto the couch, next to Santana.

"Nah… I'm more of a hockey girl."

This time it's Santana's turn to chuckle. They throw a look at each other.

"Of course you are" The brunette mutters with a raised eyebrow. She reaches for a can of soda standing on the small table between them and the tv and takes a big sip.

"What? Hockey is so much faster and fascinating. It's about the _game_ and not about who's the better actor." Brittany explains her point of view when Santana looks at her questioningly. "It's true! Some soccer players deserve a price for their dramatic performances. They fall and cry because the opponent brushed against their ankle or something."

Santana hisses.

"That's not-"

"Look! It's happening right now!" Brittany yells and points at the screen where a player is lying on the ground. "Oh, it hurts so much!" Brittany can't stop herself from making fun of the scene. "I stumbled over a shoe that wasn't even there! Referee! I need a doctor – no wait, a penalty would also help!" Brittany pretends to cry and although Santana was annoyed at first, she bursts into laughter at Brittany's theatrical imitation.

"Stop it!" She laughs while reaching her can to Brittany. "You're exaggerating." She adds when Brittany takes the drink to have a sip.

"Me? How about her? Look, now that she gets the free kick, she's all good again. Like nothing happened. It's… it's a miracle." When she returns the can to Santana, the brunette looks at her a lot more relaxed and at ease than two minutes ago. There's something sweet in her face.

"You like to make fun of me, don't you? But you should give it a chance. Once you've seen a whole match, you'll know what I mean. They're really good." Santana defends her team with another pointed look before paying her attention back to the game.

Brittany does the same, wondering if this is an invitation to stay and watch the game with her.

"There's more soda in the fridge…" Santana mumbles after a while, her foot lightly brushing against Brittany's when she pulls her legs up to sit more comfortably.

* * *

She's not ready to admit it but an hour later, the world cup fever has officially infected her. There are bags of chips, popcorn and more sodas all over the small table and Santana's original grumpy mood has changed into celebration mode. The last few minutes of the match are playing and the Americans are about to win. Santana has been standing up ever since the latest goal and yells something at every other move that happens.

Brittany had no idea. She really had no idea about this side of Santana.

She likes it.

As in a lot.

And when the referee blows the final whistle, Brittany raises her hand to reciprocate Santana's high five.

"I must say" Brittany begins once Santana has taken a seat again. "They were quite badass."

Santana laughs lightly.

"You mean as in more badass than synchronized swimming?" She wants to know with a wink. Brittany nods.

"Yeah but I heard it's really tough, too. I couldn't do it."

Santana tilts her head to the side before speaking up.

"I can totally picture you with one of those swimming hats and a nose clip though. It'd look cute." She giggles when Brittany rolls her eyes. It would definitely not look cute but whatever.

When Brittany throws an absentminded look at her watch, she sighs because she should be at an appointment in about half an hour and she's going to be late. She apologizes to Santana for having to leave but the brunette only smiles at her sweetly when she accompanies her to the door.

Her eyes widen when Brittany reaches into her backpack to get something out for Santana. She made it for her the other day when working with clay at home.

To sort of say thank you. She's not sure for what exactly.

But kind of for everything.

"A coffee mug? But you didn't have to get me anything! It's so nice." Santana mutters the last part when she inspects the self-made mug in her hands. It's blue varnished and Brittany managed to make it look like there are waves around it. "Thank you. I can't wait to have my next cup of coffee from it." Santana adds with a wink before she falls silent for a moment.

Brittany already wants to reach for the door when Santana palms her forehead.

"I almost forgot! I actually have something for you, too." She quickly explains before disappearing into the kitchen for a few seconds. Brittany has no idea what comes next. But when Santana returns, she's got something in her hands that makes Brittany laugh.

"I know, I know… I'm not your mother. But you should definitely wear one of those." She explains with a funny look and hands Brittany a brand-new bicycle helmet with a ribbon on it. "I saw it in a shop the other day and it made me think of… of you."

Their hands touch because sometimes when people give something to each other, that happens. Sometimes unintentionally and sometimes one or both do it on purpose. Sometimes, like right now, one of them has to swallow painfully because that one single touch makes her long for more.

She can't believe how that gesture makes her feel. It's a helmet. But it comes so unexpected and it's so thoughtful that Brittany can't say a word. She's… speechless.

"I'm sorry" Santana nearly whispers after a moment. Brittany shakes her head. What could she possibly be sorry for?

"What for?" She croaks with a lump in her throat, holding on to the helmet in her hands.

"I just… I didn't want you to be upset or… disappointed or something. Or make you feel used."

Santana can't look Brittany in the eye at the last word and looks at the floor. Brittany doesn't want Santana to say those things. They're absolutely not at all true.

"You didn't." She says. _You did the opposite._ She thinks.

But because she's being herself and she's new to this and apparently not good at it, she doesn't speak what's on her mind. Instead she makes a step forward to wrap her arm around Santana's shoulders. She can't really do it that well because she's got the helmet in one hand and the backpack still in the other but somehow she manages to hold Santana close for a moment.

At first she thinks it's Santana who trembles but then she realizes it's herself. Warm fingers graze her lower back when the hug gets reciprocated.

Once they let go of each other, Brittany clears her throat. Why does she feel so much like staying when she should really be somewhere else? She's going to be so late for her appointment but she's never been one to be on time.

But this time she's not going to be late because she doesn't care. She's going to be late because she cares. About someone. About Santana. And that thought pretty much scares her.

Because she knows they're not saying goodbye as in goodbye. She feels it in her guts. They're going to see each other again.


	18. final

**Santana's POV**

It's been ages that they did something like this. It feels really nice although she had doubts this morning. Out of the blue Loretta came over for a spontaneous visit since she had the day off. When she suggested that they could go shopping together, Santana sighed inwardly.

Not that she doesn't like shopping. But after the night at the gala event where their mother was being herself beyond example… she kind of felt like not seeing Loretta for a while, either. Just because she doesn't know what to say to her. And because she doesn't want to hear what Loretta has to say in their mother's defense. She doesn't even deserve Loretta's defense.

After Loretta managed to convince Santana to go to the mall they always went to when they were younger, things kind of loosened up and by now they're already sipping their second cup of coffee while strolling around.

Santana grins when her sister points at an ugly dress in a store window.

"A woman came to the practice yesterday, wearing exactly that dress" Loretta says with a funny look on her. face. "It wouldn't have been that bad if she hadn't worn shoes that she couldn't walk in. But even worse than that is the fact that she keeps making appointments only because she wants to impress Kirk. There's nothing in her face that she hasn't corrected. I think she has laid an eye on him."

Santana pretends to casually check out some other clothes in the shop window when her sister mentions their step dad. Because she knows what's coming next.

"But you know Kirk… _he's_ only got eyes for _mom_."

"Uh huh"

"And he keeps asking about you. So did mom yesterday."

Santana sighs before facing her sister. She looks her in the eyes determinedly.

"Loretta… we both know she didn't do that. I get that you want me to feel better about her. But that night she only proved once more that nothing's like it used to be. Not that she and I ever had the warmest relationship… but it's kind of hard to even try to get along. You shouldn't be the buffer. It's going to hurt you sooner or later."

Loretta's pained grimace makes Santana want to hug her and shake her at the same time so she'll finally wake up and see that their family isn't what she deeply wishes for. They have never been that picture-perfect family although at some point it might have looked like it from the outside.

"I just don't understand how you can give up so easily." Loretta tries again. "Yes, things went wrong when mom had an affair with Kirk but that was years ago. Everybody moved on, dad moved on. Mom and Kirk got married – it's… it's just how life plays out sometimes, right?"

Santana closes her eyes for a moment.

"I know that" She explains, trying to stay calm. "I'm not a child who can't understand that her parents went separate ways. The affair and the divorce were just one more thing on top of so many others. Did you maybe forget how mom stopped talking to me when she found out I was dating a girl in high school?"

Loretta tries to avoid Santana's eyes by staring at her own cup of coffee in hand.

"No…" She mutters.

"I was seventeen. What was I supposed to do? My own mother decided to shut me out. I would have chosen a nasty fight over the ignorance. I would have preferred her kicking me out of the house at one point. But she went with the cold shoulder and she knew it was going to work because you and dad had to go with it in order to not make everything worse. So I sat on my mouth like we all did and pretended things were going back to normal. Except they never did."

Loretta wipes away a tear when she looks up. She shrugs.

"I'm so sorry, Santana." She mutters under her breath. Another tear rolls down her cheek. "I still don't know how things got to that point and what went wrong."

Santana doesn't know, either. But she gave up wondering some time ago.

She watches how Loretta makes a few steps over to a bench. She slumps down on it, waiting until Santana joins her. Once they're sitting next to each other, they wordlessly let a few people pass them by.

"What actually happened with you and Chris?" Loretta speaks up after a while. Santana gazes at her baffled, needing a few seconds to realize that her sister remembers her first girlfriend's name.

"What happened? Nothing happened. She stopped coming over eventually because she couldn't take the awkward situation anymore. Mom made it impossible to feel comfortable." Santana mumbles, thinking back to those times.

"That was it? You didn't stop dating because you got into a fight or something? Jealousy or anything?"

Santana shakes her head. Loretta lets a hand run through her dark hair, then looks up to the high ceiling of the mall.

"I didn't see a way to make it work. Like absolutely none." Santana explains.

They sit in silence for another while. Santana reminisces until her sister's foot nudges her shin. Apparently, she has replaced her sadness with a smug grin.

"I have a feeling that Brittany girl might melt the ice layer surrounding mom."

Santana blurts a short laugh. "What?"

"I dunno… just a feeling. She's sweet. I could tell that you like her by the way you looked at her. As in constantly. Ugh… it was gross."

Santana clicks her tongue, not believing her sister sometimes. How does she go from being a sad puppy to a sassy fox within a minute?

"Loretta! We're not even – well, we're not even dating or anything! It was _nothing_ actually. Turns out it was for the best to stop before going anywhere. And I wasn't staring at her _all_ the time."

Her sister nods with an unnervingly funny look on her face that says: _oh honey…_

"I can't stand you sometimes" Santana mumbles before emptying her coffee. "I really can't…"

* * *

It's another one of those lazy afternoons where she doesn't get any work done although she probably should and hangs out with Kurt in her living room instead. But they have to enjoy every moment they get ever since Kurt started his new acting job on _These Days._ He's on set all the time because his role turns out to be quite a big one. She can't wait until the new season of the show will air because he's going to be in it. She's going to see Kurt on one of her favorite shows and she sometimes can't believe it's really happening. So, she wants to enjoy her friend's company as often as she can before he becomes all famous.

Surrounded by snacks and beer they cheer loudly when the US girls score a goal in the final of the world cup. It feels good to have fun with Kurt while watching the match and just feel at ease after the not so light encounter with her sister earlier on. So when Santana's phone vibrates on the coffee table, letting her know that she received a text message, she ignores it at first. But after a couple minutes she does wonder who it's from.

When she presses the button on her phone to enlighten the screen, she can't believe that her heart makes a childish jump.

 **Are you watching?**

Is what it says underneath Brittany's name.

Like duh – of course she's watching. It's the final. That's such a silly question. As a matter of fact the question is so silly that Santana doesn't reply.

Ok so she had her phone in hand during the semifinal and thought about texting Brittany, too. But only because she wanted to know if the blonde now liked women's soccer after watching a match together. Santana didn't do it though because she didn't know what to say or ask.

Now that Brittany's the one to text her, it seems so simple. And silly. _Are you watching…_

Brittany's probably waiting for an answer. While doing whatever she's doing. Maybe sitting in her tiny apartment watching the game, too. Otherwise she wouldn't ask that question.

Santana throws a look at Kurt whose eyes are glued to the screen of the television. Quickly her fingers fly over the keypad.

 **Can't, got to take care of the new garden. Let me know who won?**

Brittany's answer to that takes way too long in Santana's opinion. It makes her narrow her eyes when she keeps gazing at her phone while actually wanting to pay attention to the match. Why didn't she just ignore Brittany's text? Or at least waited another couple minutes before replying. Now it looks like she was desperately waiting to hear from her and Brittany's probably already doing something else again-

 **Too bad. You should watch. Number 23's kinda hot.**

Santana purses her lips after reading the text, then drops her phone onto the couch.

Nah… just nah.

"Oh Santana I almost forgot to tell you!" Kurt interrupts her sulking. "I'm having another get together at my place on the weekend. It's just going to be drinks, awesome snacks, a bunch of friends and some of my new colleagues from the set. I really want Dom to meet the people I hang out with. He's… he's amazing. Are you coming, too?"

Santana's eyes widen when she realizes that Dom and Kurt are really getting somewhere after Kurt has been totally blown away by him.

"Kurt, I'm so happy for you. I'd love to come. Let me know if I can bring something to eat."

But Kurt quickly waves it off.

"No need to, Dom insists on taking care of the food stuff. Apparently he and Brittany know this guy from a catering service so they're going to bring everything which gives me time to do some decoration work. But maybe you could come over early and help me a bit with that?"

Santana only manages to wordlessly agree by nodding her head because words are simply not coming out of her. At this point she doesn't even know why it takes her off guard. Dom and Kurt dating was going to lead into seeing her.

As in not just reading a text message but actually seeing her in person.

Great… just great.

Hello awkward moments coming up in the future. Hello weird situations.


	19. shy

**Perfect by Galavant feat. Edana**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She hasn't seen Dom like this in a long time. No, actually she has never seen him like this. He's… jealous. Because this actor guy keeps hitting on Kurt and Kurt is obviously just trying to be friendly by answering his questions but Dom looks like he could throw up in the other guy's face. Damien or what his name is. He has been on the show for a while and Brittany doesn't exactly like his character.

She still can't quite believe it. When Dom told her that Kurt is going to be on the show "These Days", she wanted to visit her grandma so badly because it's the show they've been watching together and Brittany wanted to tell her that she now knows one of the actors. But her grandma would probably have been very confused by that information, so she decided to let it be and high-five Dom instead because he's basically dating a celebrity now. Not that that's the only good thing about dating Kurt. Dom is _dating_ someone. Brittany always thought that she and Dom would forever be the single ones and pity those who get into miserable relationships.

That maybe one of them could end up in a good relationship isn't something she considered. She's not sure why. The thing between Kurt and Dom is still so fresh and new but Brittany can tell one hundred percent that they are good for each other. She can't name what it is, yet but she knows that Dom has been longing for someone like Kurt.

It must drive Dom crazy that another guy is interested in Kurt, too and showing his interest on Kurt's party. Especially when the party is supposed to be about making it official. The fact that this Damien guy is someone who Kurt works with and also easy on the eyes, doesn't make things better.

She really wants to give Dom a push in order to encourage him. After all, _he's_ the guy that Kurt is dating. But she knows that it's not easy for Dom to suddenly mark territory. She'd probably be as incapable if she was in his position.

Which she's not. She's single. Which doesn't usually stick out but tonight she's basically the only one. Apart from douche Damien. There are couples everywhere. There are couples sitting on the couch or standing in the kitchen, they're playing foosball in the middle of the living room and they're filling their plates with awesome snacks that Brittany and Dom organized.

What surprises Brittany more though, is the fact that none of them seem miserable. They actually seem kind of cute. She's sitting in a comfortable chair and watches two couples playing foosball against each other. The one guy high-fives his girlfriend when she scores a goal. On the other side of the table, two women exchange a kiss to probably let each other know that they can still win the game.

Brittany studies them for a moment. They laugh at something they say before starting the next round. They're both very pretty in her opinion. Maybe a bit younger than herself and if she'd have to guess, she'd say that they've been together for several years. Just the way they wordlessly seem to know what the other one needs. For example, the shorter one excuses herself for a minute only to bring her girlfriend something to drink. She puts her hand on the small of her back, gives her a kiss on the cheek and hands her the cup. The girlfriend takes a big sip, then scores a goal.

Brittany's attention gets drawn back to Dom who finally steps a bit closer to Kurt. He puts an arm around the smaller man's shoulders and laughs at something Damien says. It shows its effect because Damien looks a bit taken aback and backs out of the situation. Brittany winks at Dom when their glances meet. He grins back at her, proud to have managed the situation.

Since it's not a very big place, Brittany does notice from the corner of her eye that the apartment door gets opened, but she can't bring herself to see who steps inside. Because if she looked and it was someone other than the one person who's still missing in her opinion, she'd find herself disappointed. And if she'd be disappointed then she'd have to ask herself why.

She waits for Kurt's reaction to find out who it is. She sees his face lighten up a couple seconds later and hears him saying: "Finally you made it! I had to hang up all the decoration by myself! You don't get any dessert…".

Brittany stays in her comfortable armchair, her gaze resting on the can of soda in her hand. She listens to the voice greeting Kurt and Dom, to the laugh that follows when they say that _someone_ looks hot tonight and to steps coming closer after a while.

Brittany prepares something in her head. Then she forgets it.

"I hope you don't mind that I join you." Santana's voice is now right next to Brittany which makes it impossible to prolong it any longer. Brittany forces herself to look up.

Oooh no. Don't look so good. It's highly unfair.

She was preparing herself to find Santana wearing extra elegant clothes, maybe high heels, a skirt or something. But she's wearing plain dark pants, a grey t-shirt and Brittany has to check twice but she's wearing sneakers.

She saw them in Santana's bedroom once but didn't think that she'd actually ever see her in them. It looks so nice. So casual and that's what makes it so stunning. Seriously, can Santana wear any look and make it her own?

The way she sinks into the chair next to Brittany, her hair up in a lazy bun, a thin black leather bracelet around her slender wrist, her eyes piercing into Brittany's the moment they're on the same level – it makes Brittany wonder if she has ever seen anything or anyone so pretty.

"Since you're the only one who's not attached to another person's hip…" Santana adds before confidently grabbing Brittany's soda. "Didn't think to see you so soon again."

Brittany raises an eyebrow. Because that's a lie. There's no way in hell that Kurt didn't tell Santana that she was going to be here, too. She's Dom's best friend, Santana's Kurt's best friend – if that doesn't guarantee that they'd both be here tonight, then she doesn't know.

Santana takes a sip of the can and pulls a face.

"That's warm! Tastes like you've been holding on to it for the past hour."

Brittany makes a huffing noise because this conversation is starting way too one-sided.

"Hi Santana, nice to see you, too – how have you been?" She's glad because she sounds surprisingly confident after basically being in a state of shock for five seconds. Santana seems to notice too as she needs a moment to reply.

"Good" She says before breaking eye contact. Brittany observes how Santana's eyes roam the living room and land on the four people playing foosball. The corner of her mouth pulls up a little when she watches the two women who are a couple. Brittany clears her throat.

"Wanna play, too?" She wants to know but regrets it instantly. She's not good at it. Santana on the other hand watches soccer. What if _she's_ really good at it? "I mean… girls against the boys. We could teach Kurt and Dom a lesson." She tries to save the situation. Playing _alongside_ Santana could prevent an embarrassing situation.

Santana's looks back and forth between the table and Brittany.

"Oh, I want to play _you_ , Brittany." She challenges and confirms the hunch about her skills. The fact that she intently looks at Brittany while saying that, makes Brittany swallow.

Why doesn't she just think before saying stuff? But it's too late, Santana already gets up on her feet and steers over to the two couples still standing there. Apparently she knows them all. She greets them with a hug and steps next to the table to watch them finish their game.

She cheers for the girls when they shoot the final goal and win. Brittany knows that Santana is going to wave her over any second. Once the two couples leave the table to the brunette, she does exactly that. Somehow, automatically in a way, Brittany pushes herself out of the chair to make her way over to Santana who's already waiting with a grin on her face and her hands ready on the grips.

"Why so shy all of a sudden?" Santana challenges once more.

"I didn't say I was good at it" Brittany admits when reaching for the knobs, too. Santana holds up the small white ball.

"As if… you're so talented with your fingers when it comes to… gardening." Then she drops the ball onto the table, makes a couple moves and well – the first point.

"I wasn't even ready!" Brittany complains in self-defense while Santana provocatively moves the first bead over on the scorer.

Who would have thought that the brunette is such a badass at this? Why is this turning her on when being frustrated at the same time?

"Aw sorry. My bad. Want a retry?" Santana suggests but the way she says it makes Brittany only want to do other things. She grabs the grips harder and prepares herself this time.

"No thanks. Go." She's so focused and ready this time that she wants to scream when Santana scores again within seconds. "What the hell? Do you do this all the time in your free time?"

Santana shakes her head.

"Only when I visit Kurt. But don't worry… I'll play nice this time. I could only use one hand if you want me to." She suggests with a wink. Brittany rolls her eyes.

"That's too sweet but don't bother." She mumbles while focusing again on the ball in Santana's hand.

"Alright. But don't cry if I win then. Ok so I'm about to drop the ball, ok? That means you will have to do something with the grips in your hands in order to stop me from scoring, yes? You see the little figures on the field? They _move_ when-"

"Santana… just drop the ball."

It's seven minutes later when Santana wins – for the second time. She grins at Brittany. At least not as smugly as before but almost a bit pitiful when crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Can I get you a drink as an apology?" She proposes just when Brittany realizes how thirsty she actually is. "Let me guess… cold water?"

"Uhm… yes. Thanks." She replies before Santana turns around and walks off. Brittany finds herself standing by the table alone for a moment.

She totally just made a fool of herself but at the same time it was very amusing. And maybe she didn't loose twice only because of her pathetic abilities. Maybe the way her opponent bit her bottom lip every time the second before scoring was also kind of a distracting thing. A little bit.

"There you go" Santana is already back with two big glasses of water and ice. This time she joins Brittany on the same side of the table, leaning against it. Brittany wants to do the same and painfully pokes her own hip when hitting one of the steel rods. "So how does it feel? Losing to a girl?"

Santana teases her with a soft laugh. Brittany sighs.

"It's not that bad actually compared to when Dom wins at something. He'd lift the table in order to prove a point." Santana laughs again when looking at the rather heavy table. "I'm serious. He'd lift it. And I'd have to drive him to the hospital afterwards because of a hernia."

Santana chuckles while Brittany takes a big sip of her water. It kind of cools down her insides a little and whatever needed to be cooled down. But apparently not enough because again without thinking, she opens her mouth to speak.

"If you could show me your tricks then we can play Dom. He's really good at it and this could be my one chance to beat him."

Santana puts her glass and Brittany's away after explaining that she'd love nothing more than that because she's been looking for an opportunity to play someone who's actually a challenge.

"Sorry… but you're were right. You're really not good at it." She almost whispers like she's telling Brittany some gossip. "Ok so… first of all, don't hold on to the grip too firmly. We don't want to see white knuckles." Santana demonstrates by gripping the knobs at the right amount. "Come on try it. Second of all, you were standing way too close to the table and all stiff. But you have to give yourself a little space in order to free your arm and put more power into it. Maybe a 45 degree angle away from the table?"

"Ok coach Lopez. I didn't know it was abstract science you were practicing there. All I want is a good simple trick to score a goal once."

Brittany looks to her side to see Santana's reaction. The brunette gives her a pointed look.

"That's what I'm trying to do here. It all starts with the basics. But ok fine – let's skip them. Show me what you got when you shoot. You know, hit me with your best shot."

Brittany can't help but laugh at Santana's words.

"Alright, so I do this-"

"What did I tell you about not gripping too firmly?"

Brittany already wants to protest in annoyance for Santana not even letting her try but she only opens her mouth and a breath of air comes out when Santana's hand covers her own to make it loosen up. But that's not all. When she feels another hand on her hip pulling her backwards, she nearly stumbles over. "Is that a 45 degree angle? Trust me, it'll help."

Brittany tries to remember what Santana told her about making a good shot. Except that she didn't say anything about that, yet. Or did she? Where is that cold water when you need it? The hand on her hip is burning through the material of her pants.

She tries to shake the sensation off by closing her eyes for a second. When she opens them again, she flicks her wrist and the shot is more powerful than she expected. But she must have missed the goal as the ball rolls back onto the field.

"Ok the shot was good but you know why you didn't score?" Santana's voice is closer to her ear than she thought. But it makes sense because she's still kind of holding on to Brittany.

Brittany turns her head a little to look at Santana. She shrugs.

"Yeah because my _keeper_ was there with his legs down. Not like yours. Yours was all up in the air like some prima ballerina. You completely forgot about it."

Brittany's eyes drop down to Santana's lips because her face is pretty close to her own and the last time their faces were this close, they did something other than playing foosball. Only when she gazes back up to find brown eyes, those brown eyes are doing the same thing and hang on Brittany's mouth. For a brief second.

"I did?" Brittany asks absentminded. Santana nods slowly. Almost as if she doesn't even remember what Brittany is referring to.

"Yeah… the keeper. Don't neglect it." She states, then clears her throat. Brittany kind of instantly misses the warm hand on her hip once Santana pulls it away and makes a step back. "Are you ready to play the boys then?"

Brittany doesn't think she's ready. Not when her knees feel like jello. She says yes either way because there's no point in trying to make Santana teach her better. She won't be able to focus on what she's saying.

* * *

An few hours later she's standing next to her bike outside of the building where Kurt lives. She puts on her denim jacket, then gazes up to the dark night sky while searching for the key to her bicycle's lock. When she finds it and opens the lock, she hears someone stepping behind her.

"I'm proud of you" Santana speaks gently. Brittany turns around in slight confusion. They lost all three games to Kurt and Dom.

"But I totally humiliated you when they won all the games. Even the one where Dom only used one hand." Brittany sheepishly grins at Santana who also put on a jacket. She stands in front of Brittany and raises a hand. For a second Brittany thinks that she's going to touch her cheek or something. But she pats Brittany helmet on top of her head.

"I meant the helmet. I didn't think you were going to actually wear it." She says with a warm look. Brittany likes this version of her a lot more than the competitive one. Although that one was fun, too.

"Are you kidding? I'm not driving without it ever since I got it from you." It's true.

Santana smiles with a tiny lip bite.

Brittany absolutely adores those lip bites. Or her lips in general. They're… incredible.

"So… when am I going to see you again then?" Santana wants to know. It comes unexpected. The question. Not the urge to kiss her.

Brittany thinks.

"Oh uh… who knows maybe at another dinner party?" She suggests while getting on her bike. Santana crosses her arms in front of her chest but makes a step closer to Brittany.

"But Kurt won't have much time in the near future." She counters with a shrug. Brittany narrows her eyes.

"Well… I'd do it at my place but since it's so small I couldn't invite many people. Pretty much just one, that would be the maximum." Brittany laughs when picturing a home party at her place. Then she realizes what she just said.

"Alright" Santana mumbles. "I guess I'll have to do one at my house then. With many people."

Brittany is thankful that she's not going any further into her suggestion of just inviting one person to her apartment.

"Sounds good" She croaks when Santana leans in for a kiss on the cheek.

"Drive safely" Santana whispers like she did that night when Brittany drove all the way to her place.

Brittany nods because she doesn't know what else to do.

When Santana heads back into the building, Brittany turns on the flashlight on her handlebars. She takes a deep breath.

And another one and another one.


	20. change

**My Body by Justin Jesso**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

It's been a long time since she and Dom went out like in the old days. Which were only like a couple weeks ago so it hasn't actually been _that_ long. But it sure feels like it. And well… they're not really out like in the old days as Kurt is here, too.

It's a good thing. Of course.

But he's always there. He's amazing, no question. It's understandable that Dom only has eyes for him. It was a matter of time that Dom would prefer spending time with Kurt instead of her.

Sigh…

She watches how Kurt laughs at something Dom says. He's so into him and vice versa. Maybe she should just give them their space. They deserve it. These two lovebirds…

Plus, it's not like she's going to be totally lost without them. It turns out that The Surface is quickly becoming the most popular place to be in town. Everybody's here. She also saw Sierra when they arrived about an hour ago. But Brittany's definitely not going there again.

It would be easy to be honest. Sierra waved at her with that look on her face. Brittany knows that Sierra won't go home alone tonight and if she wanted to, she could be the one to accompany her. But lately Brittany hasn't felt that urge anymore. To spend meaningless nights.

Or maybe she does tonight?

Tonight's bartender has been throwing glances at her for the past ten minutes. She's standing behind the bar, mixing drinks and handing them to the customers. A baseball cap is on her head and tattoos pretty much all over everywhere. Apart from the face, Brittany can't spot too much skin that's not covered with ink. Her hair must be short since Brittany can't see much of it but it's dyed light blonde. She's the complete opposite of-

What the hell? Since when does she compare women to Sa-… Sierra?

"You know, Brittany. I may be all absorbed by Kurt but I still have eyes in my head."

Brittany pulls away her glance to find Dom still sitting opposite from her with his arms crossed.

"Where's Kurt?" She wants to know in confusion. He was just there a minute ago. But more important than that - did she seriously just compare the bartender to Santana and then tried to fool herself by pretending it was Sierra ghosting around in her head?

"Bathroom. Do you like the bartender? You keep staring at her."

Brittany narrows her eyes, still confused about her own thoughts. Dom just asked a question, didn't he. Or not? Man she's not being the best friend these days. She should be all interested in his relationship with Kurt. He's got a boyfriend after all! A couple months ago that word was still so far away for him.

"I'm sorry, Dom… for not really being part of the conversations. But I'm totally third wheeling here. You guys should just enjoy the night together-"

"Nuh-uh stop. Look I know it's my fault we haven't spent so much time together lately. I feel awful. I don't want you to think that I don't feel like doing things together-"

"Dom… you don't have to feel bad at all." Brittany puts a hand on her friend's arm. She smiles when she gets to see his honest regret. "You're happy. I can see that from miles away." She sighs dramatically. "I always knew I'd have to share you one day."

Dom chuckles and moves over to press a kiss to Brittany's cheek.

"Just my heart" He admits. "But my high-five will always belong to you." Brittany can't help but grin and go for the clap when Dom holds up the palm of his hand. When he keeps her hand safely in his own, she swallows.

Things are changing. Which is good. But admittedly also sometimes scary. She hopes that she and Dom will always be friends.

What a silly thought. _Of course_ they will always be friends. The bond they have is stronger than anything she's known so far. She can rely on him and he can rely on her. They will always have each other's backs.

But he won't always be there to make an uneventful Sunday fun. To turn Friday evening into the weekend by going out and laughing, dancing, doing silly things. Or to just walk along the beach talking about so many things.

Yes, they can still do that.

But it won't happen that often anymore.

While she's utterly happy about her best friend finding happiness, it also makes her feel like she's missing out on something special.

"Oook, sorry to interrupt your cuddles although I must say I'm a little jealous. Do you want me to come back later?" Kurt's voice brings them back to presence where they're still sitting at a table. Kurt eyes their intimate position with a funny look.

Brittany lifts Dom's arm from her shoulders and reaches across the table to grab Kurt's wrist.

"Not at all, Kurt." She pulls him closer until he sinks down to where he was sitting before. Dom immediately leans in to give his boyfriend a welcome back peck on the lips. "I was just gonna leave you two alone for a bit." When she gets up on her feet, Dom nods his head towards the bar.

"She was going to get a drink and maybe talk to the cute bartender, right?"

Brittany rolls her eyes playfully. She waves a goodbye at the boys then turns around to indeed approach the bar as her glass has been empty for a while.

When she's almost at the counter, somebody that is no other than Sierra, stands in her way.

"Bonsoir there" She greets Brittany with a wink of the eye. "I was already wondering when we'd both be here at the same time again."

Brittany gives her what feels like a smile because she doesn't want to be rude. She really needs something to drink.

"Hi Sierra" Brittany says before continuing her way to the bar. Once she's ordered her beverage, she can sense Sierra stepping next to her.

"I'll have a glass of white wine" She says although the bartender isn't ready, yet. The woman with the tattoos and baseball cap who's preparing Brittany's drink, just eyes Sierra wordlessly, then raises her eyebrow in recognition. Brittany reaches into her pocket to get her wallet ready. "You still owe me one after all." Sierra goes on, this time facing Brittany.

"I do?" Brittany wants to know when counting the bills she's got left.

"Yeah. I think I paid last time." She explains nonchalantly. The way her hand graces Brittany's lower back doesn't get unnoticed.

"Does that automatically require a full refund?" Brittany mumbles rather to herself than to Sierra but the woman who's a little shorter than herself hears her anyway. Maybe because she's leaning over Brittany's shoulder to whisper into her ear.

"Well.. there are other ways to pay me back." Her breath tickles Brittany's neck. While it would have made Brittany weak a couple weeks ago, it makes her shudder tonight. She has no idea what's so different to the nights where she'd hook up with Sierra. It's what they did. Hook up first, then not think about it any further. Well… at least Brittany didn't think about it any further. What Sierra wanted at one point might have been something different. Up to this day Brittany doesn't understand how Sierra could ever be interested in more than hooking up. It could have never – as in never worked out.

"Unless there's someone here tonight that you've got your eye on?" Sierra wants to know with a small tilt of her head towards the bartender.

It was sort of their rule. Whenever they saw each other at a club or a bar, they stepped away in case one of them had plans to try their luck somewhere else. It worked alright. Because if those plans didn't add up, they'd still be able to leave together.

Brittany pays for her own drink and also for Sierra's when the tattooed bartender hands over the white wine. Maybe Sierra will get the hint.

"Wow. There _is_ someone, isn't it?" Sierra questions a couple seconds later. Brittany turns to look at her because this is getting annoying. "The bartender was totally eating you up with her eyes and you didn't even… care. Where is she if it's not tattoo girl? Dancing downstairs?"

Brittany lets her glass clink against Sierra's. She's actually tired of making conversation with this woman. She's really tired in general. It was a long day at work and it's getting late. Why is she even here tonight?

"Goodnight, Sierra." Brittany says before pushing herself away from the counter.

"Wait!" Brittany turns around once more to look at the blonde who's calling her back. Sierra grins at Brittany and holds up the glass of wine, probably to thank her for it.

"Mind if I'll try my luck then?" She wants to know with another tilt towards the bar. Brittany laughs.

"Since when would you need my permission?"

Sierra shrugs.

"I just want to make sure I'm not in your business." She explains with a wink.

Brittany shakes her head.

"You're not."

It's as simple as that.

Keeping things simple as that has always worked in her favor so far. Why would things be different tonight? Or ever?

Sierra gives her an acknowledging nod before turning around. Brittany watches how she takes a seat at the counter. She says something to the bartender who starts grinning only seconds later.

With a sigh that almost feels like some sort of relief, Brittany makes her way back to Kurt and Dom's table. Not to stay though. She gives both of them a hug to say goodbye. Not even the disappointment written across their faces and the puppy looks they give her could make her want to stay tonight. She just wants to go to bed.

* * *

Apparently, Dom really felt bad for not spending as much time with Brittany as usual and wanted to do something for her. Because only a couple days later, she got a phone call from Kurt who asked her if she wanted to join him for a visit on the set of These Days.

He heard from a certain someone that she and her grandma watch the show together so he said he'd be happy to show her around. He even said that Brittany could bring her grandma, too but that would have been super confusing for her and she can't go on trips anymore. Still Brittany loved the idea of going on set and be able to tell her grandma about it later on. Also she thought it was very sweet of Kurt to try and do something, just the two of them together.

They're now sipping coffee at a small table where the actors apparently come to all the time in their breaks between takes. She can't believe she just saw the actor who plays the show's most hated character putting two sugars in his own coffee mug. He's just there doing normal stuff such as drinking coffee. But he's wearing his character's clothes and haircut. It's so weird!

"I was so thrilled to finally see you making your debut on the show the other day." Brittany says to Kurt once she's gotten over the shock of seeing the face that she kind of wants to punch whenever it's on screen. "When I told my grandma that I know you she almost couldn't believe me. And now I'll get to tell her about these awesome news every time I see her because she'll have forgotten about it when I'm gone." Brittany winks at Kurt who seems a bit insecure at first whether he's allowed to laugh or not.

"Well I'll totally sign a napkin for you in case you need written proof then." He giggles when Brittany pushes her unused napkin towards him.

"Please do so. But I'll probably keep it for myself. Seriously though… I'm glad you asked me to come here, Kurt. I haven't done anything like this ever before. It's been a good change to the work I've been doing. I got so many new job offers which is amazing of course. It's just kinda hard to keep up with everything."

Kurt nods understandingly and tells her about how stressful the past few days of shooting have been. When Kurt mentions Santana's name out of the blue, Brittany finds herself getting instantly nervous. Well not nervous. But excited in a way.

"Sometimes when I have to be at work really early in the morning like – super early - I go over to Santana's place and she lets me sleep there. Because I'm so bad when it comes to getting up as soon as my alarm clock rings but Santana has no problem with that. She'll make sure that I get up and go to work. Yeah she's definitely prevented me from losing jobs in the past." Kurt laughs at that and shakes his head. "She's my best friend… sometimes I feel like I don't show her that enough."

Brittany can definitely understand. Having a best friend means to not only have someone but also to give a lot, too. If not more so.

Once they've finished their coffees, Kurt walks Brittany around everywhere he's allowed to take visitors. She feels like a child when she asks him all kinds of stuff about the studio and the headlights and the props and costumes. He seems very proud to show her around so time flies. Before she knows it it's already getting late in the evening and they have to head back home. When they're sitting in Kurt's car they joke about all kinds of stuff.

She really likes this guy. She hasn't been exactly awesome at making new friends in the past so it's nice to be here with him.

After a while he turns down the radio.

"I was just thinking… would you mind if we made a quick detour to Santana's place before I drive you home? The way I know her, I'd say she's been writing all day in a crippled sitting position and could use a break but won't take one. Sometimes I could slap her. Like does she ever sleep a whole night?"

Brittany chuckles because she guesses it's true. When Kurt suggests bringing Santana some take out, she realizes how hungry she actually is. She doesn't know what to expect from seeing Santana again tonight or how to sort the realization that she and her are now in the same circle of friends and well – connected. Still she agrees on bringing Santana dinner and finds herself heading towards the house she was working at up until a short while ago. But this time it has absolutely nothing to do with work. She's going there because she now knows Santana in a different way and she's going to be in her life as long as Dom and Kurt keep on building what has only just begun.

How can that go well? Seriously how can it go well when Santana makes her nervous. Yes, that's what she does. She's nervous when they pull into the drive way and park the car there. She's nervous when Kurt hands her the paper bag with food and tells her to already ring the bell while he's going to make a quick phone call to let Dom know he won't be able to go over to his place tonight.

Suddenly Brittany doesn't remember how this thing works. Walking. She's standing outside the house underneath the already dark sky and supposed to just show up there.

 _Hey Santana, here's some food because we thought you might be hungry? Yes, I just spent the afternoon with your best friend because he's dating my best friend and you and I are going to be something like friends, too?_

Kurt eyes her weirdly when he gets out of the car what feels like half a minute later. Or maybe she's been standing there like an idiot for way longer?

"The door's right there, Brittany. Already forgot?"

Brittany laughs it off. Wordlessly she follows Kurt and holds on to the bag in her hands. She's glad Kurt gave it to her. She wouldn't know where to put her hands otherwise. And this way she hopes that nobody will notice the slight tremble that's going through her fingers and body.

When Kurt rings the bell, she closes her eyes for a second. This is silly.

She can totally work this thing. She's not gonna be that shy teenaged version she was at Kurt's dinner party. Seriously who was that? That wasn't her. That was someone else. Someone who's totally uncool. But tonight she's super cool. She might even be a little awesome tonight. Because she can absolutely be confident when it comes to women. It's what she's been doing for the past years. Uhm hello world? It's Brittany. She's back. She's maybe even going to show Santana the cold shoulder because that would be a bit of a payback she deserves after beating Brittany at foosball several times in a row.

That night she was way too cool for Brittany. Everything about her. But that was then. Now is now.

When the door gets opened, all the inner pep talk dares to float away. Santana stares at them with wide eyes, completely overwhelmed. Judging by what she's wearing, she has either been spending a comfy evening on the couch or was already in bed.

"What are you guys doing here? Is everything ok? Is that food?"

She throws a look at the bag in Brittany's hands. Quickly Brittany pulls herself together.

"We thought you might be hungry since you've probably been working all day. It was Kurt's idea. We… but if you were already sleeping then…" _Ugh forget it… the coolness thing is so not going to work._

Luckily Kurt takes over by ushering Brittany inside and putting an arm around Santana's shoulders to pull her with him. He explains how they went on set and everything and then decided to come over for a spontaneous visit. Santana seems suspicious at first but mostly surprised. It's probably not what she expected when she heard the doorbell. Well, maybe she thought it could be Kurt. But she definitely didn't think Brittany would be there, too.

But she doesn't seem to mind. Instead she guides them both outside to sit at the new garden table. The table Brittany helped her choose. From what she can see in the dark, the garden still looks the same. Not that it's been a long time since she finished it.

Once Santana brings something to drink and they've settled comfortably at the table, she raises her glass of water to propose a toast.

"To you, for knowing exactly what I need at nine o'clock in the evening." She says with a smile towards Kurt. "And to an unexpected get-together which are always the best."

When she guides the glass to her lips to have a sip, her eyes flicker to Brittany. Kurt and Brittany mimic her actions to complete the toast.

Wordlessly the brunette puts the glass back onto the table, sustaining Brittany's glance for another two seconds.

Brittany wonders if it's the spices in her curry meal that makes her feel like it's suddenly a hundred degrees outside. Luckily Kurt starts talking about his job and all his new colleagues. The ones he gets along with and the ones he doesn't get along with. Or something. But she's just glad he's talking.

* * *

After initial insecurities and one or the other questionable staring contest during their spontaneous dinner, the mood has totally loosened up. It's true that Kurt exactly knows what Santana needs on a late night. Because when he suggested watching some music videos to sing along in order to make her forget about work, she basically jumped off the table to turn on her tv so they could watch on the big screen.

Brittany has no idea how many videos they've watched already but whenever they finish one, one of them has another song ready to wish for. They've moved their stuff from the garden table inside and at the moment Kurt is making them another round of alcohol-free cocktails with all the stuff he can find in Santana's kitchen.

It gives Brittany a moment alone with Santana.

Basically the first moment alone ever since she stopped working here.

The brunette is sitting on her big couch with her legs pulled up, typing something on the remote as Kurt just asked her to find a certain song.

Wisely Brittany went with the chair far away so Kurt would sit in between them.

She's not ready to sit close to Santana, yet.

She kind of still can't forget the feeling of goose bumps when they were close to each other by the foosball table. She's not ok with the impact it had on her.

"So was it really Kurt's idea to come here?" Santana says with a low voice to make sure Kurt won't hear her. Brittany can still detect the tiny challenging undertone. She's not looking at Brittany but focusing on the screen of her big tv.

Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Believe it or not, it was. I didn't even think about it."

Too much?

"But when he suggested it, I didn't mind. It's not like I had any other plans for tonight." There she goes. She's back. The might has returned.

The look on Santana's face is interesting indeed when she pulls her glance away from the screen to look at Brittany. Probably in order to make sure she heard right.

"Huh" She mutters under her breath, together with a small nod.

"Yeah he's really a good guy. You're lucky to have him as a friend… I already thought so when he, Dom and I were at The Surface the other day. They were so cute together."

Santana's frowns. Together with her lips slowly parting, it's a pretty damn priceless look on her face.

"You… you were at The Surface?" Brittany can literally read the thoughts behind Santana's pretty forehead. _Where was I?_ "I mean… that's nice. So you spend a lot of time… together?"

It's not easy to admit it after she just felt an incredible high over her growing confidence - but the way Santana says it makes Brittany feel _bad_. Like a little left out puppy she hangs on Brittany's words. Great…

"No no, not really. It was rather coincidental that I ran into them that night. And today was just Dom trying to do something nice for me via Kurt. It's… don't say you're jealous?"

There it is. She hit a nerve. Santana quickly shakes her head in denial, then shrugs timidly.

If Brittany was reeeally bold, she could ask Santana who exactly she's jealous of. But she's close to running out of confidence and she still needs some for the rest of the night. So she's going to sit that one out.

She's kind of glad that a new song starts playing once Santana presses a button on her remote.

"Kurt! I found Sam Smith's new video! You better get your butt over here because it looks like it could be steamy." Santana yells towards the kitchen. Did she just ignore Brittany's question like a badass? Three seconds later Kurt reappears with a tray in his hands. There are three glasses with delicious looking cocktails on it.

"Pause, pause, pause! I need to see it from the very start, Santana. I don't want to miss a single second!" He whines when he hands them both a glass and insists on going back to the very beginning once he's all settled and ready to watch, too.

For the next three minutes it's completely silent apart from the music coming from the speakers. Kurt is staring at the screen, nearly drooling and absorbing every bit of it to the fullest.

Brittany can't help but chuckle when she watches his jaw dropping at one of the sexy dance moves in the video. There's no way he's going to get distracted anytime soon so Brittany let's her eyes wander over to Santana's, only to find her already looking back at her. She's grinning, too and tilts her head towards a completely floored Kurt. Brittany nods with a silent giggle.

Who was she kidding… Santana looks achingly beautiful tonight and she's basically got all the power over Brittany without even trying hard. Just by singing along to random songs and looking jealous at things Brittany says.

Maybe Brittany's longing gaze gives her away or Santana has _another_ hidden talent next to foosball, such as reading minds. Because she gets up from the couch and asks Brittany if she wants to come check out some snacks that she's got in the basement. When she asks Kurt if he wants something, too, he just mutters some incomprehensible words still absorbed by the song.

"We'll let you watch it again. Alone. Take your time. We'll bring you cookies." Santana tells Kurt who just waves her comment off. Brittany gets up and follows Santana. Just like that. While she does think that the music video is worth a second watch, she can't make herself stay with Kurt. Even if she wanted to. Her eyes are glued to Santana's back when she walks behind her towards the stairs.

* * *

"Ok so I've got popcorn… chips… some crackers from maybe two years ago so I don't know about these… oh and chocolate chip cookies. We can also take all of it upstairs."

Brittany silently watches how Santana points at the different kinds of snacks in her basement shelf. It's cool down here. And a little dark. But she doesn't need more light to see the intention in Santana's eyes when she throws a look over her shoulder.

She could have just asked Brittany what she wanted like she asked Kurt after all. It's not like a bag of chips is extremely heavy and she needed Brittany's help to carry it upstairs.

So Brittany allows herself to be sure that she's reading the signals right. Slowly she walks over to where Santana is standing.

"What are you doing?" Santana's voice is a little shyer than Brittany expected. But she's not going to let that make her lose her balance. She steps close to Santana and gently cups her face.

She loves that she's a few inches taller than the brunette. It allows her to easily kiss Santana's cheek bone.

"What you wanted me to do when you asked me to come down here with you." Brittany answers with a calm but clear voice. Santana swallows visibly when she gazes up into Brittany's eyes. She whimpers hardly audible while Brittany moves her lips in once again to kiss Santana's nose this time.

Santana's arms find a way to wrap around Brittany's middle. It feels damn amazing to be held like that. Because it feels like Santana really needs her. For support and for closeness.

It's hard to tell which moment it is where they both agree that it's ok if they're going to kiss… Is it a breath of air or a blink of the eye? Maybe a second or less than that. There's no definition of how long a moment is. However long it is, they communicate what they want by wandering hands and lowering glances to fill that moment.

They communicate well. They move in at the same time. Their lips touch so gently that Brittany thinks this should have been their first kiss. Not the one where she basically attacked Santana out of nowhere.

This one because it's so soft. This one because her knees turn weak. Because her heart starts beating uncontrollably and this time she can name the sensation she's feeling.

A feeling.

It's not sexual.

Not only.

But an ache as well. An ache because she knows that she won't get away with it easily. The girls she's kissed before meant one thing. Fun.

But the way Santana kisses her so gently and careful – it's what Brittany imagined it to be when she hadn't had her first kiss, yet.

It's a first in so many ways and she knows there are going to be more firsts. Because this isn't how you keep things simple. If you kiss like that it's more than that. She doesn't know how she knows it. She just does.

Can she do it? Can Santana do it? Be patient as she takes those wobbly steps towards something she hasn't known so far?

Brittany gives everything into that one slow kiss to take Santana's breath away. Because right now she can do it.

She's indeed a little awesome tonight.

* * *

 **I always appreciate your comments because they motivate me and even help forming the story line. So if you have time to leave a note - thanks for doing so!**

 **bobbieyoung**


	21. butter

**The Archer by Taylor Swift**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

Their lips part with a smacking noise. If she wasn't standing safely in Brittany's embrace, she'd lose ground. This kiss… has completely blown her mind. She wants to continue but she's afraid she won't be able to stay conscious if they do.

Who taught Brittany to kiss like that? Why haven't they kissed like this before?

Oh she knows. Because that's not how you kiss a friend or a stranger or a person you work for.

They're none of all that.

She has no idea what this is and what is happening right at this moment. But Brittany's lips and mouth almost taste like a promise they're both not ready to give or receive.

Why is she so bad at resisting Brittany? She was doing a good job up until five minutes ago! But one touch of Brittany's gentle fingers and she melts like butter or something.

When Santana opens her eyes to find blue one's already pleading for more, she needs all the strengths she has to hold back.

Right at this moment she'd do anything with Brittany. She'd take her upstairs, get rid of Kurt first and she'd spend the whole night with her in bed without any clothes on. She'd let Brittany do anything with her, anything she wanted and give it back in return.

But Brittany's not that kind of girl. Santana has gotten to know that. That's why it's so hard for Santana to understand her own craving for this woman. She's not interested in the same things Santana is. Or maybe right now she is?

Because this kiss is so different from the kisses they've shared before. It's sweet and hot and tingling all at the same time.

At this point Santana can't even tell what she wants from Brittany. She has no freakin' idea because Brittany basically sucked all the sanity out of her. With a kiss.

"You've got to stop doing that" Santana husks before letting her lips brush against Brittany's. She's not ready to step away from her. "I'm so attracted to you it's ridiculous."

Brittany wets her lips with her tongue before giving Santana another warm kiss, sucking in her bottom lip between her own.

"I can't" Is the only thing she mumbles before her tongue dips back into Santana's mouth to get more of that _thing_ that is happening between them and hard to describe. Apparently, she's enjoying it a lot, too. She made Santana an addict a long time ago.

Santana can feel her own cheeks and ears turning hot, her chest filling with need for more but lacking oxygen. They _have_ to stop otherwise she'll explode with want. Plus Kurt must be wondering what's taking them so long.

She finally gets to hold on to a clear thought and uses it to pull away from the wonderful sensation between their mouths. She presses a kiss to Brittany's jaw, hoping that the blonde will understand that she's not making them stop because she wants to but because it's time.

"We should… head back. Kurt's waiting" She breathes when Brittany nods with hooded eyes.

"Ok. You're right." Brittany agrees before finally making a step back. Santana watches how she cups her own cheeks that must be glowing just as much as hers. "I'll need some water. You… I'm burning."

Santana laughs softly. Then she grabs some snacks from the shelf because that's what they came here for. To get snacks. And a kiss. Now they are two hot messes.

"You really want to eat those cookies?" Brittany wants to know and points at the cookies in Santana's hands. Santana needs a moment to think straight. She clears her throat, then takes a deep breath. "Because they're basically just sugar and artificial stuff."

Santana shrugs.

"Well… I _need_ sugar right now, ok? I need something to distract from what I actually want which is you to kiss me like that again."

There's no point in trying to hide the combat going inside of her. What she's feeling right now. In her heart, in her chest, between her legs. She's going to be honest with Brittany.

The sparkle in blue eyes after that sentence makes her dizzy.

"Me, too…" Brittany mutters, her hands still cupping her cheeks. Then she seems to think for a moment. "It's a good idea but if you want cookies then I'll get you the real stuff." For a moment Santana wonders if she's talking about _that_ kind of cookies. "I know my grandma's recipe by heart. You liked them, right?"

Santana exhales a short laugh filled with nothing but adoration for the woman standing two feet away from her. She's glad that Brittany has regained her composure although her eyes tell a completely different story. They tell Santana that she wants to continue what they did before just as much.

But together they can do it. They can go back upstairs and act like normal people.

"Well, I'll have to check if I've got all the ingredients. But I'd love to bake cookies. With you. Now." While she's saying those words, Santana – of course – knows that it's a bad idea. Baking will lead into making out. Chocolate in her system will only spur her on to get more of that sweetness.

But she wants it so much. She wants to spend more time with Brittany. And she wants a goddamn cookie.

So she follows Brittany back to the stairs. When she climbs them behind her, Santana's hand does something funny. She hooks her finger into the back pocket of Brittany's jeans. She's pretty sure she won't make it all the way up otherwise. Her legs are still so weak. While she's watching her finger doing the silly thing and she thinks that it's probably inappropriate, Brittany reaches behind herself to take Santana's hand out of her pocket and into her own hand. Calmly she guides Santana upstairs.

Calmly Santana stares at their intertwined fingers.

When they reach the top and Kurt is just around the corner, Brittany throws a look over her shoulder to give Santana a smirk.

Their hands let each other go before they head back to Kurt who's still watching the video for probably the fifth time in a row.

* * *

"We have to _make_ them first? That'll take hours!" Kurt exclaims with in a whiny tone.

Brittany has just explained to him that they are going to make the best cookies he'll ever taste. He's clearly not as thrilled as Brittany and herself. She wonders why. She can't think of anything better than baking cookies at 11pm.

Well there is something. But apart from that.

"That's why I brought you those." Santana throws the pack of cookies into his lap. "According to Brittany they're very unhealthy so we're gonna make our own. But if you can't wait then have some of these first."

Kurt rips the pack open and basically empties half of it within only two minutes. He just watches how they search for all the ingredients in the kitchen while chewing wordlessly.

"Well Brittany… while your cookies do sound awesome, I'm way too tired to stay. I really need to go to bed. But if you want to stay then maybe you can order a cab home? I'm just super tired after this day."

"Sure, Kurt." Brittany agrees before giving him a hug and thanks him for the time they spent together. Kurt then steps close to Santana to hug her goodbye as well.

"Are you gonna be fine?" He whispers into her ear.

Santana smiles with a nod. She knows that Kurt means the fact that she and Brittany are going to be alone when he leaves. Something she's very, very glad about but she doesn't want to make it too obvious so she squeezes him tightly before letting go.

She assures him that he doesn't have to feel bad for leaving early.

It's not early after all. She wonders if Kurt knows what they did down in the basement. And what they're probably going to do once the door closes behind his back.

Because he gives her a pointed look with a smirk and also – baking cookies late at night? She's not even going to try and make it sound innocent in her head.

Kurt gives her a kiss on the cheek and promises to call her soon and tell her all about an upcoming scene he has to shoot. He's been very nervous about it but Santana tells him that he's going to be absolutely great in it.

She brings him to the door and once he's gone, silence settles in the house. The only thing she can hear is the sound of cupboards getting opened and closed in the kitchen. Brittany's probably looking for supplies they're going to need. Santana takes a deep breath before joining her.

* * *

It turns out that it doesn't take hours until a delicious smelling scent starts filling up the kitchen and probably the whole house. Within thirty minutes Brittany has managed to make a dough. Santana helped forming the cookies. While Brittany's now look absolutely perfect in the oven, the ones that Santana made are growing to the size of small plates.

"Yeah next time I'll have to watch you closer" Brittany comments once she turns off the oven and takes the cookies out. She studies the ones on Santana's baking sheet. "Unless your plan was indeed to make _frisbees_ – you pretty much failed the cookie challenge. Or what did you want to do with these? Discus throwing?"

Santana hits Brittany's shoulder in a playful matter. There are only four cookies on her baking sheet because they're that big.

"I didn't know this was a challenge" She mumbles embarrassedly. Brittany gives her a pointed look.

"We could use them as wheels to build a tiny car." The way she supports her chin in her hand makes it look like she's seriously considering it. Santana can't even be mad at Brittany's jokes. She has to snort with laughter.

"Ok we've all had our fair share of laughing at my huge cookies. Can we eat them now?"

Brittany only shakes her head and puts the oven mitts back on.

"Only if you want to burn your mouth. They're still super hot. I'll just put them outside for five minutes so they can cool down a little. Can you wait that long? Don't worry… your breads will still be warm."

Santana just purses her lips and watches how Brittany carefully carries the cookies over to the patio door. Then she remembers something.

"Oh wait! Don't put them out there! For the past few days a very fat cat has been coming to my garden. I think she loves the shrubs you planted because she keeps lying underneath them. But she once stole a piece of sandwich when I quickly went to the bathroom. She totally freaks me out."

Brittany stands there with the still hot baking sheets in her hands.

"Can I put them on your balcony then?" She asks when already heading towards the stairs. "These are getting really hot. Please go first and open the door!"

Quickly Santana forgets about the fat cat and hurries upstairs to do as she's told.

* * *

"Wow… how did you manage to make them even better than last time?"

Santana's got her eyes closed when she enjoys every bit of the sweet and buttery taste in her mouth.

Brittany takes a moment to reply.

"I think it's the fact that we're eating them in bed."

Santana thinks about it. Brittany is most definitely right. They've been lying on their backs in her bed, both chewing in silence. The balcony door is still open and lets fresh air fill the almost dark room. The bright light of the moon makes everything shimmer in a blueish shade. She's not sure though if it's the only reason that the cookies taste better.

Because if she's being honest, it's not the taste that makes her feel the tingles inside her stomach. Slowly she turns onto her side. Brittany's still lying on her back next to her, motionless with her eyes closed, too. Her arms calmly down her sides, her hair no longer in a bun but wavy around her head. Almost like a silky pillow.

Santana lets her head rest on her elbow when she lets her eyes wander of the woman's body.

"Is it working?" Brittany asks in a low voice. Santana wonders if she missed a part of the conversation. "The distraction?" Brittany clarifies.

Oh… no, not really.

"Yeah. I totally don't want to kiss you anymore." Santana mutters with her eyes now hanging on Brittany's mouth. Not that she's believing her own words…

The blonde turns her head to look at Santana. Although it's dark, Santana can see the same sparkle as always in it.

"Good" She whispers. "Glad it worked…" She sounds about as convinced.

Santana can only make a humming noise for some sort of confirmation. Her body's not listening to her. She tentatively reaches her hand out to let her finger run over Brittany's eyebrow. The hot skin on her cheek and chin. Her throat and back up to her nose. She takes her time to let her finger wander slowly when Brittany doesn't pull back or tell her to stop.

Santana swallows at the beautiful skin underneath her fingertips. At the soft hair when she pushes a strand of it behind Brittany's ear. At the way her heart twitches when Brittany closes her eyes but parts her lips. Maybe because of the sensation, too. Maybe because Santana's hand wanders down Brittany's upper arm and lands on her waist.

She scoots closer to Brittany so she doesn't feel so lost at what she's doing. Being close to Brittany's body makes her feel calm.

She supports her head in the palm of her hand while watching Brittany's ribcage moving up and down slowly, rhythmically. When her eyes wander lower, she only then realizes that her hand has found a delicate spot to rest. On Brittany's hipbone, just a few inches underneath her shirt.

She doesn't know if she pushed the shirt up or if it was like that already but when she gets to see naked skin there, above the button of Brittany's jeans, Santana closes her eyes. Almost as if she's not allowed to watch so bluntly.

First she wonders if Brittany still has her eyes closed, too but then it doesn't matter. She's way too distracted by the way her other senses start working. She senses how Brittany shifts her body just a little bit towards her. The lovely scent of her hair reaches her nose. But what almost makes Santana open her eyes is the way she can hear Brittany's breathing becoming just a little bit heavier. She wants to see if it's still ok that she's got her hand now completely underneath Brittany's shirt. But she doesn't want to open her eyes because she's scared it'll all be dream or something.

Gently she lets her hand explore the new feeling of touching Brittany like that. It's almost like there wasn't time to do so when they were intimate before.

Were they even intimate? Or just greedy…

She feels the warmth around a bellybutton and the curve of a breast when she reaches higher. At this point she _has_ to open her eyes to check if it's ok. Brittany's still got her eyes closed and she's breathing through her mouth. Her lips look dry and her cheeks seem to glow. Maybe Santana's also imagining it since it's dark.

"May I?" Santana whispers utterly careful. She doesn't want to do anything wrong. She really doesn't. Brittany's eyes open slowly.

She nods almost immediately.

Santana swallows at the sight below her. Brittany shuts her eyes again when Santana's hand pushes underneath the sports bra she's wearing. The blonde sucks in a breath of air and then sighs at the way Santana gently cups her breast, her thumb delicately pressing against her nipple.

Santana can tell it's ok although Brittany seems overwhelmed. She can tell it feels good by the way Brittany's face leans in, blindly looking for something.

Santana wets her lips with her tongue in order to end the probably miserable feeling of dryness on Brittany's.

There's one sense left after all that she hasn't used to fully take in the moment of being as close to Brittany as never before. They're in fact closer than a couple weeks ago. This is different.

She kisses Brittany's lips and tastes the sweetness of new territory. Of chocolate chip cookies and of pureness she hasn't tasted before.

While her hand is still on Brittany's chest, she guides her leg between the blonde's thighs so she can make the physical distance a little smaller and feel her even better.

This way she can support her weight on her elbow, kiss Brittany freely and notice the blonde's body move against her own with every breath she takes. Since those breaths have turned into an erratic pattern, Santana knows that she's not the only one who's turned on by what they're doing on the covers of her bed.

When she senses a hand reaching into her hair, she takes it as a yes to kiss Brittany deeper. She does with everything she's got by letting her tongue move against Brittany's and putting a bit more pressure on the thigh that's caught between the blonde's.

They kiss for endless minutes. Santana can hardly take it. She wants so bad to go further and take Brittany's clothes off as well as her own. She wants to kiss her everywhere and touch her there and just go all the way. But more than that she wants to make Brittany feel good. That's why she won't go any further.

She kisses her until she runs out of air. She gently rolls her body on top of Brittany's to make her feel that Santana's not going anywhere. She's right here with her, holding her, shielding her from whatever could scare her in the future.

When she realizes that she's not just holding Brittany but Brittany's holding on to her, too, she knows that this is right. They let their warm lips and careful hands speak what doesn't have to be spoken out loud. They let the night take over when their exhausted mouths come to a rest. Santana only manages to sort of wrap them in the covers before she allows herself to fall into a slumber.


	22. table

**About four weeks later…**

 **Santana's POV**

She's standing by the patio door with a bottle of wine in her hand, taking in the scene in front of her.

A couple months ago she never would have thought that an evening like this would be possible. At her place. In her garden to be precise.

Her friends or Loretta would have given her a funny look if she told them that they were invited to a garden party. Because there was no garden back then. At least not one that was pretty. Or blossoming. Or alive.

But tonight she's doing something she's wanted for so long. She's having guests over. And they actually seem to be comfortable.

She lets her eyes wander over what has become her tiny oasis of comfort. There are friends sitting at a long table in _her_ garden, having barbecue. For the first time since she's been living here, she spoke to the couple who lives next door and asked if she could borrow their big garden table. When they were happy to give it to her, she spontaneously invited them, too and here they are. She has no idea why they haven't said more than "good morning" to each other all this time. They're lovely. Right now they're sitting next to Loretta and Eric, talking animatedly about something.

Santana doesn't know why Eric is here. She didn't invite him but when Loretta showed up with him, she didn't want to be impolite.

Next to them are two of Santana's old college friends that she hasn't seen in quite a while. Then there is Kurt together with Dom. Brittany is sitting on the opposite side, laughing at something Kurt says. He's probably talking about shooting a funny scene or something. Or he's just being his charming self. Brittany definitely likes him, Santana can tell.

It means a lot to have all of them over tonight. It's a lovely group of people. She wants to stop and capture the moment.

She's happy.

"Santana! Is that bottle going to walk itself over or are you gonna bring it anytime soon? I'm thirsty!" Kurt's voice interrupts her thoughts. He waves her over. Santana grins when she approaches them.

When she passes by Loretta, her sister grabs her arm.

"You look lovely tonight" She says with a warm smile. "I'm happy that you're doing this. Plus the food is yummy."

Santana returns the smile and thanks her sister. When she takes her seat next to Brittany, Kurt reaches across the table to take the wine.

"This is a lovely dinner, Santana. Why haven't you done this sooner? Who wants a glass?" While Dom and Brittany shake their heads, he fills his own as well as Santana's.

"Because, Kurt, no one would have come." Santana explains. "All this is only so lovely because Brittany here…" Santana nudges Brittany's elbow. "Made my garden come back to life. It was quite a challenge, wasn't it?"

Brittany winks at Santana, then nods approvingly.

"It wasn't the easiest job I've done so far, I must say. But definitely one of the nicest. I'm quite satisfied with the end result." The blonde answers. Dom laughs and high fives Brittany over the table.

Seriously what is it with all their high fives?

"I bet you are" He agrees before taking a big bite of meat. Santana can't help but think that maybe Dom isn't just talking about the garden but kind of referring to whatever the job resulted between her and Brittany. They must talk about what is going on all the time.

Not that there is much going on.

They hang out. She and Brittany.

And sometimes make out.

Often. But that's about it.

And sometimes Brittany stays over. Like they sleep in bed next to each other. Which is not something she thought would ever happen. Brittany made clear in the beginning that she never stays over. But somehow she now does. Sometimes. Like she did two days ago. And probably tonight. Since she's already here. And since they kind of haven't had a moment to themselves today. It's very likely that Brittany will sleep over tonight.

Santana's stomach makes a jump at the idea of Brittany being the one to stay after everyone leaves.

"Brittany what you did with this garden is just incredible." Kurt congratulates Brittany after a while. "Seriously, it's insane. I can't believe you did it all by yourself. It's so nice. If I ever own a house, I'm definitely hiring you."

Santana watches how Dom throws a look at Kurt.

"You're thinking about owning houses and stuff?" He asks with a low voice. Santana can hear the hint of hope in his voice. Almost as if he's scared to ask but wants to know so badly.

Santana exchanges a glance with Brittany who hides a smirk.

"Well yes… sometime in the future." Kurt goes on, leaning into Dom. They kiss.

Santana wants to roll her eyes or make a comment at their cheesiness but they're way too cute. She can see them living in a house together.

They're going to be great Dads to a bunch of perfectly styled and insanely good looking kids. If Kurt's going to be very famous by then, they'll probably have their own reality tv show.

When she senses something touching her knee, Santana quickly clears her throat to cover up the surprise. It's Brittany's hand finding rest on her thigh. Santana has no idea if people can see it. Or the probably pink shade across her face.

She feels an urge to put her own hand on top of Brittany's but also a reflex to push it away. Because she's not ready to answer questions. Not as long as she has no idea what is going on between her and Brittany.

Are they friends with benefits? Is it leading towards something serious? Are they never going to talk about it?

They're pretty much back at where they were in the beginning. Doing stuff but not knowing how to deal with it or what it means. It's so fragile that she's scared she'll push Brittany away by talking about it.

She doesn't know whether to take Brittany's hand or to ignore it. So she decides to look to her side and communicate in the only effective way she knows right now.

Her eyes lock with Brittany's easily. While they listen to Kurt and Dom's love confessions and the other conversations going on at the table, she tries to read Brittany's mind. That's something that usually doesn't work. But right now in the middle of people talking and the evening sun tickling her nose, she can tell that Brittany feels at ease and lets Santana know so by gently squeezing her thigh. She also wordlessly lets Santana know that she's going to stay for tonight.

And that is all she needs to know for now.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

It's close to midnight when only Santana's sister, her friend and Brittany are left. Everyone else has said goodbye and thanked Santana for the lovely evening.

While Santana and Loretta have gone inside to put away some dishes, Brittany is strolling around in the garden, checking to make sure that everything is doing fine. It's something she always does when she comes over.

When she hears footsteps coming closer, she thinks it's Santana but the smile forming on her face fades as she recognizes this Eric guy once she turns away from the flower bed.

"You've done quite a good job around here" He starts a conversation that Brittany doesn't really want to be part of. There is something about this person that she doesn't like.

"Thanks" She mumbles, then faces him. If he wants to say something, she's going to make it easy.

"We should definitely work together in the future." He goes on, making Brittany indeed wonder what he's talking about. "I'm starting a real estate business. I could use some good connections. Professionals… indoor and outdoor. Maybe it would do you good, too?"

Brittany narrows her eyes. It this some sort of 'keep your friends close but your enemies closer' thing? She doesn't know why she thinks of Eric as an enemy. He hasn't done anything to upset her. So far.

But something in her guts tells her that he's up to no good. Maybe it's his stoic Ken expression that unsettles her. Or the strong cologne. Or the way he kept staring at her and Santana during dinner.

"Sounds promising. But I have my clients and they're becoming more. My business is growing strong, so… but thanks for offering." Brittany tries to make clear right away.

Eric purses his slips, then puts his hands into his pockets. He nods wordlessly.

"Let me know if you change your mind. The Lopez family is very important to me. I'll support anyone who's important to them." He says with a look that Brittany can't read.

When they hear voices coming their way, they break their eye contact.

"Eric can we go now? I'm so tired." Loretta wants to know with a yawn and hooks arms with her friend. Eric puts on a sweet smile. He leans in to kiss Santana on the cheek and also reaches his hand out to Brittany. She shakes it after hesitating for a second.

Once they've all said goodbye to each other, Santana guides Eric and Loretta around the house to let them through the gate.

Brittany makes her way back to the table where they had dinner and pours herself another glass of water. When she tiredly sinks onto her chair, she listens to the gate getting closed a minute later.

She watches an exhausted looking Santana coming back but she's got a happy grin on her face.

"Have I earned the title of being a good host?" She wants to know from Brittany when she steps close. Instead of sitting on her own chair, she sinks down on Brittany's lap sideways.

Surprised about that move, Brittany wraps her arms around the brunette's waist.

"I thought I'd allow myself to do this since you were the one to sneak a hand on my thigh during dinner. That was bold of you by the way." Santana mumbles.

Brittany laughs softly.

"Sorry… couldn't help myself. A moment of weakness."

It wasn't a moment of weakness and Santana probably knows it. It was a moment of safety. Still the brunette clicks her tongue.

"Is that so? Well then maybe I should ask you to go home now and sleep at your own place. Because sitting like this… feels a little intimate if you're asking me. I wouldn't want you to do something reckless in another moment of weakness and regret it later on."

Brittany shakes her head at Santana's words but she's amused. She tilts her head up so she can press a kiss against Santana's jaw.

"Stop talking Santana. You're ruining the moment." She mutters with another kiss against her skin.

"The moment? We're having a moment?"

Brittany nods and makes a sign for Santana to listen quietly.

When they're both no longer talking, the sound of chirping crickets takes over.

Santana hums in contentment.

This could easily be Brittany's favorite evening in a long time.

* * *

The scent of coffee starts filling her nose the moment she opens her eyes. Together with the comforting smell of the sheets and pillows surrounding her, she could immediately fall back to sleep. It's still a new smell although she has slept in this bed for a few times now… but new doesn't mean unfamiliar.

It's funny how much this scent makes her feel at ease. She would never have thought that lying in another bed than her own could make her feel that comfortable. Let alone that she could actually fall asleep in it.

When she slept over for the first time the night they made those cookies about a month ago – she nearly had a heart attack when she woke up in the early morning hours. They had somehow fallen asleep with all their clothes on and she realized with a start that she did something she couldn't make unhappen. She stayed over night.

Brittany closes her eyes at the memory of it. That evening changed quite a few things. Sleeping with someone, as in _next to_ someone has always been a very intimate thing in her opinion. She had always protected herself from going that far.

But somehow – she doesn't know how - she's able to let her mind be at ease while being with Santana. She can simply enjoy lying next to her and doesn't worry about anything. Also, Brittany feels a desire for someone else's touch in a way she has never felt before. She always thought that she just preferred to be the more active part while being physically close to someone. That getting touched didn't mean so much to her. She had no idea.

She loves it when Santana touches her. Not that they've gone much further than during the cookie night. She's not ready and that's what's confusing to her. Who would have thought that she'd be the one to need that much time?

She didn't even know that someone could activate those feelings and sensations inside of her, let alone that she was even capable of _having_ them in the first place. What's even more surprising to her, is that Santana patiently gives her time although Brittany can tell that Santana would love to do things they haven't done so far.

Brittany opens her eyes when she hears a noise from downstairs. She feels so comfortable and another hour of sleep sounds wonderful in her head, but the idea of sipping a cup of coffee in Santana's garden is even more appealing.

She pushes the sheets off of her, puts on her shorts and t-shirt before making her way downstairs to find the source of that coffee scent.

* * *

"Hey sleepy head. Didn't think I'd get to see you up so soon." She gets greeted by Santana's voice. Brittany needs a moment to find her. She looks around in the living room and eventually sees her through the opened patio door where she's sitting at the garden table. Brittany steps outside barefoot to join her.

She takes a chair opposite from Santana.

"Do you ever not work on a Sunday?" Brittany asks her while giving the cup of coffee a longing look. It's still not the best coffee she's had. In fact, it's pretty much the worst. But coffee on a Sunday morning is something she must have. She keeps giving Santana's coffee another chance, hoping that miraculously it will taste better. But it's always bitter.

She has no idea what time Santana sneaked out of bed this morning to get her computer in order to do some work. She looks like she hasn't just been sitting here for thirty minutes.

"Weekends don't exist to me. I work all the time because I'm good at it and because I totally get lost in it." Santana explains before closing her computer. She smiles at Brittany. "But the good thing is that I'm basically my own boss. Nobody says something when I finish my day early. I think I'm going to do that now since you're here. We could do something."

Brittany reaches for Santana's cup to finally take a sip.

"Do something?" She repeats while guiding the cup to her lips. Something could mean anything.

Doing things with Santana is a very delicate issue. They haven't really spoken about what is happening between them. Sure, they talked about how they're attracted to each other and that it's somehow not working when they try to ignore that attraction. But apart from the physical closeness they've developed by Brittany coming over and spending the evening and night at Santana's... they haven't really cleared the air. Are they sort of dating? What is the definition of dating even?

She knows that Santana is being careful and protective of her own feelings. It's obvious that she doesn't want to get hurt. That's why Santana no longer wanted them to be intimate. But since that's not working – she wonders if they should talk about it. Because she doesn't want to hurt Santana. She has basically zero experience at being in a relationship. That means it's destined to fail, right?

"Yes. We could get some ice cream or take a walk at the beach? I'd even give our swim lessons another try." Santana winks at Brittany.

Brittany puts the coffee back down because yuck. Still not happening. She's gonna get Santana a new coffee maker one day.

"Unless you have to be somewhere?"

Brittany thinks for a moment.

"No I don't. But… what are we doing?" Santana narrows her eyes at Brittany's question. "I mean… we're spending time together, I stay over… it's all fun for a couple weeks but what then? I thought that you weren't interested in just having fun. I don't even know if it's just fun anymore, you know? And that… scares me. To be honest."

Santana listens to Brittany. Then she reaches over the table to put her hand on top of Brittany's. It's warm. And soothing.

"It's not just fun for _me_." She admits after another few silent seconds. She's avoiding Brittany's eyes but looks at their hands instead. "I like the way you make me feel. And I think you do, too. But I also don't want to push you towards something you're not comfortable with. That's why I thought it's nice to spend time and see where it goes. Without having to name what we are… yet."

Brittany swallows at Santana's careful words. She can tell that the brunette is scared to say the wrong things but they don't feel so wrong.

"And it scares me, too, you know?"

Brittany nods. She squeezes Santana's hand. When they finally look into each other's eyes, she can see that Santana is being nothing but honest.

"I've never depended on someone" Brittany whispers. She had no idea her voice was going to bail on her. "Not this way." The morning sun hits her face and hurts her eyes when Santana leans a little bit forward. She swallows. "But I like you a lot…" God why is she close to tears now? She's not a baby. She's too old to be scared of things that are good to you.

Santana must think she's silly for having watery eyes.

"Don't worry… Cyan." Santana's voice is so soft. "We're in this together."

Brittany chuckles. She instantly feels better although nothing could take away her fear of hurting or getting hurt right now. It'll take time to see through it all. That's the only thing she knows.


	23. miracle

**FOR LOVE. by Jesper Jenset**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

Cold sweat has formed on the back of her neck. Maybe because she's been running, maybe because she's scared. The lady on the phone didn't exactly say it was an emergency but still. When it comes to her grandma, it's always urgent to her. But her grandma is taken care of. The nursing home brought her to the hospital and she's going to be fine. Apparently she has been completely dehydrated because she won't drink anything anymore which caused her to be even more confused than usual.

It's not the first time that she needs special care. She was in the hospital last year because she fell on her knee and it wouldn't stop bleeding.

Brittany finally reaches the hospital's welcome desk where she's able to catch her breath. A friendly woman informs her where she can find her grandma.

After searching the room for another minute, Brittany finally finds it and gets to see her grandmother as soon as she steps inside.

"Grandma" Brittany blurts when she sees her sitting on the bed, looking all confused and lost. There's a nurse standing next to her, taking care of the infusion connected to a trembling arm.

"Are you the granddaughter?" The nurse greets her with a friendly and relieved smile. Brittany nods when she steps close to inspect her grandma. She hugs her carefully.

"Oh Brittany I'm so happy you're here." Her grandma mutters after grabbing Brittany's hand to squeeze it. "I don't know these people. I had to take off my clothes and put on this gown. I don't feel comfortable. Can we go home? I really want to go home. I need to change into normal clothes and then head to work. My class is already waiting."

Brittany closes her eyes for a moment. The nurse tells her grandma that she needs to lie down but she's way too confused to understand what she's supposed to do.

Somehow Brittany manages, together with the nurse's help, to calm her grandma down and get her to lie down eventually. When Brittany explains to her that she doesn't need to go to work because she has been retired, her grandma seems to remember or maybe she just gives up.

The nurse thanks Brittany for the help and for coming so quickly after they couldn't reach Brittany's parents. They're on vacation at the moment so Brittany didn't hesitate a second to jump into her car and get here.

"We're going to inform you about the new medication situation as soon as we can. You don't have to worry, ok? She's taken good care of. Once she's back on her feet we can send her home." The nurse explains when they say goodbye at the door a few minutes later. Brittany sighs.

Home…

The nursing home isn't exactly her home. It's a good place for her to be but whenever her grandma refers to going "home" she means her old house where she lived for fifty years. She'll never truly get used to being around the nursing staff and all the other residents. Some in a better and some in a worse condition. Sometimes Brittany wishes she could take her grandma back to her old house and move in with her to take care of her until her days are over.

The house still belongs to her grandma but a family lives in it now. Sometimes Brittany takes a trip out to the country and drives by the house and the neighborhood just because it makes her feel home, too. She has nothing but good memories to that time.

Her grandma must miss it so much. Brittany can't imagine what it's like to live somewhere for such a long time with the person you love more than anything and then leave it behind. Because the person you love isn't there anymore and you're not doing well. Because of that.

Her grandfather was everything to her grandma. They were probably a match made in heaven. So different but when it came to the important things in life – they always agreed on everything in the end.

Brittany remembers how brave her grandma was when grandpa passed away. It hurt so much to see her grieve but she stayed strong for everyone else. When she had no one to share her everyday life with anymore, she changed. She became demented. Maybe it had been there for a while but it never really showed until her husband wasn't there anymore to catch some of that.

The thought of being alone aches in Brittany's chest. Especially after you shared your life with someone for such a long time.

When Brittany approaches her grandma in the hospital bed one more time, a smile forms on her lips. She's finally fallen asleep and looks peaceful. Maybe she's dreaming of her life with grandpa. The house and the beautiful evenings they had in their back yard.

Carefully Brittany sits down on the bed and takes her grandma's hand into her own. She watches her sleep for a long time, going back to the sweet memories she has of when her grandma was at her best.

* * *

When she steps out of the building, it's already getting dark. Brittany wipes away a tear. She managed not to cry before but now... After talking to the doctor and the nurse, she had to realize once again that she has to say goodbye to the version of her grandma she knew when she was younger. She's not coming back. It's only going to progress. It's hard to say how it's going to be in the future. How bad it's going to become or how much longer she'll have to suffer.

It's not easy to see her like this. It's not easy to cope with everything and no one to talk to right now. Of course she's going to call her parents tomorrow and tell them what happened. It's way too late to contact them now and whenever she's on the phone with her mother or her Dad, they talk for hours… she's too tired for that.

She's even too tired to drive if she's being honest to herself. She worked all day and it was hard work today. She didn't even have dinner because she got that phone call and drove straight to the hospital.

She could call Dom and ask him to pick her up. Maybe they could go to the diner to grab something to eat. She's starving…

But when she's got her phone ready in hand while standing outside in the dark, Brittany wonders. Yes, Dom is always the one to go to when she needs someone. For advice, for having fun, for doing silly things. He's there when she needs someone and vice versa.

But tonight she doesn't need _someone_ as in anyone.

She needs someone who can make her feel safe. Who can make her insides feel at ease by just a hug. Someone to hold.

Sure she and Dom have hugged. They hug all the time. It's something they do to say hello or goodbye or thank each other for something. They're very close emotionally but in a way that doesn't make her heart jump and feel calm at the very same time.

Being close to Dom is almost like being close to herself. They're so much alike. Being with him is what she needs when she needs her friend.

But being physically close to someone you _crave_ … It's something so special. And it would be the best thing right now. She needs the one who makes her world a little bit better with just one look. One hug.

She stares at the phone in her hand.

Calling Santana now would mean that she's the one that is able to give that to Brittany. That Santana isn't just anyone.

Of course she's not… She way more than that. That's what has always scared Brittany. From the moment they hugged after Santana gave her that silly helmet - which isn't silly at all because it's something so important – Brittany was scared that she'd never want to be without that hug. Without Santana.

A tear lands on her hand holding the phone. She swallows, thinks, then closes her eyes for a second.

When the familiar sound of dialing fills her ear, Brittany holds her breath.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She wishes she could do more. It feels like she's not doing enough. She's just walking behind Brittany towards what must be the building she lives at.

Santana has never been here before. She didn't think she'd get to come here any time soon because Brittany never asked to come over up until tonight. When her phone rang about an hour ago, it was Brittany who asked if Santana could pick her up. Her heart skipped a beat when Brittany said that she was at the hospital.

Santana dropped everything. Not that she had been doing anything special. She had been working at a Café. She paid for her drink right after Brittany's call to get there as soon as possible. Although Brittany said that she was ok and that it wasn't an emergency, Santana wanted to get there fast.

After parking her car at the parking lot, she found Brittany sitting there on a bench. She joined her and they sat for a while where Santana listened to Brittany talking about her grandmother's state and how she wished she could be there for her more. Santana didn't really know how to make her feel better so she just listened. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do.

At one point, Brittany's sad face got graced by a smile. It was when Santana suggested they could get ice cream somewhere to enlighten the mood. So they did. Well, first they hugged. Santana got up from the bench, reached her hand out to pull Brittany on her feet, too. They fell into an embrace that lasted way longer than a normal hug between two people.

After that they went to grab a bite to eat as well as some ice cream on the way home. Now they're here. Arriving at Brittany's door and Santana doesn't know if this is really ok. It's not like Brittany specifically asked her to come inside. Maybe she's just going to say goodnight and close the door behind herself, leaving Santana to go back to her own home.

"Thank you so much for picking me up. I really wasn't able to drive. I'll go get the car in the morning…" Brittany says when she turns around to face Santana.

"No problem" Santana answers carefully. "It was my pleasure." She looks up into blue eyes. They're definitely communicating something different than saying goodnight.

"I'm serious. It's not to be taken for granted that you just drop whatever you were doing at this hour." Brittany goes on. She shrugs. Like she can't believe they're actually standing here.

Santana gives her a warm smile.

"I'm sure you would have done the same for me." She tries to make Brittany feel better. The blonde just gazes at her first. Then she nods.

"Yes"

"Well… there you go. You do those things when you… care about someone."

Santana bites her tongue. She's not sure if she's gone too far. On the other hand, how can it be too far when you're being honest about something that feels so real and nice?

Brittany smiles back.

Thank God.

Then she opens the main door to the building she lives at. She throws a look over her shoulder and tilts her head.

"Wanna come inside?" She asks with another smirk.

Santana nods. Then she follows Brittany into the building.

* * *

On one hand it's so different from what she expected and at the same time it's everything she should have pictured when thinking of Brittany's apartment.

It's small. But only when she compares it to her own house.

It's cozy. And warm. Like hot actually.

Brittany sighs when she explains to Santana that she forgot to shut the blinds when leaving for work this morning and how the sun will always heat up her living room like an oven.

There are things she needs for work lying around pretty much everywhere. While Santana has paintings at her home, Brittany prefers to hang up pictures of what must be her friends and family.

She probably cooks a lot because when Brittany shows her the kitchen, Santana gets to see lots of pans and bowls on the sink, ready to be put back into the cupboards. There's like nothing unhealthy lying around. Instead there's a big plate of fruit on the kitchen table.

When Brittany brings her something to drink, Santana sinks down onto Brittany's small couch back in the living room. Only two people can sit on it. Not lie down. But sit next to each other like shoulder to shoulder. Still it's quite comfy. Santana realizes how tired she actually is.

"No claustrophobic feelings, yet?" Brittany wants to know with a wink when she sits down next to Santana, handing her a glass of water.

Santana laughs.

"Actually no. I like that it's small. Means you don't have to clean so much. And everything is within a few feet away. Sometimes I prefer to stay thirsty when I'm at home because the kitchen is so far away from where I'm sitting at."

At that Brittany has to laugh, too.

"Come on… your house is pretty amazing. When I started working for you, I thought it was way too big but then I got used to it. It makes you feel like you can breathe a lot easier with all that space."

Santana ponders.

"Really? I just thought the opposite. Your place instantly made me feel grounded. I don't always get that at home. Sometimes it makes me feel a little lost actually. All the space that I don't really know what to do with."

Brittany gazes at her when Santana falls silent. She didn't plan to get so philosophic right away. Or ever. But something about being at Brittany's place for the first time makes her feel special.

"What's in that container?" Santana quickly changes the subject when her eyes land on something she hasn't seen before. It looks like it's made of clay and standing next to the entrance of the small kitchen.

Brittany follows her line of sight. She grins.

"I don't think you really want to know that." She mumbles with a secretive tone.

"Well now I do even more. Something for a plant? Are you growing herbs in there?" Santana suggests.

Brittany shakes her head.

"No, they wouldn't see the sunlight in there… that's my worm composting bin. It's awesome. Wanna say hello to them?"

Santana is pretty sure she just misheard. But it's Brittany. She probably doesn't joke about those things.

Santana feels like she's going to gag.

"You want to tell me there are worms in there? As in… alive?"

Brittany bobs her head, ready to get up in order to prove it. Santana quickly holds her back by the wrist.

"Please don't show me. Please. That's gross." It's a miracle that Santana can speak properly. She's definitely sure she could throw up right now if she tried to. Brittany sinks back onto the couch.

"Gross? But they're so amazing! They take care of the waste I produce in the kitchen and make humus with it. It's - a miracle. Like the circle of life. I'll totally explain to you how it works if you want." Brittany shrugs. Santana slowly shakes her head because no... she doesn't want to know more about that. Maybe not yet.

"Ok Mufasa, listen… while I do appreciate that you want to show me the slimy miracle in there – I'd also appreciate it if we did something else. Because if you open the lid of that bin, I'm _going_ to throw up. Like legit. I don't want that. You don't want that. Worms don't want that. And don't start on how vomiting is part of the worm's life circle thing."

Brittany's eyes light up at that.

"Oh it's not their vomit, it's actually their-"

"Stop! Just stop. Please… can we talk about something else?" Santana pleads, hoping that Brittany will finally give in.

She does. She even has a slightly embarrassed smile on her face.

"Sorry" She mumbles. "Sometimes I forget that not everyone thinks that animals are fascinating the way I do." She chuckles while scratching her forehead.

Santana bites her bottom lip. Again she reaches for Brittany's wrist. Not to hold her back this time but to intertwine their fingers.

The warm sensation of doing that, makes her stomach feel like it's getting filled with a rush of butterflies.

"I think _you're_ fascinating." She whispers when pulling Brittany's fingers up to her lips. She presses a gentle kiss to the back of her hand. "Your mind and your knowledge. I'd love it if you taught me a bit more about all those things. Maybe a bit earlier in the day, so my mind will be able to process." Brittany nods wordlessly, her eyes hooked on Santana's lips pressing another kiss to her hand.

"Now I'm just really tired." Santana mumbles when actually suppressing a yawn. "Maybe I should head home before it gets too late-"

"You could… sleep here." Santana looks up to find blue eyes already looking back at her. Brittany looks convinced of what she's proposing. "I already feel bad for you coming to pick me up so late. I don't want you to drive home like this. Please… stay here."

Santana swallows. She knows that this isn't something Brittany does all the time. Maybe never.

"I don't even have my stuff." She mumbles, getting lost in Brittany's eyes that are filled with hope.

"I have everything. Toothbrush, extra clothes to sleep in…" She starts to list but trails off when Santana smiles.

"Alright. That would be great. Thanks."

Brittany nods.

"Great."

That's when Santana realizes that she's actually going to spend the night at Brittany's. They're simply sitting next to each other, holding hands and Santana is already glowing at the inside. How is she supposed to lie next to her in bed without exploding? She's pretty sure that Brittany's bed is smaller than hers. They're going to lie closer to each other than during the nights Brittany spent at her place.

She longs to be close to Brittany. Always. Now that she has her right here, about to spend the night, she's almost insecure.

"Do you want a cup of tea before we head to bed?" Brittany's careful voice interrupts her thoughts. Santana squeezes warm fingers.

"Yes, please" She whispers before letting Brittany go to head towards the kitchen.

"Don't worry, I'm not opening it." Brittany comments when passing by the worm composter thing.

Santana laughs, the nervousness buzzing through her chest again. But she's not nervous because of what Brittany just said.

It's because Santana doesn't remember the last time she spent the night at someone else's place. As in someone she liked. She wants to do everything right. Not misread any signals.

It's a good thing Brittany is making them a cup of tea. Maybe that will calm her down after all.

* * *

 **Sorry for the rather slow chapters - the plot will develop in the next ones and probably head towards an ending. I hope you're bearing with me :)**


	24. wave

**Yellow Lights by Natania**

* * *

She thought that Brittany's apartment was small but her bedroom is even smaller. It's basically just a chamber with a bed and a window. There's no ocean view like at home as well as no tv in the corner. Just a small bedside table with a lamp and a book on it. The cover of the book tells Santana that it's something about trees.

The bed however is not as tiny as expected. They both fit in it just fine. Just like Brittany's shirt fits her comfortably. When Brittany stepped into the bedroom to give Santana something to wear a few minutes ago, Santana nearly lost the capacity of speaking. Brittany was wearing some silly boxer shorts and just her sports bra. She handed Santana the sleeping clothes before turning around to quickly take off her bra and put on a shirt.

Santana couldn't speak because she couldn't remember ever thinking that someone was this sexy. Sure, she has been attracted to people in the past. She has slept with women and liked their bodies. But when she saw Brittany like that, she had to swallow. She has no idea what is so different about _her_ or seeing her or being near her. She simply can't explain it and that's what makes it so special.

Every moment she gets to share with Brittany is special. Ever since they met for the first time just a couple months ago. Now they are here lying in bed next to each other, gazing at each other.

It's not the first night they're spending together. But the first time it means something different. They're not together tonight because they simply felt like it. Santana is here because Brittany called her in a moment of panic. You don't just call anyone. You call the person you need to be there. Santana knows that. She would have called Brittany, too.

What does that mean?

Santana is enjoying this. More than anything. But out of a certain fear of getting hurt, she's not _quite_ ready to find out what it all means. Because she's learned that Brittany isn't easy to read. Maybe they're heading towards something exclusive or maybe it'll all be too much for her, too close. Who knows?

When a warm hand touches her own, Santana decides that this is a thought to deepen another night. Right now she wants to be here, completely. With heart and body. Because there's something about being with Brittany – _here_. At her home.

There's no way she's going to fall asleep anytime soon.

"I really love your place" Santana whispers after a while of lying in the silence that Brittany's small bedroom provides. The corner of the blonde's mouth twitches.

"Are you sure?" She wants to know with a soft voice. She doesn't sound tired, either. Rather amused.

"Yeah it's got a calming impact on me. Or maybe it's you, I don't know. Speaking of… how are you feeling? About what happened to your grandma. Have you gotten over the first shock?"

Brittany nods slowly, then pulls the sheets bit higher up to her nose. Like she's seeking comfort in it. She takes a breath before speaking.

"It was scary. I should be used to it by now. It's not the first time that I find her in a worrying situation. I just never get used to knowing that she's not getting better. Which is silly… she's almost ninety-four. It was a matter of time that things like this would happen."

Santana nods when she tries to remember what she felt like when her own grandfather passed away. She was very sad, too.

"I know… but I guess we're never prepared for the pain that gets caused when someone close to us dies. No matter how old they were. When I was in high school I had this classmate who's great-grandfather turned one hundred and two years before he died. The whole family grieved for a long time because they were that close. My classmate didn't show up to school for days."

"Wow…a hundred and two?"

"Yeah. That age was crazy to me. It still is. He was very fit, had no disabilities or dementia. He just passed away in his sleep one day." Santana watches how Brittany's eyes drop to her lips while listening. "But getting that old... I don't know. It scares me a little. Doesn't it scare you?" Santana asks. Brittany shrugs gently.

"Not if I'm healthy… but it does sound awfully long if you think about it. Spending more than a _century_ on this planet."

Santana nods because it does sound incredibly long when Brittany says it like that.

"I'm sure _you're_ going to live a long and healthy life, Brittany. Judging by the way I've gotten to know you. I mean – do you ever do or eat anything unhealthy? Sugar?"

Brittany exhales with a chuckle.

"As a matter of fact; yes. We had ice cream today, remember? I love it. But I also love eating the healthy stuff. Knowing what's in there and that it's good for me. That's why I cook a lot or bake things myself instead of buying them. I try not to eat a lot of meat. If I do, I want it to be local. The small things are important to me. Although they're not really that small if you think about it, right?"

Santana agrees. Sometimes she wishes she was more aware of what she does or eats. She's embarrassed even. About the fact that Brittany knows so much more than her.

"I always wanted to have my own little farm when I was younger." Brittany goes on. "So I could have my own chickens and maybe a goat. I always pictured to live in a house with a giant garden where I'd grow everything myself. Vegetables, trees…" Now it's Brittany's turn to talk in a secretive, yet longing way. Like she's telling a story about someone else. "If I could, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd live self-sufficient somewhere far away from the city life, hand in hand with nature. Work hard but it would be good work… work that makes sense. I'd chop wood every now and then so we could sit outside by a fire until late at night…"

Santana's heart makes a weird jump when Brittany says "we" although it's probably not intended or implying anything. But inevitably Santana finds herself picturing a life with Brittany, somewhere, with a house and animals and probably lots of plants.

Unaware of Santana's inner turmoil about happy back yard camp fires, Brittany goes on painting pictures in Santana's head.

"I could totally imagine living in a really small town where everyone does their part in order to make a peaceful life possible. I wouldn't need the many fancy things our modern society has invented. Only the things that are needed to live a healthy life… I'm not sure many people would understand what happiness means to me."

Santana narrows her eyes. This is getting interesting. She props her head in her hand so she can have a better look at Brittany.

"Try me" She says encouragingly. Brittany turns onto her back to gaze at the ceiling. She sighs.

"It's hard to explain… maybe you could compare it to a feeling of being born in the wrong era? Whenever I watch a movie that plays in a time where they didn't have cell phones or computers, I feel like I would have liked that a lot. I don't think that progress is a bad thing in general, don't get me wrong. I'm just sometimes having a hard time keeping up with everything. Digitization, mass tourism… there are many things that worry me. When actually I just want to be _out_ there and give something back to nature by appreciating it more. I want everybody to do that. Instead of emptying all the resources, leaving the earth dry."

Brittany turns her head slightly in order to throw a look at Santana.

"That's probably a big turn off isn't it? That an old lady from a different century lives in me and she'd rather go back to the past instead of joining the new wave?"

Santana chuckles, then thinks about it. She puts a strand of hair behind Brittany's ear.

"The new wave... No, it's not a turn off to think that some things in the past were better. Or that they would have matched you more." Brittany smiles at Santana's words or maybe her touch. "As long as you don't go back and make marriage equality unhappen. I'll join _your_ wave."

Brittany laughs when Santana points a finger at her.

"Ok I won't" The blonde mumbles. She takes Santana's finger into her hand. "But enough about me. I want to know more about you Santana Lopez."

Santana swallows at the unexpected request and the depth of Brittany's eyes when they gaze at her. Even in the dark those eyes are mesmerizing.

"Uh ok like what?" Santana wonders, surprised about Brittany sudden interest.

"I dunno. Tell me something from your past. Stories about a friend who had a grandpa that turned one hundred and two don't count. I want something real about _you_." Brittany gives her a pointed look that actually makes Santana a little nervous.

"Wow… you really want to know stuff about me?"

"Of course. Tell me something you would do different if you could go back in time, now that you have the wisdom of almost thirty years?"

Santana grins. Well… there is something not too many people know. Because it's one of those slap your palm against your forehead things from your past.

"Ok uhm… so there's this thing. It's... I don't know why I did that in the first place. Ok so, I had this girlfriend a couple years ago and she was totally out going and everybody loved her and was jealous of me because she was hot and kind of looked like J. Lo."

"Is this story going anywhere? Because so far it sucks." Brittany's fake annoyance makes Santana laugh out loud. The jealousy written all over her face is more than pleasant.

"Well you will have to let me tell it, ok? So there I was in my early twenties, I had just finished college and was dating this pretty girl. Maybe I was inexperienced or just naïve but she told me under tears one day that she was broke and so I wanted to help her out."

Brittany gives her a look. A look that says, 'how naïve _exactly_ were you?'.

"The first time it was because her car broke down, then it was some medical bill, then rent. I didn't want to see the warning signs but it turned out she was totally messing with me. Plus she cheated on me. She had a thing going on with my best friend at that time. They completely made a fool of me behind my back. They ran away… together with a whole bunch of money." Santana sighs. The memories still make her cringe.

"That's awful" Brittany whispers after a few wordless seconds. "They never paid you back?"

Santana shakes her head.

"And that's what I'd do differently. I wouldn't make the relationship or the cheating unhappen because those kinds of experiences make you stronger, right? But I'd definitely not let her get away with it that easily. I wouldn't even give her that much money in the first place. Who knows to how many other people she did that? And then just walk away? It's such a coward behavior."

"Coward? You're being way too nice! She stole from you! If I ever get hold of that b-"

"Brittany… it was a long time ago. It's not worth it to get upset. You asked me what I'd do _if_ I could go back in time. Luckily we can't."

Brittany sighs with an eyeroll.

"If you say so… but just so you know." She reaches a hand up to Santana's cheek and caresses her gently. "I'm not going to do that to you."

Santana smiles with a hum into Brittany's touch.

"No?"

"No… I'm not going to hook up with Kurt behind your back."

Santana can sense her own jaw dropping at Brittany's bold words and her smug grin. She's speechless. How does Brittany always manage to leave her speechless and be funny doing so? In the least expected moments?

"I thought you were going to say you wouldn't steal from me!" Santana exclaims. "I'm outraged." She ads before she can no longer hide her amusement. When she thinks that Brittany never fails to surprise her, the blonde has somehow managed to put her arm underneath Santana's waist and easily pulls her on top of herself.

With a gasp Santana steadies herself in the straddling position. She looks down at Brittany who contentedly puts her hands on Santana's thighs.

"Don't act so surprised" Brittany mutters with a low voice. "I could tell you wanted to do this from the moment we stepped into the bedroom." Santana slowly shakes her head. "Uhm _yes_. You have to control your leering if you don't want me to read you that easily."

Santana clicks her tongue, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "What? Isn't it true? You've wanted to do this for such a long time. Having me all willing underneath you."

"Brittany… don't talk like that and then turn us over in one swift move so you're back in control."

Brittany raises her eyebrows while letting her hands wander up Santana's thighs. She doesn't know if it's her own skin or Brittany's fingers that are burning hot.

"I do that?"

The innocent voice almost makes Santana believe that Brittany isn't aware of her own behavior when it comes to keeping dominance.

"Yes, you do." Santana answers. She doesn't want Brittany to feel bad about it. But it's good to tell her what she honestly thinks. "Maybe I'm wrong but I can tell you want to try things with me. Things that are new to you." Santana carefully puts her words because no matter how smug Brittany can be sometimes or how much of a flirt she is… she's definitely also insecure. "I just never really know if you're ready. Or how far you want to go."

The honesty obviously reaches Brittany's conscience. She bites her bottom lip, then closes her eyes.

"You're not wrong" She admits with a steady voice. Santana quietly listens while putting her hands on top of Brittany's that are still resting on her thighs. Slowly her fingers wander up and down Brittany's arms. "When I'm with you… I learn new things. About myself and my body… it's good. But also a bit scary." Santana swallows when she watches Brittany talk with her eyes closed. "Everything's different with you."

The blonde squeezes Santana's thigh to emphasize the last word.

"Usually when I'm with someone and we get intimate, I don't want it to be about me. I want her to feel good and because… it's so _hard_ for me to turn off my head. I can't really let go. So it's easier to focus on the other person."

She opens her eyes when Santana hasn't spoken in a while.

"Doesn't it feel good when somebody touches you?" Santana wants to know with an encouraging smile. Brittany shrugs.

"It does when you do." She whispers. Santana narrows her eyes.

"And all the other times before me?"

Brittany tentatively shakes her head.

"Oh… but I always had the impression that you like having fun. That it's fun for you to be with people and sleep around. That came out wrong… I'm sorry, I have no idea what it is that you truly like. I just assumed that you enjoy having many-"

"Santana… when I sleep with people it's not what you picture in your head. The women I've been with liked being with me because I guess I knew how to make them feel good. It's always a pretty one-sided thing. Remember how I told you that I never stay over? I usually just… leave afterwards. But when I'm at your place, I want to stay. My body craves for your touch and that's just something I haven't known before." Santana can almost feel the shame in Brittany's voice when she goes on. "I never… come. I've never… I don't know why that is. My head just always gets in my way of enjoying things. It's frustrating."

Santana feels bad that Brittany avoids her eyes. The way she hesitantly says those things, she must think that Santana judges her or something. A pained smile graces her face when Santana gives Brittany's hand a heartening squeeze.

"To be honest" Santana speaks up. "I was surprised to find myself so confident around you. Especially when it all started between us. I mean I've made good experiences in the past but I also know the feeling of when you can't turn off your thoughts and everything gets so real and tensed up. Sometimes I'd get so aware of what I was doing that I felt weird being with someone. Being naked can be very uncomfortable even with a person you like. Trust me, it's not something to feel bad about. When you and I hooked up, it was very surprising for me to feel so relaxed and filled with confidence. You simply make me feel very comfortable. So please… I really want to return that feeling. I'd never want you to do something you're not ready for. I just love being with you in the first place."

Brittany hangs on Santana's lips, her mouth slightly opened. She seems to suck in every spoken word. Santana hopes that Brittany will understand that she's serious. That she doesn't have to feel with Santana the way she apparently has felt with people in the past.

"This is special to me, Brittany. You're special to me." Santana mutters when she slowly leans down to seal her words with a promising kiss to Brittany's lips.

Warm hands wonder around her waist and up her back. Brittany holds her close, reciprocating the kiss without hesitation.

She hopes that Brittany knows how much she means it. That she's not going to walk away or turn her back because of something like this. It's the opposite. She only wants Brittany more.

* * *

 **I'm very sorry for the longer wait this time. Hope you still liked it :)**


	25. clay

**Santana's POV**

"Kurt… I'm speechless." Santana mumbles when the final scene of today's episode of _These Days_ fades out. "You were… simply amazing."

For the first time in twenty minutes Santana dares to take her eyes off the screen to turn her head and look at her friend.

Kurt is sitting next to her on the couch, his expression giving away that he nearly bursts with pride and anticipation.

"Really? Do you really like it or just say that because I'm your friend?"

Santana quickly shakes her head.

"No. You're wonderful in this part. I loved every minute of today's episode, especially the scenes with you in it. I never would have thought that I could look at you and not see you as in you. But I can. I only see your character Francis and he's wonderful. I had freaking tears in my eyes in that one scene before the commercial break!"

Kurt puts a hand on his chest, visibly moved over Santana's feedback.

"Oh Santana I'm so glad you like it. I was scared that everybody would think the same thing Damien said on set the other day. He said that it's all fine but I shouldn't get my hopes up to become a series regular. That my character isn't deep enough."

Santana crosses her arms in front of her chest, not amused.

"Douche Damien? The one who you always found so attractive although he's a jerk? The one who hit on you at your home party although you were clearly with Dom?"

Kurt rolls his eyes.

"I'm not into him anymore ok? You were right… he's childish and mean. His good looks no longer compensate anymore."

"Well then forget about what he said. He's not the producer or the director. He doesn't get a say in who becomes a regular. I think he only said that because he's intimated. Seriously Kurt – don't let that get to you. It only matters what I think, ok? And Dom maybe."

She winks at Kurt whose worried expression turns into relief.

"You're right. Dom loves it, too. He always records the show now."

"Aww see? He's crazy about you. So everything is going well with you and Dom? Is it getting very serious?"

Kurt pulls his knees up to hug himself with dreamy eyes.

"Yes… I think I love him." He mutters, causing Santana to put a hand on his arm. "I don't just _think_ so. I do love him. Last night we almost said the three words. But it wasn't quite right, yet. We were in the middle of – you know – doing it and then my phone rang. Ugh… such a romance killer."

Now it's Santana's turn to touch the spot where her heart is.

"Oh wow. You almost said _'I love you'_? So you're in love? As in truly, purely, matter-of-factly in love?"

Kurt grins at Santana's résumé, then nods.

"What about you though? I know you're being careful when it comes to talking about what is going on between you and Brittany. But a blind person could see it. You're unmistakably into each other. You _really_ like her, don't you?"

Santana sighs with a heavy shrug of her shoulders.

"Is it that obvious?"

Kurt nods.

"Yes. Truly, purely and matter-of-factly."

Santana leans back into the cushions of her couch, looking up at the ceiling.

"What am I gonna do? I like her so much. She's different from the people I've been with in the past. Not that there's too much to compare… but our lives are so different. I have no idea if it could lead somewhere. At the same time, I feel more connected to her than to anyone before. How does that work?"

Kurt mimics Santana's position, letting his head rest against hers.

"It's a crazy thing. Attraction… takes you unexpectedly sometimes. With full force."

Santana swallows painfully. Brittany did come into her life unexpectedly. As in come into it and stay in it. She wants Brittany in her life.

Because she's developing such strong feelings for her. There's no point in denying it at all.

* * *

It's days later when Santana finds herself at Brittany's place for the second time. Not because of Brittany's grandma or because of a coincidence or something. Simply because Brittany asked if she wanted to come over for dinner on a Friday night. In the old-fashioned way.

In that same way Santana wanted to bring a bottle of red wine but then she remembered that Brittany doesn't drink alcohol, so she had to think of something else to bring along.

After thinking about it for a while, she decided to go with some special kinds of teabags she saw at a store the other day, together with a single red rose.

Maybe it was a little forward to bring a rose. On the other hand, Brittany was the one to give Santana a rose first. On that afternoon where they had a fight early on. Santana had wanted to return that sweet gesture ever since.

Brittany didn't seem to think it was too forward when she let Santana inside her apartment half an hour ago. She smelled the rose's scent while her eyes flickered towards Santana's. Once she found a vase, they teamed up in the kitchen to cook something delicious.

That's where they are now and Santana thinks she's keeping up alright. She's reading the recipe for a tomato sauce while Brittany's working on a pasta machine to make them their own ravioli. There's music playing from the living room, causing Brittany to move her hips rhythmically and sing along from time to time. Santana grins when she watches Brittany in her element.

Then out of nowhere Santana's eyes start burning like crazy. Tears form instantly when she remembers what it feels like to cut raw onions.

"Oow my eyes" She whines completely incapable of doing anything except from crying. She can hear Brittany's snicker when she steps closer to take the knife out of Santana's hand.

"It totally got you, didn't it?" She wants to know. Santana nods wordlessly, letting Brittany push her backwards until she feels a chair right behind her. When she sits down on it, Brittany hands her a tissue. "Maybe you should let the chef de cuisine do it then. While you take a break to recover."

Santana clicks her tongue when she tries to see something through her teary eyes. Brittany skillfully starts chopping the rest of the onion. She does it like it's nothing. So fast.

"How do you _do_ this? You look like you went to a freakin' cooking school in France or something. How come there are no tears when you do it? Like come on – not even a single one?"

Brittany laughs lightheartedly when she finishes the onion.

"That's years of practice, baby. Or maybe I just don't have that gene."

"There's a gene?" Santana wants to know when she dabbes the last few tears away.

"Uh-huh. The onion crier gene." Brittany answers nonchalantly.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah"

That's when Brittany throws a look over her shoulder to wink at Santana, letting her know that she's making fun of her.

"You're such a big talker, do you know that?" Santana wants to know a bit offendend. Or maybe just embarrassed because she fell for Brittany's joke.

"Ok I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you later. But you totally believed me for a second."

Santana only makes a humming noise in response, grabbing the cookbook once more to find out what she has to do next. There's no way she's going to let Brittany do all of it on her own.

Once the blonde has cleaned the knife, she quickly excuses herself to put on some better music in the living room.

Santana shakes her head when she watches the woman stepping out of the kitchen with her cute apron on.

"Crier gene" Santana mutters with a smirk. "Silly...".

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

The dinner was amazing. Her self-made raviolis tasted even better than usual. Maybe it's because she had a pretty good sous-chef tonight. Although Santana probably doesn't think of herself that way as she had another incident after the onions.

"You really don't think the sauce was too salty?" Santana wants to know as if she can read Brittany's mind. She's sitting on the small window bench while Brittany is putting together the plates and bowls.

"I swear it wasn't. We managed to save it. It's almost like you never put the triple amount of salt in it because you accidentally swapped pages in the cookbook." Brittany says with a smirk, causing Santana to hide her face in her hands.

"You'll probably never invite me over for dinner after tonight." She says with a chuckle while inspecting another vase made of clay on the window bench. "Did you make this? It's beautiful."

Brittany steps closer to see what Santana's pointing at. She nods when she sits down on the window bench next to the brunette.

"Yes. My grandma's birthday is coming up and she asked for a new flower vase. I made it last week."

Santana chuckles.

"Then I better not touch this. Before I drop it or something. It would match my clumsy behavior tonight."

Brittany smiles silently when she puts her hand on Santana's knee. Brown eyes find hers easily when she turns her head to look into Brittany's face with a slightly shy expression.

"You're way too strict with yourself. The sauce tasted awesome. You're not clumsy." Brittany mutters.

"Thanks but… sometimes I feel like I act so silly around you. Especially when you impress me with your skills. Is there anything you can't do?" Santana wants to know when her eyes make a quick side-trip to Brittany's lips and back up.

Brittany gives her a pointed look.

"There are a few things" She replies, unsure of how this evening is going to turn out. There are many possibilities. The thought of some, make her insides tingle.

"I wish I knew how to work with the clay machine. I only did it once at high school." Santana goes on, unaware of the scenarios playing in Brittany's head. Brittany clears her throat to focus on the pretty face looking back at her.

"The pottery wheel?"

"Yes. Isn't that what I said?" Santana's eyebrow wiggles. "I could be good at it, don't you think? Throwing pottery?"

"Well there's only one way to find out. I could get my pottery wheel from the basement. Want to try?"

Santana's eyes lighten up at that proposal.

"Oh my God, yes! I'd love that." Excitedly she claps her hands together when Brittany gets up on her feet.

"Ok then you might want to take off your shirt. I'll get you one of my old ones. 'Cause you're about to get dirty." She laughs inwardly at Santana's expression and the way she narrows her eyes when Brittany starts to unbutton her own shirt.

This is not exactly a scenario she had in mind.

But she'll take it.

* * *

"Ok so first of all…" Brittany begins when she steps in front of Santana who's already sitting at the pottery wheel in the kitchen, her hair up in a bun. "You wearing my shirt is unexpectedly sexy."

Santana obviously needs to suppress laughter at Brittany's way of diving into a pottery making lesson. Brittany won't let that distract her though. The fact that Santana's shirt intentionally isn't buttoned up to the top but shows enough cleavage that Brittany can see her black bra - it's enough distraction already.

"Second… I need some water. Not because you look hot, which you do, but because we need lots of it in order to make the clay slippery."

Santana laughs at Brittany's words.

"Ok" She mumbles when getting up to fill the bucket that Brittany hands her. When she puts it back a minute later, Brittany hitches up her sleeves.

"Alright, thanks. So take the sponge and dampen the center of your wheel. Just a little bit." Brittany watches how Santana does as she's told with a small grin on her lips. "Now take the piece of clay and form a ball with it." When she sees how Santana rolls it in her hands like a snowball, she shakes her head.

"Really smack it. Don't be shy."

Brown eyes flash at Brittany.

"I'm not shy" She whispers while preparing the clay. "Just new to this."

"Well you're doing great." Brittany assures her with a wink of the eye. "Now slam that ball down on the center so it gets stuck. Centering the ball is tricky but necessary in order to work afterwards."

Santana tries her best but when Brittany can tell that she needs support, she kneels down to help her.

"Get your hands really wet and water the clay. We want it all shiny, ok? Otherwise it won't work. I'm gonna turn on the wheel now so watch closely."

Santana's eyes are glued to Brittany's hands when the wheel starts turning and she shows Santana what to do.

"Ok elbows on your thighs, hands on the clay. You need to squeeze your hands together to get the clay up. Try to cone it up."

Their hands graze each other when Santana takes over. She doesn't look at Brittany though. She focuses on the clay in her hands. Wordlessly Brittany watches her for a while.

She's so beautiful.

"Keep the elbows on your thighs" Brittany mumbles when slowly stepping behind the brunette. "Now I'm gonna sit behind you and show you how to push it back down. Are you left or right handed? I forgot…"

Brittany grabs another stool and places it close behind Santana's. When she wraps her arms around Santana's body, she can feel the woman shiver slightly.

"Uhm… left." Santana whispers while Brittany lets her hands dive into the bucket of water once more in order to moisten them as well as Santana's. She cups Santana's hands to guide them back to the always dancing clay.

"Try to push the cone back down with your hand but don't forget to steady it with your other hand. Like this…"

Together they manage to push the clay up and down once more to steady everything.

"Is this turning into a scene from the movie Ghost?" Santana wants to know when she lets Brittany guide her without protesting once. Brittany shrugs hardly notable.

"I don't know. I've never seen it." She mumbles while concentrating on their hands. Indeed, it's sensual. Of course it is.

"Really? Why not?"

"It's too cheesy."

"Oh so you _have_ seen it. Otherwise you wouldn't know."

Brittany bites her bottom lip. Luckily the woman in front of her can't see.

"Maybe a little bit." She admits after a while.

"Then I'm sure you've seen the scene." Santana states lowly.

"Seen the scene…" Brittany mirrors.

"Have you?"

"Yes. I have."

"Then you must know what comes after this."

"Would that be such a bad thing?"

"No…"

"But uh… I'd say we need a shower first. After we've finished this."

Brittany can't believe she just said that. Does that mean they are going to have a shower together? And sleep with each other? As in for real this time? No excuses, no possibility of leaving the place early?

Long and silent minutes later, she swallows when Santana gets up in front of her to wash her hands by the sink. Brittany stares at her back and exhales a shaky breath when Santana throws a secretive, yet meaningful look over her shoulder.

* * *

Normally Brittany only takes quick, cold showers. It's enough for her. She doesn't like it when the water runs without reason. Once you're clean, you're clean. But Santana… _"would freeze to death"_ as she just explained. That's why she's already standing in the shower, behind the curtain, waiting for Brittany.

She's naked in there. Brittany knows that. She has seen her before. But not the other way around. Not really. That's why she's hesitant.

She's standing in the middle of her own bathroom, about to share a shower with a woman for the first time. She believes.

Right now she can't remember anything. Nothing except for the way Santana's skin smelled when she was sitting in front of Brittany while throwing pottery.

It's going to be tropical in no time in this small bathroom. The mirrors are already fogged, Brittany can't see her own reflection. Maybe it's for the best.

The scent of shower gel hits her nose when she makes a step towards the shower curtain. She takes a breath, then steps into the shower as well.

* * *

She feels good.

Very good.

In fact, she's turned on. How could you not be with a woman like Santana in front of you, naked, wet and looking at you once she turns around.

Brittany can't help but stare at the woman's chest. Her perfect boobs and her lovely stomach. Her tanned skin graced with silky foam.

Once there is no more clay sticking to them, Brittny can't wait any longer. She leans in to kiss Santana's lips.

When she does, she instantly reaches for her slim hips to hold on to. Because kissing Santana's lips is one thing. Kissing them when they're hotter and wetter than usual is another.

They make out for what feels like an eternity. Brittany has long forgotten about saving water. Tonight she'll make an exception. She'll shower with ice cold water for only one minute for the next two weeks to make it even.

She has also forgotten about her insecurities that normally appear when she's naked in front of someone. Not tonight though. She feels good.

She definitely also feels the hand on her side wandering lower to where it rests on her hipbone. She senses how it stays there for a long time. When actually Brittany begs inwardly for that hand to move further to where she's burning between her legs.

She knows the hand won't stay there forever. Maybe it's a good thing it's not happening so fast. This way she can focus on standing on steady legs. But as if Santana can hear Brittany's thoughts and desires, her hand moves further. Gentle and wet fingers tickle her skin right underneath her bellybutton.

Brittany sighs when it lowers and finally cups her center. She closes her eyes, wraps her arms around Santana's shoulders to make sure she won't collapse right away.

It's overwhelming. So overwhelming that she needs to breathe through her opened mouth in order to get more oxygen up to her brain.

She needs to function. This is way too good to miss.

Santana's warm fingers press against her, carefully but with a certain resoluteness. Like she wants to let Brittany know that things are ok. But she's taking over now.

A sharp breath escapes Brittany's mouth at the realization of how willing she suddenly is and mostly – of how good it feels. When Santana's fingers start making circles against her with just the right pressure, she closes her eyes. Wow.

She needs this so badly. This and more of it.

A moan fills her ears. It's her own. Where did that come from…

She needs more but she'll definitely collapse like this. So with all the mental strength she has left, she turns off the water and steps out of the shower, pulling Santana with her.

She can hardly walk. She's never felt like this before. With every step she takes, she senses how swollen she is, how aroused. This is so new.

They're both way too eager to dry their bodies completely. Still a bit wet, Brittany guides Santana to her bedroom where the street lamps from outside shine through the blinds and throw orange stripes at Santana's body.

She's achingly beautiful. Brittany doesn't know if she can take it. The beauty of her, the desire for her. She nearly loses courage. Right then and there. A few feet from the finish line.

But that's why they're two. Santana steps close to her, breathing boldness right back into her with every kiss she blows against Brittany's cheeks and neck. Santana cups her face and plants kisses everywhere. Against her collarbone and the small dip between. Her shoulder and the crook of her neck. Her lips even wander to her chest and the sensitive skin there.

Brittany's just standing there with her eyes closed, absorbing the new sensation of getting kissed so gently without any rush.

"Is this ok?" Santana whispers against Brittany's skin.

Brittany nods and mutters a yes that allows Santana's mouth to suck a little harder. Probably enough to leave a mark.

Brittany grabs Santana's elbows to pull her with her when she stumbles backwards to the bed. She crawls to the middle of it and lies down, only to watch how Santana closely follows her and settles on top, between Brittany's thighs.

Santana pulls the thin sheets over her shoulders, shielding them both from the cold. Although… there's no cold in this room. There's warmth and heat at the same time. It makes Brittany feel sheltered and safe. She relaxes. Like never before. As in wanting more of all that.

Again Santana can read her better than expected. Her courageous fingers are back between her thighs, back to take things from where they stopped in the shower. They start circling her with such skill that Brittany doesn't even realize how quick everything is happening. She loves it.

In fact, she could take it even faster.

But she'll explode if Santana goes faster. Maybe it's for the best if she goes on like this. It feels amazing.

Finally she knows what it means to want it all. To crave that contact. To beg for it at the insides. To need it so much like you see it in the movies.

She's exactly that. She's the girl in the movie who wants to get touched so badly, wants the other person to do with her what you don't talk about at the dinner table but what you dream about in the wildest, most secret dreams.

She wants Santana to touch her faster, push into her. She needs her inside, deep. Because that's what's still missing. The connection on that level. To feel her so close, so hot. So unbelievably intimate.

Santana only then positions her fingers right there where Brittany needs them. She waits which makes Brittany want to scream. But she knows she needs to give Santana permission. Otherwise the other woman won't go on. But she needs her!

So she opens her eyes to gaze at Santana. She grabs her shoulder, sucks in air. For two seconds they are the only two people in this world. Right here, right now.

Nothing else matters.

When she nods softly, Santana pushes inside of her, making Brittany sigh. With want, with an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction.

It's so good. So incredibly good.

Brittany almost doesn't notice that she forgot to close her eyes again. But then why should she close her eyes when she can look into the prettiest face that makes her feel all of this? Fall for all of this?

The redden cheeks, the fire in her eyes. The tongue that runs over a bottom lip to die for.

Santana pushes into her with a slow rhythm. It's the right amount of everything. Pressure, deepness and pace. She knows exactly what feels good to her. Brittany can't believe how well she knows.

She could do this forever. Breathing in Santana's scent while receiving the most amazing experience ever.

Maybe not forever. It's too good, way too hot. She's afraid it'll come to an end too soon.

Come… is this what it feels like when you're about to have an orgasm because someone touches you in the most perfect way?

She doesn't want to stop but she doesn't want to hold it in any longer.

She moans a little louder because she can't help it. She gasps, grabs Santana's shoulder, her nails digging into the skin of her back. She presses her eyes together, as there's no way she can look at Santana any longer. It'll be too much.

Too much.

Too much of that wonderful feeling inside her stomach, too much of that hot and slippery sensation.

Too much.

Too much of the feelings she has right now. In her chest in her mouth, in her heart.

Too much but she needs more.

Too, too…

"Oh f..." She swallows the word and holds her breath for just two seconds. Then she moans louder, breathes hard and starts shaking uncontrollably. Her whole body twitches and jerks underneath Santana's. Every second of that incredible high feels like minutes.

She almost cries. Heat spreads across her body into her limbs and fingers. They tickle, while her lips burn. All her senses seem to have geared up. She can sense Santana's breath against her neck and her heart beat so fast against her ribcage. She's no longer moving against Brittany but looking down at her calmly, blowing a bit of much needed air against her temples and cheeks. Brittany can taste the salty sweat when she lifts her head to kiss the brunette's jaw.

She whimpers when Santana moves a bit on top of her, making Brittany notice how sensitive she is between her legs. Every move seems to be too much, yet so good.

She can't tell if she needs a break or wants to go on. She's lost the capacity of thinking; her head is empty.

It's wonderful.

Santana once more is there to take over and take the decision from her, by kissing Brittany's lips and pulling her fingers slowly from her.

Brittany moans. This is impossible. How did she do it…

"Wow…" It could be her own voice because it's what she would say. If she could. But it's Santana who's speaking carefully. "Are you feeling ok?"

Brittany nods.

"So much more than ok" She whispers. Santana smiles down at her. She lets her weight press against Brittany. She must have supported herself all this time with just one arm because the other one was busy doing something else.

"Lie down on me" Brittany whispers into Santana's ear. So she does.

Brittany wants Santana to relax her muscles but she also needs her weight on top of her to keep her grounded.

Grounded on a new level of happiness and emotions.


	26. camp

**I Don't Care by Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

That new customer Mrs. Miller is giving her an extra hard time today. She was already very picky last week when it came to choosing between two different kinds of flower beds. Today she doesn't like anything that Brittany suggests. There's always a "but".

Brittany sighs when the about forty-year-old woman shakes her head for the tenth time while going through some pictures of examples that Brittany brought along.

It's only ten in the morning. It's going to be a long day of work with that lady, Brittany thinks. Then she remembers that she's got plans for tonight and her mood lightens up. She and Dom got invited to a dinner party hosted by Santana's sister Loretta.

It's all still new to her. Also to Dom but now that they met Kurt and Santana, it was a matter of time that they'd get to see more of their world.

A world with so much luxury.

She's still not used to it. Maybe she'll never truly get used to it. Even after years of working at these places.

But she's been choosing these jobs and she chose to stick around here, work here. She chose to let things go further with Santana although they come from opposite places and grew up differently. It's happening without Brittany being able to deny it. She likes Santana more than she has liked anyone before. Being different didn't keep them from growing attraction. The opposite is happening.

The more time she and Santana spend with each other, Brittany realizes that they're actually _not_ that different when you take a closer look. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to feel so safe around each other, right?

Are she and Santana dating - as in exclusively? They haven't talked about that. But they _do_ a lot of things together, cook together, hang out, sleep at each other's places, have sex…

Her stomach jumps at the memory of last weekend. For the first time she was able to completely let herself go. They spent a night she'll never forget. It was almost like in the fairytales. For adults.

She can't stop thinking about how Santana made her feel. Physically and emotionally. It was a pretty steamy-

"What is it with you craftspeople? Are you already at lunch break with your thoughts? I asked if you have something bigger. I need it to be big."

Brittany stares at the woman.

"I can make the flower bed as big as you want."

"The flower bed? We're no longer talking about that! I was talking about the pots that I want to hang on my tree. I need them to be bigger. And the one that's supposed to stand in the middle of the garden, next to the pool? I want it to be gigantic."

Brittany obviously missed some important parts of the conversation because she can't recall hearing anything about pots hanging from a tree.

She sighs inwardly. Maybe also out loud because Mrs. Miller gives her another annoyed look. But Brittany doesn't care today. She's way too happy to let her mood get ruined by an unfriendly customer.

* * *

After a long day at the Miller residence Brittany needs a moment to recover on her couch. Actually, she should be taking a shower and get ready. Santana is going to pick her up soon. She'll have Dom and Kurt already in the car since they're all going together.

Brittany was looking forward to this, she still is. But she's also exhausted. Sometimes she doesn't know whether to be thankful or not for how well the business is doing these days. Of course she's making good money.

But it would be nice to also find time to spend it on something that means a lot to her. Maybe on taking her grandma on a trip somewhere so she can get away from the everyday life at the nursing home. Maybe somewhere out in the country. To her aunt Kathrin's ranch in Arizona.

But then again, her grandma wouldn't be able to sit in a car for that long. It'd be way too stressful. Brittany sighs.

She hasn't seen her aunt and other relatives in a long time. She always tells them that she'll pay them a visit as soon as she can.

As soon as she can… she _could_ all the time. Nobody's telling her to stay here. She's her own boss. But she'd be worried about losing customers. Being self-employed sometimes isn't as great as she thought.

With sore arms and tired feet, she drags herself to the bathroom in order to freshen up and make herself look good.

After all, she's still got plans to impress Santana tonight.

* * *

The food is extraordinary. She can't remember the last time she's had such delicious grilled vegetables as well all kinds of different salads. It turns out that Loretta is a pretty awesome host.

Brittany is having good time during dinner as she's seated between Kurt and Santana. They laugh a lot. Once they're done with the main course, dessert gets served outside on Loretta's big terrace. It's a lovely evening with a group of maybe twelve people. Brittany feels comfortable. Truth be told, she had been sceptic at first. She thought that maybe she wouldn't know what to talk about with the people here. But with Santana by her side, everything feels light. Just something about her presence makes Brittany feel better. Everywhere.

When a pair of very similar eyes to Santana's brown ones look at her to get her attention, Brittany realizes how she zoned out for a minute. Loretta is sitting in a chair opposite from her with a small bowl of chocolate ice cream in her hand.

"Do you like the fruit salad Brittany?" She wants to know with a friendly smile. Brittany nods when she looks at her own dessert she's been holding in her hands.

"Oh it's so good. But I also love the lemon cake. Do you have the recipe?"

Loretta grins.

"I'll ask my caterer for you. I wish I knew how to cook and bake like him. But I never take the time to actually learn it. Work has been super busy these days so I order in or go out for dinner all the time. How about you guys? How has work been?" She wants to know towards Brittany and Santana. Since Brittany just put a big bite of cake into her mouth, Santana goes first.

She tells how she has also been caught up in a lot of work and about a new assignment coming up. Meanwhile Brittany watches the two sisters in awe. They sound identical as well as they make the same gestures with their hands. It's so funny to watch them together.

What's not so funny is how Loretta's friend, Eric, joins them after a while. He refills Santana's empty whine glass without asking if she wants some more. Santana doesn't notice since she's in the middle of explaining something to Loretta. But Brittany notices.

She doesn't know Eric. And she doesn't _want_ to get to know him better.

Because something about him irritates Brittany so much. He's clearly somehow into Santana. But Brittany has no idea what his intentions are. Does he like her? Does he think she's hot? Is it just about trying to prove something? How he can impress _any_ woman whether she's interested or not?

Brittany can't read his mind. Maybe it's for the best.

Because if she knew for sure that he wanted something from Santana, then she wouldn't be able to keep cool around him. Just the picture of him or as a matter of fact – anyone – trying to do things to Santana that Brittany's been doing… it makes her insides cramp.

It's a welcoming distraction when Loretta asks Brittany about who inspired her to become a landscaper. Brittany clears her throat. With a look to her side she finds Santana's warm eyes hanging on her lips. It immediately eases the tight feeling in her chest.

"Definitely my parents and my grandparents. Their big gardens where my playgrounds. My grandma taught me everything she knew about gardening and growing all kinds of things. I've always been the happiest when I was outside. So yeah, my family sort of guided me to find a profession that is out in the nature. But also my teachers at summer camp inspired me. Or well… one teacher. Her name was Ms. Gordon. She knew so much about nature. Seriously, she was like a living biology book. So passionate about our planet and everything it has to offer.

She made us promise to make a change about the future. So our children would still have the same beautiful earth to live on. Back then I didn't quite know what she meant. But now that you can no longer close your eyes and ignore what is happening with pollution, climate change and refugee crisis all over the globe… I get what she meant. I just wish I could do it. Do more. Like _really_ change something for the better."

Loretta blinks several times, taken aback by Brittany's sudden seriousness. Brittany doesn't know, either where it came from.

"You're so right" Loretta nods determinedly. "Totally. I always forget about how I could do stuff for the environment. Like buy less plastic." She lifts the plastic spoon and bowl in her hands. "Ugh see? That's silly. It would have been so easy to just use my own dishes for tonight."

Before Brittany can says anything, Eric jumps in.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Loretta. You're being a great host. Brittany's just trying to keep up awareness."

Brittany narrows her eyes when she watches the brown-haired man pointing at her with his own plastic spoon.

"You're trying to be a good example, right?" He wants to know. Brittany shrugs.

"Well… sure. But I feel like there's so much more we should do. Separating waste or saving water is one thing. There's a lot more we have to do to make life better for the ones who will follow after us."

Santana gives Brittany an approving nod with a smile but Eric just slightly shakes his head before speaking up again.

"You fascinate me, Brittany… The way you're so passionate about this thing." He says with a hint of disdain.

Brittany tilts her head to the side.

"Thing? It's not a thing. It's the future. The future of our children and grandchildren. The way we're living so selfishly by polluting everything and sucking the earth dry is going to make it impossible for _them_ to live a normal life. Don't you want to be able to say you _did_ something instead of just watching?"

Eric's eyes flicker. Like he's just tasted blood and wants more. Brittany knows that he's provoking her and that she should just let it be. But it's so hard. People like him don't understand what she's so passionate about. Even if she tries to explain.

"Yes of course." He replies. "But I also don't want to give up a certain way of living after I worked hard for it. Why me? Why do I have to give up luxury when hundreds of thousands of others won't? I can't _change_ the world by becoming a vegetarian or quitting airplanes and cars."

"I'd like to believe we can." Brittany tries to stay calm. Luckily it seems to work. "We can start with the small things. Like buying local food. No more plastic. Eat less meat. At the same time we need good politicians to make bigger steps. It all plays together. What you and I do is having an impact, too. No matter how small it might appear because everything needs a beginning. Like an avalanche. The extent will be bigger than we think."

Eric seems to ponder for a moment.

"Yeah well… in theory that sounds pretty. But it's naïve to think you can _actually_ make a change. Besides, you're not better yourself. I'm sure you use your car to work every single day. You're a hypocrite."

"Tone it down, Eric, you're being unfriendly. What's up with you?" Loretta cuts in with a push to her friend's shoulder. "Did you not listen to her? She said she wantsto do more. It's not that simple. Right Brittany?"

Brittany smiles at Loretta. But she's definitely not in the mood to discuss things any further with Eric. She doesn't even know why she bothered in the first place. She just can't stand the way he keeps marking presence. Or the way he looks at Santana. She's not making it up in her head.

"Yeah… I need something to drink. My throats all dry. Can I get you anything?" She manages to say. Santana shakes her head. She seems a bit overwhelmed by the conversation she just witnessed.

"I'm good." She mumbles.

Brittany nods before stepping away from the group.

She definitely needs some space.

* * *

It's a couple hours later when Brittany finds herself at the beach. And at peace.

Apparently she wasn't the only one who needed some space. Dom suggested heading to the beach and Kurt and Santana were more than happy to come along, even if it meant they were the first ones to leave the party.

It's a wonderful sensation when Brittany takes off her shoes to walk through the warm sand.

They approach a group of people who are gathered in a circle, playing guitar music that attracts a few listeners. Once they get there, Brittany watches how Dom puts his arm around Kurt's shoulder. Kurt leans in to kiss his cheek.

They're very sweet.

And when a warm hand grazes her own, Brittany glances to the side to find Santana shyly smiling next to her. Brittany takes the tentative hand to let their fingers intertwine.

"Wanna walk some more?" Santana suggests.

Brittany nods and follows her wordlessly. When they walk along the water, the foamy tips of quiet waves sometimes touch their feet.

At first they don't speak. Brittany enjoys the silence between them. Because she knows that she and Santana don't always have to talk to understand. They can also just be saying or doing nothing and it's ok.

After a while Santana speaks up though. Brittany can tell that she must have worked up some courage.

"That teacher you said earlier… Ms. Gordon?" Her voice goes up a little. Brittany nods. "Were you… were you in love with her?" Santana wants to know.

Brittany chuckles with a gentle squeeze to Santana's hand. She takes a few seconds to form an answer.

"I looked up to her. So much. She was fascinating to me. Definitely." She can see Santana's nod from the corner of her eye.

"Did she break your heart?" Santana asks carefully.

Brittany shrugs. The answer to that question is even harder.

"I don't know… not really. But I think I broke hers."

"What do you mean?"

Brittany stops walking which causes Santana to come to a halt, too. She sighs when she lets her eyes wander over the ocean.

"It's a long story."

Santana gently tucks Brittany's hand.

"I'm willing to listen. If you want to tell me."

Brittany looks into Santana's eyes. Her warm face spreads nothing but sincerity. So Brittany guides her to sit down on the sand with her.

"Ok well… Since I loved camps, I always went there during the summer break. Ms. Gordon was definitely one of the reasons why me and my friends felt comfortable there and didn't suffer from homesickness. She was always there for us. She took the time to build a relationship. We got to know her quite well, so of course everyone always wondered why she wasn't married but she didn't tell us. She was very private.

I thought that was alright. I didn't tell everyone everything about myself, either. However, one evening I found out why Ms. Gordon wasn't married to a man. I saw her kissing one of the other instructors, Ms. Dawson. A woman. They seemed so close. So in love, yet in secret. Nobody knew. I only saw them because I needed medical treatment late at night after I got stung by a nasty insect. On my way back to my tent I spotted them together. Seeing them like this… it made me feel something."

Brittany takes a moment to think back to that night. It was the first time she was able to admit to herself that she was different than her friends. Why she never felt truly excited when they talked about cute boys that went to their schools.

"I knew I had to keep what I saw to myself. But I couldn't. There was this new feeling inside me which excited me from head to toe. It was new and at the same time everything made sense. I was finally able to explain my own desires. My feelings for my best friend Lilly."

Brittany throws a look to her right. Santana's encouraging eyes lock with hers.

"Did you tell your best friend about what you saw?" She wants to know. Her bent knee soothingly rests against Brittany's.

"Yes. I told Lilly. And that I wanted to kiss her. Well… we ended up kissing. But before I could enjoy what we were doing, she pulled away, called me a nasty word and ran off. I was _so_ scared to have done the wrong thing. I didn't sleep that night. I thought she was going to tell everyone. I can't tell you _how_ desperate I was."

Brittany shakes her head uncomfortably at the memory.

"The next morning I thought I was going to die of fear when I went to get breakfast. But everything seemed to be normal. Nobody gave me weird looks. I was so happy because I thought that Lilly had changed her mind. When I visited her tent later, she revealed that she told her brother about Ms. Gordon and Ms. Dawson. Her brother told their Dad… It was the last year Ms. Gordon was at the camp. I found out that she moved far away."

Brittany falls silent at the new rush of guilt washing over her. Even years after, she can't forget about it.

"What happened?" Santana's soft voice wants to know. Brittany shrugs.

"I'm not sure. I only heard rumors. But I know Lilly's dad was very homophobic. He must have done something to make Ms. Gordon move away. I never saw Lilly again, either."

"Brittany... you know it's not your fault, right?"

It's not easy to look Santana in the eyes. Brittany does either way and gets rewarded with a soft caress of Santana's hand. She cups Brittany's cheek.

"I guess not. But it stuck with me. I never got the chance to say that I was sorry. I liked Ms. Gordon so much and she… got punished for loving another woman. It was so unfair. I promised her that I'd make a change but… the truth is, I haven't done anything to be proud of. I'm nothing but a boring landscaper who sucks at showing feelings. I can't even be with someone."

" _I'm_ proud of you."

Brittany smiles painfully when Santana squeezes her arm. Seriously, how does she deserve the company of such a wonderful woman?

"Santana… stop being so sweet. You make me…" Brittany trails off.

"What?" Santana's whisper fills her ear. Brittany lets her temple rest against Santana's, closes her eyes.

 _Fall for you…_

 _Fall in love…_

She swallows.

And hears a noise. As someone steps closer.

She can hear Dom and Kurt's voices. Can't they see that she and Santana need a moment? Just a few more seconds?

Oh well… maybe they're also coming at the right time. To keep Brittany from saying silly things.

They get sandwiched by the boys. Brittany can't help but utter something between a frustrated sigh and a laugh when Dom bumps into her shoulder when slumping down next to her.

Kurt's got a bag of churros in his hand. It only takes two seconds for the delicious scent to reach all their noses.

"I know we've had amazing dinner and dessert before but I just couldn't resist. Who wants one?"

Brittany listens to Santana's chuckle and the rustling noise when Dom reaches over them to put his giant hand into the bag. He spills sugar all over her and Santana but it's ok… they all end up spilling some as none of them can resist the sweet and sticky delightfulness.

She's got Santana's hand in her own. Her best friend by her side.

She's very lucky tonight.


	27. birthday

**Brittany's POV**

Brittany nervously waits in the car outside Santana's house. She has no idea if it was too forward to ask Santana to join her for today's visit to the nursing home. But it's her grandma's ninety-fourth birthday. Brittany wants to enjoy every moment she has left with her and somehow, bringing Santana along makes it more special.

Since Brittany has already met part of Santana's family, it can't be that wrong to show her a part of her own in return.

When she hears someone coming through the front door, Brittany looks up. Her heart makes a jump at the sight of the woman making her way over to the truck.

Santana's wavy hair is open, her smile bright. She's dressed very properly with her white pants and shoes, as well as a cardigan over her shoulders. She looks like the epitome of a daughter in law that your parents are going to fall in love with at first sight.

When she opens the passenger door, Brittany has trouble finding words to say hello.

"Hey" The brunette greets her. Her lovely scent reaches Brittany's nose within seconds. Brittany's pretty sure that nothing comes out of her when she mouths the same word in return.

During the ride she can hardly concentrate. She's nervous about introducing Santana to her grandmother. Not because she thinks that her grandma won't like her. It's because she _will_ like her. How could you not like her? When she laughs, you kind of want to hug the universe and say thank you.

She's glad that Santana talks about how she's almost done with her work at the book trilogy while they're driving. This way Santana hopefully won't notice how she takes Brittany's breath away. Simply by being so wonderful.

* * *

Her grandma is having a good day. She tells them about how Brittany's parents visited her in the morning and brought along a delicious birthday cake. She talks a lot in general which is refreshing. It doesn't matter that she keeps repeating herself from time to time. Brittany's just happy to see her like this.

When Brittany was younger, her grandma was always a big story teller. She had the most amazing adventures of her own childhood ready whenever Brittany asked her for a good night story. She definitely lost most of that in the past two years but today it's like she's able to forget about her dementia. At least for a while.

She shows them her favorite photo album and has some background information for every picture. Brittany's heard the stories so many times. It's nice for a change that she doesn't have to act like she's never heard them before. Santana is taking that part. Grandma is completely focusing on her. It's almost like Brittany doesn't exist but that's ok.

Santana is sitting next to Brittany's grandma on the small couch and listens to everything with big eyes while Brittany's seated in a chair across from them, silently taking in the scene.

"You have a beautiful family, Doris." Santana mumbles when grandma shows her a family picture that was taken many years ago.

Grandma nods with a bright smile.

"Thank you, dear. I'm very proud of all of them. My children and grandchildren are wonderful."

"Especially that one, right?" Santana says and points at a young version of Brittany. She gently touches the photo. Grandma chuckles.

"Indeed. But I must say that she was also quite a handful. It was never boring when Brittany came to my house on the weekends."

Brittany knows that her grandma has some embarrassing stories ready to be told so she she's quite relieved when Santana quickly excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

"Please grandma… when she comes back - don't tell her about that one time where I ate dog cookies and then replaced them with playdough ones because I didn't want you to find out."

Her grandma puts the photo album away before giving Brittany an intent look.

"Alright, sweetheart. I'm not going to embarrass you. Is she your girlfriend then?"

Brittany's heart skips a beat. Then it starts racing fast.

"Uhm… I don't know, yet. It's all very new to me. And to her, I guess. I think we might be heading there." Brittany sighs. "But I'm scared that I'll screw everything up at one point because she's just too good for me. Seriously… she's so great."

Her grandma puts a hand on Brittany's arm to respond something. Brittany could use some encouraging words but then Santana returns from the bathroom.

Luckily, grandma keeps her promise about not telling any embarrassing stories from Brittany's childhood. Instead she initiates going for a walk to get some fresh air.

Brittany finds herself cracking up when her grandma decides to leave her rollator in the room because today she has _"two young ladies for support"_.

When Santana and Brittany hook arms with her on each side, Brittany throws a glance over her grandma's head. Santana grins back at her when they make their way outside, utterly slowly.

Brittany mouths an excuse for the fact that it's going to takes ages like this. But Santana just shakes her head with a reassuring smile, letting Brittany know that they are in no rush.

* * *

It's about an hour later when Brittany closes the door of her grandma's room behind herself. Frankly, she's exhausted. Not because of the walk outside but because spending time with her grandma is becoming more tiring in general. It just takes a lot of patience. Today with Santana by her side, it was all so easy… and grandma had a lovely birthday which was everything Brittany wanted.

"Are you ready to go?" Santana's voice reaches her. She's leaning against the wall in the hallway, looking content and happy. Brittany nods.

"Yeah… definitely. I could use a cup of coffee though. Do you want to go somewhere before we head home? I mean... unless you have to get back to your place." Brittany quickly adds because she doesn't even know if they are going to spend the night together. Somehow she just assumed that Santana would come back to her place tonight.

But Santana is already grinning at her when they start walking down the hallway.

"I'd love to get coffee somewhere. And no… I don't have to get back to my place. I think I left some clothes at yours last time that I can wear in the morning. Because this…" She points at her sweater over her shoulders and the plain white pants. "Isn't as comfy as it looks. The pants are way too tight and the sweater is itchy."

Brittany giggles.

"It does look rather proper than comfy. But I must say… I dig that look. It's hot."

Santana's jaw drops.

"Britt! I put this on for you grandma, not for you. It certainly wasn't supposed to be… suggestive." Brittany shrugs with a silent grin. "I mean… can I even call you that? Britt?"

"Yes. Why not?" When Brittany glances to the side, Santana bites her bottom lip almost shyly.

"I just didn't know if you like it or not. Nicknames can be loved or hated."

Brittany shakes her head, surprised about Santana's thoughts.

"No, I don't hate it. I like it when you call me that." She admits.

"Alright" Santana mumbles.

For the rest of the walk back to the car they stay silent. While Brittany replays the afternoon in her head, she realizes that they're casually holding hands.

And that is something she never thought could make her feel this good.

* * *

Maybe an hour later they're sitting in Brittany's favorite Diner. It's the one she saw Santana after their first kiss. While she was here with Dom, Santana came in with Kurt to get some takeout.

Brittany remembers how her brain pretty much shut off for the entire time Santana had been standing over there at the counter. Her presence numbed Brittany's ability to get a clear thought. Tonight she's handling the brunette's presence a lot better.

It still has that effect on her though. Of not knowing exactly how to cope with everything that is going on inside of her.

Her heart and her head.

At least now she can enjoy Santana's company instead of being completely overchallenged. She definitely enjoys it… the way Santana steals a spoon of her ice cream after she said she didn't feel like having any. But she pays it off by forming a kiss with her lips and a wink of the eye.

"So was your grandma already this cool when she first found out that you liked women?" Santana wants to know after a while and another two or three spoons of Brittany's ice cream.

"Yes… she didn't even bat an eye. Well, it's not like I ever brought home a serious girlfriend in the first place. But when she heard I had a date or something with a woman, she reacted like I was talking about the weather. Completely neutral. Luckily it was the same with my parents. I think the only thing they were disappointed about, was the fact that they never got to know someone I liked. That they never saw me with a woman that I truly cared about."

Brittany trails off because this is going somewhere that she won't be able to take back. If she tells Santana that she cares about _her_ the way you probably care about a girlfriend, then they will have to talk about it. About what exactly they have become and how serious it is.

She doesn't know if she's ready for that.

So Brittany changes the course and wants to know how Santana's family took it. The brunette gazes at Brittany longingly.

"I wish they were as unimpressed as yours. Unfortunately, it took them a little longer. Well… I'm not sure my mother ever got over it. My Dad took it better than I expected. Just like my grandfather. They were both actually pretty cool about it. It was my mother who made a big deal of it. But I made peace with that a long time ago. She and I have enough issues that make it impossible to truly reconcile, I think…"

Brittany doesn't know how to show Santana that she's sorry about that. In fact, she doesn't know what it's like to not be close to your family. What do you say to that?

Unaware of Brittany's thoughts, Santana goes on.

"She always wanted for me and Loretta to go her way. Marry a guy, have children, work hard… live the life you can only afford when you're all the way up there. Whether it suited us or not."

The way Santana trails off for a couple seconds makes Brittany wonder. What Santana's life would be like, if she had grown up in a different environment. Would they still have met?

"My mom would probably throw the party of the year if Loretta and Eric ever got married. She adores him. But as much as I want her to at least get the fairy tale for _one_ daughter, I don't think it's going to happen. They're too much alike. Loretta and Eric…" She shakes her head absorbed in thoughts. That's when Brittany thinks if this could be the moment to bring something up. Before she knows what she's doing, the words are leaving her mouth.

"Could it be that he likes _you_?" Brittany asks bluntly. Damned. Now she can't take it back. It's probably a silly thing to ask. Why can't she be quiet when she needs to be? She's never been too good with words any way. Why not sit on her mouth in a moment like this, too?

Santana's eyes meet Brittany's at that question. She huffs.

"Eric? He likes every female human being."

Brittany tilts her head to the side. Now that she can't make it unhappen, she might as well go with it.

"It just seems that he's into you. Quite a lot actually."

Brittany can hardly look Santana in the eyes at that. She doesn't know why it's making her feel this way. This tight sensation in her chest. A never known fear of watching someone you like getting stolen away from you. Of course it's silly. But is it that silly when you truly feel like that? When you can't control it?

"Oh well… I don't think so. He's a show off. He needs the women to woe him and if one isn't interested, it scratches his ego." Santana goes on with a shrug of her shoulders. "Seriously, I don't think he actually wants something from me. Plus, _I'm_ not interested. I've got my eye on someone else…" Santana suggestively winks at Brittany. Her foot touches Brittany's under the table.

Brittany can't tell if she's really satisfied with that. But maybe Santana is right and it's nothing.

Or Santana just doesn't see what is happening?

Ugh… it's this overwhelming new sensation of getting jealous that is kind of hard to figure out how to handle. She has never been there before. Now she's supposed to just know how to do it. All of it.

Maybe it's for the best to just drop that thing with Eric. Especially when Santana gives her that funny look. A mix between "can I get more of your ice cream" and "when are you gonna take me home and get me out of my prude clothes."

That last one sounds very promising in her head.

Still…

Brittany doesn't like Eric.

She probably never will.


	28. aches

**End Of The Night by Danny Avila**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

Once again the sweat is running down her temples because of this stupid car. Why does the air-condition always fail when she needs it the most? She's been stuck in traffic for what feels like hours after spending the longest meeting with her current employer. She finally finished the trilogy she'd been working on and now they've hired her again to translate a new story of the same author. It's good news of course. She's looking forward to reading the book and getting to know more about the characters. It'll be refreshing after three long books of the same alternate universe.

She still loves her job. But it turns out that she also loves spending quality time with people she cares about. She's happy about the fact that she and Loretta are becoming closer again. And Brittany... Long work hours on the weekends mean less time with her…

The meeting today took so long, she feels a headache coming her way. The fact that it's hot and dry outside only makes it worse. She can't remember the last time it rained.

That thought lies heavily. Her discomfort about aircons and headaches is completely ridiculous compared to what the earth must have been suffering in the past couple years.

She's been waiting for another fire weather watch to be declared during these past hot days. Sometimes she wonders… if every year is going to be worse than the prior one – what's life going to look like in a decade? When will it all end? Or rather… _how_?

She doesn't want to picture it.

When her phone rings and Brittany's name appears on the screen above the center console, her postapocalyptic thoughts immediately brighten up. The familiar voice sounds through the speakers only seconds later.

Santana can't help but grin throughout their whole conversation that lasts a couple minutes. Brittany congratulates her on the finished job, as well as the new one and wants to know how Santana would like to celebrate the two achievements.

They don't have to think about it for long. A night at The Surface with their two besties it's gonna be.

When Brittany suggests that Santana should ask Loretta to join them as well, Santana could burst with happiness. When she was single, she kept picturing the idea of what it would be like to reconcile with her sister by going out and maybe introducing her to a new girlfriend at one point in the future.

Because it makes her proud to show her family that she's happy. Well… at least a part of her family.

She's proud of being with Brittany although they haven't officially confirmed anything. But she met Brittany's grandma and they spend the night at each other's places all the time.

When they sleep with each other – it's mind blowing. And when they fall asleep just cuddling, it gives her that incredible feeling of finally finding out where she belongs. She loves waking up next to Brittany the morning after. Giving her a kiss and a warm hug goodbye before Brittany leaves for work is only making her look forward to seeing her again later on.

What can she say… it feels like something big.

* * *

Kurt and Dom are the complete opposite of herself and Brittany…

They are all over each other even in public and attached to the hips non-stop. It's hours later when the four of them are standing at the bar in The Surface, waiting for the bartender to finish their drinks. Kurt's got his arms wrapped around his tall boyfriend, gazing up at him with his eyes turning into the shape of little hearts. Dom's arm is placed around Kurt's shoulders while he's half-heartedly listening to something Brittany's trying to explain over the sound of loud music. He keeps making funny faces when Kurt's hand is wandering all over his backside in a not very hidden way.

Santana can't even hear what Brittany's talking to him about as the music just got turned up a little bit. But it's ok because it gives her time to look around the dance floor in order to find Loretta.

They decided to start the evening downstairs because Loretta felt like dancing. She tried to get them all on the dance floor but so far, it's just her with a bunch of strangers doing silly dance moves.

Actually, it's just her doing the silly moves. Maybe because she's already quite tipsy. Santana on the other hand has been inspired by Brittany and Dom to go with the non-alcoholic drinks tonight. Turns out you _do_ have fun without alcohol. As long as you're with the right people. Plus, this way she gets to remember all the details about the night, that maybe would slip her memories otherwise.

For example the short touches that would be meaningless with a friend. But when Brittany's shoulder keeps bumping into her own while standing in line outside or when her hand gently hovers above the small of Santana's back to guide her through the bathroom door – it's everything but meaningless. It makes Santana's heart flutter every time. Like it's the first time.

Of course she loves being physically close to Brittany. To get hugged and kissed by her. But what she loves even more than that are the small things. Like a short handhold earlier when Brittany nearly tripped over a plastic cup lying on the ground and Santana quickly reached her hand out for support. She loves those moments that only get noticed by the two of them.

What only seems to get noticed by her alone though, is the fact that this woman has been throwing glances at Brittany for minutes now. She's dancing somewhere near Loretta and her new friends. She's got dark blonde hair, she's very pretty and from what it looks like, she's about to make a move.

3, 2, 1… she starts lurking her way a little closer, then squeezes herself between the people until she's only a few feet away. Since the blonde only has eyes for Brittany, she doesn't notice Santana.

Did she just pull down her top to make her cleavage bigger?

"Well, well" The woman begins loudly. It causes Brittany, Dom and Kurt to turn their heads. "If it isn't Britt-Britt and Dom-Dom… the two of you seem to like it a lot around here, huh?"

Santana looks back and forth between the blonde and her friends.

 _Britt-Britt?_

Really? She _nicknames_ her? Who is she?

While Brittany seems to be caught off guard and wordlessly stares at the woman, Dom tilts his head in a not very pleased way.

"Yeah… we do, Sierra. How about you?" He asks but it doesn't sound like he really wants to know.

She shrugs with a smirk, then nudges Brittany's elbow.

"Hey remember that bartender I talked to last time?" Brittany doesn't respond but the woman goes on. "Yeah it turns out she dated my ex. That was… unpleasant to say the least. Luckily she's not working tonight."

Sierra snickers when Santana and Kurt exchange a look. He seems about as clueless.

"Lucky you" Brittany counters eventually and takes a sip of her soda.

"Yeah anyway, I just wanted to say hello. My friends are waiting upstairs but maybe we'll bump into each other later, right? Bye."

Santana can see how the woman touches Brittany's arm _again_ while Brittany and Dom mumble a goodbye in unison.

Oookay.

"Who was that?" Kurt wants to know once the woman is gone. He seems honestly interested. Santana couldn't care less.

Or she _does_ care. She knows that Brittany's had hookups before Santana came into her life. It's not a secret. It's clear this woman must have been one of them. Santana can read people, ok.

"Ugh that was Sierra." Brittany mumbles with a shake of the head. "We have a little bit of a history but not really anymore."

Santana thought she would be prepared but not really.

It's not the fact that she just got the confirmation about how this woman and Brittany had a thing. It's the way she can't help but wonder if they _still_ have it or not. Actually Santana's sure that she's the only one in Brittany's life right now. But what if not?

It's Dom who seems to be able to read Santana's mind. He playfully rolls his eyes at Brittany.

"Luckily you put an end to it after all, right?" He says and lets his glass clink with Brittany's to that. "Who cares about what Sierra is up to. To the four of us and a lovely evening."

Kurt quickly joins with a giggle when Dom kisses his cheek. Brittany and Santana grab their drinks, too. When they mirror the actions, their eyes quickly find each other. Sometimes Santana knows what Brittany's thinking. It's not always easy. But right now she'd say that the blonde has either a bad conscience or she feels busted. Or both. But as usual, she doesn't say anything. So Santana won't say anything, either.

She swallows down the sip of cocktail that looked delicious but right now, it almost tastes bitter.

* * *

At one point the four of them join Loretta on the dance floor. They sort of have to as Loretta is about to make a complete fool of herself. While Santana is a bit embarrassed, it's also helpful to forget about that weird moment at the bar earlier.

Together they circle Loretta. Brittany prevents her from taking off her top by grabbing her hand and teaches her some cool dance moves.

Santana can't help but laugh when her sister tries to imitate the moves. It looks so easy when Brittany does it.

While Dom and Kurt soon get lost in their own little bubble of joy, Santana can't help but gaze at Brittany longingly while dancing.

How does this woman make Santana crave her so much? Even when she's sort of mad at her? Just a tiny little bit?

Santana can't help it. She's mad at Brittany for attracting other people, too. Which is dumb.

Maybe she's not mad at Brittany but at the fact that you get jealous once you care about someone. That there's always a risk of getting hurt. You can't get around it. _That's_ what annoys her.

However, when Loretta laughs open-hearted at something Brittany says, Santana pushes herself to no longer think about it for tonight and joins their little dance.

* * *

It works out for about an hour. The forgetting thing.

But when this Sierra girl shows up again, Santana wonders if this is what it's going to be like when you're with someone who had many hookups before you. Because it couldn't be more obvious that Santana and Brittany came here together, as in together and still, the lady doesn't get it or chooses to ignore it.

Santana is sitting in Brittany's lap since there were only a few chairs left in the lounge section. They all needed a break from dancing. Brittany sat down on one, grabbed Santana's hand and pulled her into her lap.

Even this _very_ intimate position doesn't stop Sierra from walking over to them, sitting down on the armrest of Dom's chair and trying to engage in a conversation with Brittany.

"I was just upstairs playing pool and needed a break. So I thought I'd come see if you guys are still around. Anyone up for a dance?"

Santana can't believe that Sierra only looks at Brittany. Does she not see Santana sitting in Brittany's lap?

Maybe it's time for her to realize one thing. You don't flirt with the woman Santana likes. You just don't do that.

"We danced before. Sorry." Santana answers since no one else seems to speak up any time soon. Not that she's really sorry though.

"Right" Sierra counters and locks eyes with Santana for the first time. "So are you guys together?"

Santana would lie if she said she isn't taken aback by that direct question. It comes out of nowhere. It's none of that woman's business.

At the same time Santana has to admit to herself that she wonders what Brittany has to say to that. It's definitely going to give the missing information on Brittany's thoughts about what exactly they are.

Santana stays quiet because she doesn't want to overstep a line. Sierra is Brittany's friend – or whatever – and Santana only got to know her tonight. It's definitely Brittany's turn to say something.

Or not…

Neither one speaks. Both stay silent. If Santana wasn't sitting in Brittany's lap right now, she'd look at her face to see if she could read her expression. Instead she looks down at her own hands.

"Ok… awkward" Sierra's words match Santana's inner state.

Luckily, she can always count on Kurt in awkward situations. He's got his phone in hand and shows everyone a picture with an optical illusion that's apparently trending online and dividing the social media community in two. A heated discussion between Kurt, Sierra and Dom follows after that when they argue about what they see on the picture.

It distracts Sierra from her question with the still pending answer. Santana gathers courage to turn her upper body so she can finally look at Brittany.

Blue eyes are filled with something between regret and insecurity.

"Are you ok?" Brittany asks almost shyly.

Santana nods. This isn't the moment to clear things. It could have been but it's not.

"Yeah. But I do have a headache. I already had it this morning… I'll probably head home in a bit to lie down."

Santana squeezes Brittany's hand that's placed on her thigh to ensure her that she doesn't have to worry. She doesn't want to tell her that she's hurt. Plus, the headache is real and wouldn't allow her to have a deep conversation right now. Let alone in a place with loud music.

"Oh no, I'll call us a cab right away" The blonde replies while trying to grab her phone from the back pocket she's sitting on. But Santana makes her stop.

"Don't worry, you can stay here with Dom and Kurt." She almost says: 'and Sierra'. Luckily she doesn't. "I'll have to make sure that Loretta gets home safely anyway. She's… well, you know."

Brittany's eyes follow Santana's tilt of her head towards the dance floor where Loretta is already back to having fun.

"Ok" Brittany mutters before letting Santana get up from her lap.

"You're not leaving, are you?" Kurt makes a confused face when Santana gives him and Dom a hug goodbye. She even mumbles a 'bye' towards Sierra, then tells the others about the headache and desire to lie down in a quiet and dark bedroom.

Everyone is understanding so Brittany escorts her to the dancefloor where they get Loretta, who's surprisingly willing to leave the party.

A couple years ago, it would have taken at least another two hours to get her out of a club before the lights went on.

Once they're back upstairs and Santana managed to get their jackets, Brittany grabs her hand. They're already at the exit.

"You really don't want me to come with you guys? I'll… help you with Loretta." She tries but Santana shakes her head. "Is it because of Sierra? Because I didn't say anything… about us?"

Santana can tell that Brittany is worried. Her eyes are pleading for Santana to stay or to let Brittany go with her but honestly, she just wants to go home alone tonight and sulk. And get rid of her headache that's starting to pound above her temples.

She doesn't get grumpy often. But headaches are her weak spots. Especially when it's turning into a migraine like right now.

"What can I say? Yes, ok? I didn't expect you to call me your girlfriend but I guess it would have been nice to just hear something from you in front of Sierra. You know like that we're dating or something or that she doesn't have to flirt when I'm right there. But nothing? That hurt a little."

"Are you saying you were jealous?" Brittany wants to know. If Santana's headache wasn't getting worse by the minute, she'd kind of like the way Brittany teases her about being jealous.

Santana clicks her tongue.

"It wasn't exactly awesome to see you getting hit on by someone in front of my nose." She mutters while throwing a look over shoulder to make sure Loretta is waiting outside to be taken home.

When she turns back to face Brittany, the blonde has crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Well then you now know what it feels like when I have to watch you get hit on by gel head."

Santana narrows her eyes. Her head is throbbing but she's also curious. Curious to see a new side of Brittany, too.

"Gel head?" She repeats Brittany's words but while she's saying them, she realizes that Brittany must be talking about Eric.

Ok, maybe Brittany could have a point there. Santana already thought so when Brittany asked her about Eric the other day. While she still doesn't think that Eric seriously wants something from her, it's understandable that Brittany would assume it.

Still… she's upset and in pain. Basta.

"I don't think it's fair to compare. They're two completely different pair of shoes. I never had a thing with Eric! You and this Sierra girl _obviously_ had."

Brittany makes a huffing noise, shaking her head.

"Come on… she's someone from the past. You don't have to worry about her."

"Really? Because from the way I see it – and _believe_ me when I say that I _saw_ how she was hanging on your lips as I was sitting right _there_ – it didn't exactly look like from the _past_. More like… still happening."

Brittany still has her arms crossed with her head slightly tilted to the side. When a group of people pass by them, someone bumps into Brittany. But she holds her gaze.

"It was never _happening_ the way you might think, Santana. She and I never dated. We hooked up from time to time. No feelings involved, nothing complicated."

While Santana knows that Brittany probably doesn't mean it the way it comes out, she can't help but be upset to hear that.

Also she's tired of being considerate. Her head is about to explode. She can't hold everything back.

"What about us then?" Santana wants to know. "Is it complicated?"

Brittany shakes her head, then answers.

"I didn't say that." She mutters.

"No… but you did back then when we were sitting in my backyard on the ground and talked about relationships and stuff. You were scared to catch feelings for someone as soon as you start doing things that couples do. Remember?" She waits for Brittany to give a tentative nod. "So?"

"So what?" Brittany wonders with a shrug of her shoulders. Santana mimics her movement.

They shouldn't be having this conversation now. This isn't the best place or best moment to discuss things. But somehow she can't help it. She needs to know.

"Did you catch them?" She presses through her lips, a lump forming in her throat because she's scared of the answer. "Because I know we've said things like how we like each other and care for each other… how things are special when we're together. And I know I said I'm not going to push you. But I… need just a little bit more to know that we're different. That it's not going to be like what you had with Sierra. Or have…"

Brittany's eyes are pleading. If only Santana knew for what.

"Santana…"

When Brittany trails off, Santana knows it's time to go.

"Never mind."

Maybe she's being unfair. Too harsh. But for once she doesn't want to take Brittany's inexperience as an excuse. Isn't it time from Brittany to step up? To prove that this is serious to her, too? Even when somebody you used to have a fling with asks? When _Santana_ asks?

But she can't take the pain in her head any minute longer. It has increased, turned into a full-on migraine, together with an ache in her chest. She needs to leave now or she's going to say things she'll regret later on.

She mumbles something towards Brittany about how they should talk about it another day but she's not even sure what exactly she's saying or if it's comprehensible at all. She can't think properly whenever she has a migraine.

The pressure in her head has spread to her stomach and makes her feel sick. If she doesn't go outside now, she's going to throw up. She needs fresh air.

She turns away without being able to look Brittany in the eyes once more. She pushes the door open, grabs Loretta's arm for support and drags her with her.

Together they make their way away from The Surface without Brittany following them. At least she thinks so. She's got her eyes closed when Loretta guides her to a bench to sit down. Quickly the roles change. Santana isn't capable to order an Uber or to do anything other than sitting down. She just sits still when Loretta organizes them a ride home.

She wants nothing but her bed in her dark bedroom. No noise, no scents, no lights.

And definitely no feelings.

She hides her face in the palms of her hands.

She's glad that Loretta is by her side.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She's not sure what just happened. Her insides are twirling. Did she just fight with Santana over something so stupid? How did it even get to that point? They were having such a great night with friends and then suddenly everything changed.

Santana looked really pale just before. Was it a mistake to let her go? At least she's not alone but with Loretta. Santana didn't want Brittany to go with her. For the first time.

Why not? What did she do wrong? So completely wrong to just leave her standing there?

She's upset, annoyed and confused at the same time.

Once she arrives down stairs and the first person she gets to see is Sierra, she feels the urge to punch something. Why does this woman keep coming back into her life? When they have absolutely zero in common?

Should Brittany have said something to make Sierra go away when Santana was still around? Has she been giving Sierra some sort of signals she didn't realize?

She's remotely controlled when she makes her way over to a dancing Sierra. It only takes her a few steps until she reaches the dark blonde woman. She grabs her elbow, Sierra turns around. The look on her face tells Brittany that she was already counting on it. She grins.

She fucking grins like she just won a bet or something.

"What the hell?" Brittany wants to know. She snaps. Sierra shrugs innocently. "Come on! What was that all about?"

Sierra's eyes flicker.

"Oh, somebody's pissed, huh? Just the way I like you the most…"

Brittany can't believe the look on Sierra's face or the words leaving her mouth.

"What happened to staying out of each other's business?" Brittany requests with an unfriendly glare. Sierra rolls her eyes.

"What can I say…" She begins, then lets her hands run up Brittany's arms. "It didn't seem like she was anyone special. I felt like having fun and… you do look superhot tonight. I couldn't resist."

Brittany closes her eyes for a second.

"That doesn't mean that I want the same thing, ok?" She says with a tremble in her voice. Sierra narrows her eyes.

"Are you saying that you and her _are_ serious?"

Brittany shakes Sierra's hands off her.

"Yes! Why is that so absurd?" She's truly frustrated. Why is she even still talking to Sierra? Did she fight with Santana because of someone like her?

That's when Sierra crosses her arms in a defensive matter.

"Geez… it's not. I just never pictured you to end up in a serious relationship, that's all. Also how was I supposed to know that we're no longer doing what we used to do? Maybe you should open your mouth from time to time? You know… to let people know what is going on behind your forehead?"

Brittany shakes her head slowly. This is just… not what she expected the night to turn out like.

"Well… I'm sorry, ok?" Brittany croaks. It's probably true. She should speak what's on her mind more often. Situations like these wouldn't happen.

But Sierra doesn't really seem to give a damn. She's got her eyes already scanning the crowd for her next target.

"Don't bother" She mutters. "I don't even know why I liked you at one point. Maybe we should just stop interacting. This is too much drama. But I'm not going home alone tonight so… bye."

By the time Sierra walks off, Brittany is speechless. She watches how Sierra disappears somewhere between the people.

How did this lovely evening turn out this way? Turn into a complete disaster?

Everything was good until Sierra showed up.

Or not?

Should she have been prepared that something like this would occur eventually? Maybe it didn't even have anything to do with Sierra… Brittany closes her eyes in the middle of the dance floor.

All she wants is for this night to be over.

* * *

It's Dom who manages to console her a little. He gives Brittany a ride home after they drop Kurt off at his place. They sit in the car for a while outside the building where she lives.

It's already very late – or maybe early – when Dom tries to encourage her about talking to Santana the next day.

She does want to. But how can she find the right words to describe her feelings when she can't even handle a situation like before? What if she's not ready for something serious although she wants it? She wants Santana.

That's the only things she knows. All the other things she has no idea about. She has no clue what it means to actually be with someone for real. To be in a committed, exclusive relationship where you talk about stuff that is sometimes hard to talk about.

She can only disappoint Santana because she sucks at these things. She's going to suck at being a good girlfriend. A partner you can rely on.

Dom does the best pep talk he can pull. He tells her that it's still not easy for him to completely open up to Kurt, too but they're working on it together. He tells her how a relationship is more than just going on dates, having fun. How it's about commitment and respect. And the way you don't have to only consider your own needs but someone else's, too.

She knows that… she just never knew what it felt like. Until now.

He's able to take some pressure off her shoulders by letting her know that you're allowed to make mistakes and to still learn things every day. But you have to communicate. And be open. Otherwise it won't work.

* * *

It's the morning after that Brittany tries her best to bring up the courage in order to call Santana. She spent the whole night with her phone right by her side in case Santana called her. But she didn't. She must be truly upset.

Brittany wants her to know that she does have feelings for her that go way beyond dating and having fun. That she wants to be with her. As in calling Santana her girlfriend in front of everyone.

She doesn't know why she didn't just say it last night. Why in that very moment she didn't have the guts.

But that's what she wants to tell Santana. That she's still scared to do the wrong thing. To get hurt or hurt Santana. Being honest about what is going on inside of her will hopefully makes Santana warm up again.

So she puts on her helmet, grabs the bike in order to drive all the way up to Santana's house and starts pedaling. This way she'll have more time to think of the right words to say once she gets there. Riding her bike always clears her head. And that's exactly what she needs right now.

* * *

When she pulls into Santana's drive way, she kind of regrets taking the bike. Her back is wet from sweating, her hair must look like a mess and her throat is completely dry. But she wants to speak properly. She wants to tell Santana that ever since their first kiss, she hasn't kissed anyone else. She doesn't want anyone else.

In her head she's ready. It sounds right. She really wants to do it so when she finds an expensive black sports car in Santana's drive way, she's irritated.

Maybe Santana's employer came over or someone of her family, she thinks. But this can't wait.

Once again she prepares the words in her head when she eventually takes off the helmet and rings the doorbell.

She takes a deep breath. The door will open any second.

When it does, the blood in her veins nearly freezes. Did she get the wrong door in the wrong neighborhood?

It's Eric.

He's standing there, holding the door just enough open to reveal that he's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. No fancy suit or shiny shoes. He's barefoot in fact. His normally gelled hair is ruffled. It looks like he freakin' just got up from bed.

Did he sleep here? What on earth is going on?

He says nothing, just stands there. Brittany's already dry throat feels like sandpaper when she tries to speak.

"Is… Santana here?" She croaks. What is happening? This must be some sort of mistake.

Eric scratches his head.

"Brittany… she doesn't want to talk to you, ok?" He says with a certainty that takes her breath away. Let alone all the words she had prepared. Her brain is empty.

She doesn't know how but she manages to ask him to go get Santana nevertheless. There's no way she's going to believe that Santana doesn't want to talk to her.

But when Eric shakes his head and says: "She told me to get the door and if it was you, to send you away. She doesn't want to see you" her heart starts racing uncontrollably.

Did everything that happened last night lead to this? To Eric spending the night? With Santana? To her not wanting to be with Brittany anymore?

She doesn't want to believe Eric.

She knows Santana and knows that she's not like this. But then why is he even here?

He looks so confident. She can't read his face. She just can't.

"Maybe you should go back to your sidekicks… that Sierra girl maybe?"

Brittany feels like she loses ground.

Santana told him? They talk about her? Since when are they that close?

Eric says something else but Brittany doesn't hear it. She only watches how his lips move. Lips that kissed Santana last night.

She's on autopilot when she turns around to walk off. She doesn't even take her bike. She just walks with heavy steps.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She yawns when she reaches the bottom of the stairs. Her head isn't nearly as bad as it was last night. But it still feels like someone played the drums on it. At least her stomach is better. She eventually had to throw up when they came home last night and barely made it to the bathroom. Afterwards the migraine started to fade.

Loretta helped her to get out of her clothes and into some comfy ones to sleep in.

For the first time Santana was thankful that Loretta called Eric to pick them up.

He came to get them at The Surface and drove them back to Santana's place. Loretta was still drunk and since Eric had already been in bed when they called him, Santana allowed them both to sleep on the couch.

Actually she doesn't remember that, as she wasn't able to speak. But she was just glad that she and Loretta made it home. She didn't care that Eric was there. All she cared about was her bed and two painkillers.

"Was that the doorbell I heard?" She asks while dragging her feet across the living room to sit down on the couch where Loretta is still half asleep. Her sister mumbles a raspy good morning when Santana gently shakes her shoulder.

Eric slumps down on the other couch.

"Oh it was just the neighbor. Wanted to check out my car so I quickly showed him the insides."

Santana makes a humming noise in response. Talking is too exhausting. The day after a bad migraine, she suffers from aftermaths until she eats something salty. No sugar. That would catapult her right back to where she was last night. And she wants to prevent that by all means.

* * *

Once they've had a small and wordless breakfast of what the content of her fridge gave away, Santana starts to feel better. When they're all silently sitting outside at her garden table, she starts putting the plates together causing some noise.

Loretta pulls a face. Apparently she's not there, yet.

"So now that I have risen from the ashes of a bloody migraine and thanked you two for getting me home safely with a delicious breakfast… may I politely ask you to leave within the next fifteen minutes? I've got work to do because of the new book. My employer is gonna give me a call later on, so I want to be prepared. But thanks again. Both of you."

Santana says and gives both, Loretta and Eric a pointed look.

Luckily the two of them accept and quickly gather all their things. Loretta then hugs Santana tightly.

"Thank you for asking me to go out with you last night. I did have so much fun." She mumbles into Santana's ear. "And I'm sorry for mentioning that Sierra girl on our ride home. Sometimes when I'm drunk I start talking really loudly. But I want you to know that I really like Brittany. I hope the two of you will figure it out."

Santana squeezes her sister before letting go.

"No worries" She mutters. It feels good to hear that Loretta likes Brittany. She could tell last night, that they get along well.

When Eric takes a step towards Santana to probably give her a hug her as well, Santana simply waves a goodbye to stop his attempt.

"Bye Eric. See you guys around, ok?"

Loretta grabs Eric's arm for support and pulls him with her after giving Santana another reassuring smile.

As soon as they're out the door, Santana exhales a deep sigh.

What a night…

She wasn't drunk although it feels like a dirty hangover. But of course she remembers everything.

When she sinks back into the pillows, she throws a look at her phone on the coffee table.

No call or message from Brittany.

She swallows painfully.

Maybe she should call her. Or would that cause more pressure?

She shouldn't have said those things… or maybe it was the right thing to do, she has no idea right now.

She can't believe she misses Brittany after their argument and not speaking to her for just one night.

There's no one here who can see her so she doesn't even try to hold back the tears. She grabs a pillow to press it against her chest, crying softly into the quietness of her big living room.


	29. blue

**Merry Christmas dear readers!**

* * *

 **Cruel by Foxes**

 **Brittany's POV**

Sometimes her telepathic connection with Dom is almost scary. She doesn't know how they do it. But the vibrating noise from the inside of her back pocket, brings her back from her almost trance-like state. She must have been walking for minutes. Santana's house is far behind.

When she picks up the phone, she almost starts crying. She doesn't know why. Apparently, Dom is on his way to go to the beach and spontaneously wanted to see if Brittany was up for it, too.

Suppressing tears, she lets Dom know where she is right now. He's an angel sent from heaven when he picks her up on the side of the road ten minutes later. She had no idea where she was heading to. Now she lets Dom decide where they're going. Anywhere but here.

She can't think.

Of course, Dom wants to know what happened. Somehow Brittany manages to explain how she went to Santana's house in order to apologize for what happened last night. She almost gets sick when she also tells him how Eric was the one to open the door and how he said to Brittany that Santana didn't want to see her.

"He was so sure of himself! I had no idea they've become close. But she told him about how Sierra was there at The Surface and how she hit on me. I thought Santana would talk to _me_ about it. To anyone but him. She knows that I don't like him. I can't believe he spent the night! Have they been making a fool of me all this time? Did they hook up or something?"

"Brittany"

She turns her head towards the driver seat. Dom throws a quick look at her. It's enough to let her know that he's not sharing her panic.

" _What_? All I know is that he was there on a Saturday morning, looking like he'd just gotten out of bed."

"So? Brittany, do you hear yourself speaking? They aren't having an affair! There is another explanation for this. Who knows, maybe Santana and Loretta ran into Eric when they left The Surface. They all went to a party, shared a cab and then crashed at her place."

Brittany shakes her head.

"She had a headache. I don't think they went partying."

"Well there you go. She had a headache and Eric gave her a ride home. Give her some credit, Brittany… you're being paranoid."

"I'm not" Brittany sulks but Dom won't give in that easily.

"Yes, you are. And it's only because you care so much about her. It's a good thing. Just don't be silly. I don't think she deserves that."

Now that Dom puts it like that, she instantly feels like an idiot. She should have yelled Santana's name or something when she was standing at her door. Push the guy out of her way. Literally.

She sighs a heavy sigh.

"Dom… why am I so bad at these things? Sometimes I don't know how to do it all." She admits, letting her eyes wander over the ocean that she can see from a distance.

"You don't know how to do what?" Her friend wants to know. She shrugs.

"Everything" She mumbles. "Opening up, letting someone in… letting her be a part of my life. Like a big part. I know that you only learn these things by doing them. But I don't know why I seem to be the only person on this planet to not know how to handle a relationship. Or why I need so much time. Who wants to wait that long? If somebody asked me for an honest opinion about dating Brittany Pierce – I'd say don't do it. She's gonna screw it up."

When Brittany throws another look at Dom, he's got a funny expression on his face.

"Are we going to talk about ourselves in the third person?" He wants to know. "Is it that bad? Ok then… Dom Mitchell thinks you're being too hard on yourself. You're an amazing woman. Santana is lucky to have found you. If she's serious about the two of you then she's going to wait for however long it takes. I'm sure she'd say the same thing."

Brittany can't help but grin at Dom's words.

"I don't think you've ever said anything so sweet to me before." She mutters. "I'd hug you now if we weren't driving."

Dom chuckles.

"That's ok… but seriously. I don't' know why you're so scared of screwing things up with Santana. You've been doing so well. She's been understanding and patient, right? She's a good one, Brittany."

Brittany closes her eyes.

That's the thing. Sometimes she thinks that Santana is simply too good for her. It's too good to be true.

"But I do have one question" Dom breaks her thoughts.

"Yes?" She asks, slightly scared about what is to come now.

"Just why are you wearing your helmet?"

Brittany's hand shoots up to her head and collides with the hard shell of her bicycle helmet.

"Ow – I forgot I was wearing it. I drove to her place with my bike. Which is… still up there. Damned."

Dom suggests going back so she can get it. But she can't possibly show up there again. Now right now. She made a complete fool of herself. Going back now bears the risk of running into them and having to explain why she ran away. She doesn't think she's ready to hear about why Eric was there. Even if was all just innocent. She's not ready. To see his stupid face.

She'll go back to get her bike in a couple days.

When she's back in control of her own behavior. And feelings.

* * *

After spending a couple hours at the beach, Dom drops Brittany off at her place. It felt good to just sit there or walk along the shore with her best friend like they used to do countless times. It took her mind off things.

But when she finally lies down on her small couch, she realizes that her throat is a little sore. That's weird. She never has that.

Never.

She's never sick, she never gets a cold.

It looks like she'll have to make herself a cup of tea but before that she checks her phone for the first time since this morning. There's a call from Santana and a voice message.

Brittany closes her eyes when she presses the button to play it. Santana's voice sounds less cheerful than usually.

" _It's me… I really wanted to apologize for leaving early last night and to say that… that I miss you. Like… crazy. I should have stayed so we could have talked about things. But I was upset and my migraine was killing me. I'm still recovering. My sister called Eric to come pick us up and we all fell asleep at my place. I was just glad I made it home… anyways, I hope you're ok, too. Are you? Well, let me know if you want to hang out tonight or… tomorrow. Or if you don't want to see me. I don't know. I'll stop talking now. Bye."_

Brittany puts the phone down on her chest, gazing up to the ceiling.

Dom was right… of course. But then why did Eric say that Santana didn't want to see her? Just to demonstrate something?

Brittany doesn't think she can handle the jealousy thing. She never had to deal with it before. It kind of sucks.

She's just glad she's alone right now. She needed it.

Dom asked her if she wanted to go out again tonight because Kurt has to work. But lately Brittany has kind of had it up there. Just everything about going out on a Saturday night. The loud music, the lonely people, the glances, the flirts you get to watch or participate. It's all fun for a while. Until you've seen it.

She loves the idea of just watching a good movie or cooking something nice. Of course it would be better with Santana. But tonight she needs to be alone. She's been so caught up in work and grandma and spending time with Santana, that she kind of forgot to take time off. Just for herself.

It's something she has always needed to regain energy after long days of work or stressful situations. Just being alone.

She'd give a lot right now for spending a couple days on a lonely island. Or in the garden of her grandma's house. Just doing things she loves, being outside. Without having to worry about making money for example.

It's not like she can complain. She's got as many jobs waiting in line as never before. She doesn't _actually_ have to worry. But it's almost like she'd rather do her job for free. Just for herself. Where not everything needs to be perfect. Where it's ok if something goes wrong.

But that's not going to happen. She's got rent to pay for as well as for food and all kinds of things. She needs those jobs. She doesn't have to daydream about islands and gardens.

At least not for now.

When her eyelids get heavy, she thinks to herself that she'll close her eyes for a couple minutes and then call Santana back. She wants to let her know that she misses her, too. She just needs five minutes.

* * *

She awakes with a start. There's a loud noise coming from outside.

It takes her a couple seconds to realize it must be a motorcycle with a loud engine. When she sits up on the couch, she immediately senses how her shirt is damp.

It's dark in her living room. She must have slept for hours.

A quick look at her watch confirms her suspicion. It's almost midnight.

How did she not wake up sooner? Has she been that exhausted in the past couple days?

When she gets up on her feet, she realizes that she's actually cold. Cool night air is filling her small apartment because she left the window open. Usually she loves that. But since her shirt is sticking to her skin, it makes her shiver. Does she have a temperature or something?

When she swallows for the first time, she wants to say some nasty curse words because it hurts like hell! The only reason she's not saying the words out loud is because she knows it's going to be painful. It feels like she swallowed sandpaper.

Her head is glowing when she touches her forehead. And also, she's sick to her stomach.

Great… this is what she needed. Aren't weekends there to recover instead of feeling like shit?

With weak legs she slurps into the bathroom. Quickly she gets rid of her drenched clothes, steps into the shower and spends the next ten minutes, shivering under the warm water.

Last time she had a hot shower was with Santana. Normally she only takes cold showers. But right now she thinks she's going to turn into a icicle if she doesn't do this.

With chattering teeth she wraps two towels around herself, goes straight to bed and pulls the sheets up to her chin.

If she gets really hot in there, maybe she can sweat it all out and she'll be fine in the morning.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It's Sunday evening when Santana can't take it any longer. She's been staring at her phone for the past seven minutes but still no sign of life from Brittany.

What if something happened to her after they said goodbye at The Surface on Friday?

Santana shakes her head. Dom would have definitely contacted her if something had happened.

She feels terrible because they didn't exactly _say_ goodbye. Santana stormed off.

But what was she supposed to do? Throw up over Brittany's shoes? They wouldn't have been able to have a proper conversation.

However, Santana wishes she somehow had the chance to explain to Brittany why she was so upset that night. Brittany hasn't answered any of her calls so far.

Maybe she's upset, too? Or spending time with her grandma?

Santana just hopes that everything is ok. She can't help but have that feeling somewhere low in her stomach that something is up.

She grabs her phone once more and makes her way through the living room to sit outside at her garden table. She's not very positive when she dials Brittany's number so she's more than surprised when somebody picks up the phone just seconds later.

At first she's not sure it's Brittany. A hoarse voice croaks out a " _hello_ ".

"Brittany?"

" _Yes, sorry. I'm sick…"_

"Oh my God, seriously? What is it?" Santana's insecurity quickly gets replaced with compassion.

" _Sore throat… fever… bit of nausea. Everything."_

"Aw I'm so sorry. Can I get you anything? Lozenges? Tea? Pain killers?"

" _No, no that's ok. I've got everything. I just need lots of sleep. I'm sorry I didn't call you_ _back. I was completely knocked out all weekend. I'm not sure why but I guess things have gotten quite a bit stressful at_ _work and everything with grandma… it was a lot. It was time I got payback. I'm sorry."_

"That's ok, don't worry. I'm glad you're ok. Or not really ok because you're sick but I'm glad you're… answering the phone." Santana bites her tongue. "I was worried because the night ended so abruptly on Friday. I… I'm so sorry."

" _You don't have to be sorry."_ Brittany's husky voice sounds sincere. Still Santana wishes she could see the blonde's face. _"I am. I didn't want to hurt your feelings with that Sierra situation. I just… got caught off guard."_

Santana nods although Brittany can't see her.

"I know. Me, too. I feel really silly for reacting that way and leaving. I wish I could make it up to you. Are you sure I can't get you anything? I could bring you some chicken soup. I know, I'm not a good cook but there are a few things that I can. Chicken soup is one thing. Or I can give you a warm hug that'll hopefully take the fever away."

It sounded cute in her head but when she says the words into the phone, Santana wishes she'd stop talking. Her hopes of getting to see Brittany get crushed when a tentative "uhm" is the first thing she gets to hear as a response.

" _I'd love your hug. But I'm really feeling sick. Whenever I'm sick, I just need to be alone. It's how I've done it ever since I moved out of my parent's house. I hide in bed until it's over and I'm back to my old self."_

Santana swallows bitterly.

"Alright. But let me know if you do need anything. I'll be there, ok?"

" _Thank you. That's very sweet. I should head-"_

"Brittany…" Santana feels like she's sitting next to herself, listening to what she's saying and unable to stop the words from coming out of her mouth. "I, I just…" _Stop talking._ "I hope we're ok and…" _Stop_. "I love you."

She can't believe the words have just left her lips. Why on earth did she say it? Say it out loud? It would have been enough to just let Brittany know that she misses her.

Oh no.

There's nothing.

Nothing but embarrassment and guilt. Why does she keep pushing Brittany?

"I'm sorry, Brittany. Please… forget what I just said." She tries to save the situation. The misery. How pathetic is this?

She's not sure but it almost sounds like a sniffle or a sigh coming from the other end of the line. Santana doesn't know if it's because of Brittany's cold or because of something else.

She's scared to find out why Brittany would cry. Did she just make her cry?

Maybe it's a good thing she can't see the blonde's face right now. But at the same time she needs to know if she's ok.

"God, I feel so stupid." Santana breathes into the phone. "Are you ok?"

Santana closes her eyes. For another couple seconds it's silent. Then she can hear Brittany's low breath.

" _How could I forget that?"_ She asks Santana with a weak voice.

Santana shakes her head. She has no idea. No idea what to say or do at this point.

When they both don't speak for what feels like an eternity, Santana clears her throat.

"I should let you go back to sleep. It's late anyways. Please… let me know if you need anything, ok? Get well soon."

"Yeah… thank you." Brittany's voice is only a whisper now.

"Goodnight."

" _Goodnight."_

Santana hangs up the phone before she can fall any deeper into the hole she just maneuvered herself. She puts the phone down onto the garden table, hides her face in the palm of her hands and takes a deep breath.

She always planned to let Brittany make the first step towards confessing their feelings for each other. To maybe make things official. It should have Brittany to initiate things because she's been insecure from the start. Santana wanted to let her set the pace but she apparently can't do that.

She keeps doing things that are too forward for Brittany.

On the other hand… if Santana hadn't done certain things – would they ever have gotten somewhere? Beyond having sex on the table in her living room?

Santana sighs.

She knew things wouldn't be as simple.

Simple is boring.

But when you find the person who makes you feel as good and safe as never before, shouldn't things just… flow? Without having to worry about what you're going to say all the time?

On one hand she wants to apologize to Brittany for saying those three words. At the same time she wants to grab Brittany by the shoulders and tell her that yes – she loves her! She loves her even though Brittany sometimes isn't capable of showing Santana what is going on inside of her. Even though it has been quite a bit of a challenge to not do the wrong things, take the wrong steps.

It wasn't hard to fall in love with Brittany… it's only been hard to know how to love her right. She's still figuring it out. They're in no way there, yet where they could be.

But Santana isn't ready to give up or to let it be.

Because somehow (although she can't help but feel a bit hurt about not getting to hear Brittany saying 'I love you' back) it only makes Santana want her more. In this weird, twisted, contrary way.

She's been fascinated by that woman from day one. She won't stop being fascinated as long as Brittany makes her feel this way.

Right now she just needs one thing to make it all a little easier until they see each other again.

Patience.

Oh and maybe the ability to magically forget that small little incident where she told Brittany that she loves her for the first time over the phone.

* * *

She's better at the patience thing than she thought.

It's three days later when Santana and Loretta are standing in front of a very calming painting of this new anonymous painter who's stirring up the art scene.

Not that she's always up to date. But she does have some expensive paintings at home and has lately felt the desire to hang up something new in her living room.

The painting somehow makes her think of Brittany.

Like pretty much everything that catches her eye these days.

She hasn't called the blonde. She decided to let Brittany make the next step. Plus, Brittany promised to call Santana if she needs anything so Santana knows that she's doing ok. She just needs some time and Santana is willing to give that to her.

That doesn't mean it's been easy.

But it's ok.

"I don't know what you see in this one. It's just… blue." Loretta comments the painting with a scrutinizing look on her face.

Santana steers her eyes from her sister back to the painting.

"It's not just blue, Loretta. I'm pretty sure the artist would start crying if they heard you saying that. It's… so much more. Don't you see the different shades? They're so many layers… I love how it gets lighter in that corner on the right. That's not just blue."

Loretta huffs.

"Alright then it's blue and light blue up there."

"Cyan."

"Huh?"

Santana turns her head towards her sister.

"It's cyan. It's… beautiful."

Loretta narrows her eyes.

"Ok… do you want to buy it then? I mean it's _super_ expensive for a piece of canvas that got smeared with several blueish shades." She suggests.

Santana shrugs, then points at the small red dot underneath the framed painting.

"Somebody already got lucky" She counters with a smirk. "But that's ok. I'm not going to buy the very first picture I look at tonight. You're lucky you found me standing here. I'll be completely absorbed by the paintings tonight. I hope you'll be ok with talking to Eric while I'm just happy to stroll around on my own."

Loretta makes a huffing noise.

"Santana, the three of us came here together! You can't just go through the gallery all alone. That's not the point of going to an opening of a new art gallery together."

"Please, Loretta… you and Eric are only here because there's exquisite free food and champagne and maybe one or the other famous person you might run into. You're not here because of the art like I am. So the two of you can go play celebrities while I enjoy the good stuff. Ok?"

Loretta playfully rolls her eyes because Santana looks right through her. Her sister gives her a quick hug and lets her know that they're going to find each other later. Once she's off to look for Eric, Santana pays her attention back onto the painting.

It's extraordinary.

Blue… she shakes her head in amusement.

It's definitely not just blue.

* * *

It's maybe two hours later when Santana finds herself gazing at the last painting. It's also very pretty. It's a special one because it's in a dark corner and gets illuminated by an ultraviolet spotlight.

She can't quite tell what it's all about. It's very abstract. It could be the silhouette of a female body? Or a mountain valley? Both?

Interesting…

"It's lovely, isn't it?"

Santana almost screams because she didn't hear anyone stepping into the dark corner.

"Oh my God, Eric. You scared me." She exclaims with her heart indeed racing. She had been so lost in thoughts.

"Sorry. That wasn't my intention." He answers with a chuckle and steps next to Santana. "That's a special one."

Santana tries to get her pulse back in control while he reaches his hand out to carefully touch the painting.

"I know you're not allowed to touch these things but… it's too beautiful not to." He says with a low voice. "I was thinking about buying this one. But where do you put it? I bet it looks like nothing in daylight, right?"

Santana nods tentatively.

"It's not for sale" She speaks with a nod towards the small note at the bottom of the painting.

"Oh, right" He agrees. "Too bad. I really like it. I've been waiting for something like this actually." He goes on. Santana throws a look over her shoulder to see if Loretta coming, too. "Something… mysterious. But enlightening in a dark place." He philosophizes. Then he turns towards Santana.

She's completely caught off guard when he reaches his hand out and puts it on her waist. With one small step he's so close to her, his face leaning in.

It all happens within two seconds. He almost kisses her, only getting stopped when Santana manages to squeeze a hand between their bodies to push his chest away.

"Eric! What are you doing?" She exclaims with a step backwards.

His expression turns from desire to confusion.

"What?" He raises hands. "Isn't this…"

"No!" She says determinedly but still in some sort of shock.

She can't believe Brittany had been right all along. Santana dismissed her hints, thinking that she was just acting a little jealous over nothing to be taken seriously.

"You've been giving me signals all this time and now you're saying _I'm_ the one to misinterpret everything?" He says with a voice Santana hasn't heard so far. It's dark but she can still see the heat shooting into his face.

"What signals?" She wants to know with a desperation rising inside her chest.

Eric shrugs incredulously.

"I've waited all this time. Ever since Loretta tried to hook us up for fun years ago. I know you weren't interested then but… things could change eventually."

"Eric, I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that something's changed between us." She has no idea why he would think that in the first place but whatever. "But I haven't been giving you any signals. I like women. I'm with Brittany. I mean… sort of. But there's nothing between you and me. I'm sorry, ok?"

Eric looks at her intently. There's a sparkle in his eye but not necessarily the good kind.

"Oh you're with Brittany? Then why does she fool around with other women, huh? It's not like she tried to deny anything when she came over the other day-"

He stops speaking abruptly. Santana narrows her eyes.

"When she came over?" She tries to make him continue. "What are you talking about? To my place? When you were there?"

Eric looks down to the floor, then back to her face. He's clenching his teeth, she can tell. He must know that she's counting two and two together.

He sent her away without letting her in? What did he say to her?

But more importantly – why is she still standing here?

"Santana!" He yells after her but she's already hurrying out of the dark corner, through the gallery towards the exit.

It's a miracle she's not knocking over any bar tables or people.

But she doesn't really care any way.

She just needs to get out of here.

* * *

The cab ride to Brittany's place takes longer than it has ever taken before. She keeps replaying the scenes from before in her head.

Did Eric seriously think there was something developing between them? When has she ever given him signs other than 'I don't like you very much?'

Maybe he took those signs as some sort of interest? The hard-to-get-kind-of game? But she hasn't been playing any games!

When the car finally stops in front of the building Brittany lives at, Santana jumps out and runs towards the main entrance. Someone's just stepping through the door, so Santana sneaks inside without ringing Brittany's doorbell.

With quick feet she hurries the few steps up to Brittany's floor. When she reaches the right door, Santana comes to a halt, breathing heavily.

She doesn't even know why exactly she's here.

She wanted to give Brittany time after all.

But sometimes things can't wait, right? Especially when you feel like you've got something to make up for. Or when you want to tell someone that they had been right and that you're sorry. You just want to see their face and see that things are ok.

So when she raises her hand to knock at the door, her attention gets drawn to something that looks like a small paper below the keyhole between the door and frame.

Santana pulls it out without checking if somebody is watching.

She unfolds it and recognizes Brittany's handwriting.

 _Santana, I went to stay at my aunt's place for while. Please forgive me for not letting you know sooner. I needed some time for myself._

 _I'm very sorry._

 _B._

Santana swallows while reading the words again.

What is this? Some note from the past century? Why didn't Brittany just call her or text her a message _over the phone?_

Then Santana could have called her back right away and ask if everything was ok.

Oh…

But… her aunt's place? Where is that? And what's a _while_? Two days maybe? A week? More than that?

Is this because Santana told her that she loves her? Because Brittany knows that Eric was trying to get with Santana?

No… no, no… no!

She's sure she just said that last one out loud.

She can't believe that Brittany would leave without saying goodbye. Goodbye for how long?

Slowly she turns around and starts walking down the hallway.

The note disappears in her pocket.

* * *

She somehow made the way back to her place. It's completely silent when she sinks down on her couch. She turns on the television as she needs some sort of noise. Any kinds of voices that make her feel a little less alone right now.

Her eyes wander over the big screen.

It's the weather forecast or something, she's not quite paying attention.

She can't get a clear thought. So she leans back into the cushions, trying to not think at all for a moment.

It works for a couple seconds. Until her attention gets pulled back to the screen.

The fire weather watch that was originally issued yesterday just got upgraded to a red flag warning. Her chest feels heavy.

It's not the first time.

She still wishes she wasn't alone tonight.


	30. truck

She's been sitting on the porch swing for at least an hour with a cup of tea in her hands and the purring cat to her feet. Finally it's getting dark enough to see the stars. It's a clear night.

She was hoping that the fresh country air would make her feel better but she had no idea that the cold or the flu or whatever it was would disappear within hours.

She's been to her aunt Kathrin's ranch for two days and she has never felt better.

Well, at least physically. Not emotionally.

Today she spent all day outside following her cousin Eli wherever he went. She was also being helpful of course. But mostly she felt like a child, asking him all those question about ranching and their horses.

It's been forever that she visited them. Last time she must have been a teenager because Eli was still a shy, little boy. She almost didn't recognize him. He's almost twenty and a strong young man now. She has no idea why she waited for so long.

It's peaceful here. Hard work, but peaceful. Exactly what she needed to clear her thoughts.

In fact, her thoughts are so clear that the bad conscience starts kicking in. She was already feeling heavyhearted when she drove all the way to her aunt's ranch in Arizona. But mostly she was feeling numb, so she was able to ignore the bad conscience.

That's a lie.

She couldn't ignore it. She's just been trying to push the guilt away. It has been nagging at her since the moment she left that stupid little note at her door only to be found by a clueless Santana.

If she already found it? What did she think when she was reading it? Does she hate Brittany now?

With every mile Brittany put between herself and Santana, she felt guiltier but at the same time it became easier not to turn around and go back. It's for the best anyways.

How can she give Santana what she deserves? She deserves someone who's one hundred percent ready for her. Someone she can rely on. In every situation. Someone who can talk about their feelings, the development of their relationship, just anything that is going on. Someone who can say the words "I love you" back.

Because she does. She loves Santana. She's known it for a long time but she can't say it. It scares her and she doesn't know why.

Sometimes Brittany can't even form a proper sentence when it comes to her own job - something she's good at. So how can she do better when it comes to talking about feelings and fears and desires and everything that goes with a relationship?

How can she be a good girlfriend if communication is the key? It's a fact.

But she… she's not good at any of those things. She'll rather spend the rest of her life alone, so she doesn't have to face those challenges – she's going to fail any way. Why waste the time? It'll be easier this way. For everyone.

She could imagine working on a ranch like this for a while and then maybe… just stay. Stay away from relationships. From heartache. Suffering and causing heartache.

Her business can wait. Or she can be a landscaper out here. There must be ranches with gardens all over everywhere. Just because she didn't _see_ a single other one while driving out here, doesn't mean they aren't there. Or so…

No one would mind anyway.

Ok Santana would mind… she definitely would. But she will understand eventually. She'll be thankful even. Because Brittany is preventing her from making a huge mistake. Having a relationship with her would be a mistake.

Then again… who is she kidding? Of course she can't just stay here and hide forever. She _has_ to go back. Santana must have so many questions. Like why did Brittany leave? Who does she think she is to leave Santana clueless?

Or maybe she'll ask why they had to fall in love in the first place when Brittany isn't _ready_ to be in love… ready to go further than dating?

"May I join you for a while?"

Brittany lifts her head to find aunt Kathrin standing on the porch. There's a cup of tea in her hands, too and a warm smile on her face. With one look into her face you can tell that she works outside every day. Her cheeks are reddened.

Brittany scoots over to let her aunt sit down on the swing next to her. With an exhausted sigh, Kathrin takes a seat. The cat immediately jumps into her lap which makes her spill some of the tea. Kathrin giggles when she pats the cat's head.

"Silly kitten" She mumbles. Brittany grins. It's been a while that she's seen aunt Kathrin but she has always felt very welcome and comfortable around her.

"Brittany" Kathrin begins. "How are you? When you arrived you looked so pale and exhausted. Which is normal when having a fever, I guess. But I was worried. I wouldn't have let you drive all the way by yourself if I had known that you were sick. It was quite irresponsible to drive for several hours, don't you agree?"

Brittany nods. Her aunt is right. But she didn't know what else to do.

"Oh aunt Kathrin. I'm sorry… you're right. I've been longing to see you guys. I really wanted to go somewhere far away from home. Just for a short while. Now that I'm here, I don't really know why. I'm completely lost."

Aunt Kathrin carefully nudges Brittany's shoulder.

"What's causing that sorrowful look on your face then?" She wants to know. Brittany shrugs hesitantly. "I've known you since you were a little child, Brittany. Now, I also know that you're not exactly an open book. But I want you to know that sometimes just talking about something, suddenly makes it all a little bit clearer. A little less frightening."

Brittany manages to give her aunt an honest smile.

"Thank you. It turns out I'm not so great at talking about what is going on."

Aunt Kathrin's soft laughter fills her ears.

"That's why I'm asking you. If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say you have a heartache."

Brittany's eyes shoot up to her aunt's friendly face. "Don't be so surprised. We have seasonal workers here all the time. You don't know how many broken hearts I've seen. It turns out I'm pretty good at giving advice. Or just listening. So if you want to… I'm here."

Brittany can't help but smile when her aunt squeezes her hand.

It's weird… she has never quite known how to talk to her parents about her – love life. Even if she didn't exactly have one.

She loves her parents. She really does. But talking to them about girls? It wasn't something that crossed her mind when she was a teenager. Or ever. She had Dom from early on. That was enough.

Looking back, it probably wasn't enough. Nor was she enough for him.

But they found each other because they were similar. They didn't push each other to open up about feelings. It's not like they didn't talk to each other at all about stuff. They could and still can talk about anything. They just don't always do it.

"I…" Brittany starts tentatively. "Can't believe that there is someone who wants to be with _me_. Like for real. Someone who's so amazing and definitely certain steps ahead of me. While I'm just… weird in so many ways. She's…" Brittany trails off when she thinks about Santana and what she might be doing right at this moment. "The first person to make me doubt that the single life is the best life you can live. That's what I thought and enjoyed for so long, you know? And then she walks into my life and… turns everything upside down."

Aunt Kathrin makes a humming noise, listening to Brittany's words.

"That doesn't actually sound like a heartbreak. It sounds like you're happy. What is the matter then? Why are you here instead of home with this special lady? Does she have a name by the way?"

Brittany chuckles after taking a sip of her tea. The cup is still warm in her hands. Just like her heart when she thinks of her.

"Her name is Santana. She's… God she's so beautiful. I'm pretty sure she's the most beautiful woman to walk on earth. No seriously – you haven't seen a woman that beautiful, aunt Kathrin."

"Well now you've made me curious. Do you have a photo of her?"

Brittany can't believe she doesn't have one in her phone. She'd give a lot to look at her now.

"No… unfortunately not." Brittany mumbles.

"That's too bad. But you're avoiding my question. Why are you here, so many miles away from home?"

Brittany huffs.

"Because I'm an idiot! There's no other explanation than me being a complete, incapable, stupid, cowardly idiot." Brittany blurts. "And childish! I decided to run away and die alone instead of maybe risking something for a chance."

Aunt Kathrin shakes her head.

"That's a little overdramatic if you're asking me. But yes - running away is probably never a good idea, is it?" She asks but it's rather a statement than a question. "Maybe you should try to make it up to her? Ask her to join us for a couple days. Take some time just the two of you together out here. Maybe she likes horse riding? You could ask her for a second chance. Prove that you're way more than at a loss for words."

Brittany's heart aches at the thought. She doesn't think she deserves a second chance. Let alone know what to do with it. _Hi Santana, do you want to ride into the sunset with me and forget that I'm an incompetent loser?_

She sighs audibly.

"That's maybe a good idea." She mutters without too much hope. Aunt Kathrin pats Brittany's knee before using it to pull herself up on her feet.

"Alright. Just give yourself a little push. Ask her to come here so we can all see the most beautiful woman to walk on earth."

She winks at Brittany, then wishes her a goodnight and disappears in the house with the cat on her arm.

Brittany leans back in the swing to look up to the stars once more.

There's the shopping cart. She doesn't even have to look for it. It's right there, twinkling down at her. It's almost like Ursa Major is telling Brittany that – yes – the stars keep shining even when you're a little lost.

* * *

The next day she can't stop thinking about what aunt Kathrin said to her. Maybe Brittany needs to just do it. Invite Santana for a short vacation. They could do something light like going for a walk or a horse ride. Brittany could sincerely apologize to Santana. Not just a "sorry my bad" but a heartfelt apology. With sunsets and horses and rose petals and candles? Too much?

Just the horses and the candles. No, that wouldn't be a smart combination. Roses and sunsets.

Just the horses. Animals have a calming aura. They'd help Brittany feeling calm.

"Ugh that's just crap!" Brittany shakes her head at her stupid thoughts. The horses aren't going to magically make everything better.

Plus, who says that Santana even wants to come here? Maybe she's so mad at Brittany that she never wants to speak to her again? Let alone go on a five-hour road trip.

"Yes, lots of it. You're not supposed to stare at it but also put it into the bucket I gave you." Eli's voice surprises her from behind.

Brittany turns around to find her cousin also standing in the horse barn with a pitchfork in his hand.

"But you're lucky" he continues. "This is the last one and I'm here to help. Afterwards we're having dinner. Mom made her famous meatloaf. Do you remember it?"

Brittany does. The prospect of getting to eat aunt Kathrin's delicious meatloaf would normally make her want to jump with excitement. But she's got no appetite. She hasn't had it since the moment she left home.

"Thanks, Eli. I can't wait." She mumbles while getting back to work next to her cousin.

There's a feeling inside her chest that she has never had before. It's like a heavy band clasping her heart, making it impossible to beat easily.

Something that tells her she shouldn't be here. Even if she needed it.

* * *

It's a lovely dinner. Aunt Kathrin has once again completely outdone herself. There's meatloaf, mashed potatoes, self-made bread, vegetables, yummy sauces and a huge cake waiting in the kitchen to be eaten for dessert.

Brittany can't remember the last time she had such a big family dinner. There's aunt Kathrin and her husband Timothy, Brittany's cousin Eli and his new girlfriend as well as two staff members who are currently employed on the big ranch, plus two tourists that are staying at one of the guest cabins these days.

There's so much laughing and babbling going on that Brittany's muteness isn't striking any attention. She's sitting there between her cousin and one of the workers, picking at her delicious food but not able to eat it.

She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be here at all.

Yes, she made the decision and yes it's too late to drive back now. She'd have to drive during the night. She could leave in the morning but then aunt Kathrin would be so disappointed. Showing up here after such a long time, just to say goodbye right away?

But she can't help but feel like there's another reason she shouldn't be here, apart from owing Santana the apology of the century.

What if something happened to Santana and that's why Brittany hasn't heard from her? There's a possibility that she found the note and is respecting Brittany's wishes… but what if she didn't find it?

Would Kurt tell Dom so Dom could call Brittany? Does she even have signal out here?

Brittany closes her eyes for a moment. She listens to the laughter at the table, the noises coming from the television across the room, the clinking of glasses and plates…

Suddenly she senses heat spreading across her face, her heartrate speeding up without warning.

Her hands feel weird. Almost numb, like they're not attached to her body. If she doesn't get up on her feet right now, she's going to pass out or throw up any second.

"I'll be right back" She manages to say towards Eli before getting up and hurrying out of the dining room.

Luckily the first door she reaches leads outside onto the porch. She stumbles until she can steady herself on the railing. She breathes heavily three or four times. The fresh air immediately makes her feel a little bit easier. But her legs still act like they're about to give in.

Brittany looks up to the sky to find the one thing that will make her calm right now. But she gets disappointed. She can't see one single star. It's cloudy up there.

Her head lowers until she's gazing at her hands that aren't trembling anymore.

At least one thing.

She takes another few deep breaths. Once she has pulled herself together she goes back inside with shaky legs. But when she enters the dining room she freezes. The band that was squeezing her heart yesterday sinks lower to her guts weighing heavily like a rock now.

She stares at the tv. Just like the others.

It's dead silent.

The screen gets enlightened with such a fiery orange you almost want to narrow your eyes although it's just on the tv. It's not real. It's not here.

"Where-"

"Shh!"

Her attempt gets hushed. The voice of the anchor woman, as well as the white letters running below answer her question. At a single stroke her nervousness and fears get confirmed.

Santana is in danger. And Brittany is over three hundred miles away from her.

* * *

"Brittany don't be unreasonable – you can drive first thing in the morning!"

"What if it's too late then?"

"It's not going to be too late but it's going to be irresponsible if you leave now. You need to sleep first and then-"

"Aunt Kathrin, there's no way that I can sleep tonight. Santana isn't picking up the phone, neither is her friend Kurt. I don't have her sister's number – I have to go back right now."

"Sweetheart" Brittany was just about to leave the cabin she's slept at for the past two nights but aunt Kathrin is holding her back by the elbow. "I don't want you to get into a car accident because you fell asleep behind the wheel."

Brittany shakes her head. She knows her aunt is worried. But Brittany is beyond worried about Santana. She can't be here and count the hours of not hearing from her.

The wildfires must have broken out this morning and spread within hours. She hasn't checked any news and her phone has had the worst connection out here on the ranch.

There's always a chance that something like this could happen. Now it did and she has been nothing but oblivious.

While she mucked out the stables and got served delicious meatloaf afterwards, Santana went through the maybe scariest hours of her life. The shock of hearing it on the radio. The evacuation. She definitely evacuated. She must have. The fires didn't break out that close to Santana's area but it's still the best thing to evacuate early. The winds are hazardous.

She's probably with her sister Loretta or maybe Dom and Kurt called her and picked her up or something. They all live in a neighborhood further away. It's just Santana up in the hills. They definitely offered her to stay at one of their places.

"It's for the best, Brittany" Aunt Kathrin pats her shoulder. Brittany blinks at her. It feels like slow motion. She shakes her head again.

The best thing would have been to never take a few days off. To just stay there. Be with Santana.

"Kathrin" Brittany's throat is dry. "Please don't be mad at me. You don't have to be worried – I'll take breaks, ok? I'll make sure to drive safely all the time. I'll get there in one piece. I'll call you as soon as I know more."

She leans in to give her aunt a quick but tight hug. Aunt Kathrin holds her close. Then she lets her go. Brittany storms out of the cabin.

* * *

She has never run so fast in her life to get to her car. It's parked far away down the road because she didn't want to burst in with her truck and all the animals around. So she runs.

Even if there's an almost six-hour drive ahead of her. She can only drive as fast as it's safe.

But she can run now to win at least a tiny amount of time.

When she finally reaches her truck, she realizes that someone must have been running behind her. She throws her bag into the back of the truck, then turns around to see who just called her name.

It's Eli. With something in his hand.

"Brittany wait! I'm coming with you!"

Brittany shakes her head vehemently. She doesn't have time for this. She loves her cousin but he needs to just let her go without making a scene. This isn't like in one of those movies where the other one won't let you drive unless you take them with you because they're stubborn.

"Eli go back! Seriously I have to leave right now. Please don't hold me back."

Eli comes to a halt on the other side of the truck, the hood between them. Her cousin props himself on it to take a much needed breath from running.

"I'm not holding you back, I'm helping you!"

"God, Eli!" Brittany whines. "You can't help me – I just need to drive home. Please, your mom will be so mad at you for running after me."

Eli crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"There's no chance I'm letting you drive alone. You're not focused which is understandable. Yet it's dangerous and you're my cousin. We haven't seen each other in a long time but we're family." Brittany shakes her head unable to say anything. "Please, Brittany. This way we can take turns at driving. I'll do the first half because I'm local around here. You take over as soon as I get tired. When we get to Newport Beach I'll let you do your thing. I won't put myself in danger. It's just for the driving part."

Brittany opens her mouth to speak. She stares at her cousin. At the little boy he used to be. He's dead serious. And so is she.

"I'm leaving now, Eli. Thank you for wanting to help me. I really appreciate it but I can't."

She opens the door and jumps into the driver's seat. Once she has started the engine and wants to turn the car around, Eli lifts his hand so she can finally see what he's been holding in it.

It's her wallet.

His voice sounds damped through the windows.

"You won't get far without this. Unless you have a never-ending gas tank. Scoot over." He shrugs. Like it's the most logical thing to do.

Brittany huffs. It _is_ like one of those movies.

"Your mom is going to rip off my head when she realizes you're gone." She says loudly.

Eli nods. Then walks over to the driver's door.

"I don't care" He says when he opens it. His hidden grin makes Brittany exhale a shaky breath before she does as she's told. She jumps over to the passenger seat, letting Eli take over.

"Together we can make it in five hours, maybe a little less. Don't worry. Everything's going to be ok." He says when he maneuvers the car into the other direction. Then he steps on the gas.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It must be in the middle of the night when Santana wakes up. She turns onto her back and stares at the ceiling of her bedroom.

When she touches her neck and chest, she sighs. Again, her shirt is soaked. Her head is buzzing, her throat still sore and it looks like she just gained a mean cough when she breaks into a coughing fit.

This must be the same thing that Brittany had.

The woman maybe ran away without saying goodbye but at least she left Santana something. The bloody flu.

She's not often sick. Sure, she gets migraines from time to time or a little sniffly when she falls asleep with wet hair. But this? This is insane. She can hardly breathe through her nose. When she swallows it's like someone's stuffing a blade down her throat.

She would have gone to the doctor but she doesn't trust her own driving skills at the moment. Kurt has been absorbed with work and Loretta joined Eric on a trip to Europe for his new business. Well. At least that's what she said on the phone. Maybe Eric is also fleeing and needed her moral support.

Santana doesn't know if Eric told Loretta. She didn't mention it on the phone…

Santana just wants to forget about it, too.

So she didn't go see the doctor and instead sulked in misery alone. She's been withdrawing herself completely for the past two days. With tea, snacks and warm socks she's been hiding in her bedroom, watched three dvds in a row but mostly slept for hours to recover. And to forget about how stupid she feels.

What she can't forget about though, is the fact that Brittany is somewhere far away right now, doing only God knows what.

Maybe flirting with some country girl in a lonely bar. Fine… she can do whatever she wants.

She obviously hasn't been ready for what it was between them. Or maybe still is… just because you put physical distance behind you, doesn't mean everything is forgotten. _Absence makes the heart grow fonder my ass._ As a matter of fact – Santana is going to make it hard on Brittany if the blonde ever decides to drive her butt back here in order to apologize.

Not that she's expecting too much from the blonde. Not anymore.

It's her own fault. She knew from the beginning that Brittany wasn't heading into the same direction. She told Santana that. She wasn't interested in a relationship.

But of course, Santana had to be like: _What was that? A hard-to-get-case? Let me just roll up my sleeves and get right into it. I'll make it happen nevertheless._

Just because you fall in love doesn't mean that both are able to give the same thing. To provide what the other wants. She really needs to get that into her head.

Santana's eyes wander from the ceiling to the wall across from her bed. There's a dresser with some personal belongings of immeasurable value. Her eyes have gotten used to the darkness, so she can see them.

An old alarm clock from her grandfather. A snow globe she bought with her first pocket money. A framed picture of herself, Loretta and their mother.

It was taken at a time where things were still ok. Maybe it also just seemed so. Santana is only twelve in that picture. They're all laughing at each other. She doesn't remember everything about that day but the four of them went to the zoo. Santana and Loretta's dad wanted to take a picture of them with his new camera.

Their mother and them were standing near the dromedary camels with their smiles becoming cramped because it took so long until their dad had figured everything out. One of the camels made a funny noise which caused them to break into laughter. That's when the camera finally worked and caught the moment.

It's the only picture of her family that Santana framed and put somewhere she can see it every day.

She prefers to hang up paintings anyway. They're timeless. Photographs will only ever portray the past.

Her eyes then gaze at the newest painting. She hasn't decided where to hang it so it's just leaning against the wall. Waiting…

She was the one to reserve it with a small red dot as soon as she saw it for the first time. Even if it's dark right now she can see that it's not just blue. The moonlight throws itself at it, proving that it's so much more.

When she sits up in bed to hopefully breathe better, she wonders what that noise is. It must come from outside. Or maybe somewhere above her house? Is there an animal walking on her roof?

But it's more like a crackling.

With that thought she shoots up in bed. Her heart immediately starts racing uncontrollably. Her senses are all on high alert when she jumps to the big window.

She screams when she gets to see the roof of her neighbor's house on fire.

"Oh my-" Her words get lost somewhere in her throat. She swallows them drily. For two seconds she's completely paralyzed. Her body can't make a move. What happened? Did something explode in there?

She has to help them – what does she do? She runs across the room, into the bathroom to get her phone that she left there and wants to dial 911.

No battery. It's completely dead. She hasn't looked at it since yesterday morning. When she turns around to get a better view from the bathroom window, she nearly collapses. Her stomach drops in free fall. It's not just the neighbor's house.

It's the hills.

* * *

"Ok, ok, stay calm" She tells herself when everything has dawned on her. "What do you do?" She asks although she knows that no one will answer. There's not too much time but she's not going to allow herself to break into panic.

Panic doesn't help.

A clear head will.

She rushes back to the bedroom to quickly gather her thoughts. It's too late to try and safe things. Or isn't it?

She definitely needs to run over to her neighbors first thing because if they haven't woken up by now-

She hurries downstairs, grabs her emergency supply kit that is always ready in the closet next to the front door, slips into a pair of shoes and then looks around in her living room.

Do you turn the lights off or leave them on when you evacuate? Shut the windows or leaves them wide open? No, the wind needs to stay outside.

How does she shut off the gas? Don't you have to put a ladder against the roof so firefighters can reach it? But there are flammable items in her garden, maybe she should put them inside to keep the danger lower?

No – the neighbors! She decides to leave the lights on but shuts the front door behind herself. She reaches into her emergency bag to get a bandana out. There is no time to look around too much - smoke fills her lungs within seconds and heat bites her cheeks. Quickly she wraps the bandanna around her head, then drops the bag next to her car that is waiting in the drive way.

Just when she starts running into her neighbor's direction she remembers. They're not here. They've been on vacation. They're not here, they're not in danger – she is. She needs to leave this place because she knows that right now she's on her own. Her neighbors are the only ones near her. Loretta isn't coming to get her.

So she runs the short way back to the car. She opens the door and wants to get in.

But she can't. She stares at her house.

Is this happening?

There's absolutely no time to save it. It's still there with everything that belongs to it. With a huge amount of luck, it'll still be here tomorrow.

Her hopes get crushed when she hears a cracking noise coming from the neighbor's house followed by an earsplitting bang that scares her beyond anything.

It pushes her to get into the car and start the engine. With nothing but her emergency bag she drives off, hoping that there's going to be a way.

There is always going to be a way.

* * *

She doesn't get far though.

Because she should have taken the car to the mechanic months ago. She just didn't think it was that urgent.

The car breaks down after only half a minute of driving. She manages to steer it on the side of the road. Nothing. Just like her phone.

She thinks for a moment. She's pretty sure her house is the last one. There's nothing but dried-out vegetation beyond it. No one is going to come down and drive by.

She could go back to the house and wait. Pray for the best.

She could go by foot.

Or she could… take Brittany's bike!

Quickly she grabs the bag, leaves the car and starts running.

If she thought breathing was hard because of her stuffy nose – she was wrong. Her illness is completely forgotten anyway. The smoke seems to fill her insides with every breath she takes.

But she's not going to let that stop her. She reaches her house breathing heavily, ignoring the bloody taste in her throat. Her garage door opens painfully slow. That's where she put Brittany's bike. Brittany must have stormed off and left it there when she came over and Eric opened the door.

Santana puts the bag around her neck, grabs the bike and puts everything into her last chance of making it out of this inferno.

* * *

Embers land on her arms when she's riding. She's had several coughing fits because they're back full force.

The positive thinking from earlier is basically gone. It feels like she's the last person on this earth. Everybody around here must have been on time to leave. Because they didn't hunker down in their bedroom.

She's the last one and no one is coming. It's all happening too fast to come and look for her.

She stops the bike and throws a look over her shoulder. She hasn't gotten anywhere. Or maybe she has but she just can't tell as it's too smoky to see how far she's come. But she simply can't go on. Her lungs are burning. The bandana isn't even helping.

The flu is weakening her just as much as the hot air and the bad vision. Her head is throbbing. She should have jumped into a pool along the way or something. Waited for help.

She can barely see. There's no way she's going to make it all the way down to the city. To Kurt's apartment maybe. She's scared. That it'll be the wrong decision. She can't tell if the roads are clear. Or if it'll be impossible.

She hops down from the bike and puts it on the ground at the side of the road. She sinks on her knees once again getting overpowered by a coughing fit.

She can't take it. Maybe she should go back and cover herself in wet blankets.

Or she could break into a house and look for a phone… or just sit here and wait. Or lie down for one minute to catch her breath and then start riding again.

She narrows her eyes. They're so dry. She's probably making it up in her mind. She's alone.

But there's clearly something ahead of her. Two tiny spots. Yellow circles coming closer drastically fast.

A truck.

It's definitely a truck.

Santana tries to get up on her feet and wave but her body gives in once and for all.

She puts her life into the stranger's hand.


	31. mom

**I want to thank all of you who are still reading the story although it takes me longer to write it than I thought! Next to work it's not always easy to be productive but I'm doing my best to finish it these days.**

 **Thank you for the patience!**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

"Stop the car! There is someone sitting on the ground!" Eli yells just when Brittany spots the bicycle and person on the side of the road, too. She narrows her eyes while stepping on the brakes. That's _her_ bike!

"It's Santana" She wants to shout but it comes out weakly. She's so relieved to see Santana when at the same time she's scared that she might be injured. "Take over, Eli and turn the car around. I'll get her."

Brittany manages to say before jumping out of the car. Eli does as he's told while Brittany hurries over to the brunette on the ground.

"Santana! Are you ok?" Brittany coughs because of the smoke and the shock of heat hitting her face. She kneels down to Santana so she can grab her face and have a closer look at her. She thanks the universe when reddened but familiar eyes finally lock with hers.

"Brittany?" Santana's voice is raspy, her nose running. She's wearing her sleeping clothes as well as a bandana hanging loosely over her mouth. Her tired fingers wrap around Brittany's arm. "Is that really you? I was asleep – I've been in bed for the past two days because I got a terrible cold. I-"

Brittany's heart instantly breaks at the way Santana sounds so confused. She pulls the bandana all the way down so she can lean in and press a kiss to Santana's hot cheek.

"You're safe now. Come on, my cousin is driving the truck. Let's go."

Brittany drags Santana onto her feet to guide her to the truck. Eli has already opened the passenger door for them to jump in. Brittany guides Santana inside first. Then she quickly goes back to grab the bike and throws it in the back of the truck before jumping next to Santana.

As soon as the door is closed Eli takes off. A couple seconds later two firetrucks drive by them into the opposite direction. It allows Brittany to take a breath of relief. Ten minutes ago, she had no idea if they were going to find Santana, let alone if she was still up there. The closer they got to Santana's house, the more scared she became. They drove by houses that were more or less destroyed. Others looked fine.

So far, the situation is pretty much contained because fire departments and officials reacted quickly. Still, the ferocity of the firestorm caused a lot of damage within just one day. Luckily the winds have faded, too but she was still scared when they got here. Now that she's holding Santana in her arms, she's finally able to breathe again.

While driving all the way together with Eli, Brittany had been as worried as never before in her life. Up until today she didn't know the feeling of being scared to death for someone else's life.

Dom and her grandma are both safe but she had no idea where Santana was. She couldn't reach her on the phone. Now she is sitting closely next to her, letting her tired body rest against Brittany's. What if they hadn't found her?

Santana's cough sounds _terrible_.

"It's going to be ok." She whispers into Santana's ear. The brunette whimpers.

"The house… everything." Santana whines softly, probably too exhausted to cry out loud. Brittany bites her lip, holding on tighter.

"I know…" She mutters when pressing another soothing kiss to Santana's temple. "But everything is replaceable. Not you though, ok? The most important thing is that _you_ are safe. We're gonna find a way… You're not alone."

While Santana cries into Brittany's shoulder, Brittany guides her cousin to drive them to the hospital. Although Santana doesn't seem to be injured, Brittany needs to be sure that she is going to be ok.

* * *

It's in the morning hours when Brittany startles up from an unsteady sleep.

She needs a couple seconds to orientate herself. She's at home. On the small couch in her living room.

Eli's snoring must have woken her up. He's sleeping in her bedroom next door but she can still hear him. They weren't allowed to stay the night at the hospital, so Brittany took Eli home where she insisted on him taking the bed. She couldn't sleep anyway. The pictures of finding Santana on the side of the road kept replaying in her head. Santana had to stay the night at the hospital because of a smoke intoxication.

Brittany pushes a thin blanket off her because there's no way she's going to fall back asleep. She she makes her way into her small kitchen.

Trying not to make too much noise, she prepares a pot of coffee. Once it's brewing, she decides to make her cousin pancakes.

Eli definitely deserves it. He drove for way longer than she did. But the closer they got to home, the more she became a nerveless wreck. Eli managed to make her feel calm most of the time but whenever she allowed a scary thought to creep through her mind, she lost it. She imagined what it would be like to lose Santana. Like actually lose her. Not just as in they wouldn't be seeing each other anymore but as in – she passed away.

The thought still makes her feel like her throat closes up. She's pretty sure she could cry instantly but she doesn't want Eli to see her in this weak state anymore. The snoring just stopped. He must be awake and will probably come look for the delicious scent that's spreading in the kitchen.

But even the yummy smell of pancakes can't make her feel better. She can't stop thinking about Santana.

Will she be ok? What's going to happen with her house? There's only a hint of hope left that it got spared. Maybe it only suffered smoke damage. Maybe it's all gone.

Santana must be scared to go back and find out.

Brittany is going to be there by her side - if she wants her to. Once she has figured out how to get Eli back to Arizona, she will head straight to the hospital in no time.

* * *

"I don't want to hear a single word."

It looks like Brittany won't have to drive Eli all the way back.

Aunt Kathrin's voice makes her feel like she's seven again.

Brittany once stole a second piece of cake from her kitchen counter when she and her parents visited the ranch during summer vacation. Brittany was only allowed to eat one piece but she couldn't resist and got another one. Aunt Kathrin wasn't amused.

About as unamused as right now.

Brittany wishes she had resisted Eli's persuasion to go with her. She wishes she had left her cousin on the dusty road and driven all the way home on her own. Even with the risk of falling asleep behind the wheel. Because then she wouldn't have to look into her aunt's disappointed face right now.

A few minutes ago her doorbell rang. Brittany already hoped it was Santana but when she looked through the peephole, she nearly choked on a bite of pancake. Aunt Kathrin was standing there together with one of her ranch workers. They must have followed them only a few hours later.

"You" Aunt Kathrin goes on. She's still standing in the doorway with her arms crossed in front of her chest and eyes landing on Eli. He's sitting at the kitchen table and has stopped eating in shock. "Get your butt outside and into my car. We're driving right back. And you…" She now bores her eyes into Brittany's.

Since Brittany isn't the seven-year-old girl anymore, she doesn't even try to avoid her aunt's eyes. Aunt Kathrin shrugs tiredly. "Well… I was furious during the ride but now that I'm here and can see that you two are ok… I guess I'm just glad. Is Santana alright, too?"

Brittany smiles at her aunt in relief before stepping closer to take her in for a hug.

"Yes, she's ok. We got there in time. We don't know about her house though. It's probably destroyed like many others."

Aunt Kathrin squeezes Brittany and mumbles an apology before heading over to pat her son on the shoulder.

"Those pancakes do smell awfully delicious. Now that I don't have to worry about my son and my niece anymore, I guess me and Samuel could eat a bite before heading back."

Brittany waves the guy inside who must have helped aunt Kathrin driving all the way here. Together they squeeze themselves around Brittany's tiny kitchen table.

"You don't have to hurry right back, Kathrin. My place might be small but you guys are welcome to stay a while before heading back. You should get rest." Brittany suggests but her aunt shakes her head.

"Thank you, Brittany but we must go back. My animals aren't going to feed themselves. You weren't there long enough to see that we're completely understaffed. It's hard work on the ranch. I love it… I do. But it's definitely hard work these days so I can't just take a day off whenever I want. Plus, I'm sure you'll be happy to have a quiet place to come home to with all the chaos going on in town. Luckily the fires didn't reach your area but still. Maybe you want to go help friends or someone else in need. Once Eli is finished, we leave right away."

Brittany nods at her aunts' final words. She feels terrible for hearing about how much work there is to do at the ranch. She wishes she could have stayed longer to help.

"I'll come help you out sometime" She offers thirty minutes later when they're all saying goodbye at her door. Aunt Kathrin smiles tiredly.

"That would be nice, my dear. You're always welcome to stay with us. And remember what I said to you about bringing Santana along…"

Brittany grins when hugging her cousin and aunt goodbye. She suppresses tears when thanking Eli again for doing what he did. But he's way too cool and just winks at her before walking off together with aunt Kathrin.

Brittany watches until they're gone around a corner. She really hopes to see them again soon.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

If she didn't see the hand on her own, she wouldn't know that somebody is holding her.

She's completely numb.

She knows she's ok. Physically. She knows that there is going to be a way for her and that she's not alone.

But right now… she's empty. She lost her home. Her belongings. Everything she called her own up until yesterday.

The realization hit her an hour ago. The only thing that stopped her from breaking into something like a panic attack were Brittany's eyes.

They've been sitting in the hospital cafeteria for a while now. Brittany is her first and only visitor so far. Loretta is on her trip in Europe, Kurt will come by later and her Dad just called her on the phone. He's going to arrange a meeting with her insurance counselor but right now she can't think properly.

The only thing she can focus on is Brittany. Her face makes Santana feel a little bit easier. It always does. It already did when Santana came home from work that day she turned down a job offer from this very unfriendly client. The only thing she needed was to talk to Brittany and things were looking brighter again.

She has no idea what her future looks like right now.

Maybe she's looking at it…

Maybe she'll have to completely reinvent herself and everything she knew.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there." Brittany's voice breaks Santana's thoughts. "I'm sorry I left just like that. I wish I had been there with you. You shouldn't have been alone."

Brittany's hand is still resting on Santana's. Finally the warmth of it is reaching Santana.

"Brittany… it wouldn't have changed anything. We don't have to ask ourselves what if… and we certainly don't have to talk about why you left right now. I don't think I'm capable to have deep conversations. I don't even know what I'm going to wear to get home. I mean not home as in _home_ … Kurt said I can stay at his place until I know what to do next. We don't have to talk about us right now. Is that ok?"

Brittany quickly nods her head and squeezes Santana's hand.

"Of course. I just needed you to know that I am sorry. About everything but especially about what happened to your house. And that I'll be there to make things up. I'm serious. If living with Kurt doesn't wor-"

"Oh my God… Mom?"

Santana can't believe her eyes.

She really can't. But it _is_ her mother behind Brittany coming towards them. She's wearing her finest clothes, her hair looks like she probably just had an appointment with her personal hairstylist.

It's either the sound of her heels hitting the floor or the way Santana stares at her mother that makes Brittany turn her head to see what is going on.

Santana can't believe her mother is here. Walking towards her in expensive shoes and something in her face.

Is it worry? A spontaneous smile when their eyes lock over the distance?

"Isn't that your mom?" Brittany wonders when Santana gets up on her feet. It's happening automatically. She gets up and stares at her mother, not knowing what to think or what is going on. What is she doing here?

When her mother comes to a halt in front of her and the perfume she's been wearing ever since Santana was a child reaches her nose, Santana gets thrown back twenty years.

She had a friend named Gaby when she was eight who always played with her outside. One day they decided to take their bikes and they drove off way further than they were allowed. They completely forgot about time and just had fun. But when they returned, Gaby's mother was there and scolded as if they did something truly terrible. She only screamed at Santana because she was older than Gaby for doing something so irresponsible.

Santana ran home crying to find her mother sitting at her desk, doing some paper work. She pulled Santana into her lap and listened to what had happened. Maybe she wasn't always the perfect mom who spent that much time with Santana and Loretta. But in that moment she was there. She told Santana that she didn't have to feel guilty and that she would talk to Gaby's mom to make her calm down.

Santana was so thankful in that moment. So utterly relieved.

Right now she can sense something tickling at the back of her head. It crawls over her ears and cheeks until she realizes it's the feeling breaking into tears.

Her mother is standing in front of her and for the first time in years, she is looking at her. As in truly seeing her.

"Don't worry, Santana." Her mother speaks before reaching her hands out. Santana leans into her mother and lets her hold her when she starts crying uncontrollably. It just comes out of her. Up until a few minutes ago she had thought that she wouldn't be able to cry because of the shock that she's been in ever since she noticed the fire.

Her mother doesn't say anything else. She just holds Santana in her arms.

* * *

She doesn't know what time it is or for how long she's been sitting outside on a bench next to her mother. They're both holding a warm cup of tea in their hands.

Brittany said goodbye a while ago so Santana could have some time alone with her mom. A couple days ago that thought would have literally scared Santana. Right now she's just calm.

They don't talk too much because there's still the distance between them. But just sitting next to her mom is good. She's the last person Santana expected to come. Which is truly sad.

"My neighbors called me a couple hours ago…" Santana begins after a few silent minutes. "They immediately returned from their vacation and went back to the house. From what they said, I don't even want to go back and see for myself… pretty much everything is gone."

Her mother sighs. Slowly she shakes her head.

"It's unbelievable. How some areas got hit hard and others nearby got spared. The fire didn't even last for a day but it was enough time to destroy. I thought the clinic was in danger but Kirk and I were lucky. _All_ the people were lucky as no one died… but losing your house is still going to take a lot of time to recover from. You have to promise me that you will take time to heal, Santana. Don't make any big decisions. Do what makes you feel good. And we're all here to support you. I'm sure Loretta will offer you to live with her as soon as she gets back. I actually think her second apartment is going to be available next month. The current tenant found something new."

Santana nods although she's not trying to say yes to that. She can't imagine moving into a new place. The thought nearly breaks her heart all over again. She had no time to prepare moving. She would have packed all her stuff.

What does she want in a new apartment that's nothing but empty?

"But until then…" Her mother goes on. "You're staying with me and Kirk."

Santana wants to do three things at the same time. She wants to respond, to huff in surprise and to swallow the overwhelming sensation that's rushing through her. But because she was also about to take a sip of her tea, she coughs. She coughs like they cough in the movies when they hear something they weren't prepared to hear.

"Contain your excitement, please." Her mother comments the awkward rattling in her throat. "And no back talk. I'm your mother and we have been avoiding each other for too long now. I think it's time we reconcile." Santana stares at her mother. She's dead serious. "Or at least we will try. But Kirk and I have enough space. Please… I want to use this opportunity to finally pull ourselves together."

Again Santana nods although she's not at all agreeing.

Yes, she's overwhelmed to see her mother. Yes, they still have a connection that she thought was lost.

But living with her? Right now?

"Oh wow… that's…" Santana croaks but nothing else comes out of her mouth. She just shrugs, incapable to speak.

Her mother gently pats the spot between Santana's shoulder blades as her voice is still raspy from the coughing fit.

"Drink your tea." She mumbles before guiding her own cup to her lips.

Quietly Santana does as she's told, gazing at her mother over the edge of her cup.

This is going to be interesting.

She has no other words for it than very, very interesting.

Awkward maybe. Peculiar.

Highly problematic.

Or just wrong.

But because she's scared of even thinking that, she'll go with _interesting_.


	32. painting

**Here With Me by Marshmello and CHVRCHES**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

The table they're eating breakfast at is ridiculously large. Her mother is sitting on the left end of the table while her stepfather Kirk is on the opposite side.

Santana is seated in the middle, so she has to turn her head every time one of them speaks up.

To say that it's a weird situation would be an understatement. She doesn't remember ever having breakfast alone with her mother and Kirk. Or spending time with them in the first place. When Santana got up from bed an hour ago, she found Kirk sitting by the pool outside. It was the first time they exchanged more than a couple words ever since he came into her mother's life years ago.

Her mother joined them after a while to let them know that breakfast was ready. Here they are now in the dining room… her mom and Kirk are talking about the appointments they'll have at the practice later on. It sounds like a lot is going on at work.

They're not only a good couple in private, they also work hand in hand. Their effort and hard work made them become two of the most successful beauty surgeons in the country. People travel here from far away just to get an appointment at the Harper-Lopez practice.

Even if it was never something that Santana could relate to, she can't deny that they must be more than good at what they're doing.

She's playing with the egg in her plate. Everything looks delicious but her appetite has been numbed. It's like it got burned down with her house. Every minute that she doesn't get distracted by something or someone, she thinks of the house and the fire.

Of course she was lucky. In a way.

No one died. She was able to get away from it although it was already too late.

But she feels nothing but empty at the moment. Or more likely she doesn't feel like herself anymore.

She's not wearing a single piece of clothes that belongs to her. Friends of her mother who have daughters dropped off clothes yesterday when Santana came here from the hospital.

She should be thankful, she knows that. And she _is_. About everything. But nothing feels right.

The clothes, the uncomfortable bed in the pool house, the fact that she's living with her mother again.

She wasn't prepared for this.

Now she has no other choice but to take what she gets and return the gestures of goodwill with a polite smile.

"Still can't really eat, huh?" Kirk's voice makes her look up from her plate. She sighs.

"No… it smells delicious, though. I'm sorry." Santana mumbles. Kirk waves it off.

"Don't be sorry. We can only imagine what must be going on inside of you. You take your time. The appetite will come back when your body is ready." Kirk smiles at her.

Santana returns it.

Yes, he has been nothing but friendly ever since they were younger.

Loretta adores him. He's good-looking, always surrounded by a fresh scent of after shave and a kind smile graces his lips whenever he talks to someone.

But every time Santana thinks that he's a really nice guy, he'll say something that puts her off her stride. It's just something that goes with along with his persona. She can't ignore it.

Whether it's about politics, work life or their employees at home. He'll always say something that she can't find common ground with.

It's not any different today.

"I hope they find the guy soon…" Kirk mutters before emptying his coffee and filling the cup again right away. "He'll regret it when spending a long time in jail."

Santana throws a look at her mother to see if she knows what Kirk is talking about but she looks just as clueless.

"Who do you mean, honey?" She wants to know.

"The one who set the fire." Kirk answers with a shrug. "I don't understand how these dumb idiots get away with it. If I was to investigate this, I wouldn't rest until I'd find him and put him into a jail cell with my own hands."

Santana's mother laughs amusedly.

"While I appreciate your concern, I'm glad you're not an investigator. You'd cause more trouble than help. Also, we need your skilled hands to do the more important job at the practice."

At that Kirk joins her laughter.

"You're right, my love. But I'm serious. He'll get away with it. He's probably sitting at home, laughing his ass off."

For a moment Santana thinks that it's probably for the best to just keep quiet. This is irritating her more than she can say. But she can't sit on her mouth.

"It really doesn't look like it was arson, Kirk." She tries to say calmly. "Also, how would you know for sure it was a guy? _If_ somebody did it?"

Kirk stares at Santana incredulously.

"Well alright, I don't know if it was a _guy_ for sure but come on… it's clear that this was intention. My friend from the police department said that there's no doubt-"

"Yeah, your friend from the police department knows everything, right? But what makes him think it was intention? It's all over the news these days. How can you not see it?"

Santana has no idea where it comes from. The anger over Kirk's ignorance. But it fills her within seconds. Maybe it's because this time she's in the middle of it. He's trying to make her believe that some faceless idiot's brainless act is responsible for how her life just got turned upside down.

"You mean the conspiracy theory that suddenly everything is linked to climate change? That the planet is torching itself?" Kirk wants to know with a calm voice. He doesn't even seem surprised that Santana talks back.

Well she's not surprised about his point of view, either.

"Conspiracy theory? How can you even say that?"

"Because people all over the world are getting brain washed, Santana." Kirk explains with his still friendly voice. Maybe it's a tiny bit sharper. But his smile tries to cover it. She's so opposed to the way he's sitting there like on a throne. "The president himself says that-"

"Oh I don't want to hear what the president says or thinks or dreams about!" Santana interrupts Kirk. "Or your sheriff friend or anyone who wants to make me believe that my whole life got erased just because of some person's stupid act of vengeance or something? Why do you even listen to what those people say? Instead of thinking with your own head? Then you'd know that it didn't happen because of a guy we'll never catch. Someone we'll never get to see face to face. But that's easier isn't it? To blame it on someone you can't see. Instead of looking reality in the eyes and acknowledging the truth. This was a fire directly linked to global warming. There have been before and there will be more. Bigger ones, deadlier ones. Whether you want to believe it or not."

Santana's voice trembles. Her mother clears her throat awkwardly. She tried to interfere but Santana ignored her attempt by speaking without taking a break. Kirk speaks up after a moment of silence.

"Well, I'm sure some environmental activists would welcome you into their middle right away but this isn't going to get you any further. You lost your home, Santana. It will take time to fully accept it. Your mother and I will support you as much as we can."

Santana shakes her head in disbelief. Is he trying to change the subject?

Fine…

"Thank you, Kirk. I do appreciate that you're letting me stay here. But I really wish it wasn't like this. That I'd still have my own place to go home to where everything I owned had its place instead of fitting into an urn like it does now. I wouldn't have to sleep in my mother's pool house and sit at a table with her, trying to make conversation after we haven't spoken in years." Santana's eyes find her mother's.

"I didn't choose this… and I'm certainly not going to let anyone ridicule it. No one had to intentionally set the fire. No one is laughing their ass off at what is happening."

Her shaking voice and the way she's breathing harder must have reached Kirk on a different access. He suddenly looks like he feels bad.

"I'm sorry Santana. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. When I say that I don't believe in the effect of global warming then I mean the way people are trying to set the whole world into panic. I just don't think that's helping. There will be new technologies or inventions that we can't even think of right now. But they will make sure that our planet doesn't burn down."

Santana shakes her head at the way Kirk is trying to calm her down as if she was a five-year-old girl.

"Oh really…" She mumbles crestfallen. There's no point in trying to convince him of how she sees it. "Well if they find a technology to extend the rainy season instead of the fire season or how to make the winds less powerful or… how to stop temperatures from going up, let me know… Then I'll shut up."

Kirk wants to say something, she can tell. But only a breath of nothing escapes his lips when she looks him in the eyes.

When she gets up from the table, she walks over to put her hand on her mother's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, mom. Thank you for breakfast. I need to lie down for a bit…"

Her mother nods and reaches her hand up to lightly squeeze Santana's.

Then Santana leaves the kitchen without looking at Kirk once more.

* * *

The rest of her day is rather uneventful. She sleeps a lot and spends an hour at the pool together with Kurt. He brings her an old computer he doesn't need anymore as well as some good books to kill the boredom.

They don't talk a lot, they're just floating on their mattresses in the water. She's thankful that he's there to be with her.

Later on her when she's alone, her mother joins her in the pool house for a few minutes and brings her a cup of tea as well as some cookies. She apologizes for the way Kirk talked to her and how she didn't say anything. She had been too caught off guard.

Santana thanks her mother for the apology and the cookies before finding herself alone again.

She sinks down on the hard mattress of the bed and stares at the ceiling. When she bites into a cookie, she can't help but think of Brittany's cookies and how they ate them in bed, too. The memory brings a smile to her face.

With a yawn she throws a look at the alarm clock. It's late but not too late to call her.

She grabs her phone from the nightstand table and dials Brittany's number. It's not like she just saw her yesterday but still… she misses her.

She always misses her when they're not together.

Luckily Brittany picks up after only two seconds. They talk about this and that… how Brittany is jealous of Santana's cookies and that she'd love to sneak into the pool house to get some, too but she's too scared to get caught by Santana's mother.

It makes Santana feel like she's seventeen again. Just for a moment, she doesn't have any sorrows.

She listens to Brittany's voice, chuckles at her jokes and tries to remember what their passionate kisses feel like. It's been way too long in her opinion.

When she shares that thought with Brittany, she can almost see the blush on the blonde's cheeks. She imagines how she grins and rolls her eyes.

"I really miss those kisses, too…" Brittany confirms with a tiny sigh. "And everything else we used to do before I made a fool of you at The Surface. Before running away to my aunt's ranch without saying a word. Can you ever forgive me?"

Santana presses the phone closer to her ear, hoping to get a little more of Brittany that way.

"If I you were here now, I'd show you how mad I still am. I'd probably give you the cold shoulder." Santana mumbles with a smirk that Brittany can't see. "But then I'd hold you close to show you how happy I am to still be alive and to be able to look at you and feel you. And…" Santana thinks for a moment. "Maybe if you really feel the urge to make something up, you could join me to the house tomorrow? I'd be glad not to go there alone. I mean, my mother would probably join me but I'd rather go there with someone I-"

"I'll be there. Just let me know what time and I'll be there to pick you up. But now I should let you sleep. You sound really tired. I'll call you in the morning for details ok?"

Santana whispers a relieved 'thank you' and some good night wishes before they hang up the phone and she falls into a deep sleep.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She's ten minutes early. But that's ok. It gives her time to check out a little bit of Anita Lopez' residence.

It's breathtaking. She wishes she could see the backyard from where she's parked in the drive way but it's hidden.

The garage looks huge. Four cars easily fit in there. She wonders if this is the house that Santana grew up in but then she remembers Santana telling her about how her mother married a new man.

She can only imagine what it must be like to suddenly live with your parent again after you haven't been in touch for a long time. She can't even imagine going back to her own parent's house although they have a great relationship.

When a familiar brunette wearing stranger's clothes steps through the front door minutes later, Brittany swallows. On one hand because Santana never fails to look good no matter what she's wearing and on the other because she looks like she's in low spirits.

Usually Santana's face beams whenever she looks at you. Now she smiles when she climbs into the passenger seat but her eyes are filled with worries.

"Thank you for doing this." She greets Brittany with a low voice.

Brittany doesn't know what to say. Instead she leans over the center console to take Santana in for a hug. It gets reciprocated right away.

"Of course" Brittany whispers. "You're not alone. Even if it feels like it. I'm here to be by your side." She squeezes her once more before giving her an encouraging smile and starting the engine.

Santana takes a deep breath. Her eyes are a tiny bit more courageous now.

Her hand is cold when Brittany takes it into her own as soon as they're on the road. The hand trembles but it quickly eases when Brittany's warm fingers shelter it.

It only spurs Brittany to do her best to live up to her promises.

* * *

It's half an hour later when Brittany dares to step closer to Santana.

She's standing there in the middle of everything and nothing at the same time. Everything that used to be hers and nothing that you'd recognize at first glance.

She's had her mouth and nose covered with her hands, probably at the unbelievable sight in front of her and the burnt scent in the air.

Now that Brittany carefully steps next to her and puts her hand on Santana's shoulder, the brunette lets her hands sink down.

"I kind of knew what to expect…" She mutters close to tears. "But then again you're never prepared to see something like _this_." She points at the one corner of the ruin. It looks like it got the least of damage. "Was that my kitchen? Did I stand in there just a couple days ago with everything shiny and sparkling? I mean… where's the upstairs? It's all just… flat."

Brittany shakes her head in disbelief, too. She had hoped that things wouldn't be as bad but as soon as they arrived, they knew that they no longer had to wonder if maybe Santana could return to her home at one point in the future. There's nothing to return to. You'd have to build a completely new house.

"I can't believe some of your plants survived" Santana exhales with something that almost sounds like a teary laughter. "You did an excellent job choosing some fire-resistant ones… but all your hard work got erased, too. I'm so sorry. I should have tried to save it."

Brittany turns to face Santana. She puts both her hands on the smaller woman's shoulders.

"You couldn't have saved it. It was just a garden. I'm so glad that _you're_ not lying here somewhere underneath a burnt piece of furniture." She says determinedly and pierces her eyes into Santana's. "That's the only thing that matters."

Santana nods, then breaks into tears.

"But it was so lovely… I loved it so much. And everything about this house. Yes, it was way too big for just me. But it was beautiful. Now there's nothing except from the few things that the firefighters must have been able to safe when they got here. A couple pieces of furniture… some stuff from the kitchen. But nothing that would have really mattered to me. All the art I collected. It's gone. The small things that are linked to memories… my clothes. I know that sounds silly but I'd trade the furniture with some of my clothes."

Brittany's eyes land on something on the ground just a few feet away from them. She was already looking at it earlier because it's too white to be burned. She steps away from Santana to carefully pick it up. When she turns it around, she realizes that it's a painting.

"Oh my God, look. It's nearly unscathed." She breathes when holding it up for Santana to see. "Where was it? I don't remember ever seeing that on a wall at your place."

Santana blinks several times, her mouth hanging open.

She steps towards Brittany, shaking her head in disbelief. When she reaches her hand out to carefully touch the painting, she throws a glance up into Brittany's eyes.

"It was new. I got it the other day and… it reminded me of you. The colors, the way it looks like a never-ending ocean."

Brittany swallows when she watches how Santana lets her finger run over the piece of art, admiring it.

"I can't believe it survived. With just one or the other small burn mark." Santana whispers.

Brittany, once again speechless, lifts an arm and lays it over Santana's shoulders. With the other hand she holds the painting to her side, letting her head rest against Santana's.

Together they stand there for another long minutes, mourning the beautiful house with its garden and memories.

She knows that many families are going through what Santana is going through. The fire torched about two hundred and fifty homes. It scorched thousands of acres and resulted in millions of dollars in damages.

But you can't really put the personal loss into numbers. Things that meant a lot to Santana aren't there anymore. Things you can't just replace by walking through a shopping mall.

The truth is, Brittany would do anything to somehow give them back to her. She'd switch their positions in a heartbeat if she could. She can't stand seeing Santana like this.

She'd create a hundred gardens for her. She'd give her all her clothes. But Santana doesn't really wear the same things, so... She probably needs something completely different.

"We should probably go." Santana says after a while, breaking their intimate position. "My mom said something about dinner with a friend of the family. Whoever that is… I could have said that I don't feel like it, right? I'm old enough! But the fact that I live with my mother again has this power over me that makes me feel like I'm going through puberty again. Is it weird that she told me what to wear this morning and I obeyed?"

Santana's confused look together with her sometimes priceless sarcasm makes Brittany laugh out loud.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. It's not even funny but I just… you make me laugh. I'm sorry."

Santana seems unaffected. She shrugs.

"No matter how much time passes. Mothers have that… that thing!" She shakes her head. "You're not able to escape it. I find myself agreeing to things that I don't want. She really wants me to take the other apartment that belongs to Loretta. Of course it would be convenient. My sister needs a renter and I need a place to stay. My mother always wanted it to stay in the family. But… I just don't want to. It's too close to them, too soon. I don't know if anyone could understand. Everyone else who lost their home would probably want to hit me in the face for not wanting to take this opportunity. It just… feels wrong. More than anything I could say."

Santana sighs.

She's standing there wearing blue jeans that are too long, a funny t-shirt with prints on it (something that Brittany has never seen on Santana's body) and shoes that look like they belong to Brittany's grandma.

Yes. It definitely looks wrong. Everything.

But why does everything have to be wrong? When something could be a little bit right?

She clears her throat. Then raises the painting in her hands to make Santana look at her.

"This… I think this would look really good in my bedroom. I always thought it's a little bleak in there. But this would bring some color into it."

She's not sure if Santana is really listening to her. She's just standing there, giving her a confused look.

"You want the painting? The one thing I have left?"

Brittany nods.

"I mean, it matches my eyes. Isn't that why you bought it in the first place?" She challenges Santana.

The brunette gives her a cute smirk in return.

"Maybe" She mumbles with a shrug. Brittany winks at her.

"I'll take that as a yes. So yeah… you should really hang it in my bedroom."

The look on Santana's face is still not showing any sign of understanding. She crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Do I get anything in return?" She chuckles at her own words. "I'll probably say yes to everything. Considering the circumstances."

Brittany tilts her head, pretending that she's thinking.

"Well… you could have the left side of my bed." She says like it's something casual.

In a funny way, it feels like it is.

Santana stares at her. Her lips part and she seems to ponder. Whether she's misunderstanding things or not.

"Or the right one…" Brittany clarifies. "It depends on what you prefer. But so far you've always slept on the left side when you stayed over."

Since Santana still seems to have doubts about what Brittany is suggesting, she decides to lay it all out there. This isn't the moment to play around.

"You could come live with me. My apartment is small, I know… I don't have many things. But at least you wouldn't have to feel like a child. I certainly wouldn't tell you what to wear. If we don't feel comfortable, then we'll think of something else. But it might be worth a try… maybe you'll feel a little better than at your mother's place."

She stops talking because there's always a risk of ruining things when you speak without thinking.

Not that she hasn't thought about this.

It was the first thing that came to her mind when she and Eli dropped Santana off at the hospital.

She hasn't been able to think about much else ever since.

After what feels like an eternity, Santana speaks up.

"Are you… offering me to move in with you?" She wants to know.

Brittany nods. This makes her feel amazing. Something like... pride?

As a matter of fact, nothing has ever felt better.

Santana still gazes at her in confusion. But it turns into awe as seconds pass. Then she starts moving.

She walks up to Brittany, lifts her arms to wrap them around Brittany's neck. She falls into open arms, their upper bodies pressing against each other like magnets.

"I don't know what to say" She mutters between a sob and fresh tears.

Brittany wraps her arms around Santana's middle, still holding the painting in her hand.

"Just say yes" She suggests with a kiss to Santana's neck.

The woman in her arms cries gently, letting all the sorrows out that must have built up inside of her over the past three days.

She holds on to Brittany closely.

"Yes" She whispers with a trembling body.

They stand there for a long time. When the sun starts to set and a beautiful orange shade crawls over the ruins in an almost apologetic way, Brittany takes Santana's hand to guide her back to the car.

"Come on" She mumbles. "We've got lots to do. There are many things we have to organize. But tonight I want to take you home and cook you something nice for dinner. We can start first thing in the morning…"

Santana follows her willingly and sighs at the words of dinner. She explains that she hasn't really eaten since she left the hospital but finally senses her appetite coming back to life.

Brittany chuckles when she opens the passenger door to let Santana climb inside. She hands her the painting, then leans in to press a careful kiss to Santana's warm lips.

It's soothing. Even for herself although she's not the one who got harmed in the fire.

Then she closes the door, hurries around the truck and gets inside, too.

When she throws a glance to her right, Santana gives her that look.

It's the same look she gave Brittany the first time they met.

Surprise. Curiosity… and something like adoration.

Maybe she also just thinks that because it's the same thing that's going on inside of herself.


	33. sweet

**Plot Twist by Marc E. Bassy and Hailee Steinfeld**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

She's sitting on Brittany's tiny couch with a cup of hot tea in her hands and a cuddly blanket covering her legs.

She hasn't felt this comfortable in days, so she's definitely enjoying the moment. Brittany is somewhere in the basement to get something that will apparently help them making a plan for the upcoming days.

She's full of energy this morning. Well, she always is. She's never grumpy like Santana is after having to get up early.

Not that they had to get up that early. It's Sunday and Santana got woken up by the scent of coffee. They had a yummy breakfast on their first morning as… roommates? And then they took a shower together that lasted a little longer than planned… and _then_ they decided to use the rest of the morning to write down a 'to do' list for Santana.

What exactly it is that Brittany needs from the basement, she doesn't know. But it gives her a moment of complete silence in the apartment.

Who would have thought a couple months ago that Santana would say yes to moving in with Brittany. Let alone get asked in the first place. By someone like Brittany who loved her independent life more than anything. At least that's what Santana always thought.

Who would have thought that she'd have a fling with her landscaper. That it would turn into something more. That she'd develop feelings for her and that those feelings would get reciprocated.

Not that they have officially confessed their love for each other. They haven't had a heart to heart about what they truly are. She _did_ tell Brittany _over the phone_ … that she loves her. But it wasn't the right time. It was desperate.

She never wanted to be desperate.

Since Brittany literally fled afterwards, she doesn't think that it counts.

Brittany still owes her some honest thoughts though… about what she wants for them to happen. But it'll have to wait a while because right now Santana isn't capable to discuss things that might be difficult. She's already overwhelmed by her current situation with the house and the question of what she's going to do next in life.

Moving in with Brittany means that she doesn't have to live with her mother but it doesn't mean that this is where she's going to stay for the next two years.

She will have to find another solution. She doesn't want to be a burden for Brittany for too long. They're getting along so well and she doesn't want to ruin that.

"When was the last time you wrote on a blackboard?" Brittany's voice mixed with some heavy breaths shakes Santana from her thoughts.

The blonde is standing in the small living room with something that looks like an easel in her hands. When Santana takes a closer look, she realizes that it's indeed a blackboard.

"Uh… high school?" She answers with an amused smile and watches how Brittany puts the heavy board on the floor in front of Santana. Then she pulls some chalk sticks from her pocket and hands one to Santana.

When she steps back next to the board with a proud grin on her face, Santana can't help but stare at her lovingly. She looks like a child all excited and motivated to do their first homework.

"Well then it's time to do so again. We're going to write down our list for the next couple days and leave the board right here in the living room so it'll always catch our eye. It's actually very helpful to the process of brainstorming. I always used it when I was in my first year of being a landscaper. I got it from my grandma. So let's see…"

Brittany starts writing something down in her perfect handwriting. Since she's standing right in front of the board Santana can't really see what she's writing down but thankfully Brittany verbalizes her thoughts.

"Ok so… number one; find a place to stay. I'd say we can officially cross that off the list."

Santana watches how Brittany makes a big tick at the end of the first matter on the still very short list.

"I'll just write down a few more things that come to my mind. Feel free to interfere or to add or just… feel free ok? Ok second; contact your insurance agent and file claim. I remember you said that your Dad already helped you with that. Then we should make a list of everything that got destroyed. It has to be as detailed as possible because I'm sure your insurance company will ask for proof of your most expensive items… good documentation will make everything easier. We don't want to get reimbursed for just the average, right?"

Santana shakes her head wordlessly. She's impressed at the way Brittany writes down her thoughts so skillfully and quickly.

"What did you say was in your emergency kit? Tell me everything you still physically possess at this point. Lay it all out there."

Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest, giving Santana a focused look. Santana shrugs. That'll be quick…

"There was a copy of my passport and my credit cards as well as a hard drive with all my most important documents and pictures. Luckily all my work is saved in a cloud, so I don't have to worry about that. Then there are the few pieces of furniture that the firefighters saved, some stuff from the kitchen and the blue painting you found." Santana thinks for a moment. "That's it. That's all there is. I don't have anything else."

She looks up into Brittany's eyes, feeling once again completely overwhelmed by the fact that her life is no longer the same and that it probably never will be again. How could it?

She will never go back to what felt so familiar. She's going to have to painstakingly rebuild her life. There's no button to press fast forward. She's going to have to do it all step by step. There's no way around it. The list on Brittany's blackboard isn't long but there is so much she has to do. How can she do it? What if tomorrow Brittany decides that she doesn't want Santana here because it was the wrong decision?

"Hey" Brittany must have sensed Santana's inner turmoil. She's kneeling down in front of her, putting her warm hands on Santana's sides. "It'll take time, yes. It'll take energy and courage. But it'll work. Because I know you're strong. Stronger than you might think right now. There is something inside of you that will help you push through this. You're going to rebuild your life and some things are going to be new and different. Some things are going to be the same again. It just needs time. You will collect new memories and new experiences. Little by little everything will fall back into place. Have a little faith in yourself. You can do this. _We_ can do this."

The way Brittany emphasizes the last part, is the tip of the iceberg that makes Santana's insides crumble. All the time she's pulling herself together to not break into tears all over again. Right now she can't hold it in anymore.

She wants to cry. To scream. To yell at someone that it's not fair. This isn't fair. Nobody deserves to lose everything they had.

But when Brittany looks at her like that, she can do nothing but gaze into her eyes. Her heartening and endlessly blue eyes.

"Why do you have to be so sweet…" Santana mumbles rather to herself than to Brittany. The blonde just shrugs. Then her hand wanders up to Santana's face.

"You deserve nothing but the kindest."

Santana swallows. The amount of emotions going on inside of her is crazy. She should be tired of this rollercoaster by now. But Brittany manages to lift her up from her lows. With nothing but an encouraging few words and a smile to die for.

Their faces move towards each other like it's the easiest thing. Like they don't have to think about what they're doing.

When Brittany kisses her gently, Santana wraps her arms around the blonde's shoulders. She opens her thighs to pull her closer, feel her better. To deepen that sweet kiss that makes all the sorrows go away…poof… just like that.

* * *

It's on the evening of the next day that Santana finds herself in Brittany's bed, worn out from a long day of doing all kinds of stuff. She wouldn't even have known where to start if it wasn't for Brittany and her blackboard.

It feels good although she's exhausted. Phone calls, appointments, more lists and forms to fill out. She's glad that she didn't have to do it all on her own. Brittany took the day off to be with her. Tomorrow she'll have to go to work and Santana will have to do things on her own. It'll be ok though… she's motivated.

Because being here is so much better than staying at her mother's house. She didn't take it so well. Her mom. But Santana told her that it's for the best for both of them and that they will find a way to build a relationship as long as they both want it.

Her mother agreed eventually.

So the day was exhausting but that's not why she's lying under the thin sheets with her skin still sticky. Brittany's arm is resting on Santana's bare chest. Their limbs entangled after they had the most amazing sex ever since they started doing what they've been doing.

She has no idea where it came from. Something about living together makes them constantly want to touch each other and be close to one another. Maybe it'll go away after three weeks because they're going to get on each other's nerves so badly. But right now it doesn't feel like that.

It feels like this is something she could get used to.

To turn her head and to look at Brittany's relaxed expression. She's lying on her side, holding Santana in her arms. Maybe she's sleeping. Judging by her breathing though, she's still awake and just enjoying the aftermaths, too.

Santana kisses the forehead that's so close to her own. She tickles Brittany's arm because she knows the blonde loves the sensation.

She remembers how she said 'I love you' on the phone… how she could have said it yesterday when Brittany got that blackboard from the basement. How she could say it right now.

The "roomie" thing so isn't going to work. They're not roommates. Of course not. But they're also not in a settled relationship. Moving in together is something you do when you feel like it's absolutely the right thing to do. The next big step.

This wasn't the next step in their relationship. It was Brittany helping her out.

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany's soft voice confirms that she's not asleep. Santana sighs hardly notable.

"This and that… how I'm very thankful to be here. And that I don't want to ruin anything." If Brittany asks about her thoughts, then she'll have to expect an honest answer.

Her eyes open at the response. Their faces are so close. She doesn't look scared or insecure. Just curious.

"Ruin it? This?" She wants to know with a light squeeze to Santana's body. Santana nods.

"We're here… together. And everything feels so damn right. When I should feel lost."

Brittany examines her face.

"Isn't it a good thing that it feels right?"

Santana tries to give her a pointed look but it's kind of difficult when they're lying so close.

"You know what I mean." Santana softly pinches the skin on Brittany's arm to empathize her point. "We're enjoying the moment. To me it almost feels like we've been doing this forever. But it wouldn't be like this if my house was still standing. In fact, you'd be God knows where tending sheep or whatever you planned to do."

When she glances at Brittany, she can see the amused look on her face. Brittany chuckles.

"My aunt owns a horse ranch."

"Fine… you'd be riding horses. But you wouldn't be here in bed with me. We wouldn't be roommates."

Santana sighs. The thought almost hurts.

Brittany entangles herself from the intimate position. Santana already fears that she said the wrong thing. She watches how Brittany props her upper body up on her elbows. It gives Santana a very nice view… she clears her throat because this might not be the right moment to drool.

"Can we agree that the term 'roommates' doesn't fit us?" Brittany wants to know. Santana is somewhat taken by surprise.

"It doesn't?" She asks dumbly. Brittany shakes her head.

"No… we're not roommates. I've never had a _roommate_ and I never want one."

Santana stares at Brittany's lips.

"Oh" She mumbles. She has no idea what to say. Luckily the blonde goes on.

"If we go down that road… we're going to do it right."

Still Santana has no idea what Brittany is talking about. But she's too scared to tell her to clarify. Because it does sort of sound like something she might like. She doesn't want to get disappointed in case Brittany talks about something completely different.

She doesn't know if that makes sense.

She's swamped with her own thoughts at this point.

"I ran away because this…" Brittany lets her eyes wander over Santana's naked body. "Thing between us scared me. You know that… but not the same way it did when it started to get a little more serious. It scared me to fully commit to my feelings. It still does. I don't know if feelings will ever _not_ scare me. But when you said on the phone that…"

Santana hopes that Brittany won't repeat her words. She doesn't think she can take the feeling of embarrassment again.

"That you love me… I wanted to hang up the phone and make it unhappen because I thought it was unfair if I didn't say it back. But you deserve to hear those words. I don't want to disappoint you when I'm not ready. Which is stupid. I am ready. My fears just sometimes run me over. Not just sometimes. Always. I'm always scared to do things with potential to lose control. Loving someone… in that particular way has never happened to me before. I've always tried to be bigger than that… I don't know why."

Santana watches how Brittany lets her fingers run over Santana's stomach, lost in thoughts. When they reach a ticklish spot, Santana twitches.

"I just know that if you still want to be in a relationship with me then I want to do it right… after doing quite a few things wrong. I want to say and do the right things. I'm just still learning. Can you help me?"

She looks up into Santana's eyes.

Santana cups Brittany's cheeks to make them really look at each other. She leans in to press a kiss to Brittany's warm lips.

"We can only do it together." She mumbles afterwards. "I think we're on a track that's not so bad. I have to get my life back together. You're already helping me with that. I want to help you, too. We have to take things step by step. Just like you told me this morning… it's not so different when it comes to building a relationship."

Brittany seems to think about those words. Then she smirks at Santana.

"You're incredibly attractive when talking smart." She wiggles her eyebrows then leans in to get another kiss.

Santana wraps her arms around her neck and grabs Brittany's middle with her thighs to pull her on top of herself. When Brittany lets her weight press down on Santana, she feels sheltered.

They will find a way.

Maybe they're doing things a little different than the rest of the world but she doesn't care. As long as they feel comfortable, _their_ world is ok.

* * *

The days after that pass quickly and slowly at the same time. Slow because there are many things she has to do that she doesn't like so much while Brittany is at work from early morning till the evening and quick because the hours they have together seem to go by in no time.

They enjoy every moment they get to share. When Brittany comes home and they cook something together or when they get to sleep in on the weekend. They'll have breakfast in bed and later on do the groceries.

The first thing they bought in the shopping mall were some underwear and socks for Santana. Brittany had written down a whole bunch of stuff on a little paper. She even thought of painkillers for Santana's bad migraines, as well as make up, a hairdryer and her own pillow and blanket.

Santana always blow dries her hair and was shocked when she found out that Brittany didn't have one. Also she doesn't like to share her blanket. She wants to wrap her legs around the blanket otherwise she will be too hot underneath it in no time. She likes to basically hug her blanket instead of getting covered by it.

This was never a problem because at her place she had two blankets for whenever Brittany stayed over. But Brittany only had these very thin sheets. There was nothing to hug so they bought a cozy duvet and a huge pillow for Santana after the second night.

You'd think that it was perfect but Santana woke up in the middle of the night to find Brittany all snuggled up under the same duvet. Her duvet. She even managed to sneak fifty percent of the pillow. Santana doesn't know how Brittany does it.

They will fall asleep perfectly fine, both on each side or Santana spooning Brittany – both underneath their own blanket. Several hours later she'll wake up nearly falling off the bed. Brittany spread across the bed like Jesus, sometimes even diagonally.

They will have to buy another set of duvet and pillow… and a bigger bed maybe.

But then again Santana finds herself not only annoyed but also amused at the same time. Because whenever Brittany finally rolls off her, taking some of the heat away, Santana immediately misses her. She'll be glad to have more space but she'll miss her. A bigger bed wont' change things.

Either way… Brittany has done nothing but sweet things. She made Santana a new mug of clay after the old one got burned in the house. She took care of Santana during an extra painful migraine the other day and she even called Loretta to ask if she'd come take Santana on a shopping tour for some new clothes that would actually fit her.

Maybe Brittany was tired of looking at her in those funny clothes, too.

Santana might have bought some fancy underwear on that occasion that she will use as a big thank you gesture one day.

What can she say… life sometimes takes unexpected turns but they can bring good things, too. They're enjoying what it is without putting a name to it, yet. Life is good this way. Taking things slow has never felt this sweet.


	34. new view

**You Are The Solution by Loving Caliber and Lauren Dunn**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

The way her friends and family care about her is on one hand touching and on the other almost exhausting.

Every other day she gets to spend time with someone that's not herself or Brittany. She gets invited for dinner, a movie night, a cup of coffee here or a walk outside there. It's not that she doesn't like it. She appreciates the fact that Kurt spends his rare free time these days with her and that Loretta calls her on a daily basis just to chat a bit. She's positively surprised to hear from friends she hasn't hung out with in forever. They're all trying to contribute something to the rebuilding of her life and it's definitely helpful.

To some degree.

What helps even more is the time she gets to spend with herself though. Next to working, she is for example exploring the world of pottery. After her first and miserable attempt a while ago, Brittany encouraged her to use the pottery wheel and who would have thought that Santana would actually like it that much.

It's soothing. To do something with her hands and see the outcome right afterwards. Also the process of painting the vases and plates calms her nerves.

Whenever she's creative on the pottery wheel in the kitchen, it always looks like a bomb exploded in there. But she'll have everything cleaned up before Brittany comes home for dinner. She always compliments Santana for the progress she's been making. Her vases are straight now and no longer look like they're about to pass out any moment.

So next to spending time with friends and family, those are the things that really help her process.

But tonight she's glad to be sitting at a table of a fancy restaurant instead of the pottery wheel. Dom and Kurt asked her and Brittany to come check out this new restaurant. It's wonderful.

Not only the restaurant but also the feeling of being part of something great. Kurt's friendship means the world to her and here they are… both with someone special by their side. She found Brittany but she also found a new friend in Dom. He's perfect for Kurt. She always wondered what kind of guy it would have to be to match all of Kurt's ideas and facets. He's picky.

Yet she can't find another word other than perfect if she had to describe how well these two fit. Dom meets all of Kurt's definitions of a prince charming.

"Hello? Earth to Santana? Why are you staring at my man with those dreamy eyes?" Kurt's hand is waving in front of Santana's face, bringing her back to the present.

She has to laugh when Kurt gives her that funny look and demonstratively puts a hand on Dom's arm.

"Sorry Kurt… I just had to admire him. I remember when we were younger and you always described your future boyfriend." She explains while dipping a spoon into her ice cream since they've already reached dessert.

Brittany is sitting opposite from her and munching on a piece of apple pie. Next to Santana Kurt shares a huge bowl of chocolate mousse with Dom. All three of them are looking at her expectantly.

"Now you have to give us the details." Dom challenges Santana with a wiggle of his eyebrow. Kurt grins embarrassedly. Santana tilts her head to the side.

"Oh that's easy… it's you. Seriously, I always pictured exactly your face when Kurt gave me one of his speeches. He always hoped to meet somebody quite a bit taller than him with short blonde hair, a deep voice and a cute smile. He had to be funny and preferably a craftsman because Kurt gets wobbly knees when he sees a pair of strong hands. Somebody must have heard his prayers and sent you along, Dom. You're so pretty that even I can't help but have a little crush on you but then _Brittany_ came along and you know… she wouldn't stop asking me out so…" Kurt and Dom burst into laughter while Brittany gives her an upset look. "It almost got a little annoying so after a while I decided to just give it a try in order to make her shut up."

Brittany's mouth hangs open while Dom and Kurt applaud her for the diss.

"Excuse me?" Brittany gasps with an expression of faked outrage. A piece of her apple pie falls down from her fork. Santana presses her lips together, trying not to join the boys' laughter. "You just talked a whole lot of crap and just for the record-" Brittany points her fork at Santana. "I met you first. You had never even _seen_ pretty Dom until we were at The Surface for the first time! So don't say that I was just the second best option – you totally wanted _me_ and I wanted you."

At this point Santana doesn't know if Brittany is still just joking or if a hint of desperation is creeping through.

"Aaaw" Kurt mutters and puts a hand on Brittany's across the table. It looks like a sweet gesture at first but then he takes the fork away from her which she had still pointed at Santana. "Don't hurt her. She's just messing with you."

Brittany still holds her gaze, having locked eyes with Santana a long time ago. Her mouth twitches.

"It's nice to see you get a little possessive in public." Santana cares to explain with a shrug and a smirk that she knows Brittany can't refuse. "But just for the record – the first time I saw Dom was at the beach when you two went surfing. Kurt and I literally couldn't keep our eyes off you two… but I was still in denial. I didn't want to admit that I fancied you."

Three seconds later the blonde grins back at her.

"I still don't like _you_ that much right now." She mumbles in response before winning back her fork and finishing her apple pie.

Santana lets her leg rest against Brittany's underneath the table, hoping to be forgiven for messing around but Brittany won't make it that easy on her. She silently eats her pie.

"To change the subject…" Dom steps in after a while with a chuckle. "Is everything going well with the insurance and so on? Brittany told me you have all kinds of documentations to do."

Santana thankfully picks up the topic and tells Dom everything she had to do in the past two weeks and that things are ok so far. When she tells them how glad she is to not live with her mother and stepfather, she remembers the talk she had with Kirk about the fire and how he had been so convinced it was arson.

That's when Brittany seems to have forgiven her and rejoins the conversation. She looks at her lovingly and backs her up when Santana brings up the danger of wildfires linked to global warming.

"He doesn't want to see it but one day people will no longer be able to deny." Brittany says and takes Santana's hand. "I'm just sorry it took everything away from you."

Santana gazes at Brittany. She shrugs after a moment of thinking.

"I'm not." She says. "Not really. It shook me up. Because I can no longer say or _think_ that I'm not affected by climate change, right? If this is what it takes to change people's minds, then maybe that's how it's going to be. I just hate that it takes so much time. Time that we don't have. I wish there was something I could do to speed up the process, you know?"

Brittany nods before replying.

"That's what I've been telling myself, too ever since I went to those summer camps and Ms. Gordon made us promise to use our voices in the future. To change things. I just haven't figured out how to do so, yet."

Santana narrows her eyes when she watches how Brittany lifts her shoulders and drops them again right after.

"Huh" Santana mutters, lost in thoughts.

A couple of silent seconds pass before Kurt seems to have heard enough about that topic and starts babbling something about a scene he filmed the other day. He's got all of Dom's attention and also Brittany looks at him with a smile on her lips.

Meanwhile Santana studies the blonde's face.

Sometimes she doesn't know what is going on behind Brittany's head. It's not a band thing anymore. It just made it kind of tricky in the past to fully get her sometimes.

Tonight she feels like she gets her. For the first time she really gets Brittany. And she doesn't quite understand why.

* * *

Hours later when Santana is still lying awake in bed, gazing at the ceiling of Brittany's bedroom, she wonders.

There has to be something she can do.

Something that will bring a sense to this. To why she lost her home.

Brittany's warm hand is resting on her thigh. She's fast asleep right next to Santana. Once again she has sneaked under the cozy duvet.

The warmth will soon become too much for Santana but she'll compensate it by exposing one of her legs to the cool air in the bedroom.

Santana lets her eyes wander over the wall until they rest on the painting that's now hanging there. The different kinds of blue shades get shined on by the streetlamps from outside.

The ideas start spinning inside of her head.

It's all just a blur so far.

But she knows there is something she can do.

* * *

 **Just a short update but I'm working on the next one.**


	35. anchor

**"5i uf de Uhr" by Nemo**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

It's the surrealist thing.

Years ago, she could have never pictured this but it's happening right in front of her eyes. Her mother is doing the dishes together with the woman Santana is sleeping with.

They are standing there in mom's and Kirk's kitchen, side by side, casually talking something. Her mother is handing Brittany the soapy plates, knives and forks so she can dry them with the blue towel in her hands.

Santana wishes that someone would pinch her right now to make sure she's not dreaming it. But no one is near to pinch her. Kirk is outside by the pool, smoking his cigar and Loretta has disappeared to the bathroom.

Santana is leaning against the cooking island and watching in awe.

Her mom and Brittany are interacting like it's no big deal when it's the biggest freaking deal. No one seems to notice Santana's nearly bursting insides, and no one is here to witness this!

When Santana got a phone call from her mother yesterday she was more than surprised to hear her mother say the words: _"You can bring your friend to the brunch at our place. Kirk and I would like to get to know her better."_

Santana had doubts until the very last minute to bring Brittany along. She just wasn't used to bring someone to family gatherings. In fact it's the first time.

It's nice. New but nice.

She spent the first half hour sitting at the table completely tense because she was waiting for something to happen. For her mother to snap at Santana or even worse – at Brittany. She waited for a remark that would make Santana want to get up and leave but as the minutes went by, she started to relax. There was nothing.

They ate in peace all together. Her mom, Kirk, Loretta, Brittany and herself. They talked about this and that and Brittany… Brittany has been great.

She made a joke that had Kirk laughing out loud. It was the cutest thing Santana ever witnessed.

Now they're here and she's still processing the fact that her mother seems to like Brittany. Despite the fact that she knows about how she's clearly not just Santana's _friend_. Loretta made sure with several comments that no one could not know. But their mom doesn't seem to mind.

Or maybe she just silently tolerates it now. Either way, it feels nice.

When Loretta steps into the kitchen, she claps her hands together to get everyone's attention.

"I was thinking we could go watch a movie or something later on. Who's in?"

Santana chuckles when she looks at her sister. She's so happy, Santana can tell. While Santana is happy, too, she doesn't want to strain the still delicate bond that is growing in her family.

She puts an arm around her sister's middle.

"That sounds nice but some other time, ok? I have a deadline with my employer, so I'll have to put in a nightshift. Brittany wants to go visit her grandma later on… but I'd love to go watch a movie with you guys. Maybe next weekend?"

Loretta sighs but eventually nods with a smile.

"That would be great. It's really sweet you visit your grandma, Brittany. How is she?" Loretta wants to know when hopping onto the kitchen island.

Brittany dries her hands because they're done with the dishes. She tells them about how her grandma lives at the nursing home and about her ups and downs. When she tells them that she often visits her in the early mornings before heading to work, Loretta pulls a face.

"I could never get up that early! I know you're a landscaper so you probably have to get to work early enough. How's work by the way?"

Santana watches how both, Loretta and her mother listen to Brittany and how they get to know her better with every word she says.

She's so in awe that she nearly misses something that is news to her, too.

"Yeah so I've always loved my job although it can be really hard work at times and you never quite know for how long the business is going up. It can always change. Lately I've been thinking about it a lot actually… I'm not so sure if this is what I want to do for the next ten years."

Santana wants to ask but her mom is quicker.

"Why not?"

Brittany shrugs. She looks down at her feet.

"It's not fulfilling me anymore. Not a hundred percent. But I guess I shouldn't complain. It's a good job."

Again Santana opens her mouth to say something but this time Loretta jumps in first.

"Of course you can complain! It's not always fun and sunshine, right? We're all entitled to say what it is that we truly want to do in life. So, tell us."

Brittany looks at Loretta with a big question mark across her face.

"Huh?"

"What is it that you'd rather want to do for a living? If not landscaping?" Loretta explains.

Brittany shakes her head with a short laugh.

"I don't know. I mean there are so many things you could do nowadays… I just wish I could do something that makes more sense to me than making gardens look pretty. Something that is a little more important."

Loretta seems to think about Brittany's words. Actually everybody seems to be doing so because it's suddenly quiet in the kitchen.

"My aunt Kathrin keeps asking me to come help her at the ranch. They've been short on staff members and she's really worried these days. I always wonder if I shouldn't be doing something like that. Go out there for a season to find out what I really want."

Finally Santana finds a moment to bring herself into the conversation.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She blurts. Brittany looks at her questioningly. "I know that you wanted to stay there for a while but when you came back, I didn't think about it anymore."

Brittany quickly shakes her head and waves it off.

"I told her that I can't come right now. I want to be there for you. My aunt will find someone else. Please don't worry, ok?"

Santana doesn't know what to say. She instantly feels guilty.

"But you would want to do it? Work there for a season?" She wants to know.

Brittany shrugs again. She almost looks embarrassed.

"It's something I've thought about… but it can wait. You're more important to me."

Santana can hear her sister muttering a low "aaw".

 _"Hey Brittany!"_ Kirk's voice sounds from outside. _"I want to show you something in our garden! This one plant looks like it's about to die and I have no idea what to do with it."_

Santana doesn't know if she should be thankful for Kirk's interruption or not. She wants to know more about Brittany's dreams and wishes but she's also kind of scared to hear them.

What if they don't include her?

What if they do?

Brittany's eyes quickly meet Santana's before she excuses herself to join Kirk outside. When she walks by, her hand lightly touches Santana's for a short moment. Like she's telling her not to worry.

But Santana does worry. Hearing that Brittany isn't fulfilled almost hurts.

"You look like a puppy who lost its mother, Santana. She said not to worry about it, right?" Loretta tries to cheer her up when Brittany is gone.

Santana shakes her head.

"Yeah but I don't want everything to be about me just because I lost my home. We both had a separate life before the fire. Now I live with her but that doesn't mean she has to put her own life on hold, right?"

Santana's mother grabs a pot to prepare some coffee. Then she speaks up.

"Of course not but you can't blame her for still doing so. It doesn't mean she'll never go to the ranch, right? Right now she doesn't want to. She's old enough to stand up for herself. But my advice is to talk to her again. In private."

Santana nods silently when she watches her mother making coffee. The lovely scent of the same brand of coffee they always had on Sunday brunches brings back some memories from earlier years.

Things are different now. Frankly, she never thought this would happen. That she'd spend another brunch with her mother at the same table, let alone bring a woman as her date.

Things are different and she feels it in her heart that Brittany is the reason behind it. She helped Santana to open up again. To give love another chance. Not only the love for a partner but also for her family.

* * *

Many hours later she can hardly keep her eyes open but she's so close to finish translating a big chapter that she pushes through. Sitting at Brittany's small kitchen table isn't that comfortable to write on her computer but it's better than the couch that's been giving her some terrible back aches.

She misses her big living room table and the soft chairs that allowed her to sit there comfortably for hours.

She's surrounded by darkness because it's in the middle of the night. Brittany went to bed hours ago. She's probably all cuddled up under Santana's duvet and the thought of falling asleep next to her really makes Santana want to shut down her computer right now. But she has to finish this.

She'll sleep in the morning when Brittany goes to work. They agreed to talk about the work season thing again tomorrow when she comes home for dinner. So until then Santana decides it's for the best to focus on her work.

With a sigh she starts typing again, ignoring her dry eyes and the urge to cuddle up to the warm body waiting in bed.

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

Her forehead hurts when she enters her apartment after an extra-long day. She almost forgot about how she hit her head at work today when she got up from the ground and there was a windowsill she didn't see. It hurt like crazy so the owner of the house gave her a bag of frozen peas.

When she takes off her baseball hat, she gets reminded of the bump.

"Ow" She whispers when she lets her fingers run over the sore spot on her forehead. A delicious smell fills her nose, once she enters the kitchen still fully dressed in her work clothes. She's simply too tired to take off her shoes.

Santana is standing by the stove wearing an apron. Her hair is up in a bun and her left hand steadily stirring something in a pot. She's humming along a song that's playing on the small radio which is placed on the kitchen counter.

When Brittany steps closer Santana startles.

"Oh my - I didn't hear you coming home." She exclaims but the shock on her face immediately gets replaced with a loving smile. Once Brittany is close enough to lean in for a kiss, Santana raises a hand to stop her from succeeding. She grabs Brittany's jaw.

"What's this?" She asks with an upset voice, staring at Brittany's forehead. Brittany already wants to walk away because she's too tired to explain but Santana holds her back. She drops the spoon she had been holding and takes Brittany's face into her hands to get a better look.

"Did you get into a fight?" She wants to know with an incredulous look. Brittany shakes her head and lets Santana guide her to one of the kitchen chairs. She watches how the brunette goes to the fridge and gets an ice pad from the freezer.

She wraps it in a towel before stepping back in front of Brittany. Carefully she presses it against Brittany's aching forehead. When she looks down at her, Brittany almost forgets the pain.

"I hit my head on the corner of a windowsill. But I assume getting into a fight would have been sexier." She chuckles when Santana puts her hands on her waist, slowly shaking her head.

"You getting hurt isn't sexy at all!" She opposes with concern. "Why didn't you come home to get some rest?"

"Because…" Brittany takes over the ice pad with one hand and pulls Santana in her lap with the other. "I can't just take off the rest of the day when my work in the garden isn't done. A bump on the head isn't reason enough to go home. But don't worry… it almost doesn't hurt anymore."

Santana watches how Brittany lets the pad soothingly rest against her skin.

"Well I'm going to take care of you then for the rest of the evening. I made you some pasta with tomato sauce. I think this time I added the right amount of salt. It actually tastes pretty good. Are you hungry?"

Brittany smiles at the woman sitting on her knees.

"Starving" She mumbles before she finally gets the kiss she's been waiting for ever since she stepped into the kitchen.

"Well then… go change. You bring all the dirt into my kitchen!" Santana says before making Brittany get up and ushering her back into the small hallway.

" _Your_ kitchen?" Brittany wants to know with a laugh.

"Yes!" Santana shouts when she hurries back to the stove. "First I cleaned it, then I cooked! I have been a pretty good housewife all day."

With a grin Brittany takes off her shoes and then goes to the bedroom to change into some comfortable clothes. Since her apartment is tiny, Santana will still hear her from the kitchen.

"And a hot one!" Brittany says while pulling a fresh shirt over her head.

"Oh yeah? You like the idea of me being your housewife?" Santana's voice sounds amused. Brittany thinks about it for a moment.

Once she's dressed properly, she steps back into the kitchen.

"Well… I like the idea of you cooking for me from time to time." She explains when sitting back at the already dished up table. "Just as much as the idea of getting to cook for you in return. Or cooking together…"

Brittany watches how Santana carries the heavy pot of pasta over to the table. She fills two plates with a big spoon.

"I like that, too." Santana mumbles when she sits down in front of Brittany. They smile at each other before Santana raises her glass of water. "To your ugly bump on the forehead and your will power to push through although you were in pain."

Brittany laughs wholeheartedly at Santana's words before clinking their glasses.

"It's not ugly! Is it ugly?" She wants to know when touching her bump again. "Ow!"

Santana rolls her eyes.

"It will if you don't stop touching it, silly."

They glare at each other in a bantering way before finally taking their first bites of pasta.

Brittany has to close her eyes at the taste. She chews contently.

"I have to admit" She begins her judgement after a couple silent seconds. "I kind of already expected it to be too salty but this… is wonderful."

Santana touches the spot above her heart to thank her for the nice words.

"Why thank you. It means a lot to hear that from the master chef." She says between chewing. Brittany nods.

"Yeah. You do make a great housewife." She compliments Santana with a wink of the eye.

"Don't get too used to it." Santana counters and takes a sip of her water. Then she smiles at Brittany before winking back at her.

Too bad… Brittany thinks.

She could _definitely_ get used to this.

* * *

After the best pasta dinner she's had in a long time, they've settled down on the couch. Santana is typing something into the computer on her lap while Brittany tries to focus on the book in her hands.

The reason she's having trouble to understand the words she's reading is because a couple minutes ago Santana brought up the topic from yesterday again. She asked about aunt Kathrin and if Brittany wants to go work for her.

Brittany thought she wasn't' ready to talk about it yet and said that they should have that conversation another day.

Now that she has no idea what she's been reading for the past two pages, she knows that this conversation probably can't wait forever. She sighs audibly, hoping to get Santana to look up.

When the brunette doesn't do so, Brittany puts her book away and grabs Santana's computer to do the same.

Santana gives her a confused look.

"I'm sorry about before" Brittany explains and pulls her legs up so she can face Santana in a comfortable position. "You were right when you said that we should talk about it. It's just… I don't want to leave again and know that you're here at a time where you could use support and company. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

Santana's facials go from confusion to compassion.

"Britt… you're not responsible for my wellbeing. Of course I am glad to have you. You've helped me so much these past weeks but _I_ am responsible. I have to put my life back together. I'll have to do it on my own at one point."

Brittany watches how Santana takes her hand into her own.

"Yeah but… last time I went to Arizona it felt so wrong because I didn't say a word and you must have been so disappointed when you realized I was gone. If I go there again, I'll probably miss you so much that I can't even enjoy it."

Santana chuckles lightly. She squeezes Brittany's hand.

"This time it would be different. You wouldn't be leaving without a word because we're talking about it now. I'd miss you, too. But maybe it's good thing."

Brittany frowns because she doesn't understand. So Santana goes on.

"Don't get me wrong… I love being so close to you every day. But we have to be honest – we wouldn't be living together if it wasn't for the fact that my house got burned down. I should have been looking for a new place to live. I didn't because this feels so nice. But this isn't a temporary solution. I'll have to move into a new apartment."

Brittany swallows at the thought of Santana moving out again. This has indeed felt very nice. More than she expected in the beginning.

"You don't have to worry about me. I have my sister and Kurt and it looks like I'm bonding with my mother again. I wouldn't be alone." Santana's encouraging words do something to Brittany.

They're warm but they also hurt in a stupid way. She's gotten so used to be there for Santana that she doesn't want someone else to do it.

"Is it what you want? To go to your aunt's ranch for a while?" Santana wants to know.

Brittany tilts her head to the side with a sigh. She has no idea what she wants.

She wants Santana.

To fall asleep next to her.

To stroll through the supermarket holding hands.

To join her to brunches at her family's place.

But she also wants to find out what the future holds for her workwise. She can't deny that she's been longing for an opportunity like this.

"Yes" She mumbles honestly. "But I don't want to go away and lose-"

"Brittany, you can't hold back something you really want because of me. I don't want that. You wouldn't want me to deny myself something I'd really want, either. Right?"

Brittany shakes her head. Santana goes on.

"See? And I have to be honest… I still need time to fully get over what happened. Being here with you is making me want to enjoy it while I should take time to process and move on."

Brittany senses Santana's hands pulling her in for a hug.

"Don't look so sad. It's a good thing. I want to support you just like you've been supporting me. If you want to go work for your aunt for a while then I will encourage you. I'll come visit if I may."

Brittany smiles into the crook of Santana's neck.

"I'd love that" She whispers while holding Santana close. The lump in her throat is still there but at least it doesn't hurt anymore.

She'd love to show Santana the ranch. The life outside of a city. The animals, the nature, the good food.

A very different life.

* * *

When they're lying in bed an hour later and Brittany still can't sleep, she snuggles up to Santana. She's fast asleep and her skin smells so incredibly good.

Her scent makes Brittany feel like she's home.

She is at home. This is her place, her bedroom, her bed. But every time she kisses Santana's skin and her lips stay connected for a while, she feels that sensation deep inside her. It goes through her nose to her brain and heart.

It anchors her.

The thought of Santana living at a new place, Brittany going away and the two of them not seeing each other for weeks makes her want to almost cry.

It felt so good to take care of Santana. To get taken care of by her, too.

But she's right. Santana doesn't need her. Not in that way. She'll have to live her life on her own.

But... does Santana not know that she's doing these things because she loves her? And not because she thinks it's a duty? Ok so they wouldn't live together if it wasn't for the fire but it's not the only reason she's doing these things for Santana. It's because she wants to.

Maybe she has to tell Santana? Lay it all out there? Although they said they should wait and take their relationship step by step?

What if it's too late once their ways separate for a while?

Brittany has no idea what to feel. She just knows that she's scared to make the wrong decision.

She puts her hand on Santana's side to feel her steady breath. She kind of hopes that Santana will wake up and they can talk again.

But Santana calmly sleeps in her arms. Just like she always does ever since their first night together.


	36. pillow

**Closer by Jay Warren (Restless Modern Remix)**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

She's standing in front of the bed, staring down at the packed duffle bag on it. Everything is ready.

Her bag, her working clothes, her truck waiting outside.

Everything is ready to be left behind for a month. Or so.

She doesn't know for how long exactly she's going to stay at aunt Kathrin's ranch. When they talked on the phone last week to settle some details, her aunt said that Brittany can stay as long as she wants. They're thankful for all the help they can get, no matter how long.

In the meantime Brittany informed all her clients to let them know that she's taking some time off from her business and that she will be back. She needs to do this…

Everything is ready. Everything except for one thing. There's just one thing she has to do before she's going to leave.

She only has to say goodbye to Santana.

That's the only thing.

She turns around to take a look at the blue painting hanging on the bedroom wall. She has gotten so used to it being there. It made her bedroom become Santana's bedroom, too.

They've slept in it together for several weeks. Shared the bed, shared the small wardrobe. Now it's going to be Santana's alone for a while.

Brittany doesn't know what to think about it.

In fact she has been pushing all kinds of thoughts about their future aside ever since she told aunt Kathrin that she's coming.

All she knows is that she's going to work on the ranch for the upcoming weeks, hundreds of miles away from here because she wanted to.

She still does. She wants to help aunt Kathrin. It's something she's been wanting to do for a long time.

With a small sigh Brittany lifts the bag off the bed and carries it into the living room where Santana is already waiting.

She's smiling at Brittany encouragingly. It's what she's been doing for the past couple days ever since it became clear that Brittany is definitely leaving for Arizona.

Santana's been nothing but supportive of her decision. It makes Brittany feel like it's the right thing to do. It makes her not feel bad about following her own wish.

At the same time though, it makes Brittany feel a new thing.

The feeling of letting go.

It's been the other way around all this time. It's been Brittany running away from things, from people who might have been interested in her.

This time she's leaving, too but it feels different.

"Need a hand with that?" Santana suggests when she points at Brittany's bag.

Brittany returns the smile, not sure if it's working convincingly before she nods and watches how Santana takes the bag from her.

The brunette then opens the door to step outside. Brittany feels an urge to call Santana back inside and say that she has changed her mind. That they should celebrate because she's staying.

When she hears Santana's footsteps in the hallway Brittany shakes her head at her thoughts.

It's time to do this.

* * *

Once she has put the bag into the back of the truck, her hands feel extremely empty.

Not just her hands.

Santana is standing there on the pavement with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

The evening sun behind Brittany is enlightening Santana's face, blinding her a little bit so she has to narrow her eyes.

How do you say goodbye to the person you've spent all your time with when you don't want to say goodbye in the first place?

Santana looks achingly beautiful today.

The way they're standing in front of each other with a certain distance between them almost makes Brittany feel like they're going back in time. For a moment it feels like they're strangers again.

Except they made love late last night, only hours ago.

Except Brittany saw a teardrop rolling down Santana's cheek when they held each other so close.

Except they woke up arm in arm the next morning. Brittany had never felt so safe before.

Standing here reminds her of how everything began.

Saying goodbye has never been something they're especially good at.

"Drive safely, ok? It's a long ride…" Santana speaks up after a silent exchange of looks.

"Of course" Brittany mutters. She thinks of something to say. "I really meant it when I said that you can stay in the apartment as long as you want. I know you've been searching the internet for possibilities but… just so you know."

Santana nods with a careful smile.

"Thank you. For everything."

Brittany shakes her head because that's not why she said it. She just said it because she doesn't know what else to say although there are a hundred thousand things on her mind.

"You look like there's something you want to say." Santana whispers after another couple seconds that feel like hours.

Brittany feels busted. She swallows painfully when she looks at the brunette's face.

She thought she had learned it in the meantime. She really thought she learned how to do it.

To speak what's on her mind.

Vocalize the feelings inside her chest.

It turns out she has never been worse at it than now.

Only this time she can explain it to herself. The truth is; she's scared that Santana will realize how she's better off without her.

Once she's gone it'll all become real. The reasons why she ran away to Arizona the first time. She ran away because it had been too much. To leave behind. To numb the feelings.

But this time it's going to be the other way around. Brittany isn't leaving Santana. Santana is letting Brittany go _willingly_.

And it's good for her. Brittany being far away is good for Santana because she needs to move on with her life. It scares Brittany. There's a possibility Santana will realize how her life is better this way.

Brittany shakes her head. She has to say things. All kinds of things.

"I…" She begins but trails off. Why does her throat hurt so bad right now? She can't even swallow.

Santana reaches out a hand to take Brittany's.

"These past couple weeks have been the most amazing ones in my life, Brittany." Santana's voice sounds a little closer since she made a step towards her. "The hardest ones but the best ones. You helped me so much and it made us grow incredibly close. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to pay you back."

Again Brittany shakes her head because she wants Santana to stop thanking her. She did all of it willingly. And so happily.

"I honestly just want to thank you. For everything. For coming into my life… making it pretty damn amazing." Santana's voice cracks when she glances to the ground.

Her dark eyes are holding back tears, too when she looks up into Brittany's face.

"Do you know when I feel safest?" Santana asks with a whisper. Brittany hardly shakes her head.

"When is that?" She rasps.

Santana lets go of Brittany's hand but steps even closer.

"When you wrap your arms around me tightly so I can hardly move." She admits with a small laugh.

Brittany can't help but smile when she lifts her arms automatically to wrap them around the smaller woman's upper body.

Santana leans against her with a content sigh. Her arms find a way around Brittany's middle, too.

"Yeah" Santana whispers. "Exactly like that."

Brittany breathes in the scent of Santana's hair. This is one of her favorite positions, too. To just hold her and feel their heartbeats against each other.

"I'm scared you will want me to stay there." Brittany finally manages to press through her lips. She closes her eyes and senses how Santana looks up at her.

"What do you mean?" She wonders.

Brittany shrugs with Santana still in her arms.

"Because you will realize how you deserve better. Someone who is capable to provide all the things that make a great partner. Someone who can lay their feelings all out there without hesitation. I still feel so stupid for not telling you things. How hard can it be? I l-"

"Brittany you don't have to say anything."

Taken aback Brittany's mouth closes. Was she just going to say I love you to Santana and got stopped by her?

"You don't have to say things just because you're scared that it'll be too late otherwise. I don't want us to say things and then forget about them once there's a distance between us. The time will come where you and I are going to be with each other and it's going to be just right. I mean… if you still want to. But you don't have to worry about anything right now. I'll take care of things here and you will have time to really help your aunt. One step at a time, right?"

Brittany nods slowly. She looks into Santana's eyes before leaning in and pressing a warm kiss to her forehead. Her throat still hurts but maybe a tiny little less.

Santana's probably right. She's going to drive hundreds of miles away and the phone reception is going to be so bad. They won't be able to talk every day.

She trusts Santana and hopefully Santana trusts her, too by now. If it's meant to be, it'll be enough until they see each other again.

But their lips seem to think otherwise when they find each other for a kiss that is warm and hot and a little bit salty. A little soothing but also a little desperate for something. For the promise that the other won't find someone new in the meantime. For the assurance that things will still be the same when they hold each other next time. Because of the kiss they don't have to say it out lout.

Because of the way Santana's hands hold on to Brittany she knows.

They will find a way.

* * *

On the highway she almost changes her mind. She almost takes the first exit to go back to Santana, back home.

She has to force herself to stay on the route. She keeps throwing glances to her phone on the passenger's seat. If Santana calls, she's going to turn around right away.

But she doesn't. The phone stays quiet and Brittany knows that both of them are moving on. Whatever that means, however positive it can be.

They are moving on.

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

When the apartment door closes behind her the quietness settles down on her faster than she expected.

She expected to still sense Brittany's presence because she's surrounded by her belongings, her scent.

Santana shivers at a blast of air coming through the open window. It's hot outside but it still makes her tremble.

She huffs at the way she instantly feels alone.

"Don't be such a baby" She scolds herself in the empty living room.

When she steps into the bedroom to make the bed, she almost believes that it's working. But then the scent of their sheets fills her nose. It reaches her brain and draws her right back into bed where the two of them had been until hours ago.

She grabs the blanket and pulls it up to her nose so she can get a full dose.

Her phone is on the nightstand table. The screen dark and unrequested.

She pulls the blanket over her head, trying to absorb all of the warmth that she imagines to still be there.

Did Brittany try to say that she's in love with Santana and Santana stopped her? Why did she do that? Brittany can say and do whatever she wants.

Didn't Santana always want for Brittany to speak up? And now that she wanted to, Santana stopped her from doing so?

But if Brittany had said the words then Santana wouldn't have been able to let her go. You don't let the person you know is in love with you go and leave the state. You don't let her go live somewhere else where she's going to be surrounded by good looking tourists and workers and God knows who.

She knows she _has_ to let Brittany go in order for both of them to do what they need to be doing right now. Things on their own. It'll make them grow so they can eventually start something that is even stronger than what they have now.

But does life really play out like that?

Does it follow the stupid little plans you make when you feel like you're in charge? Or will Brittany come back with a cowgirl by her side? Or worse… will she want to stay there? Or _worse_ worse… will she come home and go back to being most comfortable when single?

Will they run into each other from time to time and get reminded of what they could have been? Like at The Surface… well, Santana won't go there anymore. There's no way in hell she'll watch Brittany flirt with other women. Or watch how she leaves with one of them.

The thought almost makes Santana want to throw up. She pictures Brittany smiling at a girl at the bar, playing with her hair. She pictures the two of them not paying attention to anyone else in the room.

She'll have to tell Kurt to not hang out for a while. Because he'll always talk about Dom and that'll lead into talking about Brittany. How she apparently met a new girl and somehow – magically – Brittany is suddenly into relationships with anyone.

Santana opened up that world to her.

The worst that could happen is how she'll have to watch Brittany starting a real relationship with someone else.

She clenches the corner of the blanket and hides her face in the pillow.

What if she was just someone to help Brittany finding joy in more than just hooking up? Maybe she was just a station. Brittany will come back being the version she had tried to be for Santana.

But...

Brittany is already the perfect version. Santana didn't fall in love with the idea of who Brittany could be. She fell in love with exactly who she is.

With a sigh Santana turns onto her back. She gazes at the ceiling.

Why is she even worrying about all of this? She just let Brittany go, telling her that the time will come where they are going to be with each other for real.

Maybe she should start with believing herself and trusting what they have built.

When her hand reaches over to Brittany's side of the bed to grab her pillow, she senses something that's not usually there.

She turns her head to find a folded piece of paper under Brittany's pillow.

With her heartrate speeding up instantly, Santana opens the note to read the words written in Brittany's beautiful handwriting.

 _I wore the shirt last night and hope it'll make you feel like I'm right next to you._

 _Wish this note could replace the last one I left you…_

 _I can't wait to hold you in my arms again._

Santana lifts the pillow to find Brittany's folded shirt. She grins when she takes it to cover her nose and takes a breath.

Wonderful…

She could fall asleep to this. But she's going to stay up for the next six hours to make sure she's awake all the time until Brittany reaches her destination. She promised Santana to send a text message at the last gas station where she'll still have proper reception before reaching the ranch.

With a sigh Santana puts the shirt back under the pillow to make sure it won't lose the smell. Then she pushes herself off the mattress.

She grabs her computer and heads back to the living room to do some work. It's what always keeps her mind busy. Hopefully it'll also work today…


	37. flowers

**Edge Of The World – Anton Johansson Remix**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

With a heavy sigh she finishes the last stable. She's sweating so much. She's been doing this for the past three weeks, every single day but clearing out stables is exhausting!

Especially when Eli is always somewhere near her, waiting with a next task to do.

She loves it though… she loves that this work is so physical. It's like a free work out session all day long. Sometimes when she sees herself in a mirror she'll notice another muscle that's getting more toned. Her shoulder really aches today though. It already started last night but today it hurts with every lift she makes. But she's not going to show any weakness. She loves it way too much to take a break.

It's pretty much everything she expected when she came here. She gets up super early in the morning but she doesn't mind. She loves the morning. She'll listen to the birds and feel the first sunrays tickling her nose when she and Eli ride on the tractor or something to go fix a fence or a paddock.

The fact that she's a landscaper comes in handy, too. She's done lots of work in aunt Kathrin's huge vegetable garden. She also loves helping with the huge haystacks because she loves the smell of it.

The physical labor lets her know it's all for a good reason. Aunt Kathrin keeps repeating how thankful she is to have Brittany here and that it's just good to find the time to interact after they haven't been able to do so in years.

It's true… finally Brittany finds herself spending long evenings outside with her aunt and uncle and Eli and people who work here and have already grown close to her in the short amount of time.

They'll sit outside by a fire and talk about things, laugh and enjoy the company until late at night. This way she gets to know her family on a new level. She had no idea that uncle Timothy can play the guitar so well or that Eli knows about three hundred different jokes that are actually really funny.

Brittany often helps aunt Kathrin to cook for everyone. She has no idea how she does it all by herself. And the food is soo good.

She's not a bad cook herself but the things she learns from aunt Kathrin is nothing she'd read in a cookbook.

The most important thing she learned; just add some more butter.

The food is delicious, the scenery she gets to see every single day when riding the horses breathtaking. The work is hard but good. The atmosphere is lovely even though it can be stressful.

But it fulfills her. She almost doesn't miss home.

She doesn't really miss her apartment. She hardly misses her work because this is a lot more exciting and she can't say that she misses city life. The small townlet near the ranch has everything you need. Good reception for example.

Brittany will always accompany aunt Kathrin to get some things from a shop or to bring a letter to the post office or something.

It'll give her the opportunity to make quick phone calls.

Because she does miss the people from home. Most of them Santana. She misses her so incredibly much that her heart sometimes twitches painfully when she lies in bed and thinks of her before falling asleep.

While she appreciates the untouched nature and everything life has to offer out here, she'd give anything to have Santana with her. She'd love to show her everything. Introduce her to the family, take her on a horse ride, show her the most amazing overlook or sit by the fire with her and talk about everything she's been up to during the past couple weeks.

Whenever they talk on the phone, Santana will tell her about this and that and Kurt and Dom and work and her mom. She's also up to something new in her life but she's been very secretive about it. She keeps saying that she will show Brittany once she's back.

It makes Brittany want to pack her things and head home but aunt Kathrin just got new reservations from tourists for the next three weeks. One of her best employees Maggie sprained an ankle so they begged Brittany to stay a little longer until Maggie is back on her feet.

Brittany talked to Santana about it and Santana encouraged her to add a little extra time on the ranch. Brittany keeps asking her if she wants to come stay here for a weekend off but Santana is being very reluctant about it. She really wants to work on this thing at home and doesn't want to distract Brittany.

Brittany could definitely use a little distraction to give her sore arms a rest but she'll accept Santana's decision to stay home.

After all she came here because she needed a break from her business. It's a good thing. The only not so good thing is the fact that she never expected to miss Santana _that_ much. She thought it was going to be hard but this hard?

Sometimes aunt Kathrin's yummy food tastes like nothing anymore when she watches some of the tourist couples sitting at the table, their hands playing with each other. Or when they sit by the fire and share Smores. It's the perfect couple vacation you can spend at the ranch. Brittany can't help but wish Santana would magically appear from behind a corner whenever she watches those couples or when she stares at the bonfire.

Tonight it's not going to be any different. Once she and Eli have finished their work day, changed into some fresh clothes and head towards the fire, all different kind of smells fill her nose.

The smoke of the fire of course but also that smell of a late summer night. It has always been her favorite smell when she was a child. The freshly cut grass, the sunburned dusty ground, the washed off sunscreen… It always made her feel safe. That hard to describe feeling.

When she sits down on a chair next to Maggie with her sprained ankle, Brittany tries to let the scent make her feel as good as always but it's hard tonight.

She just wants to have Santana by her side.

"Hard day?" Maggie wants to know when handing Brittany a can of soda. Her brown hair is up in a bun and the fire enlightens her freckles. She pulls a face when somebody brushes against her hurt leg.

She must be about twenty-three and has been very crestfallen ever since she can't work with the horses anymore. She's now helping out in aunt Kathrin's tiny shop in town where she sits at the checkout all day long.

They sell some vegetables and stuff like honey, self-made oil and chutney there. Brittany has already bought some things to bring home for grandma and Santana.

"It was alright. But my shoulder's been giving me a hard time. Maybe a pulled muscle or something…"

Maggie points at her ankle.

"I'll lend you my ointment. It's working miracles. I'll bring it to you tomorrow, ok?"

Brittany smiles thankfully at Maggie before taking a big sip of her beverage.

Then somebody hands uncle Timothy the guitar and as soon as he strums the first few chords, everyone joins the song. Brittany doesn't know the lyrics yet so she just listens and drifts off with her thoughts after a while anyway.

She wonders… what Santana might be doing right now. If she's already asleep or working at the small kitchen table till late at night…

* * *

It's another three weeks later when Brittany can't take it any longer. She's sitting at the kitchen counter with her aunt, removing the stems of some green beans.

"Kathrin?"

"Hmm?"

Brittany takes a deep breath.

"I'll probably head home next week. I've been enjoying this a lot… but I can't let my business wait for too long. And I'm starting to really miss home. I wanted to let you know a couple days in advance."

Aunt Kathrin gives her a warm smile.

"No worries, Brittany. We always said we take all the help we can get. When you jumped in for Maggie we were more than thankful. She's back on the saddle next week. Which is a good thing so you can give your aching shoulder a rest. I'm very happy you stayed with us for this long."

"Me, too! In fact I loved it so much that I could imagine doing this more often from now on. I'd love to come back for a couple weeks next year."

Aunt Kathrin's grin only grows bigger when she points outside to the tourist cabins.

"That would be wonderful. I'll make sure to reserve one of the cabins for you. I'm sorry you had to stay in the tiny chamber below the roof. Actually one couple left this morning so there's a cabin free if you'd like to spend the last couple nights there."

Brittany waves it off.

"That's ok. I kind of like it up here. So no new guests at the moment?"

Aunt Kathrin shakes her head.

"Not for another two weeks. You sure you don't want to invite your special lady over?"

Brittany chuckles when Kathrin wiggles her eyebrows.

"Oh… I keep asking her but she doesn't want to. Apparently she's very busy at home with looking for a new place to stay and there's this thing she's working on. She won't tell me what it is… I just hope everything will still be the same when I get home."

"Don't you worry about it, sweetheart. The way you keep talking about the two of you – I'm sure it's going to be just fine."

Brittany sighs.

"I really hope so, yeah."

She puts her trimmed beans into a big bowl before grabbing a handful new ones.

They work in silence after that but Brittany keeps thinking about why Santana won't tell her what she's up to. Maybe a new book to translate? Or she's writing one on her own?

Maybe she's building a new house? Or she's working at her mother's clinic?

Whatever it is… Brittany wishes she knew a little more. Just to know what is up in Santana's life these days.

* * *

A day later she finally gets to speak to her on the phone again. She's sitting in a small Café in town when the familiar voice sounds in her ear again.

" _Don't say you miss me that much."_ Santana purrs from what sounds so far away.

Brittany huffs when she stirs her coffee.

"Are you kidding? It feels like I haven't seen you in a hundred years. I don't even remember what you look like."

Santana's laughter fills her ear and it's so good. She'd give anything to hear it right next to her instead through the phone.

" _Then why don't you just come home?"_

"I am coming home. About three more nights. What do you say?"

" _Oh my God, are you serious? I thought it was going to take another two weeks at least."_

Brittany shakes her head although the brown-haired woman can't see her.

"Nah… that's way too long. I'm going crazy without you… I don't even have a piece of clothes that smells like you. At least I gave you my shirt. Does it still smell like me?"

There's a rustling noise coming through the phone.

" _Let me check, I've got it right next to me. Uh… nope. It smells like me, I think."_

"Aw see? I want it now."

Brittany keeps staring at her coffee, picturing Santana lying in bed with the shirt on her face. She'd give anything to beam herself into their bedroom. Why can't she just leave tonight? Oh well… aunt Kathrin said something about a big barbecue and she needs Brittany's help one more time.

 _"Ok then come and get it. Right now."_

Brittany exhales a frustrated breath of air.

"I'd love nothing more than that but I won't be able to leave. There's this-"

" _Barbecue tonight. Yeah, I know."_

Brittany stops stirring her coffee. Did she say those thoughts about the barbecue out loud? She could swear she was thinking them in her head.

" _It's a shame you didn't invite me."_

"Uh – I keep inviting you but you always say you're too busy."

" _Yeah that was true at one point… not anymore though. I've always wanted to try those stuffed peppers your aunt Kathrin makes for barbecues. Why didn't you say anything about tonight?"_

Brittany's head feels like she's calculating a difficult formula or something. How does Santana know about the stuffed peppers? She should seriously pay more attention to herself when she's talking on the phone. Did she tell Santana about them during their last phone call?

"I mean, I… I don't know. I didn't know you wanted to come. I wish I had called you earlier."

" _Yeah me, too… well, thankfully Eli did."_

Brittany's head shoots up. She's sitting by the window and quickly lets her eyes wander around the surrounding. This couldn't be… could it?

"What? Eli called you? When? What did he say? Where are you?"

" _Whoa those are a whole lot of questions at once. I don't have time to answer them all. I'm standing in front of this tiny flower shop to get my girl some flowers. Do you know it? It's called Angie's Flower Power, I think. I thought that was a pretty funny name for a shop."_

Brittany's heart is racing by now. There's no way in heaven that Santana is here. There's no way! She was just lying in their bed with Brittany's shirt! Or not? Why would she know about that flower shop? The one Brittany passed by when she came to the Café?

"If you're joking – I swear, Santana…"

 _"Ok, I'm next in line. Bye!"_

Brittany drops the spoon which causes the by now cold coffee to spill everywhere. She basically throws a few bills into the waiter's face and rushes through the door to get outside as fast as she can. She turns to her left and wants to start running when she realizes that's not where she came from. So she turns to her right and the first thing she sees is the big sign above the flower shop across the street.

"Please be real" Brittany mumbles when she reads the sign again. Two seconds later a dark-haired woman steps outside.

It's her woman. Her love, her motivation for everything she's been doing these past couple weeks. All the hard work that caused one or the other pain in her back and limbs.

Her aching shoulder is instantly forgotten at the sight in front of her. Brittany starts moving towards her. Finally Santana looks up. Her face is like sunshine.

There's a travel bag hanging around her shoulders, her wallet in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

She laughs when she finally spots Brittany coming towards her.

"Oh my God" Brittany wants to yell but it comes out weakly when she reaches the person she's been thinking of every single minute of the day.

Santana opens her arms although she's carrying all those things to take Brittany in for a hug.

"I totally got you!" Santana says with a squeal when Brittany wraps her arms around her and picks her up.

Brittany can't explain the feeling inside of her when she finally gets to hold Santana so close again. After she had been wanting nothing else but exactly _this_ for the past weeks. She knows she's going to be incapable to speak for the next couple minutes.

Her heart aches at the overwhelming feelings. Her mind is completely blank. Just her hands let her know that she's not imagining this. She's holding Santana in them. Her warm skin, her vibrating upper body as she's laughing.

Brittany is pretty sure that the flower bouquet is all over her head but she doesn't care. All she cares about is that Santana is here. She's actually here.

"I missed you" Santana's voice sounds close to her ear before a kiss gets pressed to her head.

Brittany doesn't care that they are standing in the middle of the road. There's hardly a car driving by anyway and even if… they'd have to wait.

When she finally puts Santana back down on her feet, she quickly wipes away the tear that's trying to roll down her face. Santana doesn't need to see that she just got so overwhelmed that she could cry out loud.

"What do you say?" Santana wants to know with a beaming face. She holds up the flowers to make Brittany take them.

Brittany just hopes that her voice will back her up now that she knows it's really happening and not an dream.

"Oh wow…" She exhales with a laugh. "That's what I say! Wow. Thank you." She says when taking the flowers. She doesn't even want to look at them. She wants to look into Santana's face and check out every single inch of it.

But she doesn't want to be creepy.

"I can't believe you're here." Brittany manages to say with a voice that is luckily not as hyperventilating as her insides. "I don't understand! How did you do this? I thought your car broke down in the fire. How did you get here?"

Santana shrugs with a proud grin.

"It was an odyssey but I had some help. Dom drove me a distance of the way then I found an opportunity to carpool and for the last bit your lovely cousin Eli came to pick me up." Santana explains.

Brittany stares at her wordlessly. She shakes her head at the woman in front of her. Why is she even holding these flowers? She should be holding Santana again and kiss her. Kiss her deeply and let her hands wander all over her body that looks so fine. Has she been working out, too? Got a haircut? New earrings?

Just when she leans in to finally kiss those lips, somebody comes from around the corner of the flower shop.

"Did I just hear my name?" It's Eli with a giant grin across his face. He puts his arm around Santana winningly. He looks so freaking proud that Brittany wants to slap and kiss him at the same time.

"I can't believe you!" Brittany exclaims when he makes an apologetic face.

"It was the hardest thing not to say anything. I couldn't take your sad puppy face anymore! But I promised Santana to keep my mouth shut." Eli explains when he puts his other arm around Brittany.

Sandwiched between Brittany and Santana he guides them through the streets to where he parked his car.

Brittany would much more prefer to be the one holding Santana but she's going to give that one to Eli. He deserves it.

She can take it another couple minutes. She's waited for so long to be close to Santana again, she can wait a little longer.

Santana's warm hand in her own behind Eli's back will have to do.

* * *

 _ **There's one or two more chapters left. Thank you for sticking around!**_


	38. bonfire

**Ho Hey by The Lumineers**

 **Kiss Me When I'm Starving by The Heart Throbs**

* * *

 **Santana's POV**

To say she's amused would be an understatement.

She can see Brittany's jealous face reappearing somewhere between the shelves of her aunt Kathrin's shop.

They've only been reunited for about half an hour and Santana has achieved her main goal of her Arizona mission; to make Brittany jealous.

Ok that might not be the only reason she decided to come here. Her ultimate goal is to spend time with Brittany and see if they are still the same after being apart.

While being apart gave her some freedom to do things at home, she also missed the blonde terribly. She knows that Brittany wants to be with her. She knows that this is real. In fact, nothing has ever been more real in her life.

Maybe not everybody would understand why she feels safe with Brittany.

But she does.

Brittany has added something to her life she had no idea she needed. She makes Santana long for things that go way beyond her usual comfort zone. She also makes Santana feel that nothing is ever to be taken for granted. And the journey they've been on together makes Santana grow stronger.

In fact she doesn't think she'd have the courage to flirt with someone else in front of your lover's eyes had she not met Brittany. But their past allows Santana to do things.

Even though Santana's not interested in the girl behind the counter of aunt Kathrin's little shop, she enjoys making her giggle. Because with every laughter coming from the cashier, Santana receives another glare of unamused blue eyes.

Brittany is looking for some ingredients that her aunt needs for the barbecue tonight. Santana uses the time to buy a water bottle. She has been really thirsty, so Eli made a quick detour to the shop. He's waiting outside and will later take them back to the ranch. Until Brittany's done with her groceries, Santana relishes the moment of seeing her jealous as hell.

"So you're a writer? Have you written anything I might have read?" The girl named Maggie wants to know. She's dark haired, young, and probably straight as an arrow but it'll do.

Santana waves it off.

"I only translate. You might have heard of a certain teen trilogy in the supernatural category? Very popular these days? The third part will be published in a couple days I think."

Maggie's eyes nearly pop out of her head when she realizes what book Santana is talking about.

"Are you kidding? I love those books! I mean… my sister. My little sister bought the first two books and I borrowed them when I had nothing else to read. They are amazing, I can't wait for the last one." Maggie admits with reddened cheeks. "Can you tell me a bit what happens? Does Logan die? Are the twins still not talking to each other? Does the villain from part one really come back like it's rumored in the forums?"

Santana only gives away a shrug of her shoulders with a promising grin.

"You'll have to read it for yourself. I'd be a bad business partner if I gave away the plot."

Maggie nods with an embarrassed chuckle.

"Right… well that water bottle is definitely on the house. I can't believe my favorite author is in town."

"Translator. I'm just the translator." Santana corrects Maggie with a wink.

"Still" Maggie grins when Brittany steps next to them with a full bag of groceries in her hands.

"Are my items on the house, too?" Brittany wants to know with a voice that could be interpreted as slightly annoyed. Or insecure. Or just awkward.

Maggie rolls her eyes playfully.

"It's your aunt's shop, Brittany. She'd get angry if I let you pay for anything. Speaking of – when does the barbecue start tonight? Kathrin told me to close the shop earlier so I'll make it in time, but I forgot."

Brittany seems to think for a moment but since Santana knows what time they have to be there, she decides to jump in.

"At six" She says and hands Maggie a couple bills. "Keep the change." Maggie wants to protest but Santana shakes her head. "It's my pleasure. Plus, I haven't even met aunt Kathrin. I wouldn't feel comfortable to not pay for the water. See you later, ok?"

Maggie nods excitedly and Brittany carries the heavy grocery bag towards the exit. When Santana is about to follow her, Maggie's voice holds her back for another moment.

"I love your shirt, by the way!" She points at Santana's flannel with a hidden wink.

Santana smirks triumphantly before following Brittany outside.

* * *

Once Eli has helped Brittany putting the groceries into the back of his truck he jumps into the driver's seat and starts the engine.

Brittany throws another meaningful look when she opens the passenger door for Santana to get inside.

"What?" Santana challenges her. "Am I not allowed to enjoy a compliment?"

Brittany huffs, trying to hide a grin because she just got busted in her tiny little jealousy attack.

"She was basically undressing you with her eyes in case you didn't notice." Brittany defends herself.

Santana steps near Brittany, only the car door separating them and lets her arm rest on the window frame.

"Mhm right. She's like what… twenty?" Santana purrs when Brittany's eyes drop to her lips. She starts chewing on her own when Santana leans even closer. "Don't worry… I like the older ones."

Santana whispers the last part into Brittany's ear. Then she climbs into the truck and lets Brittany close the door.

She can definitely hear the frustrated groan when Brittany jumps into the back of the truck and Eli drives off.

* * *

It's about two hours later when Santana gets the chance to finally sit down somewhere quiet. She sinks onto the porch swing with an exhausted but content sigh.

As soon as they arrived at the ranch, she was surrounded by workers, family members, vacationers, horses and dogs and so on.

Aunt Kathrin came to introduce herself as one of the first. She gave Santana a warm hug to welcome her into the family before putting some potatoes that needed to be peeled in Santana hands.

Brittany was ushered to the big back yard where the barbecue will take place to help her uncle preparing the fire. The next hour Santana and Brittany spent apart, both helping out wherever their hands were needed.

Santana would have needed Brittany's hands, too… they haven't seen each other in two months! She wanted nothing more than disappearing somewhere in a barn together and make up for all the nights they spent without each other.

But it looks like the universe has different plans for them right now.

For a second it seems she's wrong about that conclusion when Brittany steps onto the porch, too. The blonde looks like she's been doing some hard work as her cheeks are reddened and sweat is running down her temples. The look on her face gives away that she's happy to find Santana and she's about to say something when only two seconds later she gets followed by aunt Kathrin who's carrying a big cake fresh from the oven.

"Oh, great the two of you are out here! I need to put the cake somewhere safe to cool down otherwise your uncle will see it and eat a piece as an appetizer. Make sure the cat doesn't get it! Oh and Santana dear-"

Aunt Kathrin puts the cake on a small table before heading back to the patio door. "I don't know if you want to stay in Brittany's room but there's also a cabin ready if you'd like. I just need to put some more blankets in there."

Santana gives Brittany's aunt a thankful smile.

"Thank you so much. I'd love to stay in one of those cabins, they look really cute."

Aunt Kathrin nods with recognition, then hurries back inside.

Brittany's mouth hangs open when Santana looks at her.

"I thought you'd sleep in my room." She says while crossing her arms in front of her chest, sounding a little offended. She's wearing working gloves and everything about her in this moment is either cute or sexy.

Santana just shrugs.

"In your room? As in… your bed? Nah."

"No?"

"No"

Brittany slowly shakes her head in disbelief. Before she can say anything else, aunt Kathrin yells her name from inside to let her know that uncle Timothy is waiting in the backyard.

"This" Brittany points at the house. "Is what I've had to put up with for the past couple weeks. I'm exhausted! I better get back to them but uh… the discussion about our sleeping situation isn't over, yet."

Santana returns the promising wink, then Brittany goes back inside to do whatever it is that they will ask her to do.

Santana chuckles when she's alone. Of course, she knows that the discussion about where she's going to sleep tonight isn't off the table, yet.

She just wants to let Brittany sulk a bit. It's too good not to.

* * *

Time seems to fly on the ranch. Santana can definitely understand why Brittany likes it so much here.

She gets to know the rest of the family as well as all of the ranch workers. Everyone is so nice and welcomes Santana with open arms. When they're all sitting by the fire with their bellies full and the stars slowly rising, she gets a picture of what Brittany's childhood must have looked like.

She's almost jealous in a way. This is what she would have needed when she was younger. To do things like sitting at a bonfire on a summer night with her family, everyone laughing, singing and just enjoying the moment.

She wishes she had been to one of those summer camps that Brittany has told her about. Just being out here and getting a taste of what nature has to offer makes her wonder. Would she have lived a different life if she had grown up a little more like Brittany?

Well… probably. But then you never know what if. It also doesn't matter.

What matters is that she's here _now_ and gets to be a part of this. She wouldn't want to miss uncle Timothy playing the guitar really talentedly and how everyone starts singing along after a while. She wouldn't want to miss Eli asking this Maggie girl from the shop for a dance. She wouldn't want to miss Brittany and aunt Kathrin arguing about something silly before breaking into laughter.

Brittany's sitting on a plastic chair next to Santana with a cup of tea in her hands. She's wearing a hoodie that looks really warm and cozy. Santana should have brought along a hoodie, too instead of this flannel shirt. She wanted to look sexy and ready for ranch life but she forgot that it gets cold at night. Since she's only wearing a bra underneath it, she starts shivering.

As if someone just read her thoughts, a warm hand lands on the small of her back. Santana knows it's Brittany's and hums into the gentle touch when looking to her left. The blonde tilts her head.

"You should scoot in a little closer" She suggests when taking one of the blankets that aunt Kathrin is handing out to everyone who's getting cold.

Santana grabs her chair to do as she's told. Once their armrests bump against each other, Brittany lets the blanket fly around their shoulders and neatly guides her arm around Santana within that motion.

Santana can't believe that her heart makes a funny jump. This does feel like she's at summer camp with her crush sitting right next to her, trying to get a little handsy without anyone noticing.

Santana tries to listen to Eli who's telling a joke but she misses the punchline when Brittany's hand pulls her a little closer and warm lips press a kiss to her temple. A whisper follows after that.

"I really want to make out with you in a dark corner."

Santana needs to clear her throat in order not to blush like a raspberry right away.

She throws a glance to her side into Brittany's eyes that plead for way more than making out. She takes a breath to calm her insides.

"I don't think you deserve that quite already." Santana counters while clearly noticing the hand on her waist wandering around a little.

"Why not? We haven't seen each other in weeks. I thought we had separated in peace? And when I say 'separate' I only mean physically."

Santana nods but guides her attention back to the surroundings.

"We did" She mumbles lowly in agreement. "But I blame you for making me go through some heartache as I missed you so much."

Brittany's remorseful sigh fills her ear.

"I must take that blame." She admits. "But if it makes you feel better, I have been through the exact same misery. Why don't you come sleep in my bed tonight? I'll make sure you won't feel lonely and stay warm aaall night."

Santana can tell from the corner of her eye that Brittany is grinning at her own words.

"That's way too cheap, Ms. Pierce." Santana mumbles still not looking at her.

"Aw… do I have to win you back first?" Brittany wants to know. Santana narrows her eyes when she realizes that meanwhile her own hand landed on Brittany's thigh underneath the blanket. They work like magnets! Quickly she pulls it back.

"Yes" She confirms Brittany's suspicion. The blonde seems to be amused when Santana finally glances at her.

"Challenge accepted" She whispers while squeezing Santana slightly.

Frankly, Santana could easily stay in that position for the rest of the night. But when uncle Timothy reaches his big hand out to ask Santana for a dance, she can't possibly turn him down. He grins at her brightly from underneath his thick moustache when he pulls her onto her feet and closer to the bonfire where a couple others are dancing, too.

The guitar got passed on to someone else who's really good at playing some country dance music. Santana can't help but laugh when uncle Timothy tries to teach her some dance moves and she catches Brittany rolling her eyes playfully.

But Santana enjoys it. A year ago or so she could have never pictured herself in a place like this, realizing that she doesn't need much more to be happy.

She doesn't need her big house and her fancy things anymore to feel like she belongs somewhere. She realizes that she belongs to this sensation inside of her.

She belongs to herself. To the feeling of a full heart.

The loss of her house was one part of the proof that she doesn't need a lot. Opening up to new people and situations is the other.

But it's also realizing that she can do so much if she only wants to.

She can't wait to show Brittany what she's been working on at home.

It means a lot to her. Hopefully Brittany will like it, too.

* * *

It's already pretty late at night when a few people decide they're ready for a second round of dessert. Santana watches from her chair how Brittany offers to go to the kitchen to see what is left.

She giggles when aunt Kathrin whispers something into her ear. Maybe she told her where she keeps the good stuff hidden from uncle Timothy or something.

Santana's eyes follow Brittany until she's disappeared inside, then she counts to ten before pushing herself out of the chair only to follow Brittany inside. Maybe it's not as discreet as she thinks but she doesn't care if everybody here can tell that they're hungry for each other.

While the guests long for something sweet to taste before heading to bed, Santana does the same. In a way.

"Are you following me?" Brittany wants to know when Santana slides into the dark kitchen. Only the light of the opened fridge illuminates the blonde's face and a bit of the surroundings.

Gladly she doesn't close the fridge after taking something from it. Otherwise Santana would be scared to stumble over something she can't see.

"Obviously" Santana says with a voice that reminds her of a shy girl. It's either the darkness or the fact that she's finally alone with Brittany. After all this time.

"You're not supposed to see this, yet. I was going to prepare you some S'mores. You know… to win you back in the old fashioned way." Brittany explains when pointing at a bag of marshmallows and crackers ready on the kitchen counter.

On the opposite site of the counter Santana grabs the backrest of a chair for some support. She observes how Brittany steps on her toes to open a cupboard looking for something.

"Winning me back with sweet and sticky stuff to eat?" Santana wonders aloud. "Hole in one." She adds.

She sighs inwardly because she just wants to reach across the kitchen counter to take Brittany's hand and pull her around it or grab her face to finally kiss her.

She gets to do none of that when suddenly the light gets switched on and uncle Timothy is standing next to them. Santana's pretty sure she just shrieked at the sudden interruption.

Brittany and her both squint their eyes at the blinding distraction.

"Why are you standing in the dark when there's a light switch right there?" Uncle Timothy wants to know when reaching for some cans of beer in the fridge. He closes the fridge with an amused laughter when neither of them knows what to answer. "Make sure to get those S'mores outside! They're all waiting for some midnight snack before heading to bed."

Once uncle Timothy is gone, Santana glances at Brittany who's got a funny expression on her face.

"Way to ruin the moment" She mumbles when reaching for a jar. "I guess we should head outside to prepare them something sweet."

Santana shakes her head now that the mystery of the darkness is gone. Not so her desire.

"Yeah about that… I don't think that's going to work. Sugar." Santana mumbles.

Brittany gives her a funny look at those words.

"Oh so now I'm your sugar again? I thought I'd have to win you back first." She smirks.

"No, you uh… you're holding salt in your hand. The sugar is right next to it." Santana clarifies her attempt to stop Brittany from taking salt outside.

Brittany blinks at her at first, then she looks at the jar in her hand.

"Oh! Oh my… ugh."

"Yeah but since when do you need sugar for S'mores anyway? I mean I'm not super experienced when it comes to bonfire snacks and so on but aren't they sweet enough already?"

Brittany keeps gazing at her seemingly lost for words. When she puts the jar back onto the counter, she chuckles sheepishly.

"Yeah well, maybe you shouldn't look so distractingly attractive in that flannel shirt. Seriously… it's ridiculous. I can't even think straight."

Santana presses her lips together in order not to laugh. On one hand she's glad her shirt trick is working but she also feels bad for distracting Brittany while she's trying to prepare something nice for her.

"If it's so distracting, you should maybe take it off later…" Santana only mutters before grabbing the bag of marshmallows. She'll leave the rest to Brittany's imagination and heads outside.

* * *

It's past midnight when the voices have become either quieter or more drunk. Just a few people are still outside once there are only dying embers left of the bonfire.

Santana just came back from the bathroom and wanted to head outside when she got distracted by some pictures in the stairway.

She now looks at them with a smile on her lips. With every step she takes higher, she gets to see another family picture or of the ranch and the animals. On quite a few of them she spots Brittany's blonde hair sticking out. On some she's a young girl, on others she's a beautiful young woman.

When Santana reaches the top of the stairs she realizes that she probably shouldn't be up here. She doesn't want to invade in Kathrin and Timothy's private space. She already wants to descend but gets distracted again. At the end of the floor there's a door standing open to a tiny bedroom. Somebody must have forgotten to turn off the lights so she can see part of the bed and a duffle bag underneath it.

Santana smiles when she recognizes it's Brittany's. With careful steps she walks towards the room that turns out to be much more of a chamber. There's a single bed and small dresser as well as a chair. Some of Brittany's clothes are hanging over it.

Santana enters and finally gets to smell that scent again after she'd been missing it in their bedroom at home.

She gets drawn to the bed because the blanket and pillows look so inviting. She sits down on the mattress and instantly feels her muscles relax. It's been such a long and eventful day.

"Hey stranger" Santana's gaze shoots up to the bedroom door to find Brittany standing there underneath the frame. She's got her hands in her pockets and smirks at her. "I already thought you got lost. You totally missed how Eli managed to balance twelve marshmallows on his face. I have no idea how he does it. It's physically impossible."

Santana chuckles at Brittany's amazement.

"Oh, I was just looking at pictures in the stairway and somehow ended up here. It's nice to spend a quiet moment. It was a wonderful evening but I'm also tired."

Brittany nods understandingly and points at the bed Santana's sitting on.

"You can sleep right there if you want to. You must be exhausted. I'll find another room for tonight."

Santana throws a look at the pillow behind her and the slim mattress. Then she grins at Brittany.

"And you really wanted us _both_ to sleep in here?" She wants to know. "Don't get me wrong, I love sleeping next to you but you have no idea how many times I almost fell out of bed at home and it's twice as big as this one. This definitely… definitely wouldn't work. We'd have to lie like… on top of each other."

At that Santana looks back at Brittany just in time to see her longing gaze and how she's no longer able to hold back. She takes her hands out of her pockets, makes the three steps towards the bed and closes her eyes right when she reaches for Santana's cheeks.

She leans her upper body down to get the right angle for a long overdue kiss. Their mouths welcome each other after what feels like years instead of two months. Brittany still tastes the same only better.

It's better because Santana was so tired before but one kiss of those lips and she's all fit again. She grabs the back of Brittany's head in order to feel her closer. She actually wants to pull her on top of her like she hinted before but apparently Brittany has other things in mind. She lifts Santana onto her feet and hasty fingers make their way under her shirt. They grab Santana's stomach hungrily before wrapping around her back and pressing their bodies against each other and deepening their kiss.

Santana had expected the kiss but she's also at a lack of breath after only a couple of seconds. When their faces part a few inches to get some air, Brittany's mouth exhales a desperate moan.

Before Santana can guide their lips back together, those hands have wandered back to Santana's front and up to the collar of her shirt. With one swift move and surprising strength, Brittany rips Santana's shirt open, leaving her standing there with her black bra exposed.

"Oh my God" Santana gasps in utter surprise and a rush of excitement filling her chest. Brittany on the other hand seems shocked about her own act of need and stares at Santana's ripped shirt.

"Shit, I'll totally sew the buttons back on. I'm so sorry. It seemed to be such a hot move in my head." She apologizes while grabbing Santana's now open shirt.

"Mhm… sewing. Is that also something you learned while being here?" Santana wants to know before biting her bottom lip. Brittany can't possibly stop doing what she was doing. She really needs more of that side of Brittany.

"Maybe" Brittany rasps before pushing the shirt down Santana's shoulders and letting it drop to the floor.

Cool air hits Santana's arms and stomach but her skin feels hot just like her insides and between her legs. She tugs at the hem of Brittany's hoodie in a weak attempt to let her know she needs it to be gone, too. Their lips have long found each other for another heated kiss.

When Brittany does what Santana begs for, she watches how toned abs are revealed shortly after. God she missed those…

With both of them now only wearing their bras Santana has once and for all forgotten about her sleepiness. She wraps her arms around Brittany's neck when she gets pushed backwards and lands on the mattress only seconds later.

Brittany falls down on top of her causing the bed to make a squeaking noise. Santana giggles at the anticipation of how they're about to do it under the roof of Brittany's aunt. It feels forbidden in a way and like she's a teenager again.

They kiss sloppily for several minutes which causes Santana to get all hot and bothered and she wants nothing more than to just get rid of all their clothes. If it only was as easy as in her head. Brittany has to put in a lot of effort to support her weight on top of Santana as there's simply no space to lie down next to her.

With every rocking movement of her lower body the bed creaks a little louder.

"Oh my God this bed is so tiny!" Brittany moans between two kisses. "It always seemed so empty when it was just me."

They still go on and the way Brittany's tongue slips into her mouth almost makes Santana forget about the noises they're causing and the fact that Brittany's relatives must be able to hear them sooner or later.

When a hand slides underneath her bra and covers her breast, she can't hold back a surprised moan but it makes her push Brittany's shoulders away in a reflex.

"Wait, wait, wait" Santana sighs in a frustrated mix of longing and awareness. "I just heard a noise. What if somebody comes looking for us?"

Brittany shakes her head and wants to make Santana shup up by guiding their lips back together. She seems just as desperate and turned on as Santana.

Before she can succeed Santana pushes her off once more.

"What if uncle Timothy appears out of nowhere again. Remember the light switch? We didn't even hear him coming and then he was just there."

That immediately causes Brittany to give up on her attempt to ignore the circumstances.

"Ok fair enough" She gasps and stops her rocking motions. Her eyes are filled with desire as well as recognition. They both fall silent for a few seconds where it's just them.

Then Santana remembers something.

"The cabin" She whispers and swallows dryly.

Brittany's face enlightens right away. She pushes herself off of Santana and pulls her onto her feet.

She grabs her own hoodie and puts the flannel shirt sloppily around Santana's shoulders. It's not really covering anything but she takes Santana's hand, turns off the lights and together they hurry out of the chamber and into the stairway.

They stumble and giggle their way through the dark house until they reach the back door.

Santana squeals when she realizes how it has cooled down so much since they were last outside. The warmth of the bonfire isn't there anymore.

It's just the dark sky above them and a dim lamp post from the barn near them allows Santana to still see where she has to put her feet.

She trusts Brittany to guide the way to the cabins and is surprised when the blonde comes to a halt in the middle of the darkness. The smell of hay and the faint footsteps of a horse lets Santana know that they are near the stables.

She has managed to put her shirt back on during their escape from the chamber but there was no time to close the buttons. Also there's no reason to do so because Brittany ripped half of them off.

So she's standing outside in front of Brittany with her shirt open, cool air tickling her stomach and heat shooting to her face and between her legs with every touch and thought caused by the woman in front of her.

Brittany's got her hoodie hanging over her shoulder, her pants must have opened back upstairs in the tiny bed. She doesn't seem to be cold although the moonlight reflects on her exposed collarbones and arms.

Within seconds Santana's eyes have gotten used to the darkness. The stars sparkle at her through Brittany's when she pulls her close once more.

The sound of crickets and the laughter from the other side of the house lets Santana know they're really here. Together with the love in Brittany's eyes she knows that she doesn't want to be anywhere else.

She's shivering. But so is Brittany's thumb that caresses Santana's chin. It causes her to look up into welcoming eyes.

"I love you Santana Lopez." Brittany whispers. She wets her lips with her tongue then grabs the back of Santana's neck to make sure she's really listening. "I won't spend another day without telling you. I love you."

Santana swallows at the amount of feelings that rush through her chest. She wraps her arms around Brittany's naked waist to let her know that she's heard her. Their lips get drawn back together for a kiss that lasts way longer than she intended.

She wanted to tell Brittany the same thing in return of course. But their lips have other needs. Only when she's getting colder she pushes Brittany's upper body away from her for the last time.

"I love you, too" She says with nothing but happiness running through her veins.

Then Brittany puts her hands on Santana's hips to push her forward to where the cabins must be. Santana lets her guide her thankfully while she puts a hand on top of Brittany's and their fingers intertwine for a safe handhold.


	39. cyan waves

_**That's it - here's the final chapter. I hope you enjoy it :)**_

 **On The Road by Sunset Sons**

* * *

 **Brittany's POV**

"You have no idea how many nights I've imagined exactly this." Brittany admits while Santana is playing with her hair.

They've been lying in this position for many minutes. Brittany on her stomach with her cheek resting on her forearms and Santana spooning her side, their faces close to one another. Brittany's eyes have gotten used to the darkness of the cabin and she can even see Santana's expression. She smiles.

"Yeah? Well, I'm glad you initiated it. I teased you but I wasn't sure if you really wanted to." Santana says and lets her hand rest on Brittany's naked back.

"Are you kidding?"

"No… I've learned from past mistakes to not overwhelm you with my words and actions. During those past two months I kept wondering if you still wanted to be with me once you'd come back. I just wasn't sure. If you're really ready."

Brittany sighs before turning onto her side, too. She grabs Santana's hand and kisses it gently. She takes a couple seconds to arrange her thoughts.

"I'm aware that I gave the impression of the _complete_ opposite but I think I've been ready ever since I met you."

Santana raises her eyebrows and looks at Brittany in a funny way. Like she's about to laugh. Like she's not believing a word Brittany says.

She can't blame her for that.

"It's true." Brittany feels the urge to give Santana some more details as she's still looking at her with doubting eyes. "I didn't know it or I simply didn't want to believe that I'd be ready to commit to something that was bigger than what I had known from the past. But then I met you… you were everything I had been waiting for without knowing so."

Santana's hesitations get replaced with tenderness.

"Who would have thought that Brittany Pierce would turn into such a sap." She whispers with a squeeze to Brittany's hand. Brittany chuckles at those words. She certainly wouldn't have believed so a couple months ago.

"I'm not a sap, ok. You are. It's all you. You made me turn into this hopeless romantic who pictured us riding into the sunset every single night before falling asleep during the past weeks."

Santana's laughter makes the mattress vibrate.

"I must admit I had these kinds of ideas pretty early in our history." She says with an almost embarrassed grin. "When we met, I had thoughts that were _very_ unprofessional."

"Uh that's hard to believe. I acted like an idiot. As soon as you opened the door to let me inside there was an error signal in my head. I couldn't focus on anything because I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. You broke my brain."

Santana's smitten laugh only spurs Brittany to go on and tell her more about what she went through during their first encounter.

"Yes and you were acting so cool – it made me look like a complete fool. I felt like a child. Oh and remember how I thought I was going to talk to your _mother_? I thought the house belonged to your mother. I legitimately thought you were the daughter." Santana laughs out loud.

"You didn't!" She squeals.

"Yes! See? You had no idea how my brain turned into mush. Thankfully you didn't notice."

"I mean, I did notice you were a little… flustered maybe?"

"Flustered? I was lost! I think I went through an out of body experience. While you were being nothing but casual. You were oblivious to my inner turmoil. I thought you kind of hated me. Just a little. At least you thought I was annoying."

Brittany watches how Santana's eyes wander over Brittany's face. Although it's just a memory, she almost feels as lost as when she did back then just thinking about it.

"No…" Santana breathes. She raises a hand to let her middle finger run over Brittany's temple and cheekbone. "I loved you."

Brittany swallows at the way she says it. Because even though it sounds impossible, Brittany instinctively knows it's true.

She closes her eyes at the sensation of Santana's fingers carefully caressing her skin.

If she had one chance in life to stop time in order to enjoy a moment a little longer – this would be it.

She takes a couple breaths before opening her eyes and finding an anchor in Santana's.

"So we're together now? As in for real? You and me?" Brittany dares to ask.

Santana's eyes don't leave hers when she gives her a confirming nod.

"Yes. I'm yours and your mine." She whispers with sincerity. Then she grins. "Finally! Gosh… took you long enough."

Brittany can't help but laugh, too when she gathers all her strength to push her tired body up once more to hover over the brunette.

"Sorry, I'm a bit of a late bloomer." She mutters when Santana lifts her hands to tuck some strands of hair behind Brittany's ears. Within the same motion she takes Brittany's face into her hands to pull her down gently.

Brittany feels it in every fiber of her body. This is her future. Nights lying next to Santana. Days filled with adventures and lazy hours. But most of all, the feeling of belonging somewhere.

She can only hope that Santana feels the same way. When their lips meet for a sealing kiss, she kind of knows.

* * *

The next three days are there to make their refreshed bond to grow stronger. Santana accompanies Brittany to all her tasks and she's surprisingly good at owning that ranch life.

She hands Brittany the right tools when they fix a fence, doesn't flinch when Eli gives her a muckrake and even climbs the ladder to pick ripe apricots.

She proudly shows aunt Kathrin the blister at the inside of her hand during dinner after an especially exhausting day.

One afternoon when they don't have anything in particular to do, they finally do get the chance the to go on a ride. Brittany chooses the gentlest horse for Santana as she's tense and nervous about actually sitting in the saddle.

But Calypso's calmness quickly transmits, and Santana's got a huge grin on her face the whole time.

They have a picnic by a tree and just lie there for hours, gazing up to the sky while their fingers play with each other on the blanket. They talk about anything and everything or just enjoy the silence mixed with noises caused by the nature surrounding them.

Santana tells Brittany how she managed to move into a small apartment close to Brittany's. She didn't need to hire a moving company as she simply didn't have stuff to move. She and Kurt spent a day at furniture stores and only bought the most necessary things.

Santana tells her that she's actually enjoying the fact of not owning too many things.

When Brittany asks her if she wants to rebuild her house, Santana shakes her head. She admits that it's liberating to no longer live there although she loved the house. She found something better to invest her motivation and her money.

"What is it then?" Brittany wants to know when Santana gives her a secretive look.

"It's something that makes me feel needed. Something that makes sense after spending all those lonely years behind the safety walls of my house. For the first time I feel like I'm doing the right thing."

She doesn't give away more. Only that Brittany inspired her.

It's hard to endure the lack of further information but Brittany has to settle with the knowing that Santana is happy about whatever it is she's doing in her life. And seeing Santana happy is everything she could wish for.

* * *

When Santana suffers a sneezing fit in the hay barn one afternoon Brittany knows that their time on the ranch is coming to an end. They couldn't have stayed there forever.

Brittany's landscaper business is waiting at home and frankly she's just missing things. She can't wait to hug her grandma when they're packing their duffle bags and Brittany puts a jar of apricot jam in there as a present.

The whole family and employees gather for the last breakfast outside in the garden. Santana's got her hand on Brittany's thigh the whole time and also during their road trip back home.

They sing along to their favorite songs blasting from the speakers, eat yummy snacks and take breaks at diners where they sit in a booth and talk and drink coffee for way too long.

But neither seems to care that their trip back home takes a lot longer than it took both of them to get to the ranch. This time they're traveling together and Brittany enjoys every second of it.

When they do get back to Newport Beach and Brittany has to drop Santana off at her new place, they cling to each other on the pavement as if they haven't just spent the past couple days together 24/7.

She would love to check out Santana's new apartment and see how she lives but she also knows that it's a good thing if they spend a night apart. They have to unpack and take a shower and Brittany will also have to take care of some things at home. Also she really wants to visit her grandma in the morning.

Santana is super tired as she drove a big part of the trip so Brittany doesn't want to wake her up when leaving early for the nursing home.

They do however plan their next date. Well, Santana does.

"You have to wear something nice and uh... don't eat anything for dinner. You need to leave some space."

"That's all you give me?" Brittany whines when holding Santana in her embrace and leaning in to steal another kiss before having to say goodnight. "And now I have to wait two long days until I see you again?"

Santana squeezes Brittany's cheeks together when she tries to make an extra pouting face.

"Yes. I need some more time. Loretta and I will meet tomorrow to get everything ready."

"You hired Loretta to help prepare our _date_? What is it?"

Santana looks up and pretends to think hard.

"Well… it's not just a date for you and me. There are going to be other people."

"You bring other people to our date? Is it like a dance?"

"No"

"Ok, a party?"

"Not quite."

"A speed dating event? Where you and I just watch because we already found our match? Do I get to ring the bell?"

"Brittany… you will have to wait and see. Trust me on this one. I think you will like it."

"But I don't like surprises."

Brittany tries to give Santana a sad puppy face but the brunette only shrugs with a smirk.

"Will you please be there?" She wants to know with a kiss to Brittany's nose.

Brittany sighs. Duh…

"Of course I'll be there. Except I don't even know where to go. Do I go to your place? Will you pick me up?"

Santana nods.

"You will be picked up. Just be ready at seven thirty, ok? Now stop looking like I'm punishing you for something. I promise you'll get to go home with the hottest and best dressed woman there and get to see her new apartment. Including her bedroom."

Brittany wiggles her eyebrows.

"Is that so? But I don't think that's fair. You lost all your nice clothes in the fire. I don't want you to cry when I leave with your sister."

Santana's jaw drops at Brittany's bold words. She hits her pretty hard on her upper arm.

"How dare you! You think my sister is hot?"

"Ow that hurt! I'm sorry but you basically look like twins – you'd be offended if I didn't think she was hot."

Santana seems to ponder for a second. Then she rolls her eyes.

"You're right, I'd be offended." She grins. "But don't you dare going home with anyone else but me. You must have forgotten that I went shopping to get some new clothes that look like me."

Brittany catches Santana's lips for another kiss to soothe the last bit of remaining soreness.

They make out for several seconds, earning a whistle and cheering from a car driving by. But Brittany doesn't care.

If anything, it makes her proud.

When their lips part eventually and it's time to say goodbye, Brittany hands Santana her travel bag.

"I'll see you soon, ok? Sleep tight." Santana says when grabbing Brittany's hand. "I love you." She bites her bottom lip. "I still can't believe we're actually saying it to each other now. I love you. It feels awesome."

Brittany can't hide her grin, either when she gets to see the happiness on Santana's face.

"I know. I love you, too. Sleep well and enjoy your morning tomorrow. No work, ok? Just relaxing."

"Promise" Santana whispers when giving Brittany one last peck. Then she walks towards the main entrance of the building. When she grabs the keys from her pocket, Brittany checks out her butt.

"I love you!" Brittany shouts when Santana opens the door. Santana blows her a kiss and yells an 'I love you' back.

Then Brittany jumps into her truck and lets the window down once she has started the engine.

Santana stands there with her head resting against the door, smiling at Brittany. Her lips form the words "I love you" once more.

Brittany does the same in return. Then she makes sure the streets are clear before slowly driving off. In the rearview mirror she can see Santana still standing there until Brittany turns around a corner.

* * *

The next two days are kind of boring. Brittany has to find her old rhythm first but she spends a lovely morning with her grandma who's doing pretty much ok and gets to hang out with Dom.

She takes care of new appointments with her clients who are more than happy to hear that Brittany is back in town and ready to take care of their gardens.

Brittany can't deny that she's looking forward to working again. She worked a lot at the ranch and it felt good. But it also feels good to be back.

She really wants to do it more often though. A balance between her usual work and working at a ranch or something would make her really happy, she thinks.

What also makes her happy is the fact that she finally gets to see Santana again tonight. She still has no idea where they are going, only that Santana will pick her up any minute.

Brittany picked out her only pair of pants that aren't jeans and that look elegant with her black flats and a white shirt. She even found a blazer somewhere hidden in her tiny wardrobe that she completely forgot about.

When she takes a look at herself in the mirror, she thinks she did a pretty good job at dressing up and getting her hair all wavy.

She's not going to bring a purse though. She doesn't possess one. Santana will have to carry her phone and keys in her purse. That's what girlfriends are for, right? Carrying your stuff in their purse?

She grins at the thought of getting to call Santana her girlfriend from now on.

"Oh the lady over there? Yes… that's my girlfriend. I know, she's hot." Brittany mumbles to herself when suddenly there's a loud knock on her door.

"Geez" Brittany gasps with a lack of breath at the sudden interruption of her thoughts. She had no idea Santana would knock this hard. How does she do that with her tiny hand?

When Brittany jumps to the door to greet her lovely girlfriend, she can't help but feel disappointed once she opens. It's not the pretty face she was hoping for but still a pretty face.

"Dom what are you doing here?" Brittany wonders when Dom grins at her with his hands behind his back.

"I'm picking you up." He's wearing a grey suit and white sneakers which is definitely the coolest thing she has ever seen on Dom but she still doesn't get why he's here.

"But I have a date-"

"I know. I'm taking your there." Dom says when reaching his arm out.

Brittany grins when quickly grabbing her phone and keys.

"Oh so you're going to be there, too! See, I have no idea what tonight is all about. Santana only told me to wear nice clothes and that I'd get picked up."

She hooks arms with Dom when they leave the building and head to where he must have parked his car.

"I don't know much more, my friend. Kurt told me to come pick you up as and where to be at eight o'clock. It's a studio you can rent and apparently Kurt hired the same catering service we used when he had his home party. So I'm guessing it's something with food? A party to celebrate Santana's new apartment maybe?"

Brittany has no idea.

"But wouldn't we celebrate at her place then?" She wonders when Dom opens the passenger door to his car for Brittany to get inside. Like a gentleman he closes it for her and quickly makes his way around.

"You've got a point. We'll have to wait and see." He says and drives off shortly after.

At least Brittany doesn't feel as lost anymore now that Dom is with her and knows just as much.

Together they make their way to whatever their loved ones have planned for tonight.

* * *

When they reach the address that Kurt gave Dom, Brittany is impressed. It's a place you can rent to host parties or business dinners and there are a couple bar tables outsides with snacks on them. It's all decorated in a festive way and people Brittany has never seen before are standing there, clinking their glasses of champagne.

"Did you and Kurt secretly get married when I was away and this is some sort of after party?" Brittany wants to know when the two of them get closer. Dom huffs.

"I'd never get married without you as my best woman by my side. I kind of have an idea what this could be. Someone in The Surface said something about a fundraiser event happening tonight in this area. Maybe this is it?"

Brittany just shrugs wordlessly when she follows Dom inside.

This is a weird date… especially because her date is nowhere to be seen. Did Santana forget about the plans she made tonight? Or maybe she's still at home not knowing what outfit to pick?

"Baby! Brittany! You guys made it!"

Brittany turns around to find Kurt hurrying towards them. He falls around Dom's neck and kisses him excitedly before grabbing Brittany to take her in for a hug, too.

"You have to try out the sushi. I swear it's the best you've ever had. This catering service is truly the best. What do you want to drink? Orange juice? Soda? Sparkling water?"

Kurt guides them to the buffet and just seconds later Brittany finds herself with a glass of orange juice in one hand and a small plate of sushi in the other.

Kurt shows them around a little. There are quite a few people and getting more by the minute which probably means that the party or the fundraiser is about to begin any moment.

"Kurt do you have any idea what kind of fundraiser this is?" Brittany wants to know when they have settled at one of the bar tables. She's still so irritated about the fact that she has no idea what she's doing here.

Kurt nods happily.

"I know the founder and I have all the background information of this wonderful little thing starting tonight. Speaking of wonderful – Dom, did you watch the new episode of _These Days_ last night? Because you haven't said anything about my performance, yet. It made me a little suspicious because I was so good in it. It was the episode with my singing performance."

"Oh! Last night you said? Did it air last night? I thought it airs tomorrow!"

Kurt makes a frustrated noise.

"Friday, Dom. It always airs on Friday! Seriously, why can't you get it into your beautiful head? How many times to I have to tell you?"

Brittany chuckles at the way Kurt babbles all over Dom. Dom better thinks of something to make it up to Kurt. Brittany totally watched the episode last night and Kurt was indeed brilliant in it. She had no idea the guy can sing. Like an angel! Who has yet to go through puberty.

Brittany takes a sip of her drink and while doing so she thinks to finally spot Santana in the crowd. But when she already wants to wave at her, she realizes it's Loretta.

Damn – they really do look so much alike.

Loretta is hugging someone who just entered and laughs at something they say.

When a deep voice sounds through a speaker, Brittany nearly spills her orange juice. The speaker is a tad too loud and it takes a moment for the technician to adjust it. Once it's better, the voice starts talking again.

Brittany looks around to find the person who's talking and welcoming the guests. Eventually she spots a man in probably his early sixties wearing a fancy suit, standing in the middle of the crowd. He's got a microphone in his hand and a very pleasant calm voice.

Brittany's not so much paying attention to what exactly he's saying as she's admiring his neat bowtie and curly grey hair.

"So let me tell you, it was some eventful couple weeks and we've come far. But we're still not quite there where we want to be. Or let me be specific – where the _founder_ would like to be. As some of you probably already realized, the founder wants to remain anonymous and we will respect that wish. But let me assure you, they are here tonight and they are extremely happy and grateful that all of you came to be a part of this. Of the first baby steps.

Those steps will hopefully grow bigger soon and that is why all of you are here tonight. We would like to encourage you to read some of the posters in the back later on. They will tell you more about the founder's ideas, inspirations and the purpose of the organization.

As for the steps that have already been made… well, one step is happening tonight. Organizing a fundraiser. But there was more. A plan of strategies and tactics had to be created, the registration to operate as a non-profit organization, starting a website and so on. And of course… a name had to be found."

Brittany watches how the elder man points to a woman who carries something over. It's hidden under a white sheet but it looks like a poster stand or something.

The woman grabs the sheet, ready to reveal.

"A lot still lies ahead. With your help it will be possible. It will be possible to hire well-educated speakers through this organization to come to the school your children go to. They will learn about global warming and the effects it has on all of us. They will be educated appropriate to their age and they will learn what none of us learned at school. The truth.

But that's not all. The organization wants to help people who have been affected directly. Families who became victims to catastrophes directly linked to climate change will have a place to go and they will receive the help they need in an emergency. Whether it's the assistance to find a place to sleep or a bag of fresh clothes after all their belongings burned in a fire or got washed away in a flood.

Please… let us use this evening to talk. Talk openly and discuss. But of course… let us sing. You will get the chance to wish for a song and the karaoke lovers in this room will get to sing their hearts out. Maybe one or the other stage career starts tonight."

The man gives the lady next to him a sign, probably to lift the sheet.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please donate a song and donate to…" The sheets get lifted and Brittany can't believe her eyes. It's a symbol of a wave above a painting. _The_ painting. "Cyan Waves!"

Brittany stares at the painting that has gotten so familiar to her eyes because it normally hangs in her bedroom. People start applauding and cheering.

How could she not notice it wasn't in her bedroom anymore?

"Oh my God" Brittany breathes when she can't take her eyes off the painting.

The voice over the speaker lets the guests know that they should eat as much as they want and donate as much as they can and mostly, to enjoy the night to the fullest.

That's when music starts playing in the background and Brittany blinks for the first time in what feels like minutes.

 _The founder wants to remain anonymous…_ the voice of the man still sounds in her ear although the microphone has gone out. Brittany knows.

The warm hand placing itself on her arm makes her break from her trance. Brittany turns her head to the side. Santana is standing right there, next to her.

The most beautiful shy smile on her lips, hope and almost fear in her eyes.

She was right… she is the best dressed woman tonight. Her black dress and her straightened hair in a side pony tail, high heels and big earrings. Everything about her is mesmerizing but it isn't her appearance that blows Brittany away.

It's her courage. Her strength.

She's looking into the eyes of the strongest and best woman she has ever met.

"Santana you-"

"Shh…" Santana shushs her by leaning in and pressing a warm kiss to Brittany's lips.

"What do you think?" She whispers when she lowers back down and gazes up into Brittany's eyes. There's a desperation that Brittany wants to kiss away.

Brittany shakes her head. She's at a loss for words.

But she gathers them quickly when Santana pleads for her to say something. To calm her flying nerves.

"I think that I love you so incredibly much and that I'd like to marry you right at this second." Brittany blurts and grabs Santana's waist.

Santana's eyes nearly pop out of her head at the response and she quickly presses her hand over Brittany's mouth. With a mix of an overwhelmed gasp and a giggle she looks around to see if anyone heard Brittany's slip.

It's not a slip though. She's one hundred percent serious.

"Oh my God, Brittany don't say something like that unless you want me to have a heart attack." Santana mutters under her breath and then releases Brittany's mouth.

"Does that mean you like it? The thing that I've been working on? Are you mad I started without you? Because I will definitely need your help. Do you hate me for using your camp name?"

Brittany shakes her head while slowly wrapping her arms around the woman of her dreams.

"You are crazy" She whispers when Santana's hands find place on Brittany's upper arms. "Entirely crazy for thinking I'd be mad at you. I love you. I just bought you an engagement ring in my head."

Santana's eyes widen again and she squeezes Brittany's arms.

"Stop it!" She whispers hastily and presses their lips together in order to make Brittany shut up. Brittany can literally feel the rush of butterflies floating through Santana as they seem to lift her up, too.

They kiss longingly when Brittany holds her so close.

This is the best date she's ever been to. She's got the most amazing woman as her girlfriend. Oh people are going to be so jealous when they see them hand in hand. So jealous!

"Get a room!" Kurt bursts their little bubble of joy when he grabs their shoulders. "Or better – get the microphone! Santana please, you have to sing with me. Like in good old times. Oh Brittany you're about to experience something you will never forget. The one and only singing duo - Lopummel!"

Brittany and Dom burst into laughter while Santana rolls her eyes at Kurt.

"How many times do I have to tell you that the names Lopez and Hummel don't make any good combinations for a shipper name! And no, neither is _Santurt_! We don't need one anyway!"

Dom holds on to Brittany's arm for support. He can hardly stand up straight because of his laughing fit.

"Please! Please take the stage Santurt!" He cries out with tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks.

Santana shoves Kurt forward and leans in to get another kiss from Brittany before she follows him with a giggle.

Brittany and Dom eventually come down from their laughing fit and head to the buffet to get something to drink.

When they're all settled at a good spot near the tiny karaoke stage, Dom puts his arm around Brittany's shoulder and Kurt and Santana start singing 'Dancing Queen'.

Once they reach the chorus everyone starts singing along and Brittany can't believe how good Santana can sing. She heard Kurt sing in his episode last night but Santana's voice makes the tiny hairs on her forearms stand up.

She's not just a translator and a founder of a new charity organization, she's also a freakin' Rockstar.

She's everything.

Brittany dances along next to Dom and cheers loudly once Santurt end the song in perfect harmony.

Brittany catches Santana in her arms when they jump off the little stage and congratulates her with kisses.

"I need some water" Santana rasps when she feels her hot cheeks. Dom and Kurt quickly offer to get everyone something to drink and disappear in the crowd of people. Some of them are dancing to the next contestant, some are eating delicious food, some are standing by the posters in the back, talking animatedly.

"So what did it look like in your head?" Santana's raspy voice sounds in Brittany's ear. Her warm hand is on Brittany's lower back when she steps on her toes. "The ring?"

Brittany's heart flutters at the way Santana's lips press a kiss to Brittany's cheek. She looks into warm brown eyes, at reddened cheeks and a face that she wants to wake up to for the rest of her life.

Brittany winks at her.

"Just beautiful."

* * *

It's hours later when the last remaining guests including herself are standing outside on the parking lot.

Brittany is leaning against Dom's car. She just said all her goodbyes and is now waiting for Santana. Kurt and Dom are already sitting in the car, probably making out heavily while Brittany watches Santana saying goodbye to her family, too.

Anita and Kirk both hug Santana tightly before stepping away to give her a moment with her Dad.

Brittany had already thought so that the guy with the microphone had somehow looked familiar. He later introduced himself as Santana's father and very politely shook hands with Brittany. His deep voice and kind smile made Brittany relax immediately after the first shock of getting to know her girlfriend's father.

She's pretty sure she mixed up her words when answering one of his questions but Santana later whispered into her ear that she could tell her Dad likes her.

The two of them are probably exchanging some words about how the evening went. Judging from the wide grin on their faces – they are more than happy.

Brittany is, too.

After getting to spend such a wonderful time at the ranch, she is so relieved to see Santana in her element, too. Sparkling with inspiration.

It inspires Brittany, too. Beyond words to describe. To keep going. To do new things. To help Santana with her amazing project. To do whatever it is that feels good.

The last time she felt this inspired was when she was at summer camp and Ms. Gordon told them to use their voices and their lives to make a change.

Brittany realizes that she's not the one who made that change she promised to Ms. Gordon.

Santana is.

Maybe Brittany contributed a part by saving Santana from the fire. Or maybe she made a change for herself in order to become someone she never thought she could be. To open up her heart.

She allowed herself to fall in love and to live it all. Love, fear, pride…

 _Maybe that's what Ms. Gordon had meant all along._

Fin.

* * *

 ** _Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this story an to the wifey who helped me by brainstorming together. It was my pleasure to write for you!_**

 ** _I might have a short epilogue in my head that I'll write down :)_**

 ** _bobbieyoung_**


	40. epilogue

**Malibu by Miley Cyrus**

* * *

 _Epilogue_

 _A few years later…_

 _Brittany takes the big envelope out of the mailbox and grins when she reads the address written in scrawly handwriting. She turns the envelope around to see the sender's name._

 _Sadie must have made them some new drawings to put on their fridge. Brittany grabs the other letters as well before closing the mailbox and heading back. She nearly stumbles over the cat who must have followed her outside._

" _Sorry Kitty… but you'll have to stop sneaking up on me." Brittany mumbles when lifting her foot to step over the cat who's lying on one of the walkway stones. Kitty loves it when they're all warm._

 _So does Brittany as she's barefoot. How much she loves summer. It's the third summer in this house._

 _As soon as she steps inside, the coolness settles down on her. The glaring sun almost hurt in her eyes. After years of being a landscaper she's gotten used to it though._

 _Brittany puts the envelope down on the kitchen counter to open later. There on the fridge hangs the latest drawing made by Sadie. The girl keeps sending them things even though it's been years that Cyan Waves helped her in a time of need. They've developed a pen pal thing ever since Sadie and her family have been back on their feet._

 _Brittany touches the drawing gently before opening the fridge to get the bottle with lemonade. She made it this morning and it should be all cold by now._

 _She grabs two glasses from one of the cupboards, then makes her way through the living room. Her eyes land on the couch. Every time she walks by that couch, she wants to curse it. It's the ugliest couch she has ever seen! It's not even very comfy but they got it for free. Soon they'll buy a new one though. She can't wait._

 _Renovating the house was the most expensive thing they have ever done but it was worth it every cent. They couldn't have lived in it otherwise. Many things had to be renewed just like the heating system to make it more environmental._

 _That's why smaller stuff such as the couch have to wait a little…_

 _Brittany remembers how they had to discuss pretty much every single detail for hours. Who would have thought that they had such different ideas when it came to moving in together? Oh well… probably everyone._

 _Some sleepless nights included, they eventually made it work by pulling themselves together and agreeing to one or the other compromise. The end result turned out to be completely breathtaking. Whenever they have friends over for barbecue in the garden they don't want to leave._

 _Brittany can't help but also think they did a pretty amazing job. Considering the fact that they did almost everything on their own. With the help of said friends and family of course._

 _Dom spent so many days here until Kurt got annoyed and started to come over, too. He discovered his craftsmanship and turned out to be very talented at not only decorating but also building things._

 _Oh grandma would have loved it, Brittany thinks when she looks around in the living room. They managed to make it look new but not too different. The essentials are still there, letting a new visitor know that this house is older than it seems at first sight._

 _It still makes her sad that her grandma never got to see the finished house. She would have wanted to move right back in with them._

 _When Brittany hears a noise from outside, she pulls the backdoor door open with her foot and steps onto the patio. Stepping into their garden is the highlight of every single day. Although… garden is a bit of an understatement._

 _The land that belongs to the house allows them to not only be able to spend lovely evenings outside by a fire, they also have their own peach trees, vegetable beds, a huge bug hotel and their own four goats._

 _From a distance Brittany can see her favorite goat Doris, named after her grandma, standing in the shadow of a tree. She's the hardest worker of them all. She eats all the dry grass as fast as she can. Brittany is still waiting for a callback from a friend living near them with an acre of incendiary land ready to get grazed by Doris and the others._

 _Who needs fuel-powered mowers when you can hire a bunch of cuteness?_

 _Brittany takes a mental note to go say hello to the goats later on. Right now something else has caught her eye._

 _She smiles when she inspects their garden. It's the prettiest she has ever seen. Not because she made it herself but because of what is in it._

 _Plants, flower beds. All of them incredibly beautiful._

 _There's something that's even more beautiful._

 _Her eyes land on Santana who's kneeling on the ground. She's wearing gardening gloves, one of Brittany's old shirts to work in and shorts. Her skin is tanned from all that time she spends outside these days… she's not wearing the hat Brittany bought her the other day though. She thinks she looks silly with it while Brittany thinks it's hot. And necessary._

 _Santana pushes her sunglasses up on her head, a proud smile spreading across her face when she looks at what she's holding in her hands._

" _Oh my God, look! My first potato!" She yells and waves it in the air._

 _Brittany laughs and waves back at her wife._

 _They are going to have a lovely dinner tonight._


End file.
